Would you go to a wedding without giving a gift?

mayway

Zimmey wrote: »

Azalea wrote: »

I hear far more guests saying you "should" give x amount than couples getting married doing so.

Yes definitely. I think a lot of marrying couples would hate the thought of their guests feeling pressured to give a certain amount. I know I would!

Simply remove all doubt, pressure, and worry by never, EVER, being so tacky, thoughtless, unimaginative, and frankly bone idle to give cash as a present. Just be there on the day and celebrate with the happy couple and don't spoil it for yourself by worrying about the unnecessary and insanely stupid debt that the bridezilla has saddled the newly weds with. Remember, it's not your fault.

mayway

purplecow1977 wrote: »

I was at a wedding recently in a posh location. I drove to the venue. I bought a new dress. I bought the couple a nice gift that cost less than 100. I hope they didn't think it was stingy, but I had already spent quite a bit, and it really was something personal to the couple. Weddings can be mine fields- it's important to remember that the gift alone isn't the only expense. For some, there's new clothes, hair, tan., make up, nails, baby sitters, travelling, staying over, drinks etc. I'm sure any genuine couple wouldn't want their guests living hand to mouth for the sake of giving a substantial gift.

Well put but "hair, tan, makeup, nails" is venturing into bridezilla territory. You don't need to waste cash on those.

Electric Sheep

mayway wrote: »

Well put but "hair, tan, makeup, nails" is venturing into bridezilla territory. You don't need to waste cash on those.

Seriously, do many people get professional makeup and tan done unless they are in the wedding party? It sounds very high maintenance to me.

Spanish Eyes

I personally hate Weddings and the boring formula that goes with it. Worst of all is when you are sitting with people you don't know and HAVE to make convo with them for hours, that is sooooo tiring for everyone.

So in my humble opinion guests should be paid to attend, not the other way around.

But if I deign to attend I would indeed give a gift. That doesn't stop me hating weddings though!

Gunslinger92

mayway wrote: »

Well put but "hair, tan, makeup, nails" is venturing into bridezilla territory. You don't need to waste cash on those.

Christ on a bike did you get fleeced in the divorce by a bridezilla or something? your posts are coming across very bitter.

purplecow1977

mayway wrote: »

Well put but "hair, tan, makeup, nails" is venturing into bridezilla territory. You don't need to waste cash on those.

I don't usually but covering all bases as I know many who DO pay for these.

Electric Sheep wrote: »

Seriously, do many people get professional makeup and tan done unless they are in the wedding party? It sounds very high maintenance to me.

I disagree. I've a fair few (female!) friends who would get these things done for weddings - they obviously feel better having them done otherwise they wouldn't bother. It doesn't have to cost an arm and a leg, you can get the 3 done for about €60 but my point was that these are all expenses that need to be taken into account & can add up very easily when attending a wedding.

Just discovered how to multi-quote -yeahhhhh! (Slightly embarrassed it took me this long!)

meeeeh

I like to get hair done, that is about it. But those are optional extras that can be hardly "blamed" on bride and groom and used as an excuse not to give a gift because a cost of wedding is too high.

Baggy Trousers

mayway wrote: »

200 ??? That would be an outrageous waste of money. Totally ridiculous.

Relax there chief, I said €200 would be perceived as a bit on the low side...I did not say I thought it was worth it. Things might have changed since the so called "boom" but I witnessed couples giving on average €300 at several weddings. Like most people, I am not a big wedding fan - I find them a waste of time and money. They seem to be all 2 day affairs now which is absolutely ridiculous.

purplecow1977

meeeeh wrote: »

I like to get hair done, that is about it. But those are optional extras that can be hardly "blamed" on bride and groom and used as an excuse not to give a gift because a cost of wedding is too high.

Where was that mentioned?

meeeeh

I'm talking in general. It can't be part of cost of attending wedding, it's an optional extra. There are locations awkward to travel to or locations where is no real other option but to stay overweight. Black tie weddings often incur unavoidable costs but nails, blow dry or tan aren't that. It is a bit unfair to complain about cost of the wedding and include those on the list.

Baggy Trousers

meeeeh wrote: »

There are locations awkward to travel to or locations where is no real other option but to stay overweight.

How bloody dare you, it's glandular and I am starting Operation Transformation on Wednesday!!!

meeeeh

Baggy Trousers wrote: »

How bloody dare you, it's glandular and I am starting Operation Transformation on Wednesday!!!

Hehehe

I think Kindle Fire must have the worst text predictor on the market.

purplecow1977

meeeeh wrote: »

I'm talking in general. It can't be part of cost of attending wedding, it's an optional extra. There are locations awkward to travel to or locations where is no real other option but to stay overweight. Black tie weddings often incur unavoidable costs but nails, blow dry or tan aren't that. It is a bit unfair to complain about cost of the wedding and include those on the list.

You still missed my point.

I didn't complain about those, I just included them as they CAN be costs incurred and they DO all add up. I also reiterated that they don't HAVE to be costly and can be done for €60, which isn't a major expense on its own but can contribute overall to a larger expense.

On that point, a new address, staying overnight etc need not be mentioned as potential costs either as they are avoidable. Why not just wear something you already have, don't bother drinking & then drive home or grab a lift off someone and save the pennies?! Giving a gift could also be deemed as avoidable so therefore you're saying weddings should cost nothing! :rolleyes:

meeeeh

purplecow1977 wrote: »

You still missed my point.

I didn't complain about those, I just included them as they CAN be costs incurred and they DO all add up. I also reiterated that they don't HAVE to be costly and can be done for €60, which isn't a major expense on its own but can contribute overall to a larger expense.

On that point, a new address, staying overnight etc need not be mentioned as potential costs either as they are avoidable. Why not just wear something you already have, don't bother drinking & then drive home or grab a lift off someone and save the pennies?! Giving a gift could also be deemed as avoidable so therefore you're saying weddings should cost nothing! :rolleyes:

No I am most certainly not saying that. I am saying that if there is a choice between giving a gift or getting fake tan I would give a gift. And when calculating cost of wedding I would consider blow dry as a treat for myself not a necessary cost of attending a wedding.

Btw why wouldn't you wear something you already have. Almost every dress I bought was worn to at least two weddings and sometimes to some other occasions depending on dress.

That_Guy

Who invites people to a wedding expecting a gift? Seems a bit odd to me. Surely the point of inviting people is to share a special day with best mates and family etc. Sure, it's nice to receive a gift but to be expectant of one seems a bit dickish.

Clothes, accommodation, petrol money are costly things before you factor in any sort of gift.

I'd certainly give something but €200 per couple seems really over the top from an earlier suggestion.

Electric Sheep

That_Guy wrote: »

Who invites people to a wedding expecting a gift? Seems a bit odd to me. Surely the point of inviting people is to share a special day with best mates and family etc. Sure, it's nice to receive a gift but to be expectant of one seems a bit dickish.

Clothes, accommodation, petrol money are costly things before you factor in any sort of gift.

I'd certainly give something but €200 per couple seems really over the top from an earlier suggestion.

It's a tradition in most cultures to give a wedding gift. I don't think people agonize about them as much in other countries though.;) Just as I've never heard in the US of wedding guests getting professional makeup done - a manicure usually suffices. I am sure it depends on the circles you move in, though.

Sam Kade

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

I personally hate Weddings and the boring formula that goes with it. Worst of all is when you are sitting with people you don't know and HAVE to make convo with them for hours, that is sooooo tiring for everyone.

So in my humble opinion guests should be paid to attend, not the other way around.

But if I deign to attend I would indeed give a gift. That doesn't stop me hating weddings though!

Yes, if you are with strangers unless you have something in common you quickly run out of things to talk about. It's time to get away from traditional weddings having the reception in hotels and the same boring ritual over and over.

purplecow1977

meeeeh wrote: »

No I am most certainly not saying that. I am saying that if there is a choice between giving a gift or getting fake tan I would give a gift. And when calculating cost of wedding I would consider blow dry as a treat for myself not a necessary cost of attending a wedding.

Btw why wouldn't you wear something you already have. Almost every dress I bought was worn to at least two weddings and sometimes to some other occasions depending on dress.

Because if you're overweight & have very little choice and already worn a particular dress to death then sometimes something new is sometimes necessary.

A babysitter could be considered a treat too! Anyway. Over labouring of a point now though It still stands. There are a lot of extras which have to be considered in the overall cost of attending a wedding. That's all.

MadDog76

Oh ffs!!

Go or don't go ......... give a gift or don't give a gift ......... most Brides/Grooms won't notice or give a sh*t either way unless you are particularly close to them in which case going to the wedding with a gift goes without saying .......... some miserable fu*kers on this thread, my god!!

Sam Kade

MadDog76 wrote: »

Oh ffs!!

Go or don't go ......... give a gift or don't give a gift ......... most Brides/Grooms won't notice or give a sh*t either way unless you are particularly close to them in which case going to the wedding with a gift goes without saying .......... some miserable fu*kers on this thread, my god!!

Yeah, you seem like the life and soul of any party :rolleyes:

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

Cold War Kid wrote: »

No way. Bad manners (although only give what you can afford). If you don't appreciate the invite don't go.

Well this is contradiction. How is it bad manners? Shítting all over the hotel and bridal room (similar to what happened a boardsie at her wedding) is bad manners. Turning up to an invite without a gift is not. If anything it just shows the shallowness of the inviter. What if you can't afford anything? Expect people to play keeping up appearances? Don't hold a wedding and invite 100+ people to it expecting to recieve €100+ from each person invited. Expect nothing and be happy. Invite only people you really want at your wedding.

mayway

Electric Sheep wrote: »

mayway wrote: »

Well put but "hair, tan, makeup, nails" is venturing into bridezilla territory. You don't need to waste cash on those.

Seriously, do many people get professional makeup and tan done unless they are in the wedding party? It sounds very high maintenance to me.

No, they don't. However, there will be some who feel they require more extensive work to be done before they are presentable to the public. It is very high maintenance and the money would be better served if was use to pay for counselling so that these poor deranged women can learn to accept how they look instead of covering themselves in greasepaint making themselves look utterly ridiculous and false.

mayway

meeeeh wrote: »

purplecow1977 wrote: »

You still missed my point.

I didn't complain about those, I just included them as they CAN be costs incurred and they DO all add up. I also reiterated that they don't HAVE to be costly and can be done for 60, which isn't a major expense on its own but can contribute overall to a larger expense.

On that point, a new address, staying overnight etc need not be mentioned as potential costs either as they are avoidable. Why not just wear something you already have, don't bother drinking & then drive home or grab a lift off someone and save the pennies?! Giving a gift could also be deemed as avoidable so therefore you're saying weddings should cost nothing! :rolleyes:

No I am most certainly not saying that. I am saying that if there is a choice between giving a gift or getting fake tan I would give a gift. And when calculating cost of wedding I would consider blow dry as a treat for myself not a necessary cost of attending a wedding.

Btw why wouldn't you wear something you already have. Almost every dress I bought was worn to at least two weddings and sometimes to some other occasions depending on dress.

For the love of God! At least 2 weddings?? The dress should be worn until it wears out. If you're buying dresses that only last for 2 goes then you shouldn't buy clothes that are made from crepe paper. I hope you're buying these dismal outfits in a 2nd hand shop and are not paying more that 2 Euro at a time.

lollsangel

The only person I can remember not giving anything when I married (I'm divorced now) was my ex brother in laws wife's father, bu that was because he never rsvped,never turned up to the church, just landed at the meal, and disappeared soon after it.

Optimalprimerib

I would like to think that the gift should cover the per head cost of the wedding, but that is so ridiculously overpriced as it stands. Whats the current average €125? For a very average meal and a free drink? For me, it is what you can afford to give.

For the couples who say that they value the company and dont judge people by their gifts are talking through their hoop as well. Of course they judge. I would. It would be great craic altogether.

Photoframe, photoframe, Lavalamp??? Hang on, we gave you money for your wedding you stingy bastard.

That would be one of the highlights of the whole wedding experience for me.

Ave Sodalis

mayway wrote:

For the love of God! At least 2 weddings?? The dress should be worn until it wears out. If you're buying dresses that only last for 2 goes then you shouldn't buy clothes that are made from crepe paper. I hope you're buying these dismal outfits in a 2nd hand shop and are not paying more that 2 Euro at a time.

And why does it matter to you?

meeeeh

mayway wrote: »

For the love of God! At least 2 weddings?? The dress should be worn until it wears out. If you're buying dresses that only last for 2 goes then you shouldn't buy clothes that are made from crepe paper. I hope you're buying these dismal outfits in a 2nd hand shop and are not paying more that 2 Euro at a time.

I don't know why am actually replying to moronic posts like this one but I don't have 10 weddings per year and what I wear depends on the season. Also with two children in between not everything fits the same way.
Obviously I believe in dressing for occasion so while I don't throw away stuff, there is a bit of balancing act which clothing still fits right, what is age appropriate and so on. Majority of those dresses are also worn at other occasions.

So tell me how do you wear your dresses and which brands would you advise to buy?

Electric Sheep

mayway wrote: »

No, they don't. However, there will be some who feel they require more extensive work to be done before they are presentable to the public. It is very high maintenance and the money would be better served if was use to pay for counselling so that these poor deranged women can learn to accept how they look instead of covering themselves in greasepaint making themselves look utterly ridiculous and false.

I know you are totally trolling, but I can't help agreeing to some extent - I mean really, who gets professionally done makeup for someone else's wedding unless they suffer from extreme narcissism?

ETA: The Duchess of Cambridge could do her own makeup on her wedding day, but Mary from Ballyslopbuttery needs a pro to attend as a guest?

Ave Sodalis

Electric Sheep wrote:

I know you are totally trolling, but I can't help agreeing to some extent - I mean really, who gets professionally done makeup for someone else's wedding unless they suffer from extreme narcissism?

Or they want to dress up for a change and are no good at doing their own make-up?

Gunslinger92

Electric Sheep wrote: »

I know you are totally trolling, but I can't help agreeing to some extent - I mean really, who gets professionally done makeup for someone else's wedding unless they suffer from extreme narcissism?

ETA: The Duchess of Cambridge could do her own makeup on her wedding day, but Mary from Ballyslopbuttery needs a pro to attend as a guest?

Perhaps they just feel like treating themselves? What a narcissistic bitch right?

Mesrine65

Electric Sheep wrote: »

I mean really, who gets professionally done makeup for someone else's wedding unless they suffer from extreme narcissism

My OH is a beauty therapist & most of her nixers would be make-up/spray tans for weddings/communions/confirmations :eek:

gimmick

I love wedding threads on boards.

The only wedding where I didnt bring a gift was when we got one of those invites saying "your present is you presense". I think the couple thought they were being quirky by doing so. When hardly anyone gave them anything they had the hump.

razorblunt

lollsangel wrote: »

The only person I can remember not giving anything when I married (I'm divorced now) was my ex brother in laws wife's father, bu that was because he never rsvped,never turned up to the church, just landed at the meal, and disappeared soon after it.

My .... with you
ex ... with you
brother in law ... with you
wife ... huh?
father ... nope lost you.

meeeeh

Electric Sheep wrote: »

I know you are totally trolling, but I can't help agreeing to some extent - I mean really, who gets professionally done makeup for someone else's wedding unless they suffer from extreme narcissism?

ETA: The Duchess of Cambridge could do her own makeup on her wedding day, but Mary from Ballyslopbuttery needs a pro to attend as a guest?

I think it can be exactly the opposite. I got professional make up done only once, when I didn't even own a lipstick and it was a lot easier and cheaper to get dolled up. Similarly I know some who don't do make up and the only beauty product they own is a moisturizer. But they still want to get make up the odd time. I don't think that is vanity.

BizzyC

I'd consider not bringing a card as a bit odd, the only cost €2....

No gift? Not a problem.
Weddings are expensive to attend, not everyone can afford a gift on top of that.

lollsangel

razorblunt wrote: »

My .... with you
ex ... with you
brother in law ... with you
wife ... huh?
father ... nope lost you.

The father in law of my ex brother in law

JustAThought

I wouldn't because its rude - in the same way as it's rude to go to a formal meal without bringing a box of chocolates or flowers to say thank-you.

I did mess up once when I rsvp'd for ONE person to go to a wedding ( no partner then) & then a week later got a amazing deal for a holiday & decided to go on that instead as it was 2 weeks for LESS than the room, petrol & drinks were going to cost me at the wedding. I un-rsvp 'ed myself within a week & explained ( I was starting a new job & hadn't had a holiday in years & wouldn't have a chance to take one now that I would be just in a job & this was great & dirt cheap option but I had to go the week of their wedding) . however my (male) relation who had invited me REALLY had the hump at me & still I think holds it against me. I see them very rarely at the best of times ( about once every two years socially) and they are extremely wealthy. I just don't get why in a wedding of 250+ they could hold it against me so strongly - I was really honest & apologetic.
But I didn't sent them a gift because I didn't go. Maybe I ***** up on that?!

Jofspring

Would always bring a gift to a wedding, and by gift I mean cash. In this day and age most people don't want toasters, kettles etc... anymore. The money would be more important. If it can help subsidise some of the wedding costs then at least it means the couple can have had the day they want with a little bit of the financial burden taken off them. I know people will say the cost is their problem, they chose to get married but I think its just nice to give something back. At the end of the day the cash will probably just cover your meal and maybe a few bob on top of that.

I feel though it is always a case of only give what you can. I know personally I would hate to think someone over stretched when giving me a gift and also I would never turn my nose up at the amount of money or what is given. It's the height of ignorance and if I heard someone wasn't happy with what I gave I would ask for it back, no hesitation.

Baggy Trousers

gimmick wrote: »

I love wedding threads on boards.

The only wedding where I didnt bring a gift was when we got one of those invites saying "your present is you presense". I think the couple thought they were being quirky by doing so. When hardly anyone gave them anything they had the hump.

I saw a wedding invite sent to a friend saying "Cash not Trash!". I think they thought they were being quirky too but I heard it went down very badly.

donkey balls

Whats people opinion on weddings overseas do you still get the couple a gift?The reason I ask is that years ago I was invited to a friends wedding abroad at the time I had only bought my house a few months previous and money was tight.
I managed to get to the wedding but had to borrow the spending money :eek: anyway I was planning on getting the couple a gift when my finances were in a better shape,Then out of the blue one evening in the pub the said couple were there along with some mutual friends and in front of them asked me where was their wedding gift.:o
I just went red with embarrassment and told them I had one for them even though I didn't, I was planning on getting them something but after what they did in the pub I got them zilch.
The last few weddings I have attended the minimum I left in a card was €50 that was just going to the afters other weddings that I attended in full ranged from 100/200,With my best mates wedding and me doing best man I gave him €250.
So was I a mean cnut in not getting the couple whose wedding I attended abroad a gift? Some of my mates reckon after what they said to me in the pub I was right in not getting them anything.

JustAThought

donkey balls wrote: »

Whats people opinion on weddings overseas do you still get the couple a gift?The reason I ask is that years ago I was invited to a friends wedding abroad at the time I had only bought my house a few months previous and money was tight.
I managed to get to the wedding but had to borrow the spending money :eek: anyway I was planning on getting the couple a gift when my finances were in a better shape,Then out of the blue one evening in the pub the said couple were there along with some mutual friends and in front of them asked me where was their wedding gift.:o
I just went red with embarrassment and told them I had one for them even though I didn't, I was planning on getting them something but after what they did in the pub I got them zilch.
The last few weddings I have attended the minimum I left in a card was €50 that was just going to the afters other weddings that I attended in full ranged from 100/200,With my best mates wedding and me doing best man I gave him €250.
So was I a mean cnut in not getting the couple whose wedding I attended abroad a gift? Some of my mates reckon after what they said to me in the pub I was right in not getting them anything.

What an embarassing thing to do to you. Was it a tiny wedding? Did they say it in a mean way? How mortifying. You mrssed up a bit by not saying the truth & no doubt they'll take it as a double snub that you then said you had it & would drop it over & then didn't!!! Are you still friendly? How long ago was it ?? I'd rock up with a lamp in a box all wrapped up & laugh it off - too bulky to bring & after hearing ( in the pub) they were worrying about it you felt too embarassed to bring it up - of FDX it to them with a nice card to that effect! Did they give you a present for your house?

MadDog76

donkey balls wrote: »

Whats people opinion on weddings overseas do you still get the couple a gift?The reason I ask is that years ago I was invited to a friends wedding abroad at the time I had only bought my house a few months previous and money was tight.
I managed to get to the wedding but had to borrow the spending money :eek: anyway I was planning on getting the couple a gift when my finances were in a better shape,Then out of the blue one evening in the pub the said couple were there along with some mutual friends and in front of them asked me where was their wedding gift.:o
I just went red with embarrassment and told them I had one for them even though I didn't, I was planning on getting them something but after what they did in the pub I got them zilch.
The last few weddings I have attended the minimum I left in a card was €50 that was just going to the afters other weddings that I attended in full ranged from 100/200,With my best mates wedding and me doing best man I gave him €250.
So was I a mean cnut in not getting the couple whose wedding I attended abroad a gift? Some of my mates reckon after what they said to me in the pub I was right in not getting them anything.

I love weddings, always enjoy them immensely and always always give the couple a (cash) gift .......... but no way am I getting on a plane, using up my precious holiday days and choice of holiday destination for somebody's (anybody's!) wedding!!!

You want to get married abroad? Fine, I'm happy for you .......... but don't expect me to attend or send on a gift.

kingtiger

of bloody course you give a gift, the Bride and Groom + family spend a few grand for a day out , the least you can do is give 150-200 in a card to help the couple out

I am married to a beautiful Spanish woman and I love the Spanish traditions of the "wip around" where all the Brideswoman and Men go around with a bottle after cutting the groom's tie into pieces and then auctioning it off for good luck

came in bloody handy on the honeymoon

Optimalprimerib

For a wedding abroad (especially if both tge couple is irish), i am not so sure. That is a massive cost on the guests so i would assume it would be "Your presence is our present" scenario.

Here's another question, what if you were invited but not attending? I would probably give €50.

JustAThought

Invited but not attending - definately not a e50 in envelope job - thats more close to what you'd get for invited AND attending. ( e70 per person voucher who went or e100 voucher if I'm feeling very givey). Otherwise its like a demand for cash in the post. If You're a close friend or close family you'd get a gift but in that case I'd be moving hell & high water to go - assuming it was in Ireland & not the carribean or somewhere ridiculous.

Xaracatz

I have a large family of cousins / distant cousins from my granny's generation, and they are forever getting married and sending invites.

Given that I don't know them, and live in a different country now, I wouldn't attend. But I always send a card with €50. I started it, and I can't stop it now, or there'd be fierce blackening of my name all over their local.

I'm convinced that some of them send out wedding invites when they're feeling a bit broke though! :pac:

JustAThought

Xaracatz wrote: »

I have a large family of cousins / distant cousins from my granny's generation, and they are forever getting married and sending invites.

Given that I don't know them, and live in a different country now, I wouldn't attend. But I always send a card with €50. I started it, and I can't stop it now, or there'd be fierce blackening of my name all over their local.

I'm convinced that some of them send out wedding invites when they're feeling a bit broke though! :pac:

Haha - same problem here but I olanned ahead & didn't start the precedent!!! Its like a love tax!

Mesrine65

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

kingtiger wrote:

of bloody course you give a gift, the Bride and Groom + family spend a few grand for a day out , the least you can do is give 150-200 in a card to help the couple out

That's a bloody ridiculous statement. It oozes of self entitlement and it's incredibly materialistic. The fact that you expect 150-200 is absolutely outrageous. Nobody forced you to get married. Nobody forced you to splash out stupid amounts of money on one day. Completely illogical...

"please come to my wedding, but know this, your primary reason for being here is to foot the bill for my day".

If you want your "friends" to pay for it, let them choose everything, venue, band, food, clothes etc etc. Fair is fair after all.

MadDog76

I would have thought that if you're invited to a wedding (with the expectation that you will attend) that it'll be the wedding of someone you love/like who in turn loves/likes you ........ but the way some posters on this thread are talking it's almost as if they dislike, or even hate, the offending couple ......... a lot of resentful, bitter, angry and downright venomous attitudes towards their "loved" ones who dare get married and have the wedding of their choice ........ they have even been so rude as to invite you to celebrate their special day with them!

Very strange attitudes altogether ...........