How do you get over being unattractive/plain-looking?

eternal · 16-07-2015 12:43am

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

Now, I'd be a fairly plain-looking fellow, by most people's estimations. Presentable but plain.

Some days, I do feel unattractive, like, in a struggling-to-get-out-of-bed kinda way.

Other days (not as many as I'd like though), I feel too damn sexy for my funky shirt.

Is this normal? Does anyone else experience this?

And, yes, I am single...

We all have good and bad days. Depending on mood and how many assholes we encounter.

GaryTLynch · 16-07-2015 12:47am

I only hang around with people who are uglier than I am, therefore making myself the 'looker' in the group despite being ugly as sin myself.

retro:electro · 16-07-2015 12:50am

I usually swing between these two moods; "bow down before me bitches I am your queen" and "I'm a fuking ugly disgusting worthless piece of sh1t"

tomwaterford · 16-07-2015 1:00am

I just don't think on it....like I'm in no way good looking etc( opposite infacta)..it doesn't bother me if I'm honest...just a fact of life

I've too much to be doing to worry about it...just like in all reality what can I do on it...I don't care enough to do plastic surgery/other cheats etc

dancingchicken · 16-07-2015 1:10am

Personality and confidence can drastically improve someone's looks.

Red21 · 16-07-2015 1:26am

Eating steak, drinking water, going for a walk, video games, tv, movies, sport, waking up, going to bed, breathing, pretty much everything you can do holds out as much enjoyment for you as it those for physically attractive folk. For all the promise it appears to hold out, being "hot" isn't worth all that much.

Wabbit Ears · 16-07-2015 8:05am

MightyMandarin wrote: »

Actually no, before I started lifting I was running 4x a week for over a year as I was dreadfully unfit before that. I wasn't an athlete by any means, but I managed a sub45 minute 10k which was better than most people my age, yet I still was the same quiet, shy lad I am today.

And that has zero relevance to my point. You think that all those runners are super confident and never feel crap about their appearance or looks? Big muscles or small muscles doesn't matter; you can train your biceps to be bigger but you can't train your brain to be more confident.

In my personal experience, i was extremely unfit and started running. As I got better my confidence in my running ability improved and each time I beat my own PB I felt fantastic about myself. As I ran more I got more involved with our local athetics club. Theyre really supportive and good people, for the most part, always a few bad apples, and Yea, It makes me happier and more confident.

Sorry you havent had a similar experience but your negativity wont change my view that getting fit brings about more happiness and confidence.

Alf Veedersane · 16-07-2015 8:14am

I don't think MM was being negative. He just said he didn't think that fitness was guaranteed to bring confidence in oneself. It isn't. There are people who undertake fitness/weight training with the sole goal of looking better. A lot of people enjoy the process, which is great. But there are people who plough on doing it because they think that looking better will be a panacea. But being fitter and looking physically better doesn't always adress the underlying psychological issues.
It's not a negative point, just a reply to "go to the gym = guaranteed self-confidence".

pwurple · 16-07-2015 9:44am

What a depressing OP. You never let people take photos of you?

That's not a symptom of ugliness, even completely facially deformed people with a decent bit of confidence get photos taken all the time. It's a symptom of appalling self-esteem.... and that is a genuinely unattractive trait.

I'm no stunner, fairly middling looking, but I never had any hassle with interest from people because I'm open, chatty, positive, have a laugh with people and am not a miserable moany mary, hung up on my looks. State of me when I was a teenager, HAW. Spotty, lanky, and a mouth full of metal. But I had plenty of boyfriends at the time, so I expect people rate me higher than I am because I smile a lot and am interested in talking to them.

Get some dental work, flash the pearly whites and be nice to people. You can be under or overweight and dressed like complete loon as long as your teeth look good and you are smiling.

Hermit No More!

16-07-2015 10:11am

I appear to have done alright despite looking like a middle aged Milky Bar Kid. I guess the only secret I have is to simply not care about it. I never have.

Niemoj · 16-07-2015 10:16am

Seen a few absolute rides down the town yesterday.

Jusus....ðŸ™‰

Wabbit Ears · 16-07-2015 10:24am

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

I don't think MM was being negative. He just said he didn't think that fitness was guaranteed to bring confidence in oneself. It isn't. There are people who undertake fitness/weight training with the sole goal of looking better. A lot of people enjoy the process, which is great. But there are people who plough on doing it because they think that looking better will be a panacea. But being fitter and looking physically better doesn't always adress the underlying psychological issues.
It's not a negative point, just a reply to "go to the gym = guaranteed self-confidence".

But going to the gym to make yourself better looking is for vanity sake, not making yourself more confident and happy. In fact, doing it for vanitys sale is ultimately chasing the unachievable dragon which can lead to to constant self doubt and the need to do more to feel better.

Getting fit isn't about being better looking, Being fit improves your posture, the process generates endorphins that make you feel better. Its all good.

Captain Havoc · 16-07-2015 10:31am

I hit every branch on the way down and I have no self confidence, I cannot go up and chat up a lady, I also suffer from foot in mouth disease. I am a good person though, exceptionally honest, I do have a sense of humour, my lack of self confidence does make me very modest. I do wish I could go and bull**** with the ladies but I can't, it's just not in my nature. I used to be really fit but that didn't help. One awesome thing though, since I've been single for the last year or so, I am never short of a few pound, I'm only talking about being able to meet up with the lads or go to a concert, a match or whatever, not living in the Shelbourne or anything.

Alf Veedersane · 16-07-2015 10:33am

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

But going to the gym to make yourself better looking is for vanity sake, not making yourself more confident and happy. In fact, doing it for vanitys sale is ultimately chasing the unachievable dragon which can lead to to constant self doubt and the need to do more to feel better.

Which was partly the point.

No one is arguing that getting fit is a bad thing. On the contrary.

But it won't be the answer to confidence issues for many people. Youcanbe fit and have a negative perception of yourself. That's all that was being said.

Miguel_Sanchez · 16-07-2015 10:34am

Becoming stinking rich worked for me.

Menas · 16-07-2015 10:37am

Miguel_Sanchez wrote: »

Becoming stinking rich worked for me.

Reminds me of one of the best questions ever asked.
"So what was it that attracted you to multi millionaire Paul Daniels?"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lj-9lSEBBm0

bodhrandude · 16-07-2015 6:30pm

Cloud493, are you a music fan, get yerself out to one of the countries many music festivals, I'd even recommend volunteering for one, its a great way to meet people and possibly folk that share a similar taste in music. I'm single myself and have been volunteering at festivals for the last few years, I'll know it will take time but surely sooner or later I'm gonna meet the right girl and hopefully at a music festival too. Having done Life festival, Body & Soul festival I'll be working at Electric Picnic next in September, considering going for the Sunday to Longitude this weekend, wouldn't mind seeing the Chemical Brothers. Go on take the plunge, go out to a gig or music festival, its a lot better than the confusion one experiences at a nightclub in the city unless you are going to see a particular DJ but try it, no harm anyway.

NachoBusiness · 16-07-2015 6:39pm

pwurple wrote: »

What a depressing OP. You never let people take photos of you?

That's not a symptom of ugliness, even completely facially deformed people with a decent bit of confidence get photos taken all the time. It's a symptom of appalling self-esteem.... and that is a genuinely unattractive trait.

To you it may be, but to many people it's not.

If I was in the presence of a girl who I thought was lovely looking, and seen her cover her face when someone tried to take her photo and she told me she hated her self when I asked why, the last thing that would do is put me off her. In fact, it would most likely endear me to her if anything. Given that so many people today are so God damn full of themselves, I would most likely find it refreshing.

Roquentin · 16-07-2015 6:41pm

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_dysmorphic_disorder

ToddyDoody · 16-07-2015 7:12pm

cloud493 wrote: »

If it applies to you of course, since I'm sure theres some beautiful looking creatures on boards, how do you cope with being ugly? Cos I'm an ugly ass bastard, and it can be tough sometimes. I'm ugly, plain, lanky, etc.

What are you trying to achieve exactly? "Cope" seems like a bit of a catch all.

jobeenfitz · 16-07-2015 8:18pm

ToddyDoody wrote: »

What are you trying to achieve exactly? "Cope" seems like a bit of a catch all.

cope1
kəʊp/Submit
verb
(of a person) deal effectively with something difficult.
"his ability to cope with stress"
synonyms: manage, survive, subsist, look after oneself, fend for oneself, shift for oneself, stand on one's own two feet, carry on, get through, get on, get along, get by, muddle through, muddle along, scrape by, bear up, make the grade, come through, hold one's own, keep one's end up, keep one's head above water, keep the wolf from the door, weather the storm; More
(of a machine or system) have the capacity to deal successfully with.
"the roads are barely adequate to cope with the present traffic"

cloud493 · 16-07-2015 8:25pm

Well cope as in live in as pleasant circumstances as possible.

Dirty Dingus McGee · 16-07-2015 9:45pm

Andrewf20 wrote: »

It may be hard reading but askmen.com have a click bait top 10 list of what women want in a man and I find that it usually rings through. Looks only come in at no. 9. Heres the list and link below.

10 - Independence
9 - Looks
8 - Positivity
7 - Communication skills
6 - Sociability
5 - Intelligence
4 - Passion (for life in general)
3 - Sense of humour
2 - Ambition
1 - Confidence

http://ie.askmen.com/top_10/dating/top-10-things-women-want.html

If you are insecure about your appearance, 1 piece of advice I would say is hit the gym and get fit, set goals and aim to beat them every week. Ive seen this transform people. Confidence, looks and positivity should all go up.

Based on that I don't have much going for me.

I've have almost a total lack of 1,2,4,6,7,8,9 and 10 and I only included number 3 because I like watching sitcoms on TV.

16-07-2015 9:56pm

Miguel_Sanchez wrote: »

Becoming stinking rich worked for me.

In order to test this theory you should transfer the entirety of your wealth to someone else - myself for example - and see if the effect transfers too. Purely in the interests of objective scientific experimentation you understand.

I will send you my bank details forthwith of course - but only if you PM me first with a message starting with "I am a prince in Nigeria..." because we all know that's the only time you share bank details - or take seriously a post like your own

JacquesDeLad · 16-07-2015 9:59pm

I'll say money but I'll hope it's all the magazine stuff.

Unless I win the lottery.

Then I'll hope it's just the money.

jimgoose · 16-07-2015 10:01pm

I have a mickey like a tower-crane operator's Thermos.

hatrickpatrick · 16-07-2015 10:04pm

Just use it as motivation to hammer the **** out of the weights at the gym. Not only does this eventually make you look better, it also alters your hormones etc so that you feel more confident in and of itself, before you even count the actual changes.