Am I being insecure about his feelings?

LegacyUser

Hi all. Both myself and my boyfriend are mid twenties and have been seeing each other since early March and officially a couple since May. Things are great between us but over the last couple of weeks I have began to feel a bit insecure about his feelings for me.
I know I am quite an insecure person in relationships as I have been cheated on and even though the relationship was only about three months long it still hurt. I have also had a difficult relationship with my mother all my life. She is verbally abusive and it shatters my confidence at times.
I guess I just need some perspective here on whether I am just being insecure and how to communicate this to my boyfriend without coming across badly. At the start of our relationship he was so attentive, making plans, sending good morning have a good day texts and I was so happy with him. Things are great between us still but I think things have fizzled out a bit but maybe not in a bad way. Things were hectic workwise for him in a while and we didn't get to see each other for a while but we got through it. Just two weeks ago he told ne he had fallen for me and I was an amazing person. I said the same and how not seeing him for a while made me realise how mad about him I was.
I guess I am feeling insecure because, taking the above into account, he has changed a bit towards me in the last month and I am unsure if its because we are together a while now and he is secure in our relationship and doesn't need to impress me or is it my insecurities. I know it probably sounds silly here but sometimes when he rings me he nearly always ends the call after five minutes. Last night he texted saying he wasn't ringing me back because he had a headach and had been up at 5a.m for work. At the beginning we would talk every day for round half an hour or more.
After a month he mentioned me meeting his Mam and I'd be the first girl to ever meet her and this hasn't happened yet. At the weekend I mentioned to him that my friends would like to meet him and he said he knew his ears were burning and changed the subject.
I guess my problem is that at the start maybe he felt the need to impress me and I was used to it, now I feel thats kind of gone and I feel insecure. Or are the above valid reasons to feel insecure about a relationship?
I realise I probably need to discuss this with him but how do I do it in such a way that doesn't end in a row?

Merkin

It's hard to say. I'd always be very wary indeed of someone who suddenly shifts their behaviour or patterns and you've only been going out a wet week so he can't just have gotten comfortable THAT quickly. I'm an auld bird and have been married a few years and my husband always phones me at lunchtime to see how I am and there's always an IM or two as well. That's not to say we live in each other's pockets but when you love someone you want to chat to them.

By the same token, if you are feeling insecure that could make you more needy and he could be picking up on that. What level of contact do you have and do you expect every day? He mightn't be a big phone chatter but a perfunctory five minute chat that hastily ends is strange.

Does he want to know all about you and what you're up to? Is he always keen to make plans to see you as often as possible? How long a time elapsed when you said you didn't see each other for a while?

LegacyUser

Thanks for the reply. We are in contact everyday whether by text or phone, mostly phone calls and contact would be equally initiated. As regards what contact I expect that would be at least something everyday and a phonecall in the evening.

Last night annoyed me a bit as while I understand he was wrecked tired, him telling me he wasn't in the mood to chat hurt me. Two weeks ago he told me he had completely fallen for ne and now last night he didn't want to talk to me. I told him I was a bit hurt by it and he said sorry he wasn't in the mood and I asked him did he miss me because due to my car being out of order we haven't seen each other in over a week. He said he did miss me and not to be silly. Funny thing was in the hour we were texting we would have had a phone conversation.

He does make plans to see me and he really does care about my interests and my life. I was looking at getting a dog run and he gave advice on it. He texted at the weekend because my county won a GAA match and he knows I am very interested.

When we hadn't seen each other in a while it was almost two weeks although there is an hr distance between us and he was working longer hours.

I don't know whats going on in my head. On one hand I feel like he is crazy about me because when we are together things are great and he often refers to things and plans in the future. On the other hand his behaviour towards me has changed. At the beginning he was all about me, told his Mam about me etc and now he doesn't seen to want to meet my friends and hasn't mentioned me meeting his Mam yet. Note I am in no rush to meet his Mam but he brought it up about 3 months ago and there has been nothing since.

Merkin

I would be a little concerned tbh. I wouldn't get too cross about not wanting to talk to me one evening if the was genuinely wrecked, we've all been there, but given the context, I would worry about everything else.

I've dated a lot of guys and the one in my experience who blow hot and cold are not all that pushed. My main concern would be a. That his behaviour has changed like this and B. That you're only an hour apart and yet you're not seeing much of one another is just strange. Life can be so busy sometimes but we will always make time for the ones we care about.

I think I'd say it to him. If he's just phasing you out its better you know now and if you ARE solid and he's genuinely keen then he won't mind you sitting down and talking about how you're feeling so he can reassure you and you can both make more of an effort.

LegacyUser

Thanks again for the reply. The reason we hadn't seen each other in a while was because he was working in Belfast for a wk and then he went straight into a week of nights.
Most weeks we see each other twice a week and at the very least once a week. He works for different people so his hours could be anything.
I have been talking to him this evening. He rang me and I mentioned nothing about last night but he apologised and said he was really tired, had a headache and didn't mean to upset me. I said that was fine but I just was a bit hurt but now he apologised things were fine. We are meeting Friday so I will try say it to him then.

Merkin

I hope things work out for you. Yes, just get it out in the open. If he really cares for you and wants to stay with you then he'll be glad you've discussed how you're feeling. Best of luck.

OneOfThem

I disagree with Merkin. Yes, you are just being insecure. And pretty intense. He texts you every day. You talk on the phone every day, apart from one time when he was exhausted from working nights, which you have already spoken about twice, and he has apologised for (despite not really having anything to apologise for). You haven't seen each other in the last two weeks, because he has been working away and working nights, perfectly understandable. He's told you he's fallen for you. He's said he'd like you to meet his mother despite that not being something he does. He's already reassured you he misses you after you asking him.

You've talked. He's done his best to reassure you. Yes you're being very insecure. There's no need to keep on and on at the guy. Cut him a break and extend to him a little trust. You want Friday to be fun and relaxed and enjoyable for him. Not a night of him having to continue to try to ease your insecurities for you, when he's already been trying to do so.

He's finished the nights and the working away for now? Make Friday a fun and exciting night with his gf. So he'll be excited about getting back to seeing you a lot and making up for missing out on the last couple of weeks. Not a night of hard work.