To find out or not

Little Miss Cutie

Hi all

Myself and himself are undecided on whether To find out the gender or not.

My Mum and Sis are dying to know. His family are strongly against knowing.

Would love some opinions please

dori_dormer

My husband and I found out what we were having at 15 weeks. We were undecided , but when doc asked we just knew we wanted to know.

My sister and her husband decided they wanted a surprise

My sisters SIL found out and they told no one. But they messed up and showed the baby's room painted green so everyone knew in the end it was likely a boy. I thought it was a bit weird to find out and not tell anyone personally.

I personally hated all the cream/ beige baby clothes so loved buying colour for my baby. We did have it confirmed about 5 times though.

Personally I think you should do whatever YOU want and ignore every one else. You'll probably have a gut reaction when they ask you at the scan though

biko

Some people love the surprise. Others wants to get a head start on the naming etc.
Too personal a choice imo. I'm sure whatever you decide will be good.

lazygal

We didn't find out and have no regrets. I couldn't give a fiddlers what anyone else had to say about it, it was our decision. My husband would probably have liked to know as he's a planner but the surprise when they were born was lovely.

eviltwin

We didn't find out with the first, found out with the second. Finding out was nice, made things more real and didn't spoil the experience of his birth at all. It's a very personal thing, do what you want to do and ignore everyone else.

angeldelight

Only advice I'd give is don't listen to family - it's your baby. We found out but didn't tell anyone we knew as we liked having something about the pregnancy that was just us, and also everyone had guessed a boy the whole way through so it was great fun telling them we'd had a daughter!

Diamond Doll

We found out at the 20 week scan.

I was glad we found out because until then I kept thinking of names I'd love for either gender, but I had to be careful not to get my heart set on the name in case it turned out to be the opposite gender.

Also to be perfectly honest, I was hoping for a girl and there may have been the slightest little smidge of disappointment in my mind when we were told it was a boy. Now that disappeared almost immediately, and of course I was far more concerned that the results of the scan were that everything looked healthy. But at least I had the rest of my pregnancy to get my mind around the fact that it was a boy. However, I would have hated to feel that little smidge of disappointment if I only found out the gender at the time of his birth.

Now that we have him, if I were pregnant again, I honestly wouldn't mind if it were a boy or a girl! I'd still find out though, I found it strengthened the bond while I was pregnant.

My family wanted to know what we were having, his family didn't. So we told my family and anyone else who wanted to know, we didn't tell his family. As far as I know there were no slip-ups and they didn't find out until after he was born, just like they wanted.

I think next time, though, we'd find out but keep it a secret between ourselves and try to keep it as a surprise for everyone else.

By the way, I don't think I've ever heard of any couple who found out and regretted doing so. And equally, I don't think I've heard of a couple who regretted not finding out. There are advantages to both choices, just go with whatever feels right for you.

Dobbit

We haven't found out because it's our first and we don't care either way, but definitely agree with people saying not to mind what your family think, it's your baby, not theirs.

Satriale

My Mrs couldn't decide, and i didnt want to know, so she made me find out anyway so i could tell her if she decided she did want to know, (yea, it confused me too!)

PandaPoo

I'm 31 weeks now, and I get a scan in the hospital every four weeks. I wanted to find out the gender but at every scan the baby had its legs crossed at the ankles.

I think we'll just leave it as a surprise now and I won't even ask at the next one.

I've bought a blue outfit and a pink outfit for coming home in though. I love cream baby stuff so it wasn't hard for us

Some people say if you have a gender preference it's best to find out before the birth, I think the opposite though. It's hard to be disappointed when you have the baby looking up at you and you're on a high!

spottybananas

Exact same as angeldelight, we found out but told everyone we didn't know, it's much better than saying "We know but we're not telling", sounds so...I dunno, nobody really cares other than you so withholding it in such a way sounds so condescending.

I wasn't aware green was specifically a boy colour? That colours stuff drives me fecking mad. Green is for everyone, so are all the colours!!

seamus

Yeah just go with whatever you want, ignore your families. I personally can't fathom why someone would want to keep it a secret from themselves, but plenty of people do.

There's no real "done thing".

Lisha

I found out with first at 28weeks and I told no one ..... Not even my husband knew I knew. He really did not want to know so I wouldn't spoil it for him. If he knew I knew it wouldn't have stayed secret so I kept it to myself. Was hard buying all cream stuff but I sneaked in a boyish-neutral outfit for going home..

For second I really wZnted to know again but she didn't oblige at any scan so it was a fabulous surprise.

The surprise was lovely but it was nice knowing too. I do find it strange when people find out and tell everyone. I've known gender and babies name when friends and work mates were just 5months pregnant.

It totally great either way I have to say.

Best of luck op

LegacyUser

with our first we didn't find out, and it was the most wonderful surprise, we were on a high anyway post labour but i remember being told after as they handed the baby to me and it just added to the wow factor,

plus it helped when we were asked a million times over to be able to say honestly we didn't know, (nether of us are good at lying) and it was fun watching all our relatives (the older ones especially) with their "the bump is high it's a girl" "the bump is neat it's a boy" and the constant back and forth.

now with our second on the way we think we will find out, just so we know and it will help if can tell our first so they have the chance to adjust either way, colours didn't matter to us as we used both pink and blue blankets/clothes on the first.

Novella

I found out at around 15 weeks and had it confirmed again at 20 weeks. I really wanted to know from the start of my pregnancy though, just because I wanted to be able to buy things other than neutrals. I think it made things a bit more real for me too, I could picture the baby as an actual person after that, if that makes sense at all.

I told some close friends the gender of my baby but I didn't make it public simply because some of my family want to be surprised when the baby is born. I don't think there's anything wrong with finding out and not telling other people, for any reason. To each their own.

Ms Tootsie

We are not finding out - life's last surprise as I like to think of it, but that is very much our personal choice. I am lucky because my husband didnt want to find out either. I read somewhere when making the decision you should try to envision your labor and if you always think of it ending with the big announcement of 'it's a boy / girl' then perhaps that is your way of knowing what you want. Everybody is different and you need to do what suits you, not what suits family. I have my heart set on my husband being the one in the delivery room to tell me it's a boy or girl, I think that will be magical so even though a few people were pushing us to find out I held onto that.

A girl I work with couldnt decide if she wanted to know and her 20 week scan was a few weeks before Christmas so they asked the sonographer to write it on a piece of paper and put it in an envelope and then they opened it on Christmas morning together just the two of them. I thought that was lovely.

Neyite

It's a decision you should make purely for your partner and yourself. My family are a bit impatient so we got a lot of hints to find out, but we ourselves wanted to find out at birth. His family wouldn't dream of being that nosy. :P

seamus wrote: »

Yeah just go with whatever you want, ignore your families. I personally can't fathom why someone would want to keep it a secret from themselves, but plenty of people do.

There's no real "done thing".

I can only speak for myself and my partner, but we really liked not knowing. We never cared about gender, only a healthy baby. I was glad that even at the very end, when things got a little dicey - the baby was beginning to go into distress and I was rapidly prepped for an emergency section, I was starting to get a bit emotional and worried so the OH distracted me by doing a final guessing of the gender, and chatting about that. It calmed me down.

But, all the way along, it was lovely guessing and chatting about what we thought we were having.

My sister found out on all of hers, but she's the kind to make a beeline for all her presents under the Christmas tree and shake the crap out of them and bug you with questions until she finds out what you got her, then opens them up early, so there was no way that she'd have left it till the end to find out.

A friend wanted to find out, her husband preferred a surprise, so they chose not to find out because she figured there was no way that she wouldn't let slip to her husband during the pregnancy if only she knew and it ended up she was glad to be surprised and then on her next baby chose not to find out again.

It really is such an individual decision that only the parents should make and make to suit themselves

Neyite

Ms Tootsie wrote: »

A girl I work with couldnt decide if she wanted to know and her 20 week scan was a few weeks before Christmas so they asked the sonographer to write it on a piece of paper and put it in an envelope and then they opened it on Christmas morning together just the two of them. I thought that was lovely.

That is a really lovely idea, and what a Christmas present

pwurple

It bothered me that a sonographer knew something we didn't, about our baby. I'm petty like that.
I did put my foot in it once actually, my buddy was showing me her scan pics and I saw the gender one and said "Wow, looks like it's a girl, congrats", and she hadn't twigged it at all. Oopsie!

You could find out and not tell anyone. We didn't tell anyone.

Was handy on baby number 2 for planning. Whether to pack up a bag of baby dresses and donate it away, or hang onto it. But yeah, we didn't mind which gender the baby was, just wanted all the available info about them in general!

seamus

Neyite wrote: »

My sister found out on all of hers, but she's the kind to make a beeline for all her presents under the Christmas tree and shake the crap out of them and bug you with questions until she finds out what you got her, then opens them up early, so there was no way that she'd have left it till the end to find out.

Hah, this is my wife. She's impossible to surprise because she can't help herself and always ruins it.
I'm just generally a practical person, so having all of the information is important to me, even if it doesn't really have that much of an impact - while we knew what we were having, we were also aware that mistakes can be made, so didn't go out of our way to buy anything overly gender-specific.

Plus of course, if you buy a tonne of girly stuff, you can't use it for the next one if he's a boy.