Childminder concern

LegacyUser

My dilemma…that I am hoping for advice on.
I recently had to change childminding for my 2 children – for personal reasons, and managed to get a nanny to come and look after my children in their own home.
In the early days, all was good – kids seemed to be getting on fine – were never jumping up for joy when she came, but I had no tears either. Few things however, over the past couple of weeks have me concerned..
My nanny was an au pair before she came to mind my 2 children – references were very good, albeit she seemed more used to looking after babies that slightly older children. Last week – she texted me while I was at work, to say that she assumed she didn’t have to play with my 2, as they seemed quite happy to play by themselves, and maybe she should just supervise. I replied to say – at times that was fine, but sometimes they are only delighted to have a ‘grown up’ get to their level to play. Her response was that maybe the role of a nanny was more supervisory (as opposed to au pair - ie what she was used to). Threw me a bit to be honest – wasn’t sure where it came from! Anyhow – got home that same evening – chatting with kids, and I opened my dishwasher to see it piled full of cooking utensils. Asked the kids what delights they had made, and they said they didn’t, but CM cooked biscuits (didn’t ask if they wanted to help) – but there was no evidence of same ie CM had taken them home….bit odd again I thought to myself!
Anyhow – this has all come to a bit of a head this week. Kids are now saying they are only allowed play in playroom (I allow them to play anywhere – I encourage play irrespective of where that is happening), she ‘shouts’ at them to tidy up their toys mid game for lunch, and then tells them to go back playing after lunch. Also – she appears to be constantly on her phone from what they are telling me – either calling people or browsing.
My eldest child this evening had a complete meltdown when they heard CM was coming tomorrow. I was shown a calendar he made at the end of the bed- with sad and happy faces – the sad faces put at the end of the day when the CM is there. God to say it threw me was putting in mildly. They also said they couldn’t wait to go back to school to get away from CM, but they were ‘worried’ for their younger sibling on their own!
So – heel of hunt, I don’t think even a chat with CM will resolve this…what does anyone think? BTW – all re playing with children, baking with them etc were all stipulated from the start – but all seemed to have been minimal, if ever for the former..The CM was asked to do nothing else but mind and play with the children – they had no cooking (bar lunch) duties, no housekeeping, no laundry – remit was purely to mind the children.

So – heel of hunt, I don’t think even a chat with CM will resolve this…what does anyone think? I think I will have to let her go this week – but what do I say? I am really not a confrontational person and hate frank conversations – plus she lives locally so don’t want awkwardness.
Contract also stipulated 1 months notice – if I tell her I don’t need her from this week – I assume I still have to pay her 1 month? (even though it just didn’t work out…!)

lazygal

Pay her off, tell her the circumstances have changed/there's a family emergency/insert any reason here and let her go. I'm on my second minder and if there was even one of the problems you mentioned I'd be rethinking the setup. Taken altogether that sounds like it won't ever be sorted out so I'd end it now.

mordeith

lazygal wrote: »

Pay her off, tell her the circumstances have changed/there's a family emergency/insert any reason here and let her go. I'm on my second minder and if there was even one of the problems you mentioned I'd be rethinking the setup. Taken altogether that sounds like it won't ever be sorted out so I'd end it now.

+1

Neyite

lazygal wrote: »

Pay her off, tell her the circumstances have changed/there's a family emergency/insert any reason here and let her go. I'm on my second minder and if there was even one of the problems you mentioned I'd be rethinking the setup. Taken altogether that sounds like it won't ever be sorted out so I'd end it now.

Agreed. She's established early on how incompetent and uninterested she is, it will only get worse from here. It sounds like she used to get away with it before because younger kids couldn't verbalise her behaviour to their parents the way that yours can.

Though I dunno if I'd be as nice as Lazygal to invent an excuse. :P I'd just tell her she is not doing the job I hired her to do and let her go, but I understand that her living locally you might want to let it go quietly. See if you can break the contract based on non-performance. I'd struggle to pay someone like this a months wages just to keep the peace.But please don't recommend her to another family if asked. You don't have to badmouth, just say that you are unable to recommend her as a child minder.

It was not in her job description to restrict your children to a single room of their home without discussing it with you and having your full agreement first.

I'm a bit at the fact that she came to your home, used your ingredients, baked cookies for her own benefit and took them all home leaving you with all the washing up associated with it. And your kids didn't even get to do that activity with her. Without clearing it with you first?

Even one of those would have me wanting to pull the plug on the arrangement.

Orion

Neyite wrote: »

I'm a bit at the fact that she came to your home, used your ingredients, baked cookies for her own benefit and took them all home leaving you with all the washing up associated with it. And your kids didn't even get to do that activity with her. Without clearing it with you first?

Even one of those would have me wanting to pull the plug on the arrangement.

Technically that could come under theft and be grounds for immediate dismissal if she gets stroppy about the month's notice.

Dades

I'd also find it hard to pay her off (certainly her full notice). When someone is fired, you don't get paid for another month. She hasn't fulfilled her brief, and in fact has had a negative impact on your children. Clearly she is not a "child" person and is in the wrong job. A warning now is of no use as the relationship is gone.

Get your points ready to make and be firm. Best of luck.

LegacyUser

Thanks all for taking the time to reply. TBH - I think you are all echoing what I feel and think in any case - its just good to know I am not wrong.

The baking thing really got to me as well - God, I wouldnt thank you for the output often, but when I am left with the washing and nothing to show for it? Not even an acknowledgement that she had baked and then brought the produce home!

I am at home today - Working from Home - and she is downstairs with my kids. They have been up to me to help (youngest) with toilet, dressing etc - and she hasnt come near me/them to say ' time to leave mammy alone'....I made a point of it this morning with her - the youngest chap doesnt understand, but fact she was on the couch and he was up with me annoyed me! I am nit picking now a bit.

I will be having the conversation with her later - feel ill about it, but needs must. If I get away with paying her 2 weeks notice I will be happy - would prefer nothing but there you go. Plus - its a lovely morning - cant understand why she hasnt them playing outside - plenty of rainy days for indoors!

Re recommendations - definitely wont be commenting to anyone - couldnt have on my conscience.

Fully aware I am not rearing angels - but I dont think many of us are - but I dont think I have liars in my midst either!

Ok - rant over - thanks so much again!

Call me Al

I think you know yourself what you need to do. I think Lazygal has some good suggestions. This nanny is not suitable for your set-up and needs.
How will you be fixed until you've alternative childcare in place?

Call me Al

I'm stunned that she came in and had time to make HERSELF cookies with your kitchen supplies, and didn't give your children any!
What a bizarre and mean thing to do.

lazygal

Call me Al wrote: »

I'm stunned that she came in and had time to make HERSELF cookies with your kitchen supplies, and didn't give your children any!
What a bizarre and mean thing to do.

This is beyond weird. My two love cooking and its such a handy rainy day activity. Not to mention enjoying a treat afterwards! So cruel to make something like that and then not let the kids have any.

tuisginideach

Out the door!

gerarda

"I am at home today - Working from Home - and she is downstairs with my kids. They have been up to me to help (youngest) with toilet, dressing etc - and she hasnt come near me/them to say ' time to leave mammy alone"

She hasn't the slightest bit of interest in kids.

NicoleW85

Wow. What a chancer! (Being polite!!!)
Why would you go into someone else's home, half-heartedly take care of their kids (not even half), and make up her your own rules just to give yourself an easy time of it?!? Making cookies and not sharing is just cruel.
Don't waste any more money on her - just tell her she isn't the right fit for your family and you need someone who isn't afraid to get stuck in with some fun and play time!!!

LegacyUser

Thanks again all...
To be 'fair' I think that baking incident was a once off...and in fairness, she gave them a cookie - but it was still my ingredients and utensils, and she brought them with her home then...
I feel now like I am sounding petty and looking for excuses...

Thankfully, I have good support from grandparents etc for a couple of weeks - so I wont be stuck - but it cant be a LT solution.

Surely Mary Poppins is out there somewhere!!

Neyite

I did wonder about your children getting outside in the occasional decent weather. That's a bare minimum for child-minding IMO.

She should be engaging them in activities our outings to the point that they practically forget you are upstairs. Though today's behaviour might give you the perfect excuse to ditch her. Clearly if the kids are up to you every 2 mins, then she is proving to be incapable of the job of keeping an eye on them.

pwurple

While this arrangement has certainly gone wrong for you, maybe next time you could define what you want to happen at the start.

I've got a copy of my brother's nanny 'handbook', that they made out before she started. It has contact details, safety stuff and here's their section on suggested activities. Maybe something like that would help guide?

Activities:
Activities that our children enjoy, and we encourage, include:
Playing outside. Make sure they are safe doing this. Don’t let them eat anything from the garden (berries, grass etc), or play with water unsupervised. If they are playing in the garden, keep the gates closed. It’s really great to let them have some time outside every day, even if it's raining, there are wellies and raincoats by the back door. If it’s sunny, please use sunscreen.
Music. Both children love dancing to music, or hearing songs. Also playing with toy piano or other noisy things!
Crafts. Both children love drawing, painting, etc. Let us know if you need any supplies.
Games and toys. Both children love jigsaws and games, and playing with any of the toys.
Make believe play. Pretending to be doctors or firemen, or mammies and daddies is lots of fun for them

endofrainbow

Sometimes gut feelings are the way to go - just tell her it's not working out, no need for specifics. If she pushes the issue, I would offer her a week's wages - no more, no less.

NicoleW85

Just out of interest, which county do you live in? I'm about to start a p/t childcare course & would love to have some childminding work on the side to gain experience and use the skills I already have (I've always been a 'natural' with kids of all ages). Chances of you being anywhere near Donegal are probably slim!

Secretpost

Secretpost wrote: »

I feel now like I am sounding petty and looking for excuses

No you're absolutely not. I've been working with children in different capacities now for 16 years, since my late teens and I can't think of anything more important than play! There are so many reasons for this but most importantly in this situation is to build some kind of bond and rapport with the children. To have no desire to play with them (what's more fun than channelling your inner child and having a laugh with kids?!) and to think that childminding means lazing on a sofa, texting and just keeping one eye on them is baffling to me! The calendar with sad faces broke my heart and proves she failed to create a positive connection. Do not second guess yourself. She's just not cut out for childminding! Get rid!

LegacyUser

Ok - so latest...
I had a subtle word with her at lunchtime (out of kiddies earshot) to tell her I no longer needed her - ie my circumstances had changed and I didnt think the kids were settling too well either. Seems like she has her sights set on jobs outside of childcare anyway - so maybe I have done her a favour?

Its a relief now tbh - didnt bring up the money thing....not looking forward to that....not sure what to so yet...

Pwurple - thats very helpful detail there - I will def be using that next time around - many thanks for taking the trouble to post it!
NicoleW85 - unfortunately, I am the other end of the country altogether - think the commute may be too much :-)

Thanks so much everyone for the advice and reassurances - really much appreciated!