Come and blow off some steam... have a good rant

Penny Dreadful

Neyite wrote: »

I've another one! I think its in my top 10 for irony, but cant hold it against him too much because he had no idea we were TTC or had infertility issues

OH's boss admiring our 18 month old: "hahaha yis would want to be getting a move on for the next one, yis are getting on a bit"

While I was miscarrying for the second time.

OMG! I can't imagine how I'd have reacted to that.

Penny Dreadful

contrary_mary wrote: »

The adoption one was the worst for me, along with the insinuation that you're selfish for not wanting to adopt because of "all the babies without homes" out there. People have absolutely no idea of how difficult it is to adopt at the moment - it's a heartbreaking and fairly hopeless process.

Another one that I just couldn't get my head around was after my first mc people kept telling me about X who had 8 mcs and then went on to have a healthy baby. By all means tell me the happy outcomes but at the time the thought of having multiple mcs was absolutely unbearable.

Totally agree with this. I've recently had a miscarriage and while most people have been lovely and said the right things or just said nothing at all I do not need to hear about the woman that had 10 and after years and years and several novenas (bleurgh) went on to have two healthy children........

Lucyfur

pwurple wrote: »

LMAO. Tell me that didn't really happen. My jaw would have been on the floor.

Priceless!

Uh huh!

''It's cos your womb is tilted so it's a good position for getting the sperm up there''

and

''Ahhh, it'll happen when you least expect it''

brokensoul

My crazy sister in law emailed me last night with a rant about my current predicament.

The email started with her telling me about her miscarriage 10 years ago and how glad she was that she miscarried naturally, which is really unhelpful to hear when facing a D&C and then followed with her telling me that I should treasure this precious time with my baby.

Jesus wept like, given that the time between finding out there was no heartbeat and now has been the hardest thing I have ever gone through I can't believe anyone could think it was a time to treasure.

To be fair, she is bat**** crazy, so I am trying not to take it too personally!!!!!

dreamstar

brokensoul wrote: »

My crazy sister in law emailed me last night with a rant about my current predicament.

The email started with her telling me about her miscarriage 10 years ago and how glad she was that she miscarried naturally, which is really unhelpful to hear when facing a D&C and then followed with her telling me that I should treasure this precious time with my baby.

Jesus wept like, given that the time between finding out there was no heartbeat and now has been the hardest thing I have ever gone through I can't believe anyone could think it was a time to treasure.

To be fair, she is bat**** crazy, so I am trying not to take it too personally!!!!!

Wow - I'm not sure how I would even respond to that. You're right - don't take it personally. I think that when people hear about the miscarriage they just don't know what to say to make it better.

When I was going through my miscarriage I used to get really upset with my in-laws. I got the feeling they were avoiding me and when they did see me they never asked how I was. Now I know I was hormonal and upset anyway but it REALLY upset me. But looking back now - they probably just didn't know what to say. My MIL had never had a miscarriage and I definitely think that nobody knows how hard it is until you go through it.

I know it's hard but try not let it get to you. A week or so and you'll be well on the road to recovery.

dreamstar

What about the -

'Just relax and it will happen....' Grrr.

brokensoul

dreamstar wrote: »

What about the -

'Just relax and it will happen....' Grrr.

Grrr, my mum was great for that one. Though she has dropped it, in fairness.

My mum married at 22 (in pre contraceptive days) and had 8 pregnancies resulting in 6 children over the next 17 years.

I was talking to her about ttc at one stage and said "it is the hope of being pregnant each month that would kill you" to which she replied "For me, it was the fear of being pregnant each month that killed me"

Again, not helpful mum!!!!

stickybean

As much as I sometimes stress cause I don't think my friends get where I am, I just got a text from one telling me she seen a cute maternity dress for half price in new look and bought it for me cause she knows I'll need it soon. I'm in tears at my desk.

dreamstar

stickybean wrote: »

As much as I sometimes stress cause I don't think my friends get where I am, I just got a text from one telling me she seen a cute maternity dress for half price in new look and bought it for me cause she knows I'll need it soon. I'm in tears at my desk.

Oh my gosh......speechless.
People mean well but put their foot in it sometimes. We get it sticky. :mad:

Neyite

Ah fcuk. That was thoughtless of her, Sticky. She probably thought that positivity would give you a boost and meant well, but its still fcuking hard.

I think its hard for lots of people to get it. Even those who have ttc themselves, unless they've had difficulties, may not always understand.

For what it's worth, I didn't get a single thing related to babies or maternity while TTC. (Well, I ordered a 0-6 county jersey because that's how I planned to announce my BFP to the OH, but that didn't count, if you know what I mean, and it was shoved at the back of the wardrobe unopened until I got the BFP) I'm not woo or anything, but I just didn't want to start getting bits and pieces because if I never got to use them I'd have to go through dumping them down the line. I'd have been upset at a maternity clothes gift too, even well-intentioned.

stickybean

Oh God sorry girls, I explained wrong, I meant happy tears. I know it sounds stupid, but I was so happy one of them finally got it. The normal reply I get if I mention anything is, sure relax and it will happen or you can always adopt.

After four years and now that we have started IVF, I just got over whelmed that one of them recognized what we are going through and did this little gesture as a positive thing that she believes it we will be successful. My bad, I should have said happy tears. Sorry xxx

brokensoul

Neyite wrote: »

Ah fcuk. That was thoughtless of her, Sticky. She probably thought that positivity would give you a boost and meant well, but its still fcuking hard.

I think its hard for lots of people to get it. Even those who have ttc themselves, unless they've had difficulties, may not always understand.

For what it's worth, I didn't get a single thing related to babies or maternity while TTC. (Well, I ordered a 0-6 county jersey because that's how I planned to announce my BFP to the OH, but that didn't count, if you know what I mean, and it was shoved at the back of the wardrobe unopened until I got the BFP) I'm not woo or anything, but I just didn't want to start getting bits and pieces because if I never got to use them I'd have to go through dumping them down the line. I'd have been upset at a maternity clothes gift too, even well-intentioned.

Oh, I know what you mean!

my lovely husband got me a voucher for a fancy lunch as a birthday present, the idea being that we would go for it once I was past 12 weeks and not so nauseous. He wrote on the voucher "lunch for three" and now every time I see it I want to burn the f**king voucher - even though I know that is entirely irrational.

brokensoul

stickybean wrote: »

Oh God sorry girls, I explained wrong, I meant happy tears. I know it sounds stupid, but I was so happy one of them finally got it. The normal reply I get if I mention anything is, sure relax and it will happen or you can always adopt.

After four years and now that we have started IVF, I just got over whelmed that one of them recognized what we are going through and did this little gesture as a positive thing that she believes it we will be successful. My bad, I should have said happy tears. Sorry xxx

She obviously knows you well to know that you would like it. Good friend to have xx

Neyite

Ah good! I saw it on the rant thread so feared the worst. I'm glad it was meant as positivity and that more importantly, you felt the same.

stickybean

Eek sorry *red cheeks* I should have put it somewhere else, I just stuck it hear as I had been having a rant the last few days and wanted to say there is sometimes a little glimmer

Yellow diamond

stickybean wrote: »

Oh God sorry girls, I explained wrong, I meant happy tears. I know it sounds stupid, but I was so happy one of them finally got it. The normal reply I get if I mention anything is, sure relax and it will happen or you can always adopt.

After four years and now that we have started IVF, I just got over whelmed that one of them recognized what we are going through and did this little gesture as a positive thing that she believes it we will be successful. My bad, I should have said happy tears. Sorry xxx

that is sweet, she is obviously a good friend and thinking about you and what you are going through!

dreamstar

stickybean wrote:

Eek sorry *red cheeks* I should have put it somewhere else, I just stuck it hear as I had been having a rant the last few days and wanted to say there is sometimes a little glimmer

Aw ...phew! Glad they were happy tears!

stickybean

So I had to share this one. Friend from work (man in his 50's) called me to see how I was (i've been of for a few days after egg retrial). So he knew we are going through IVF. He read this article online that said key reason for women in Europe not getting pregnant is... wait for it... eating.

Yes you read that right. He said that these days women eat too much (now he didn't mean as in they are over weight) and there bodies get comfortable. Whereas in third world countries where food is more scarce, womens bodies naturally try to procreate in order to preserve life.

I was SPEECHLESS. After a few more minutes of him explaining this theory I asked so what are you saying here.

His reply, maybe you could cut back your eating for a few days.

WTF? I have no words

Neyite

Eating.

Well.

I've heard it all now! I think you win the thread sticky

He should open up a fertility clinic. Along with the other geniuses such as the "just relax and it'll happen" and the "you should go on holiday and you'll get pregnant" and the "you should say a novena" fertility experts. Make a packet they would.

stickybean

Don't forget, sure if it doesn't work... you can adopt, or get a dog :eek:

Neyite

kkcatlou

Not so much of a rant....just a question to those of you who have been there longer than me - married in Sept, pregnant in Oct (unplanned), mc at Christmas, been more or less TTC since then without any luck. I'm 35 (due date was 35th birthday - that was hard!!), so currently having day 3 and day 21 bloods and ultrasound done.

My question is - how long do you put life on hold for - and how do you cope? We had a big chat last night and I think all the tears and frustrations came out. He wants to book a holiday for November - somewhere like south or central America. I can't commit as I don't know what situation we'll be in then. The same with work. I've been approached about a couple of really good jobs in other companies, that I haven't gone for, just in case. And every time I'm asked about a festival, event, weekend away, etc. in the next 6 months I stop and think "what if....". I don't want to be putting life on hold for something that may not happen for ages, yet I don't want to be planning and booking things that might just add to unwanted stress or might need to be cancelled, etc.

And the same with the inappropriate comments - I've got nothing like you guys have had, but just the usual "you'd want to get going soon" kinda things, which I brush off with "ah sure we're only just married, there's plenty of time" (which being 35 is obviously a lie). Anyone got any good smart remarks?

stickybean

kkcatlou wrote: »

Not so much of a rant....just a question to those of you who have been there longer than me - married in Sept, pregnant in Oct (unplanned), mc at Christmas, been more or less TTC since then without any luck. I'm 35 (due date was 35th birthday - that was hard!!), so currently having day 3 and day 21 bloods and ultrasound done.

My question is - how long do you put life on hold for - and how do you cope? We had a big chat last night and I think all the tears and frustrations came out. He wants to book a holiday for November - somewhere like south or central America. I can't commit as I don't know what situation we'll be in then. The same with work. I've been approached about a couple of really good jobs in other companies, that I haven't gone for, just in case. And every time I'm asked about a festival, event, weekend away, etc. in the next 6 months I stop and think "what if....". I don't want to be putting life on hold for something that may not happen for ages, yet I don't want to be planning and booking things that might just add to unwanted stress or might need to be cancelled, etc.

And the same with the inappropriate comments - I've got nothing like you guys have had, but just the usual "you'd want to get going soon" kinda things, which I brush off with "ah sure we're only just married, there's plenty of time" (which being 35 is obviously a lie). Anyone got any good smart remarks?

Hi kkcatlou,

Sorry to hear about your loss. Hope you are doing okay.

We are trying four years now, at first everything was a bit of fun, then after 12 / 18 months we got concerned and began the testing phase, we recently started IVF.

There have been times where I have put my life on hold, refused nights out as I was in the two week wait and convinced this time I was pregnant. Skipped holidays only for the date to pass and still nothing.

After all this time I have come to the conclusion I'm not putting anything on hold, we never ever thought it would take us this long, but sadly it has. And maybe it will take another 4 years but we feel it will be worth it. I try not make long long term plans but take each few months at a time. I never book anything more than 5/6 months but even if I did and ended up pregnant, i'd be so happy cancelling wouldn't bother me (if I needed to).

One thing we do try, it to take breaks. To consciously say we are taking a few weeks off, we are having spontaneous unplanned s€x, we are going to go and have a few drinks and have a hangovers the next day and enjoy ourselves. It is a very stressful and emotional journey and hopefully you will not be on it too long. But in case it is, it would be nice to look back and think we had fun and it wasn't all stress. No sure that is much of a help x

dreamstar

kkcatlou wrote:

My question is - how long do you put life on hold for - and how do you cope? We had a big chat last night and I think all the tears and frustrations came out. He wants to book a holiday for November - somewhere like south or central America. I can't commit as I don't know what situation we'll be in then. The same with work. I've been approached about a couple of really good jobs in other companies, that I haven't gone for, just in case. And every time I'm asked about a festival, event, weekend away, etc. in the next 6 months I stop and think "what if....". I don't want to be putting life on hold for something that may not happen for ages, yet I don't want to be planning and booking things that might just add to unwanted stress or might need to be cancelled, etc.

This is a very personal choice as everyone is different. I understand completely why you are putting things off - I was the same for a whole year. Then hearing about everything my friends had been up to I realized I'd done nothing.

So the way I look at it is - 'what if?'. What if I do get pregnant? I may not have to cancel anything. You can still go away. But even if you do have to cancel - you might lose deposits and have the hassle of canceling - BUT I'd be pregnant. I wouldn't care about the money lost.
You can't put your life on hold. It's not good for the stress levels.

kkcatlou

Thanks a million for the replies.

Yeah, I tend to agree, and to be honest, I'm starting to think now that it will be a good while anyway. Himself wants to book flights straight away, but I think I'll wait til i get the test results at least.
When I was pregnant before, because I was bleeding for over 4 weeks before the mc, I was told not to travel until 12 weeks (and managed to get a full refund on flights I'd booked). That was fine, cos it was just me travelling, but I don't want plans for both of us to be wrecked. He really needs a holiday this year!! And as we are not free to go til November, we kinda have to go far away to get some heat.

I'm going to say yes to everything else though, and try not to keep thinking of "ifs". I think I am also less concerned about people knowing we are trying, or even people knowing if/ when I am pregnant. The last time the secrecy killed me, especially when I was banned from travelling, doing any exercise, drinking (obviously), and added to the stress. When the mc did happen, I told everyone anyway, and it was great to have the support, so I don't know why I was so stressed about keeping it a secret!

When did you start to tell people you were TTC? Is it easier or harder once people know?

stickybean

I told my mam after 18 months (I think she told my dad, but he's not really the sort of person that can talk about "womens issues").

We told his parents when we were about 2 and a half yeards trying.

And i've told a few of my close friends. And a couple of people in work. Other than that, we really didn't tell anyone. Its weird, but TTC is often such a taboo subject in Ireland, it's like it just goes unspoken. I often wish more people would talk about out and make the journey that bit easier.

brokensoul

kkcatlou wrote: »

Thanks a million for the replies.

Yeah, I tend to agree, and to be honest, I'm starting to think now that it will be a good while anyway. Himself wants to book flights straight away, but I think I'll wait til i get the test results at least.
When I was pregnant before, because I was bleeding for over 4 weeks before the mc, I was told not to travel until 12 weeks (and managed to get a full refund on flights I'd booked). That was fine, cos it was just me travelling, but I don't want plans for both of us to be wrecked. He really needs a holiday this year!! And as we are not free to go til November, we kinda have to go far away to get some heat.

I'm going to say yes to everything else though, and try not to keep thinking of "ifs". I think I am also less concerned about people knowing we are trying, or even people knowing if/ when I am pregnant. The last time the secrecy killed me, especially when I was banned from travelling, doing any exercise, drinking (obviously), and added to the stress. When the mc did happen, I told everyone anyway, and it was great to have the support, so I don't know why I was so stressed about keeping it a secret!

When did you start to tell people you were TTC? Is it easier or harder once people know?

I have been thinking about this recently, as I also suffered a MC.

I haven't discussed ttc with anyone apart from my mum and even then not in detail. No one knew we were going for IUI, IVF etc. That would be abnormal for me, but I felt more comfortable with people not knowing. I don't drink at all so that makes that one easier to deal with!

The only people that I told I was pregnant were my mum and my hairdresser (just to get dye advice!). After the MC I told all my family and part of me does wonder why I didn't share the good news with them but did share the bad.

On the blowing off steam thing - made an appointment with my hairdresser yesterday and told her that I had had a MC. She hit me with the double whammy of "there was probably something wrong with the baby" and "my friend had a MC and then had twins".

I know the poor woman was probably struggling to know what I say but part of me wishes I could take her aside and just say "if anyone tells you they have had a MC, just say you are sorry to hear it" - NOTHING ELSE!!

kkcatlou

I know, the discussing thing is weird.
I was 10 weeks when I had the MC, so had already told both families we were pregnant (after the scan with the heartbeat), so in that way it was easier to tell people then when it happened. I'm a natural talker anyway, so for the few days after it was great to talk - now I hate talking about it at all. My friends, who I'm very honest and open with, have all asked me at various stages are we trying yet. I just say we're not trying, but we're not trying not to, and leave it at that....which to be honest is the stupidest thing people say, cos as soon as it's on your mind, you're trying in my mind!!

The one bad thing about telling people, was that now they all expect that we must be pregnant again by now, and I can see the looks of excitement anticipation every time I call around, and do or don't take a drink. I feel like announcing every time I go home to my parents "no, still not pregnant!". And they don't ask or make jokey comments at all, like they would have before. My sister has been TTC for 18 months now and had had a few appts with a fertility clinic so I talk to her about it a small bit, but I find I am more listening than talking.

As we have only been TTC for 7 or 8 months now, it is still very early in most people's eyes (and probably yours too), so I feel by even talking about or getting upset about it, I am being a drama queen. I know my husband thinks that at times too!

Speaking of the MC - the things people kept saying to me that annoyed/ upset me were "you will have plenty more chances to have a baby"....and the thing was, when I got pregnant I wasn't trying, so it's not like I wanted a baby, any baby, I wanted that particular baby, that particular pregnancy, not just any one. My MIL, who had a MC years ago, and who can be a wagon at times, really got that point, and was great about it.
The other one was "you're so lucky it happened so easily", which was a bit of a consolation at the time, but now feels like a bit of a joke.

lashes34

I'm so annoyed and pissed off. I don't post very often but my story is that my periods stopped nearly 6 years, three years after that happened they sent me to my bones checked and I have osterpenia (early stage of osteoporosis). Grand they give me calcium and vit D supplements. Few weeks ago I went to doc as I'm dizzy, tired and not feeling well. Does bloods etc and my iron is low. Turns out calcium tablets stop you taking in iron correctly and I should have been on an iron tablet.

Just sick of it all, sick of feeling bad, sick of people asking when we're having kids. People really annoy me, why can't they just mind their own business.

dreamstar

lashes34 wrote:

Just sick of it all, sick of feeling bad, sick of people asking when we're having kids. People really annoy me, why can't they just mind their own business.

Aw lashes I hope you're ok. We've all had days like that where it gets on top of us. Every bad day ends eventually. Hopefully things will look a lot brighter tomorrow.

In the mean time do something that makes you happy. I always go for a walk by the sea on days like that.

Chin up hun. Xxx