Come and blow off some steam... have a good rant

RiseToMe

First time here and not sure i it qualifies as a rant BUT my wife and I had an IUI last week and are currently in the 2 week wait process...MY GOD.. at the time 2 weeks seemed short enough and like it would fly passed, but is actually dragging by day by day.

stickybean

Ah the two week wait!!! It seems to get longer every time you go through it. Try keep yourselves busy, I know that is easier said than done. Best of luck to you both x

dori_dormer

When I fell pregnant for the first time after only 3 months of trying, we told close family immediately, we were so excited. Then after 2 weeks I started bleeding, I eventually miscarried twins naturally. It was so heartbreaking the magical naivety of pregnancy was gone and replaced by an insane fear.

Every time I spoke to my mum she brought it up. First ' it happens to everyone' thinly veiled - get over it. She just didn't understand the grief. All you need is a plus sign and you imagine a completely different life, and then it's ripped away from you. Each convo with my mum became more ridiculous, first it never happened to her, then it may have but they didn't have good tests back then so any period a few days late could have been a MC. Then she was definitly sure one of her heavy periodswas a MC. I told her that she would be certain a Mc wasn't just a late period due to the cramping and the clots and ther horrible pain. I eventually screamed at her to shut up. It took me 6 months before I was ready to try again.
We had a gorgeous little boy no complications thankfully but with me constantly terrified. We are now trying for number 2. It's been very difficult. We just had another miscarriage but the doc told us the sac was too large and baby would likely have had problems. Doesn't amke it any easier though. She mentioned tests but I've had a few already and they've come back clear. So she says they'll look deeper if it happens again

This time my mum decided my unwillingness to discuss it with her meant it was easier for me this time and I wasn't too upset. If we weren't countries apart I'd have punched her

Molly1983

Why is EVERYONE else pregnant

dreamstar

Molly1983 wrote:

Why is EVERYONE else pregnant

My feeling exactly. There's no escape. No matter what group of friends I meet there's one friend either pregnant / with baby.
Even walking around the shop - EVERYWHERE I turn there's a pregnant lady.

Its so hard.

stickybean

dori_dormer wrote: »

When I fell pregnant for the first time after only 3 months of trying, we told close family immediately, we were so excited. Then after 2 weeks I started bleeding, I eventually miscarried twins naturally. It was so heartbreaking the magical naivety of pregnancy was gone and replaced by an insane fear.

Every time I spoke to my mum she brought it up. First ' it happens to everyone' thinly veiled - get over it. She just didn't understand the grief. All you need is a plus sign and you imagine a completely different life, and then it's ripped away from you. Each convo with my mum became more ridiculous, first it never happened to her, then it may have but they didn't have good tests back then so any period a few days late could have been a MC. Then she was definitly sure one of her heavy periodswas a MC. I told her that she would be certain a Mc wasn't just a late period due to the cramping and the clots and ther horrible pain. I eventually screamed at her to shut up. It took me 6 months before I was ready to try again.
We had a gorgeous little boy no complications thankfully but with me constantly terrified. We are now trying for number 2. It's been very difficult. We just had another miscarriage but the doc told us the sac was too large and baby would likely have had problems. Doesn't amke it any easier though. She mentioned tests but I've had a few already and they've come back clear. So she says they'll look deeper if it happens again

This time my mum decided my unwillingness to discuss it with her meant it was easier for me this time and I wasn't too upset. If we weren't countries apart I'd have punched her

dori_dormer sorry to hear about both you loses x

stickybean

Molly1983 wrote: »

Why is EVERYONE else pregnant

I second that EVERYONE!!!!!!!

dori_dormer

Thanks sticky. They are making us wait 2 cycles before trying again. My husband thinks we should try as soon as possible so that we'll learn quicker if there's something up with either of us. It feels wrong to me to rush it though.

The slowness of it all is head wrecking though

stickybean

We've been trying 4 years.... we keep having set backs... we were to start in May but they wanted more tests, then I'd a long cycle, then we started IVF (well ISCI) but my ovaries over reacted to the medication and they are making us wait till after two bleeds... it is taken forever.

My OH keeps saying they are obviously doing it for a reason, and it is giving me a chance to lose a few pounds, but GOD it is dragging...

dori_dormer

I feel bad now sorry. I just really wanted the majority of this pregnancy to happen here in Germany as we have brill health insurance. I had 3 scans from 5 weeks here, all free. In Ireland id have known nothing til 12 weeks. I hate their early pregnancy system.

Also we needed me to get back to work soon enough but if we can't concieve for another year or so the dreams of my own business are gone. Also I think my husband would be devastated if we found out he was the issue.

IM so impatient I don't know how I'd cope with waiting 4 years or more. I'd not think I can cope with any more miscarriages. You're all so brave

stickybean

Oh no, never feel bad pet, everyone has a different journey xxx

I do agree the Irish system isn't great. We have had so many issues to date. We had them using other people's files, 2-3 hour waits for appointments and loss of results. Even when we went private we still had issues despite paying top dollar. I just have to keep believing it will ALL be worth in when we get to hold our little bundle

Cooperspale

It all comes down to Empathy and people's complete lack of it, I think.
I'm a long termer ttc or very long termer at this stage I guess.

So this happened when I was starting out with IVF. I visited a friend who had a successful IVF baby first go. She was very very lucky. There were a bunch of us, (all had shared a house during uni) I was the only one of the five who was childless. At one stage she went to nurse or change the baby and asked the others to go with her to the nursery, I wasn't a mother so what input could I have? Fair enough. I think at the 20 minute mark, watching tv with a toddler I started to feel like maybe I shouldn't be there. They came back soon after & all was fine. Now this girl was all about positivity and as I said had been very lucky first time. Cue a few months later and I had my first BFN. She really backed off in the friend dept. I kept up contact, visiting, christmas cards etc but I felt like I was always the one making the effort. 18mths later they did a second IVF & it was BFN, By this stage I had 3 under my belt & sympathised etc but then never really heard from her again. It's the weirdest thing & I've moved on but I know that she just didn't want a bar of BFN and I guess that's what I represent to her in the scheme of things. I just thought she would have some empathy considering she had to do IVF also.

As for people saying things, I get the 'oh you're such a natural with children aren't you?' which can be hard going some days
That and the pregnant belly or babies wherever you look

brokensoul

Why oh why does my period arrive like f**king clockwork every month when I am hoping to be pregnant and now when I want to it arrive post D&C there is no f**king sign of it.

dori_dormer

Mine just arrived post D&C today. Made it a sad day. One month exactly though she said it could take up to 6 weeks

brokensoul

dori_dormer wrote: »

Mine just arrived post D&C today. Made it a sad day. One month exactly though she said it could take up to 6 weeks

Sorry to hear that today is hard for you.

For me, I feel I can't move on until I get my period. Have to wait another month post this period in order to start FET so am in limbo at the moment.

dori_dormer

I understand what you mean about moving forward! They are trying to make me wait 2 periods before trying again. Is it a big deal if you don't?

LegacyUser

Sorry for the anon post. This is less of a rant than a just feeling sad post. I've been putting off buying family kids presents til today - some days I get so upset in the shop with the buggies and toys that I feel I'll never have a need for. Went out today, got kids toys done, had a lovely lunch with OH. Lovely until he said "sure this is the kind if thing we can enjoy with no kids". With all the comments from family and relatives ("why do u not like kids", "sure if you liked kids you'd have them already", "I guess you just prefer holidays", etc) I need HIM on my side. Feels like such a long road of wanting but never ending in a bfp.

brokensoul

dori_dormer wrote: »

I understand what you mean about moving forward! They are trying to make me wait 2 periods before trying again. Is it a big deal if you don't?

I don't know to be honest. The clinic's advice to us was to wait until I got my period, then wait one cycle and they would start FET but that if we wanted to try ourselves in the meantime then work away and that we might get lucky.

No idea if that advice hold generally or if it was specific to my case though.

Bundaberg

This is a great thread. currently trying for baby number 2, started trying in May. I'm awaiting the arrival of the dreaded witch here, did a test yesterday and it was negative. I could rant about a lot of things/ people telling us to "hurry up, get a move on for the next baby".. And the frequently advised "it will happen when it's meant to be".. All I see is preggers women everywhere, lots of people I know are due their second baby and I just feel I am being left behind. So silly and selfish I know! I'm blaming the pmt hormones

Hazelnut Button

Finding it tough this week. Trying a year and had 2 miscarriages. Best friend due to pop any minute and just found out my sister is pregnant. Delighted for both of them but can't help but feel a twinge of sadness and wish it was us. Definitely hyper aware of big pregnant bellies everywhere. It can be so tough at times...

stickybean

Sorry for your loses Hazelnut Button xxx

I hear you!!! I have 5 people in my life pregnant at the minute. I was asked to be a God mother at the weekend and I have a baby shower coming up. I just want to tell them all NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO leave me alone.

Rockys Lover

- why is it when you're not trying to conceive your 28 day cycle flies and when you are (waiting on my period to start so I can start treatment for our DEIVF)

- why is there such a thing as "unexplained infertility"!!!!

Rockys Lover

- why is it when you're not trying to conceive your 28 day cycle flies and when you are (waiting on my period to start so I can start treatment for our DEIVF) the days dragggg by

- why is there such a thing as "unexplained infertility"!!!!

stickybean

Just a mini rant, but does anyone else feel like their life is on hold?

Our friends are making plans for NYE, they are going to Spain for a weekend and have asked us to come, but we've been told if we get pregnant, we can't travel (flights) as we are classed as high risk. Also our families have started to book holidays as the summer dates were just released, we are pretending we haven't the money to book (only our parents know our situation but we are getting a lot of questions).

We've a wedding in 2 weeks, which we've said we will go to, but pending when AF will arrive, we may not be able to go if we are having egg transfer (FET).

I know if everything works and we get pregnant, it would be the most amazing thing ever, but we have already missed a wedding, a holiday, so many nights out... I know I am moaning... but just having one of those days. 4 years - life can be so unfair......

Neyite

Absolutely - things like considering changing jobs, changing a car, moving house too all have to have a potential pregnancy factored in. We also had potential emigration on the cards at one point - two countries were on our list and I researched the cost of fertility treatment, childcare, paediatric care, maternity benefits and entitlements in each.

We got engaged and wanted a speedy low key wedding within about 3 months. I've already got the dress. Then some family said they needed 6 months notice for work. (not due to saving to come home for it, just so they could plan around their multiple annual holidays etc) I was apparently being selfish not giving them enough time.:rolleyes:.

How do you plan a wedding when long term ttc and have a dress you need to fit into? So the only way I can avoid WW3 it is to get pregnant, then plan a wedding for a month or two after the birth. I'm two years engaged and still waiting on that pregnancy.

Rockys Lover

Ive just found out my company is being liquidated, they can't afford to pay redundancy so am going to have to apply for statutory redundancy from Social Insurance Fund which could take months and we're due to have egg transfer on 15th October. If I am lucky enough to get pregnant, how can I morally look for a new job without telling prospective employers??

kkcatlou

Rockys Lover wrote: »

Ive just found out my company is being liquidated, they can't afford to pay redundancy so am going to have to apply for statutory redundancy from Social Insurance Fund which could take months and we're due to have egg transfer on 15th October. If I am lucky enough to get pregnant, how can I morally look for a new job without telling prospective employers??

You don't have to tell them anything! Lots of people start jobs when they are pregnant - I know of three women who did it in our place. To be fair, they did all tell as soon as they found out, and two others got pregnant within 6 months of starting a job. It's nothing to feel bad about.

I get it though, I would feel bad too and it's been an issue for me in looking for relocation/ new job so I get the moral thing, but looking around me, it doesn't seem like something most people worry about!

Plus, if you are good enough at your job, your employers should be happy to have you long term and not worry about the 6-12 months you are out!

With the waiting around and putting life on hold, I'm not that long TTC (8 months) and am already finding it frustrating (previously posted about this), so based on the advice here, we are booking our central America holiday today for 8 weeks time!! Eeeek!! We decided while we can afford it and are free to go, we should! And if we get pregnant in the next 2 months, we either weigh up the risk and go or postpone and lose whatever we lose, and deal with the consequences! As I bled for 4 weeks before my MC last December, I was on a travel ban, so I fear if I get pregnant again, this may happen again, but I can't live in fear. I think I'd be more pissed off looking back on missed opportunities for having a life, than time spent waiting around!

dori_dormer

stickybean wrote: »

Just a mini rant, but does anyone else feel like their life is on hold?

Our friends are making plans for NYE, they are going to Spain for a weekend and have asked us to come, but we've been told if we get pregnant, we can't travel (flights) as we are classed as high risk. Also our families have started to book holidays as the summer dates were just released, we are pretending we haven't the money to book (only our parents know our situation but we are getting a lot of questions).

We've a wedding in 2 weeks, which we've said we will go to, but pending when AF will arrive, we may not be able to go if we are having egg transfer (FET).

I know if everything works and we get pregnant, it would be the most amazing thing ever, but we have already missed a wedding, a holiday, so many nights out... I know I am moaning... but just having one of those days. 4 years - life can be so unfair......

Im almost certain that if you have travel insurance, and a medical reason why you can't travel, you'll get your money back!

kkcatlou

dori_dormer wrote: »

Im almost certain that if you have travel insurance, and a medical reason why you can't travel, you'll get your money back!

Yeah, I did the last time, and that was with Ryanair. Full refund, no questions asked (booking and doctors cert were even different surnames!).

brokensoul

Girl I work with just announced her pregnancy (which I had strongly suspected!).

She has the same due date I would have had. What are the f**king chances like.

Happy for her, but it is still gutting.