Come and blow off some steam... have a good rant

kkcatlou

Aw, that is tough! Have a toilet moment and allow yourself to feel crap!
I had the same with my cousin. To be fair, she had gone through it herself a number of times, so I was delighted for her, but seeing her throughout the pregnancy was really hard. And tough cos everybody else walked on eggshells around me. Her baby is born now and gorgeous but still breaks my heart when I see her.

Also, had a girl from work due a couple of weeks after. We had her baby shower/ leaving party on my due date. That was really tough!! She had also had 2 mcs though, so as with my cousin, you couldn't but be delighted for her.

Why is it easier to be happier for people who have been through heartache, than for the whoop-de-doo-happy-go-lucky people who just look at their man and they are pregnant?! Really we shouldn't want anyone to have to go through any heartache!

stickybean

brokensoul wrote: »

Girl I work with just announced her pregnancy (which I had strongly suspected!).

She has the same due date I would have had. What are the f**king chances like.

Happy for her, but it is still gutting.

Aw Brokensoul sending you a big hug pet xxx

It will be you soon x

stickybean

kkcatlou wrote: »

Why is it easier to be happier for people who have been through heartache, than for the whoop-de-doo-happy-go-lucky people who just look at their man and they are pregnant?! Really we shouldn't want anyone to have to go through any heartache!

I know it was possibly a rhetorical question, but my reasoning, or in my case in any way is I feel it should be our turn.

I am happy when friends / family get pregnant. But I just feel after 4 years of doing everything right, loosing weight, changing lifestyle, investing so much emotionally and financially it feels so unfair.

My cousins girlfriend is pregnant on their third baby, still smoking and drinking, doesn't work and to be honest isn't the best parent with the other two. Also didn't / doesn't really want this baby. Her attitude is ah well it happened. It kills me when I see her...

brokensoul

stickybean wrote: »

I know it was possibly a rhetorical question, but my reasoning, or in my case in any way is I feel it should be our turn.

I am happy when friends / family get pregnant. But I just feel after 4 years of doing everything right, loosing weight, changing lifestyle, investing so much emotionally and financially it feels so unfair.

My cousins girlfriend is pregnant on their third baby, still smoking and drinking, doesn't work and to be honest isn't the best parent with the other two. Also didn't / doesn't really want this baby. Her attitude is ah well it happened. It kills me when I see her...

Yup. As a friend of mine put it (about getting married rather than babies as it happens) "Isn't that I am not happy for you, Its just that I am just sad for me"

LegacyUser

Hey, I think you should defo just live your life, we've been trying for 3 years and I was the exact same as you avoiding social occasions, not going on hols just in case etc. But we've had a great 3 years and I regret nothing. No point wasting your life waiting. I used to be v secretive about it too but now I really couldn't give a **** who knows or what anyone thinks. I heard a great quote "what others say about you is none of your business", I love it. I had an operation and that's when I told everyone, my family were supportive and worried. My work friends know the most and are v good to me, concerned etc. But my best friends from school - I'm disappointed at their reaction, some didn't even acknowledge it, others said jes I hope things go well etc and never mentioned it again, then others are "how do u feel emotionally", you'd want to be made of stone not to bawl. Another of my best friends keeps saying "stay positive, I know it'll happen, your still young" she means well but it really pisses me off,ya I'm young at 32 but want like 6 kids and still that's not the point when trying over 3 years and nada. The stay positive one makes me think negative.I'm positive 99% of the time but sometimes I just want to punch my stomach if I get my p, or bawl if I hear someone is pregnant (when they only tried the once) grrrrrr.......

stickybean

Just having a day were I am feeling bloody pissed off. Logged on to facebook and every second post is a baby or a belly...

We were talking about getting a new car, as my OH's car is playing up. We were trying to work out if we could afford it, but we're afraid to spend money in case we need more treatment. I know it's not about the money, but we have spend over €7K so far and I really feel like we have nothing to show for it. I got the letter for the next FET bill (which we haven't even picked a date for )

Life is feeling bloody unfair right now :(:(

LegacyUser

Have been trying for only a couple of months so I'm aware that there are people here that have been trying for much longer, but Jesus it's sh1t.

My wife was leaving for work this morning and I knew there was something up. When I asked her, she just burst out crying, saying that she could feel her period coming on. I rang her on my way to work and we had a chat and she seemed better but this is really hard. I suppose we're just used to doing everything that we want, but when it comes to this, we're just kept in the dark.

As she said this morning, 'If we only knew when it would happen, it would alleviate all of the stress'.

Dam this is hard.

Rant over.

brokensoul

stickybean wrote: »

Just having a day were I am feeling bloody pissed off. Logged on to facebook and every second post is a baby or a belly...

We were talking about getting a new car, as my OH's car is playing up. We were trying to work out if we could afford it, but we're afraid to spend money in case we need more treatment. I know it's not about the money, but we have spend over €7K so far and I really feel like we have nothing to show for it. I got the letter for the next FET bill (which we haven't even picked a date for )

Life is feeling bloody unfair right now :(:(

Big hugs to you. I know those days, I think we all get them to be honest.

waiting for the clinic to ring at the moment to tell me whether or not frozen embryo has thawed ok. Tis like torture...

stickybean

jessejames11 wrote: »

Have been trying for only a couple of months so I'm aware that there are people here that have been trying for much longer, but Jesus it's sh1t.

My wife was leaving for work this morning and I knew there was something up. When I asked her, she just burst out crying, saying that she could feel her period coming on. I rang her on my way to work and we had a chat and she seemed better but this is really hard. I suppose we're just used to doing everything that we want, but when it comes to this, we're just kept in the dark.

As she said this morning, 'If we only knew when it would happen, it would alleviate all of the stress'.

Dam this is hard.

Rant over.

I hear you! We are 4 and a half years trying and for the last 3 and a half each period is like a kick in the stomach. You try to stay positive and hopeful, but I guess some days are harder than others.

stickybean

brokensoul wrote: »

Big hugs to you. I know those days, I think we all get them to be honest.

waiting for the clinic to ring at the moment to tell me whether or not frozen embryo has thawed ok. Tis like torture...

Oh Good luck brokensould, really hope you little eskimo is warming up nicely and ready to snuggle in x

brokensoul

stickybean wrote: »

Oh Good luck brokensould, really hope you little eskimo is warming up nicely and ready to snuggle in x

Thanks doll!

All good here. The first embryo they thawed survived and re-hydrated so they were happy to transfer.

Now for the waiting!

LCD

Rant: If I have to hear my mother in law say one more time "It'll be alright, you`ll see" I will kill her. No you daft old bag, it's not a fcuking fairy tale where everything works out perfectly. Could you at least pretend to understand what we are going through. And yes I am well aware that we spoil our dog, it's a substitute for having no children.
Rant over

stickybean

Ah LCD - they have a way of making our blood boil. My mother in law has said on more than one occasion now, I'm so thankful that the problem wasn't on our side of the family. :eek::eek::eek: Eh it actually is, but I would never belittle my husband by telling you that. Also she is sure it will happen soon as she had a dream.... great... just f***ing great. I will bring that nugget to my consultant and tell them to stop everything, she's had a dream

dreamstar

Am I right to be bothered by this -
A very close friend of mine has a 6 month old and got pregnant with him the first month of trying. I started trying to conceive 2 years ago. Had a miscarriage last year and after trying for a year after that went to doctors only to discover I have ovarian cancer - caught very early. Going through chemo now so won't be able to TTC for a few months at least.
Anyway my friend keeps making announcements about her having to take pregnancy tests because she 'feels' pregnant and hiw she's so relieved when it's negative. This has happened 3 times. I can't cope with another announcement. She knows what I'm going through! People have no idea how hard it is for anyone struggling to conceive. It's SOOOO hard sometimes!!

yellow hen

You're dead right to be bothered by it. Done people need to engage their brain before they speak. Don't pay any heed to her.

Neyite

How is she announcing, is it when you are in a group of people or on fb or group texts? If its on fb, hide her updates, if its in a group, tbh, after about the third announcement I'd be making a smart comment about her getting a coil or some form of reliable contraception like a proper grown up if she doesn't want a pregnancy.

dreamstar

Neyite wrote:

How is she announcing, is it when you are in a group of people or on fb or group texts? If its on fb, hide her updates, if its in a group, tbh, after about the third announcement I'd be making a smart comment about her getting a coil or some form of reliable contraception like a proper grown up if she doesn't want a pregnancy.

There are three of us who are really close and have been friends since school. The last 'announcement' was the other night when we were out for dinner. Was just the three of us so nowhere to hide. We were out for lunch the week before - again just the three of us and she was going on about how awful an unplanned pregnancy must be for people.

I've held off saying anything - I'm not the type to bite my tongue. I was afraid it would make things awkward - I don't want people to be on edge with me. But she will catch me on a bad day if she keeps bringing it up.

Love2love

If she took a test and was relieved not to be expecting, you would imagine she would take precautions not to have that scare again.

You are a lot stronger than me, I would have to say something.

I assume as you are close, she knows that you are going through? At least some of it. That is so insensitive!

Neyite

dreamstar wrote: »

There are three of us who are really close and have been friends since school. The last 'announcement' was the other night when we were out for dinner. Was just the three of us so nowhere to hide. We were out for lunch the week before - again just the three of us and she was going on about how awful an unplanned pregnancy must be for people.

I've held off saying anything - I'm not the type to bite my tongue. I was afraid it would make things awkward - I don't want people to be on edge with me. But she will catch me on a bad day if she keeps bringing it up.

I know what you mean. I don't want people tip-toeing around my infertility and not mention anything baby or pregnancy related, but its hard to judge whether or not you'd be deemed precious for challenging comments like that. Depending on the relationship, I'd either talk to her about it in private at a later time, (if I felt she was being genuinely airheaded) or make a smart comment.

My mum is always putting her foot in it on me, bless her. But I know that she is probably lighting every candle she can find for me to get (and stay) pregnant soon, so I know that there is nothing other than foot-in-mouth and that there is no malice involved.

stickybean

I just want to open the door and shout to the world IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!

I am feeling so p!ssed off tonight. My OH is in tatters here and there is nothing I can say to help him right now. I just want to run away from it all....

If one more person tells me to relax, take it easy, it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't your time, it will happen soon, don't loose faith, it will happen when it happens... I will SCREAM!!!!

I am so sick of walking around the shops, particularly in the city centre the last few days and seeing drunk / stoned parents with beautiful children. It is breaking my heart.

I am sick of being the maternal friend that every woman in my life seems to turn to to tell me they think they are pregnant or they are pregnant. I want to be a good friend, but it is sooooo hard. I am surrounded by bumps and babies. I am sick of baby showers and christenings. I just want it to be our turn

This is our 5th Christmas since we started trying and we are still no further... ITS JUST NOT FAIR

brokensoul

It really isn't fair. There are no words of comfort that can make up for that.

dreamstar

stickybean wrote:

This is our 5th Christmas since we started trying and we are still no further... ITS JUST NOT FAIR

No it's not fair. I know there's nothing I can say to help....but we all get it. Xxx

ladam

Ah at least you found out there's issues while you're still young ....
I'm going to punch someone!!

Having a sad day so need a rant!
It really does take over your life ... My story, had a mc 2years ago but only my partner knows because my sil was preg at the same and I didnt want to take away from her. Found out I have pcos last year. Full on trying for a year, I've had 2 periods in that year. On metformin but not helping as of yet. My family and a handful of friend know we're ttc but all I hear is i'm young sure i've loads of time. Believe it or not that DOESNT make me feel any better. I'm late twenties so not all that young... I seem to have the most fertile siblings who have been popping kids out constantly, 2 of whom were an 'accident'
Aaagggggghhhh!!!

stickybean

ladam wrote: »

Ah at least you found out there's issues while you're still young ....
I'm going to punch someone!!

Having a sad day so need a rant!
It really does take over your life ... My story, had a mc 2years ago but only my partner knows because my sil was preg at the same and I didnt want to take away from her. Found out I have pcos last year. Full on trying for a year, I've had 2 periods in that year. On metformin but not helping as of yet. My family and a handful of friend know we're ttc but all I hear is i'm young sure i've loads of time. Believe it or not that DOESNT make me feel any better. I'm late twenties so not all that young... I seem to have the most fertile siblings who have been popping kids out constantly, 2 of whom were an 'accident'
Aaagggggghhhh!!!

Aw Ladam I hear you. We first went to the doctor when I was 28, we'd be trying for 18 months.They didn't take me very serious at all and because I already have a daughter (from when I was very young and a different partner) they more or less told me to go away and try again.

It took me a couple of visits to say look things change in your body in ten years. I've tried for 18 months and something has to be wrong. Finally they started to take me serious, but every new doctor gives me the same - sure you are only young speech.... I'm 32 next month.

Have you gone to speak with anyone? xxx

ladam

Have you gone to speak with anyone? xxx[/quote]

My own doctor hasnt had an app with me since being diagnosed with pcos at the start of last year, only chatted over the phone for a min here and there. Even when she put me on metformin it wasnover the phone. I feel so fobbed off sometimes. I'm on a waiting list for a gyno but thats months long.
Whats your next step? The system is so bad over here, they keep putting it off untill you're left with such little time that it becomes a panick. I want the option of having more that one child and if it will take a long time with each I need to get going!

stickybean

Your doctor can start high level test now. Day 3 and Day 21 bloods for you and a semen analysis for your OH.

We went on the public system and pretty much wasted 18 months for little more than a few cycles of clomid. BUT i did get all my tests done which saved us a lot of money and gave us the chance to save to go private.

dreamstar

ladam wrote:

Ah at least you found out there's issues while you're still young .... I'm going to punch someone!!

Ladam I totally get it. I know it's hard but I don't think people mean any harm when they say 'at least you're still young'. You said the exact same thing in your previous post.
BUT I totally get the frustration. It's such a hard journey. When you struggle to conceive what should be an exciting journey turns into an impossible one. I think keeping the hope is so important. Vent when you need to nd get your frustrations out. We're always here! :-)

lashes34

I am so pissed off and sick of this process and I am only really starting. Hate it, wonder sometimes is it just better in the longrun if I just admit defeat now and accept its not going to happen? At least then I can get on with my life instead of living in limbo.

My sister, sister in law and friend who was bridesmaid for me have all had or are pregnant with their second child in two years and they complain to me about it taking 3 months to get pregnant. Want to slap them.

stickybean

Don't give up pet x

I know we all have days were we feel is it worth it... the pain, the hurt the disappointment. But just think, some day you will be holding your little bundle of joy and it will all be worth all this sh!te we are being made go through.

LCD

stickybean wrote: »

Don't give up pet x

I know we all have days were we feel is it worth it... the pain, the hurt the disappointment. But just think, some day you will be holding your little bundle of joy and it will all be worth all this sh!te we are being made go through.

I am not having a go at you Stickybean, because everyone here knows what its like. However this is the sh!t people say that makes me want to punch them "some day it will all be arlight".

Its not a fcuking fairy tale, it might never happen given 1, 2 or 20 attempts. Unfortunately it doesn't work like that. You can do everything absolutely perfectly but the final step, the egg implanting in the womb seems to be completely uncontrollable. I hate people saying it to me "don't worry, you`ll see, it'll all be alright". I don't know how many times I heard that yesterday at a family christening (ironically the child was an IVF, 4th attempt).

IVF does not come with a guarantee, no matter how many times you do it.

Again Stickybean I am not having a go at you.