Gf justified in being jealous?

creeper1

My gf of 6 months added me on Facebook and got jealous when she saw photographs of me with my ex. There were also affectionate messages on my wall.

Even though these posts are clearly from the years 2012 and before she is unhappy.

Is she justified in feeling angry? Should I have deleted this stuff before adding her?

She also wants the status "in a relationship" made public.

I should say that Facebook is not her main social media. since she is Chinese it is wechat. I am not mentioned there.

NicoleW85

It could just be a shock to the system - seeing her bf looking all cosy with his ex. If she's in any way insecure it'll mess with her head - but she doesn't need to go all bunny boiler about it. I was a little insecure in the first few months and found some pics of my now hubby with his ex, looking all loved up, and it shook me up for a while but I soon got over it. Us women are just sensitive souls - give her time, and maybe just go ahead and delete the history from 2012, now that you're connected

athtrasna

She has no right to be jealous...three years ago is a long time. Maybe change the sharing permissions on those photos and posts but you should never have to delete your past for anyone, it makes you who you are today.

Nope, no right at all. I personally hide those kind of photos from my timeline more for my own sake than anyone else, but it wouldn't bother me if I was with someone and they had photos from past relationships.

Augme

Definitely not. I'd actually consider he reaction pretty unhealthy and a big worry.

mojesius

No she is not justified. That's way over the top. If you and your ex were still messaging each other on it, she might have a right to be angry but she is being ridiculous as it was 3 years ago. Also, don't feel like you need to update your relationship status either. Ah Facebook. I yearn for simpler times.

Nabber

athtrasna wrote: »

She has no right to be jealous...three years ago is a long time. Maybe change the sharing permissions on those photos and posts but you should never have to delete your past for anyone, it makes you who you are today.

Seriously? Change permissions? Delete the past?


The way tech is moving today, surely if we were in 1980s and the OP had a picture of his ex on the wall of the sitting room, would you then feel it's ok to keep the picture up?

Take the photos down!

Relationships are gone far too PC, where you shouldn't have to compromise anything.

jimmycrackcorm

Augme wrote: »

Definitely not. I'd actually consider he reaction pretty unhealthy and a big worry.

Definitely. This is not an issue to be jealous about.

The photos and post are part of your past and in years to come when you are older you'll want to be able to look back at your life. Your past defines how you get to where you are, which is reason enough to not try and hide it.

athtrasna

Nabber wrote: »

Seriously? Change permissions? Delete the past?


The way tech is moving today, surely if we were in 1980s and the OP had a picture of his ex on the wall of the sitting room, would you then feel it's ok to keep the picture up?

Take the photos down!

Relationships are gone far too PC, where you shouldn't have to compromise anything.

I suppose you don't think people can be friends with exes either. I was at a wedding recently where there was a table of the groom's exes. All now friends of the couple with nothing sinister behind it.

There's no reason the OP should take down 3 year old pictures and posts, and to be honest I'd be worried about a gf who trawled through stuff from that long ago. If they bother her, hide them from her but taking them down would be the start of a slippery slope imo.

kylith

Nabber wrote: »

Seriously? Change permissions? Delete the past?


The way tech is moving today, surely if we were in 1980s and the OP had a picture of his ex on the wall of the sitting room, would you then feel it's ok to keep the picture up?

Take the photos down!

Relationships are gone far too PC, where you shouldn't have to compromise anything.

Buried somewhere in a FB album is hardly equivelant to 'on the wall of the sitting room'. It's more like 'in a photo album at the back of a drawer'.

OP, she is totally overreacting.

pookie82

There's a compromise to be had here.

Why don't you just hide them from her view?

I know you shouldn't have to, but let's be honest, most people don't like adding a new bf/gf and seeing their photos/soppy messages with exes. There's a simple way around this which doesn't hurt anyone - just hide them but don't delete them.

It's something I did without being asked before I added my new bf, out of courtesy. I still have them there, he just can't see them.

She's justified in feeling weird about it, she's not justified in feeling angry, though, or sulking. You can't help that you have a past.

Do you have much activity on your feed? Just wondering if she had to really *dig* to find them, in which case it's sillier still that she's annoyed now. She basically went looking for trouble.

CaraMay

I find it weird when people cut their exs out of their lives (unless there was abuse etc). You should go out with someone you consider a friend so it follows that if you chose well then the person should continue to be a friend in the future. This is a bad sign op. The fact that she is so insecure would worry me. Don't bow to it. I think it's great you are mature enough to be friends with your ex

Confucius say

CaraMay wrote: »

I find it weird when people cut their exs out of their lives (unless there was abuse etc). You should go out with someone you consider a friend so it follows that if you chose well then the person should continue to be a friend in the future. This is a bad sign op. The fact that she is so insecure would worry me. Don't bow to it. I think it's great you are mature enough to be friends with your ex

I find it really weird when people stay friends with an ex, unless it was a very amicable mutual breakup and all feelings have dissolved which is very rare. All they do is hold you back.

Anyway op. Personally I removed anything to do with an ex after any breakups since the Facebook era. In your case, I guess I can understand her getting a little upset, albeit irrational. If I were you is tell her you weren't aware of them being there And you'll take them down, just to keep the peace.

Carlos Orange

Confucius say wrote: »

just to keep the peace.

If someone is going to get upset about Facebook posts from 3 years ago there might be a lot of doing stuff to keep the peace in the OPs future.

skallywag

creeper1 wrote: »

She also wants the status "in a relationship" made public.

Most people that I know who are in a relationship don't flag this explicitly on their FB page. I think that it comes across as pretty juvenile.

freshpopcorn

If you were constantly updating your profile picture to be of you and your ex I would have problem.
These photos are a couple of years old and unless you spend hours everyday looking at them I don't see the issue. One thing I would advise you not to do tough is to hide the photos from public view because if in the future your girlfriend saw photos hidden on your profile I don't think she'd be happy.

LegacyUser

I can see why she's upset as it's probably just the shock of actually seeing it in writing right there for her to read but to be honest I still have messages/pictures from my ex on my wall and i don't plan on removing them anytime soon.

You need to explain to her it's in the past and that's where it should stay