RELAPSE after four months.

Ilikesheep

Off the beer for eight months due to health reasons. Alcoholic heart with palpitations but if I stay off the bear I will be grand. Had 3 doctors confirm this with numerous scans and other companies who do the heart scans. Had the worst day off my life in work today, got assigned 20 tasks in the space of 3 fours. Got half them done and said **** it. Told them I can't stay on due to commmitments. A voodoo child came over my head. It was like I was walking through heaven, didn't think just a joy ecstasy ov er my head. All of a sudden I'm on my 6th pint. This is not good! Stress from work. Any adive, I'm gone after this one.

Ilikesheep

Just ordered another 1 ffs have to be in work for 6 in the morning and with my heart pounding in the morning(hopefully not ffs). I will forever be a addict to Satan's juice.

endacl

It's a choice, and the choice is yours to make. You stayed away from it before. You can stay away from it now.

Walk home. Go to bed.

It is very much a choice, even if this particular one is painfully difficult for many of us. There's a lot of beauty out here - it just takes some of us a lot of effort to see it amid all the things we have allowed to cloud our vision, and our feelings. It still takes me effort to see that beauty, but it is easier now.

Things may never be perfect, but in the little things around us - birds whistling, water flowing, fresh sea air, leaves blowing, the sounds - there is a positive reality, a richness which can help immensely as we get off our knees again. It is real, it can give peace and can facilitate the release of positive chemicals into our thought process via walking or running. Stop. Listen. Feel. Reflect. Be kind to yourself. Find a new type of music (I delved into classical music and the beauty of Vivaldi's Four Seasons saved me) or new something for your spiritual side.

Try and notice those real things a bit more. It gets easier- it really does (I'm 18 months off it now). I avoid all places of temptation now and I can honestly say I don't miss the drink but I make an effort to avoid the triggers. That fear of missing drink was always my big worry before I stopped. Certainly I've a lot more work to do on finding peace in my life and coming to terms with the issues which made me drink to excess in the first place, but now for the first time I'm reading about psychology, philosophy and practising mindfulness. This is all new, and helping me understand.

It's not easy breaking down these walls, but there is a greater peace to be found away from drink for all of us. For some lucky few, it might even be a perfect peace. You really have to make the decision to focus on the positive things in your life. You have to make that decision to start improving your life - be it by returning to college, learning something new, etc. That decision is you empowering yourself and thus the start of your self-esteem rising again. Unless you get your self-esteem back on track again, it's going to be tough. The best way to do that is to start actively directing your life, rather than passively medicating yourself through it. You need to make the decision to recreate your life into something that you're proud of, and stick with that decision (for instance, go for a run, rather than a drink, if you feel stressed out). All the best.

'Out of life's school of war, that which does not destroy me makes me stronger' - Friedrich Nietzsche, Twilight of the Idols (1889)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgX2EAdvFyw

Sunnyisland

I had several AF periods before this quit -- 3-4-5- months - and one of 6 months -- the 6 months was my first one - and yes, each one after that was MUCH harder. If I examine myself ruthlessly --- none of those quits didn't have an 'out' in my head. The 6 month one was actually more for my health than anything. I'd become a bit of a mess, my liver function tests were poor, my skin was awful, I was exhausted all the time, depressed, anxious etc

But truly, from the moment I got the all clear on the liver tests - it was only a matter of 'when' --- other quits were to keep family, relationships happy --- usually after a 1-3 day binge when everyone would be cross with me ---- again - as soon as they were all happy again ---- it was 'when'

This time - I accepted defeat - there was no 'plan' or manipulation of drinking that could work for me - it was making me truly unhappy - and it was making me something and somebody I just couldn't be anymore - a pathetic, sad, anxious and lonely person--- I had no spirit --- it was gone.

I did need to really accept that I was an alcoholic --- but once I TRULY accepted that - it was just so bloody easy --- no choice, no decisions - nothing --- just once I don't drink, I have a great life --- couldn't see that before tho!
Never let your head have the teenciest weenciest permission re. alcohol --- an alkie brain grows legs with the slightest encouragement --- that would be my advice -- and don't give away your quit cheaply --- it gets harder with each one ---

JupiterKid

I'm back on the wagon (after 1 whole day - yay) after a horrible 4 day bender. I took a new anti-craving medication yesterday and ka-blam!! It was an instant sobering up. My heart was racing, I was a bit dizzy and feverish but I felt an instant burst of sobriety and optimism.

I'm really hoping this medication will keep me off the drink. I'm really running out of options.

the evasion_kid

JupiterKid wrote: »

I'm back on the wagon (after 1 whole day - yay) after a horrible 4 day bender. I took a new anti-craving medication yesterday and ka-blam!! It was an instant sobering up. My heart was racing, I was a bit dizzy and feverish but I felt an instant burst of sobriety and optimism.

I'm really hoping this medication will keep me off the drink. I'm really running out of options.

Is it naltrexone?

Sunnyisland

JupiterKid wrote: »

I'm back on the wagon (after 1 whole day - yay) after a horrible 4 day bender. I took a new anti-craving medication yesterday and ka-blam!! It was an instant sobering up. My heart was racing, I was a bit dizzy and feverish but I felt an instant burst of sobriety and optimism.

I'm really hoping this medication will keep me off the drink. I'm really running out of options.

Sorry Jupiterkid all the medication in the world won't keep you of the drink, it might help you along the road but the change to stop drinking comes from within yourself, really and truly within yourself. you need to plan out your recovery goals, taking it one day one week at a time, build yourself up mentally and physically, get new hobbies and even new friends,join support groups even online ones, good luck JK and remember nothing changes if nothing changes.
Keep posting here and let us know how you are getting on as we have all or are still being where you are at. :-)

JupiterKid

realies wrote: »

Sorry Jupiterkid all the medication in the world won't keep you of the drink, it might help you along the road but the change to stop drinking comes from within yourself, really and truly within yourself. you need to plan out your recovery goals, taking it one day one week at a time, build yourself up mentally and physically, get new hobbies and even new friends,join support groups even online ones, good luck JK and remember nothing changes if nothing changes.
Keep posting here and let us know how you are getting on as we have all or are still being where you are at. :-)

Hi realies - thanks for your words of wisdom. I do realise that I need more than medication to maintain my sobriety but a genuine change did come over me last week. I sincerely hope that I am on a true road to recovery now. I am attending AA meetings daily and have been assigned a sponsor who will take me through the steps.

I know it's going to be a long and hard road ahead and that medication alone will not solve the problem.

I'll keep you all posted!

the evasion_kid

realies wrote: »

Sorry Jupiterkid all the medication in the world won't keep you of the drink, it might help you along the road but the change to stop drinking comes from within yourself, really and truly within yourself. you need to plan out your recovery goals, taking it one day one week at a time, build yourself up mentally and physically, get new hobbies and even new friends,join support groups even online ones, good luck JK and remember nothing changes if nothing changes.
Keep posting here and let us know how you are getting on as we have all or are still being where you are at. :-)

If it's the medication I'm thinking of realies you actually have to drink on it to achieve its effect,but still you have to want to give up the drink at the back of it all,there's no magic bullet.

JupiterKid

the evasion_kid wrote: »

If it's the medication I'm thinking of realies you actually have to drink on it to achieve its effect,but still you have to want to give up the drink at the back of it all,there's no magic bullet.

The medication in question is called Selincro. It's fairly new on the market.

the evasion_kid

JupiterKid wrote: »

The medication in question is called Selincro. It's fairly new on the market.

Yeah it goes under nalmafene too same thing as naltrexone both opioid receptor antagonists,if you were to drink on it it you wouldn't get that euphoric high or ahh factor.do it long enough and the brain becomes untrained to crave alcohol