What would you do? - Cake dilemma

Help!!!!

Ok so my siblings have been acting out against my wife. So far, comments, snide remarks, laughing at her etc. They used to get on with her ok before we got married but things changed since then. We've been married a year.
Anyway next weekend is my fathers 70th. My sister who has always been spoilt & always looks for attention usually makes a cake but my wife wants to buy a cake to bring, she says we should be allowed if we want.
So what would you do? Bring the cake or not?
What would you foresee if we did bring the cake?

ssshhh123

Ask your sister if she plans on baking a cake. If she is then don't buy a cake. But if she isn't say great your wife will pick one up. Otherwise bringing a second cake is just adding fuel to the fire.

Clareman

Help!!!! wrote: »

Ok so my siblings have been acting out against my wife. So far, comments, snide remarks, laughing at her etc. They used to get on with her ok before we got married but things changed since then. We've been married a year.
Anyway next weekend is my fathers 70th. My sister who has always been spoilt & always looks for attention usually makes a cake but my wife wants to buy a cake to bring, she says we should be allowed if we want.
So what would you do? Bring the cake or not?
What would you foresee if we did bring the cake?

If your sister usually makes a cake surely buying a cake would just be trying to upstage her??why not ask your sister of if she's making a cake and if she isn't just buy one then? Why make an issue over it?

In regards to comments and stuff, why not ask "what do you mean by that?" after a couple of comments, it'll either make them tell what the issue is or make them realise they shouldn't be making comments like that.

charlietheminxx

OP have you any idea why these comments started? Do you think your wife contributes to the situation? I only ask because tbh if I went to the bother, time and expense of baking a cake for every special occasion and then someone brought a shop bought cake, I'd be a little bit upset.

It sucks to be stuck between your partner and your family but my advice would be to nip it in the bud now. Ask your sisters why they've been a bit off about your wife. Ask your wife does she have a problem with your sisters. Ask both sides to be a bit more patient/tolerant/understanding.

ElleEm

It sounds like your wife is being petty. If your sister usually bakes a cake, then unless she says there has been a change of plan, don't bring a cake. Why not bring something else?!

dellas1979

Help!!!! wrote: »

she says we should be allowed if we want.

Bad idea, especially if there is fuel on the fire already.

Hes your sisters (and yours) dad. Not your wife's. I have to wonder what is the motivation behind your wife's gesture.

Old Perry

Bring the cake, if anyone complains simply say two cakes are better than one and its nothing more than a gesture to your father.

there was a time when people wouldv laughed over something like this, its shockin that sensitivities have become so questionable.

evolving_doors

Sister always makes cake.
Wife wants to buy one.
No.
Why?
Sister always makes cake.

Solution...
Get something else (definitely not anything in any way edible though).

Tell siblings to cop the hell on and get over thenselves
Your sister being spoilt has nothing to do with her making cake.
Is there some other reason why family tensions are being highlighted (its not really going to be solved by a solution to the cake crisis I suspect).
Is there a potential schism rumbling in the background between you / spoilt sister / foolish brothers?
Ive seen it before where a father reaches a certain age/stage and battle lines start to be drawn amongst siblings.

Help!!!!

Ok thanks for the advise. My wife just feels shes being treated badly & feels bringing the cake would be showing that she will not let them treat her this way. My wife has done nothing to deserve this. My younger brother was seeing this woman & she & my sister didn't get along. I think there was a bit of " I'm the top bitch " going on. Anyway they both tried getting my wife on their side, saying this & that about the other. My wife listened for a bit but when she realised what they were both doing she backed off & didn't take sides.
You see I lived in London for 19years & have only been back just over a year. Been married 2years in August. We came home to be around family but then this has all started & is doing my head in

Could you ask them why they're being like this? I just think that the cake situation would cause unnecessary tension and exasperate the situation

acon2119

If you and your wife want to bring something, ask your sister is she making the cake and if she is, say you and your wife will bring some other sweet type of food item, such as a pavlova, cheesecake, fancy cupcakes etc, this means your contributing but if your sister is sensitive it doesn't look like your trying to outdo her efforts.

In regard to the nasty comments to your wife, as other posters said, if your sisters make a nasty comment to your wife again challenge them about it by asking what that means. This needs to be nipped in the bud now.

Help!!!!

acon2119 wrote: »

If you and your wife want to bring something, ask your sister is she making the cake and if she is, say you and your wife will bring some other sweet type of food item, such as a pavlova, cheesecake, fancy cupcakes etc, this means your contributing but if your sister is sensitive it doesn't look like your trying to outdo her efforts.

In regard to the nasty comments to your wife, as other posters said, if your sisters make a nasty comment to your wife again challenge them about it by asking what that means. This needs to be nipped in the bud now.

The problem is I'm never around when they make these comments. I said to my wife I would have a word if I hear anything. I trust my wife that she is telling the truth because we know each other very well so I know shes not making things up
Shes tired of the whole situation, I think the cake thing is her way of sticking up for herself

dellas1979

Help!!!! wrote: »

My wife just feels shes being treated badly & feels bringing the cake would be showing that she will not let them treat her this way.

If you want something resolved (or to start being resolved) mate, you dont go around pouring petrol on an already lit fire now, do you?

That is not good motivation to bring a feckin cake to a party (so the cake isnt even for your dad). Cakes are to be eaten/enjoyed, not a stance on "i wont let you treat me this way".

Thats one man upship. You are trying to say here that your wife is not part of all this? Then you are wrong.

evolving_doors

Help!!!! wrote: »

Ok thanks for the advise. My wife just feels shes being treated badly & feels bringing the cake would be showing that she will not let them treat her this way. My wife has done nothing to deserve this. My younger brother was seeing this woman & she & my sister didn't get along. I think there was a bit of " I'm the top bitch " going on. Anyway they both tried getting my wife on their side, saying this & that about the other. My wife listened for a bit but when she realised what they were both doing she backed off & didn't take sides.
You see I lived in London for 19years & have only been back just over a year. Been married 2years in August. We came home to be around family but then this has all started & is doing my head in

This should have nothing to do with your wife.
Just say to your wife that you just 'leave em at it' as the bickering will (can) only drag other peoples opinions in to it. Any more mention of family squabbles and shut it down asap and give the impression that you are done with it.
You're 2 years married.. get on with your own new family, life is too short.

I would still argue that battle lines and allegiances are being sought out as your dad is getting older. Maybe have a chat with him about the nonsense thats going on.. as the father I think he should have a right to put the foot down and tell his kids to work together and get on. I think you know theres a struggle for dominance (cue top 'bitc6 sister' as you mentioned)... with that dominance comes a 'say' in what way things are going to pan out in the future. Whether this is all being acted out consciously or subconsciously by your siblings is beside the point. Where/how do you want to see your siblings in 30 yrs time.
Feel free to say im wide of the mark and out of order... but has anyone intimated anything about inheritance yet?

NotCominBack

Clareman wrote: »

If your sister usually makes a cake surely buying a cake would just be trying to upstage her??

Or maybe she just wants to bring a cake?

Penny Tration

You say the cake thing is your wife's way of standing up for herself, but it sounds like it's her way of causing unnecessary drama!

If they don't make comments around you, then stick with your wife and don't leave her alone with them. If they resort to doing it around you, call them on it.

I will say though that given the petty, childish idea your wife had of bringing a cake when she knows it'll cause hassle, I'd imagine she's not entirely innocent in this.

dellas1979

NotCominBack wrote: »

Or maybe she just wants to bring a cake?

We've established (see posts above) that its not just an innocent, good hearted "ill bring a cake for everyone to enjoy". Its to make a statement/stance.

NotCominBack

Times like this I'm really happy I'm a man, carry on... I'm going out to get a cappuccino and carrot cake, because I'm hungry

Help!!!!

Jenny Thalia wrote: »

You say the cake thing is your wife's way of standing up for herself, but it sounds like it's her way of causing unnecessary drama!

If they don't make comments around you, then stick with your wife and don't leave her alone with them. If they resort to doing it around you, call them on it.

I will say though that given the petty, childish idea your wife had of bringing a cake when she knows it'll cause hassle, I'd imagine she's not entirely innocent in this.

Shes at her wits end because of all this. She sees how its affecting me being stuck in the middle & shes very confused how to resolve it. Petty & childish are 2 words I would never call my wife. I know her very well so I know shes not done anything wrong here

kippy

Old Perry wrote: »

Bring the cake, if anyone complains simply say two cakes are better than one and its nothing more than a gesture to your father.

there was a time when people wouldv laughed over something like this, its shockin that sensitivities have become so questionable.

Its not just about bringing a cake.....there's a wider context.

Penny Tration

Help!!!! wrote: »

Shes at her wits end because of all this. She sees how its affecting me being stuck in the middle & shes very confused how to resolve it. Petty & childish are 2 words I would never call my wife. I know her very well so I know shes not done anything wrong here

I'm just saying how I see it, and I'm sorry if it caused offence! As you said, you of course know your wife better than we here do. If you're 100% sure she's done nothing at all to participate in this, I'd suggest you sit your siblings down and ask them if they have an issue with your wife and if it can be resolved because it's upsetting you both.

dellas1979

Help!!!! wrote: »

Petty & childish are 2 words I would never call my wife.

Are you blind? If she goes ahead with cakegate, thats exactly what shes doing and how it will be perceived.

There is more than one way to skint a cat, like TALKING and resolving things like adults.

Help!!!!

dellas1979 wrote: »

We've established (see posts above) that its not just an innocent, good hearted "ill bring a cake for everyone to enjoy". Its to make a statement/stance.

You see when we moved back to Ireland my wife made some bread & brought it to my parents ( my sister & younger brother still lives at home ) The next time we go to visit, my sister has made something & she kinda shoves it in my wifes face smiling at her ( my wife felt like my sister was showing her that shes the one who's better at making things ) so my wife stopped bringing things to my parents.
She just feels she should be able to bring something if we visit my parents.
So this is where she got the idea for bringing the cake.

Penny Tration

Help!!!! wrote: »

You see when we moved back to Ireland my wife made some bread & brought it to my parents ( my sister & younger brother still lives at home ) The next time we go to visit, my sister has made something & she kinda shoves it in my wifes face smiling at her ( my wife felt like my sister was showing her that shes the one who's better at making things ) so my wife stopped bringing things to my parents.
She just feels she should be able to bring something if we visit my parents.
So this is where she got the idea for bringing the cake.

Of course she can bring something, but why a cake? Why bring the EXACT thing that your sister is making?

Causing that kind of hassle is unfair to your parents.

She could make an Eton mess or a tiramisu or something.

dellas1979

Help!!!! wrote: »

She just feels she should be able to bring something if we visit my parents.
So this is where she got the idea for bringing the cake.

Oh dear lord - OP - you are making it out to be this innocent thing from your wife. And youve already said the above is not the motivation, its to make a stance (welcome to the weird bitchy world of women).

I dont get what is wrong with ye talking. Rather than her trying to create more drama with a flipping "full of strange motivations and intentions" cake.

Help!!!!

dellas1979 wrote: »

Are you blind? If she goes ahead with cakegate, thats exactly what shes doing and how it will be perceived.

There is more than one way to skint a cat, like TALKING and resolving things like adults.

My wifes afraid that if we confront my siblings ( especially my sister, who can be a drama queen ) they will deny & tell my parents that shes trying to cause problems
You see my other brother's wife doesn't have a great relationship with my other siblings & parents either. But that was kinda her own fault, whereby my wife has always been friendly & has always tried to help my family anyway she could

Help!!!!

Yeah I think I'm gonna pull my siblings aside one by one & have it out with them.

dellas1979

Help!!!! wrote: »

My wifes afraid that if we confront my siblings

So she'd rather engage in making a passive, agressive cake, not even intentioned for your dad.

It doesnt have to be confrontative. If the sister is being mean, all your wife has to say is "that was mean". Your sister (by the sounds of it) knows she can take a pop at her, as she wishes. Queen Bee. Standing up for herself (verbally, not through said passive agressive cake) would be more productive.

dellas1979

Help!!!! wrote: »

Yeah I think I'm gonna pull my siblings aside one by one & have it out with them.

Do not! Let your wife stand up for herself first (as per above). And then, if you need to.

Youre making your wife sound like some kind of little harmed, defenceless bird or something.

CaraMay

Help!!!! wrote: »

You see when we moved back to Ireland my wife made some bread & brought it to my parents ( my sister & younger brother still lives at home ) The next time we go to visit, my sister has made something & she kinda shoves it in my wifes face smiling at her ( my wife felt like my sister was showing her that shes the one who's better at making things ) so my wife stopped bringing things to my parents.
She just feels she should be able to bring something if we visit my parents.
So this is where she got the idea for bringing the cake.

Maybe your sister was trying to return the favour and cook something for your arrival??

So your wife wants to cook a cake to get back at your sister rather than a gesture for your dad? Have to say your wife sounds manipulative and out of line here. Bring a bottle of wine and leave the cake to your sister.

ElleEm

Help!!!! wrote: »

Yeah I think I'm gonna pull my siblings aside one by one & have it out with them.

I really don't think it is your responsibility to do this. Your wife is an adult and needs to learn to be assertive if someone is being snide or making insulting comments. I certainly wouldn't be happy if my partner felt that he had to fight my battles.

Help!!!!

dellas1979 wrote: »

Do not! Let your wife stand up for herself first (as per above). And then, if you need to.

Youre making your wife sound like some kind of little harmed, defenceless bird or something.

No she's seen my siblings make a big deal (rightly or wrongly ) about things that my sister in law has done & is afraid they will do the same if she says anything

Help!!!!

CaraMay wrote: »

Maybe your sister was trying to return the favour and cook something for your arrival??

So your wife wants to cook a cake to get back at your sister rather than a gesture for your dad? Have to say your wife sounds manipulative and out of line here. Bring a bottle of wine and leave the cake to your sister.

No, it is for my dad, she just feels we should be able to bring a cake for his birthday. She's not trying to be manipulative

dellas1979

Help!!!! wrote: »

No she's seen my siblings make a big deal (rightly or wrongly ) about things that my sister in law has done & is afraid they will do the same if she says anything

OP - she cannot go wrong with telling them "thats mean" (not youre mean, "thats mean").

Your plan right now (cake and you pulling them aside) will undoubtled make it worse.

I come from a family similar to yours. 2 sisters similar to yours. A sister in law like your sister.

They have to be caught out there and then. And taught by your wife (not you) how to treat her.

Help!!!!

ElleEm wrote: »

I really don't think it is your responsibility to do this. Your wife is an adult and needs to learn to be assertive if someone is being snide or making insulting comments. I certainly wouldn't be happy if my partner felt that he had to fight my battles.

She is assertive when it comes to other people. I think because we have both lived away from family for so long we don't know what to do in these circumstances.

CaraMay

Help!!!! wrote: »

No, it is for my dad, she just feels we should be able to bring a cake for his birthday. She's not trying to be manipulative

She's right - you *should* be able but in this case it will make your (as a couple) relationship more strained with your family. At the end of the day, if this were her own family, then I would say for her to bring a cake but as it's yours, it's best to step down on this occasion.

Sound Bite

Love is blind!!
Your sister may have started this nonsense but your wife seems determined to add fuel to the fire.

Why bring a cake when your sister will be making one? There is no need to two and it will only stir things.

Your wife needs to grow up and adult like an adult. Your sister probably needs to aswell but this really is childish nonsense from both of them!!

I'm sorry.. but your wife seems like a bit of a headwreck, over-sensitive, and takes people up the wrong way.

Your wife bakes something. Next time your sister bakes something for your wife and passes it to your wife, smiling, and your wife's first thought is, "oh, she's trying to one-up me?" To me, it would mean that she was returning the favour. It's just odd to me that she immediately jumped to something negative.

Instead of waiting for your family to say something to your sister and then confront them, why not just ask them what is happening and tell them to be honest with you. Just you. Your wife shouldn't be involved in this, because it would potentially lead to your family not trusting you and feeling that they can't talk to you about these things.

Neyite

Your fathers 70th birthday is NOT the appropriate time for your wife to throw down a gauntlet in the Mean Girls war with your sisters.

The only person who will come off looking petty if your wife brings a cake, is your wife. She even admits that its not about a cake, that she wants to do it to send a message to your sister. It will be obvious to all there that it was to upstage your sister spending hours baking and decorating a cake for her Dad. And if you try to defend it, you will be as bad as your wife. Her wide-eyed innocence will fool nobody. It fooled nobody on this thread, and it will be the same in real life. And you should not be allowing your new wife to hijack your own father's landmark birthday to fuel this petty feud.

Every family usually has their own dynamics. You've lived away for a while now, and your wife is new in the family, and you are still settling in and finding your feet so here's a tip, borne from seeing it play out in my own family - transgressions of an inlaw usually don't get forgiven or forgotten as quickly as bad behaviour from a family member. I see it 20 years on when tempers and bad behaviour have finally mellowed in our middle age and we all get along superficially, but there is a scarred wariness that lingers still. And I look back and see how pointless all the point scoring was all those years ago.

Both sides of my family have people who have their signature 'thing'. I know in my family, there are about 5-6 of us that have something that we make for special occasions and are known for it - and for a family get together its assumed that X brings the cake, Y brings that amazing cheesecake, and so on. For all you know, maybe home baking is something your sister is known for within the family, that whenever there is an occasions, its understood that Sis does her thing, and bakes her usual cake.

Your wife needs to find something else to bring to the party. An additional dessert, or nice drinks, or a signature savoury dish are much more diplomatic and gets the point across far nicer. Why not get her to check out the Cooking Club here and find something that becomes her signature dish, so that if you cant dissuade her from upstaging your sister with Cakegate, at least let her use her imagination a bit and bring something that is NOT a cake so that her upstaging efforts are a bit more subtle.

Amoureux

Do you and your wife seriously think that by bringing a second cake to a celebration that already has a home made cake that your sister is going to go "Wow look at her sticking up for herself, I better stop my snide remarks"? Or is it more likely that she's going to think "Oh look who just entered the Top Bitch Competition, Bring it on"
It'd be one thing if your wife had an amazing cake recipe that she was really proud of and wanted to treat your family on this special occasion, The shop bought cake is going to come across as inferior and impersonal compared to a homemade cake so I think it's a very passive aggresssive dig at your sister that is going to be very evident to all of your family.
I think she should just ignore the comments and kill your sister with kindness, people often give up on nastiness once they see they are getting no reaction, plus your wife being really really nice will just highlight to everyone else any nasty comments your sister makes.

ncmc

OP bringing a cake to that party would be like being invited to a dinner party and turning up with Chinese takeaway - incredibly rude, petty and passive aggressive.

You're being blinded by your love for your wife here - the fact that she even thought of this stunt, never mind actually wanting to go through with it, shows she is a part of the problem in the situation. You say she's been pushed to it by a few comments and some innocuous home baking delivered with a smile (seriously, wtf) but bringing this cake will throw a grenade into the whole petty squabble. It's your fathers 70th, not the time or place for your wife to make a childish stand.

Go to the party and be gracious guests, bring wine, food, lottery tickets, anything other than a bloody cake! I do feel for your wife to a certain degree, my sister has similar trouble with her in laws and it's not easy when it's not your own family. But she needs to man up and next time your sister says something, she needs to pull her on it. Show her she's not to condescended or spoken down to, with words - not petty stunts.

You may find you need to distance yourselves from your sister and only see her when you strictly have to. It sucks, but sometimes family rifts work like that. But if that happens, then it's her fault - don't make you and your wife the bad guys with the cake nonsense.

Help!!!!

ncmc wrote: »

OP bringing a cake to that party would be like being invited to a dinner party and turning up with Chinese takeaway - incredibly rude, petty and passive aggressive.

You're being blinded by your love for your wife here - the fact that she even thought of this stunt, never mind actually wanting to go through with it, shows she is a part of the people in the situation. You say she's been pushed to it by a few comments and some innocuous home baking delivered with a smile (seriously, wtf) but bringing this cake will throw a grenade into the whole petty squabble. It's your fathers 70th, not the time or place for your wife to make a childish stand.

Go to the party and be gracious guests, bring wine, food, lottery tickets, anything other than a bloody cake! I do feel for your wife to a certain degree, my sister has similar trouble with her in laws and it's not easy when it's not your own family. But she needs to man up and next time your sister says something, she needs to pull her on it. Show her she's not to condescended or spoken down to with words - not petty stunts.

You may find you need to distance yourselves from your sister and only see her when you strictly have to. It sucks, but sometimes family rifts work like that. But if that happens, then it's her fault - don't make you and your wife the bad guys with the cake nonsense.

Theres a lot more than that but I didn't want to write a novel for people to read. We're both really confused about the whole situation. As I said before she had originally got on with my sister & brothers but since we got married & moved back to Ireland its changed

ncmc

Help!!!! wrote: »

Theres a lot more than that but I didn't want to write a novel for people to read. We're both really confused about the whole situation. As I said before she had originally got on with my sister & brothers but since we got married & moved back to Ireland its changed

I would suspect she liked being the queen bee, being the organiser and the planner and the only girl in town. I suspect your wife was less of a threat when she was 100's or 1000's of miles away. It sounds like good old fashioned jealousy. As I said, I've seen it with my sister and her in laws. There was similar bitchy comments as the women were threatened by a younger, newer model coming on the scene.

But by persisting with this cake nonsense, your wife is upping the ante instead of calling your sister out on her behaviour. Playing childish games sounds like it's right up your sisters street, so don't pour petrol on the fire.

Being the bigger person is the only way you come out of this with any kind of grace or dignity.

scrimshanker

Ring your sister and ask what you can bring to help out, like nibbles or some drinks or an extra dessert or something. Your wife is right in that you should be able to bring something, but wrong that she should bring a cake when your sister always makes it. It's your wife who's entering the family and needs to row in with traditions already established.

Other than that, just get your wife to be really friendly to them and brush off any nasty comments with something like "jesus, with friends like that!" and move swiftly on
on. Nothing else you can do.

rcarroll

ye are all incredibly selfish...your poor dad's birthday is turning into a pissing contest...have a bit more respect for your dad and tell your wife to let it slide.

if we take your story on face value - that your wife made a cake, and next visit, the sister made something and 'shoved' it into her face with a smile...all that shows is that possibly your wife misread the situation. It's likely your sister was just making a goddamn cake and offering a piece to your wife, and it got mininterpreted. OR yes, it was a 'back off' move - fair enough, maybe your sister takes pride in making cakes and being the center of attention in that arena, maybe she doesn't want the attention taken away by a newcomer...let her have it so!! Bring a bottle of wine or some other gift and let her be petty and queen of that domain.

If there's more to it, actual bitchy comments made or more obvious signs that there are problems, then sort it out but for chrissake pick another time to do it!!

rcarroll

actually scrimshankers suggestion is brilliant - maybe your wife would be better off playing up to her and asking her does she need help/can she bring something to the party, play the peacemaker

Help!!!!

rcarroll wrote: »

ye are all incredibly selfish...your poor dad's birthday is turning into a pissing contest...have a bit more respect for your dad and tell your wife to let it slide.

if we take your story on face value - that your wife made a cake, and next visit, the sister made something and 'shoved' it into her face with a smile...all that shows is that possibly your wife misread the situation. It's likely your sister was just making a goddamn cake and offering a piece to your wife, and it got mininterpreted. OR yes, it was a 'back off' move - fair enough, maybe your sister takes pride in making cakes and being the center of attention in that arena, maybe she doesn't want the attention taken away by a newcomer...let her have it so!! Bring a bottle of wine or some other gift and let her be petty and queen of that domain.

If there's more to it, actual bitchy comments made or more obvious signs that there are problems, then sort it out but for chrissake pick another time to do it!!

That's the reason why I wanted to see peoples reactions on here so it wouldn't ruin his birthday .

rcarroll

I've just spent the weekend with my cousins where this has happened, the wives have caused drawn swords at sundown over stupid issues, the brothers some of them aren't on speaking terms and you know what....the whole thing stinks...none of them could give enough of a **** about their parents to get over petty squabbles for their sake..don't go down this road with your wife, you'll lose your family over it

Sound Bite

Deleted at OP's request.

LegacyUser

OP your right that you should be able to bring something to your parents if you want BUT this isn't a standard visit. Your going for a birthday party/diner and things like that are usually coordinated so you don't end up with 5 cakes and nothing else. You know your sister typically bakes a cake for events like this so why would you bring a store bought cake? By your own admission this is being done to annoy your sister not because it's something you really want to do for your dad. There's nothing stopping you going over a few weeks later with a cake or inviting him to your place if you want to avoid your siblings but don't try and do this at the birthday....it's super childish and no one is going to be coming out of it well.

Irish_Elect_Eng

Help!!!! wrote: »

Yeah I think I'm gonna pull my siblings aside one by one & have it out with them.

This is the right approach.

Families have all sorts of dynamics, that can be very difficult to navigate for in-laws. You have grown up with your siblings, argued, pulled their hair, laughed and cried together. You have the relationships to lean upon when discussing and resolving issues within your core family.

Perhaps your wife contributed nothing to the issue, perhaps she unknowingly stepped over line, broke unwritten family rules, whatever it is speaking openly with your sisters should reveal the truth of the matter.

But when talking to your siblings, do not make this about your wife, she is not an outsider, she is your life-partner. Make it clear that every slight and insult, every cruel work and barb directed at your wife is directed at you also, as you are one with her and feel her pain. That you want your wife to be as welcome in your extended family as you have always been, and to exclude your wife is to exclude your.

If they get up on their high horse, you will have a choice to make, your wife or your siblings, make it crystal clear to your siblings that you will always chose your wife over them. No ifs, buts, or maybes.

And your wife, should ignore bad behavior from your siblings, (for a time at least), and proceed to kill them with kindness, the only surefire way to diffuse poor behavior. When your sister brings out her cake, you both should shower her with compliments, perhaps even ask her to make one for you for an upcoming birthday, perhaps she is insecure and needs validation. Deciding how you are going to act positively and turn the other cheek puts your in control and disarms the person behaving badly.

Best of luck.

Better to Jaw-Jaw, than War-War.