Single Father Needing Advice

istatri

Good Afternoon all

I was in a relationship for 7 years and we have a 6 year old son together, we have broken up now and all was on good terms i get to see my son as much as possible and he has equal time with me and his mother which is what i want i would never deprive him of her.

She is a good mother, we made an agreement and i pay alot of money each month directly off bills which is my contribution for my son and also to help her out also if she needs it, she has come to me and got 100 euro there and here on top of the bills i pay and i have never asked it back.

She had a credit card in my name which she used and ran up a huge bill of over 1500 and i have been paying this also.

i found out during our relationship not long after our son was born that i was not put down on his birth certifcate...i was never given a reason for this but as i know its for our son more so than me.

depsite the fact we have been broken up so long now 9 months. I decided to ask her nicely about gaurdianship and if i could get her to sign the form with me in a solicitors.

This has been completely knocked back and she has now told me that i can only have my son limited time and his time with my parents have been decreased aswell.

i dont understand why this is an issue i would think any woman would want the father involved. and having gaurdianship just gives me legal rights to my son i think i deserve.

when i asked her "does she not think i have a right to be down as gaurdian in case god forbid anything happens to her in the future i mean i lost my mum to cancer very quickly"

she replied and said i never said you dont have a right but im not giving it to you.

can anyone help on what i am ment to do as i dont want to bring this to court i never wanted to ever go to court or put her through it and him.

is it an unreasonable request by me to have gaurdianship

Ken.

You do not need the mothers permission for it. You need to fight for it.

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/birth_family_relationships/cohabiting_couples/legal_guardianship_and_unmarried_couples.html

However, if the mother does not agree to sign the statutory declaration or agree that the father be appointed as joint guardian, the father must apply to the court to be appointed as a joint-guardian. You do not require legal representation to do this, you can make the application on your own behalf. Apply directly to the the District Court and contact the clerk of the court to institute proceedings. (This is possible, irrespective of whether your name is on the child's birth certificate or not).

While the mother's views are taken into account, the fact that she does not consent to the guardianship application does not automatically mean that the court will refuse the order sought by the father. Instead, the court will decide what is in the best interest of the child.

jjC123

I understand that you don't want things to get ugly between you and your childs mother but guardianship is so important just in case anything does happen to her or your child is sick etc.

I believe you can apply for guardianship to the courts but there's probably no harm in talking to a solicitor to see what your options/legal rights are. If you and your childs mother are mature and keep the best interests of your child at heart a solicitor should be able to talk you through finding a solution without coming to blows over it.

istatri

I was thinking about asking for a sit down with all involved of the care of our son that's me, her, my parents and her parents as they will equally care for him while we both work. Maybe we could iron out a plan that she might be happy with I never said anything about court or access or money. I merely asked could we discuss guardianship in the event something ever happened to her and then she brought up access changes and court and money and through it all in my face .

bp

I would stop letting her use a credit card and running up debt. she is using your child as an atm card.

Also I hope all payments are electronic.

Get a solicitor asap for advice.

Good luck and I really hope everything works out well for your daughter

Elliottsmum79

Crikey, you sound more than reasonable and kind. What a sad and difficult situation for you. It seems like a real power imbalance here and that you may be tiptoeing about for fear of losing access to your son completely. Again, legal advice first and if you can achieve this "amicably" ( or some version of amicably) all the better. if it was my dad I'm sure I'd like to think in 20 years time that he fought to be legally recognised as my dad. That he cared enough to ensure he was my legal guardian if anything every happened with/to mom, god forbid. Very best of luck

istatri

Thanks guys for all the comments, just to update I left it with the main reasons I wanted it medically and for me and my son...so I'm just going to see how it goes...your right there u hit the nail right on the head I am tip toeing around walking on egg shells trying my best to deal with it. But for now all I can do is wait to see if we can be friends about it and try work it out not for us only but for our son as well....is it wrong to try make everyone happy prob not but is it possible prob not either ahwell can only see what happens now

RonkGunderson

Hey, I literally just registered because I wanted to actually drop something in. My ex and I had a rough split and honestly the best thing I ever did was taking her to court to gain access and guardianship. Since we went it has made her realise how serious I am about being a part of my sons life and she is more willing to communicate about him. I guess what I am trying to say is that even if you have to take her to court its not a death sentence for a friendship.

zeffabelli

istatri wrote: »

Thanks guys for all the comments, just to update I left it with the main reasons I wanted it medically and for me and my son...so I'm just going to see how it goes...your right there u hit the nail right on the head I am tip toeing around walking on egg shells trying my best to deal with it. But for now all I can do is wait to see if we can be friends about it and try work it out not for us only but for our son as well....is it wrong to try make everyone happy prob not but is it possible prob not either ahwell can only see what happens now

If in your mind you frame this as doing something for your child, as standing up for him, you will take courage.

I have shocked myself with some of the the things I have done for my child Id never gave the guts to do for myself.

Tell her you are risking her anger because this is so important. (Shows bravery and love)make it out that it's not for you looking for something from her.

Kevhog1988

RonkGunderson wrote: »

Hey, I literally just registered because I wanted to actually drop something in. My ex and I had a rough split and honestly the best thing I ever did was taking her to court to gain access and guardianship. Since we went it has made her realise how serious I am about being a part of my sons life and she is more willing to communicate about him. I guess what I am trying to say is that even if you have to take her to court its not a death sentence for a friendship.

x2 the best thing you can do op is get her inside a court... It is your decision how much you pay etc but please document it. My ex is only after one thing.. money which im afraid my son does not see the benefit of. Therefore i pay the maintenance only and then i buy him stuff he needs. Last week i spent £120 on clothes for him.