Lies! Lies! Lies!

Neyite

Last night I served up pork. Toddler wailed that he doesn't like pork so went back into the kitchen, pushed it around a bit and came out with his chicken, which he subsequently ate seconds and thirds of. Said he loved the chicken.

Other lies I've told:

Ice-cream van plays the music when its bedtime.
Everyone on Netflix and childrens TV goes to bed at 7pm.
Broccoli is elf trees.

What's your best parental porkies?

the dark ken night

You're not adopted

One eyed Jack

That pork/chicken idea was brilliant!

Hmm, so many to choose from... :pac:

Whenever my wife used go away on holiday and we had to tell our child she'll be back in a few minutes. It usually only kicked in at bedtime that he figured something was amiss

"We can go to Burger King after you help me with the shopping"

He'd usually have forgotten all about BK by the time we were done because I was able to distract him telling him he'd done a great job with the shopping (at least that much wasn't a lie )

January

The ice cream man plays music only when he's out of ice cream.

bp

Mammy goes to work and baby goes to baby creche while you go to creche :-)

Maglight

Santa doesn't bring pets for Christmas because they would fall out of the sleigh and get hurt
Santa makes toys like a ball or a doll, but if you ask for a branded toy ie. this year's must have short supply toy, then he has to buy them in the shop like everyone else. That means a. it may not be available and b. it's more expensive than toys made in the north pole, so you get less of them

The second one got me out of trouble many times

Neyite

Another:

"There's no chocolate in the house"

MrsGoose

January wrote: »

The ice cream man plays music only when he's out of ice cream.

Yep I use this all the time but it backfired when the van pulled up outside the door and stopped playing the music.

Also

Eating sweets makes you shrink back to being a baby.
Chocolate is the devils poo
The Cake is spicy tastes like chillies

Xdancer

I use the pork/chicken one too. Turkey was also chicken until one day I served it and told my 3 year old it was chicken. Her reply?? That's not chicken mama, it's turkey. But it's ok I like turkey.

She still can't tell the difference between pork and chicken though

nikpmup

An auntie lie; my niece decided she was allergic to tuna. I told her that the picture of the dolphin on the tin meant that it was safe for people who were allergic to tuna. She still believes it at 11.

tickingclock

I've an 18 month old so too young for lies!! I will refer to this thread as reference and for a giggle when the time comes!

Spread the love

I have a friend who served up fish as 'chicken' until the wee ones copped on at about age 8 or 9!

Neyite

I love the ones where the kids are hoodwinked for years - better yet, right into adulthood.

I've just told him that the shops don't open until 11. I came across a good one I'll use down the line: Adults drink black coke and children have white coke (sparkling water). Though asking for white coke might raise an eyebrow or two!

IvyTheTerrible

Maglight wrote: »

Santa doesn't bring pets for Christmas because they would fall out of the sleigh and get hurt
Santa makes toys like a ball or a doll, but if you ask for a branded toy ie. this year's must have short supply toy, then he has to buy them in the shop like everyone else. That means a. it may not be available and b. it's more expensive than toys made in the north pole, so you get less of them

The second one got me out of trouble many times

Haha my parents used the second one all the time!

Neyite wrote: »

Another:

"There's no chocolate in the house"

My 3 year has copped on to this one, and asks me to open the presses in the kitchen to prove there are no sweets! No flies on him!

silja

"Grandma isn't coming to visit until your room is clean, she has special powers that let her know when it is ready."
"Oh you wouldn't like this (really yummy food I want for myself, it tastes like (other food she hates)."
Whenever I give them juice (which we water down), she usually says it is too watery or gone off in the summer. Husband likes to argue that it is fresh, I just go back to the kitchen, run the tap or open and close the fridge, and come back out with "fresh" juice.

The Princess Bride

Santa glued the shoes to Barbie's feet before he put her in the box,so that your baby brother wouldn't choke on the shoes.

Santa has a special video recorder in every room and is always watching to make sure you're behaving.(Me, pointing at vent.)

Don't touch that feather, it's a rat's feather.( Crow's yukky feather.)

johnny osbourne

when my nephew was picking his nose too much i told him i'd seen a boy in germany who picked his nose too much and it fell off,

pablo128

We got our daughter to 'swap' her soother with Santa for her presents when she was 2. It worked a treat!

January

The Princess Bride wrote: »

Santa glued the shoes to Barbie's feet before he put her in the box,so that your baby brother wouldn't choke on the shoes.

Santa has a special video recorder in every room and is always watching to make sure you're behaving.(Me, pointing at vent.)

Don't touch that feather, it's a rat's feather.( Crow's yukky feather.)

This is genius.

galah

Just spent ages spreading glitter etc to make our little one believe the soother fairy came to pick up his dummy and leave a present...:p

Closely followed by the tooth fairy ( it's like a fairy helipad in here...) for a tooth he had to get extracted - fairy picked up the tooth at the dentist and then came straight over to drop present. (Wise word of the day: according to my dentist, watered down juice is just as bad as undiluted juice :eek: )

Jellybaby1

When I was a child, my mother told me that the cat had run away. In fact, every cat we had, had run away! I only found out the truth decades later!!

hdowney

Jellybaby1 wrote:

When I was a child, my mother told me that the cat had run away. In fact, every cat we had, had run away! I only found out the truth decades later!!

Dunno about that one (granted I am an adult but....) I think I'd feel pretty shoite that kitty didn't love me anymore and ran away?

cbyrd

I told my eldest girl when she was 7 that cauliflower makes your hair grow faster... about 3 weeks ago she repeated this to my partners kids... they had a good laugh cos she's 16 now and didn't realize I was lying :eek::pac::pac: she had a good laugh though at how gullible she was

Chocolate fiend

I tell mine that a fat man in a red suit comes into our house every year and leaves them lots of presents, the 7 year old has realised it is a lie but, the 6 and 3 year old are still fully invested

Jellybaby1

I found the Christmas lie was something I should never have done when my little son at the age of 8 asked me for the truth, as he had heard things in school. When I told him, his little face looked so tragic, my heart broke for him.

Chocolate fiend

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

I found the Christmas lie was something I should never have done when my little son at the age of 8 asked me for the truth, as he had heard things in school. When I told him, his little face looked so tragic, my heart broke for him.

I think if you don't overplay it it can play out nicely and with minimum upset for everyone involved. People go to all sorts of lengths to keep children believing and that just makes it harder when the truth does come out.

I found out when I was 5 and it never ruined the magic of Christmas for me because Santa wasn't the only thing that made christmas amazing before that.

ellejay

Neyite wrote: »

I love the ones where the kids are hoodwinked for years - better yet, right into adulthood.

Well my dad told me that iceberg lettuce was grown in alaska or if in ireland, a big freezer. I believed that til about 17 ears old.

zeffabelli

Carrots help you see in the dark.

Jellybaby1

zeffabelli wrote: »

Carrots help you see in the dark.

Ah, but they do. After a lifetime of eating carrots, in my 60's now, and still don't wear glasses!!

dark crystal

My little fella had an awful habit of not flushing the toilet after he used it, so I told him if he didn't flush, that wee and poo worms would form and try to get out of the toilet. He's flushed ever since!

Trying to get him to brush his teeth was a constant battle, so I told him the tooth fairy only took ones that smelled like toothpaste, as unwashed teeth were like poison to them. Gleaming gnashers every night now

Stheno

This thread is hilarious.

I lived on a dangerous road when I was a kid, so a few dogs we had got killed on the road.

They all went to" live on a farm so they'd be able to run about"