Lies! Lies! Lies!

nikpmup

dark crystal wrote: »

My little fella had an awful habit of not flushing the toilet after he used it, so I told him if he didn't flush, that wee and poo worms would form and try to get out of the toilet. He's flushed ever since!

Trying to get him to brush his teeth was a constant battle, so I told him the tooth fairy only took ones that smelled like toothpaste, as unwashed teeth were like poison to them. Gleaming gnashers every night now

This is genius. I'll be stealing it all.

Stheno

nikpmup wrote: »

This is genius. I'll be stealing it all.

I'm gonna steal it for OHs adult kids.

Any lies I can tell a couple of twenty year olds who won't rinse plates/empty ashtrays?

I'm considering removal of same and forcing them out of the house/ to eat with their fingers?

OU812

Most recent one was "Chicken isn't made from Chickens" (She's recently started to put 2+2 together about certain things & dammit if I'm not gonna make that =5 for a while)

Stheno

OU812 wrote: »

Most recent one was "Chicken isn't made from Chickens" (She's recently started to put 2+2 together about certain things & dammit if I'm not gonna make that =5 for a while)

The OH had this for years, he used love duck, but his daughter cried if he ordered duck, so he did a secret deal with the local chinese that if he ordered the special it meant duck.

These days said daughter has loads of allergies, and we are known as "house special, black pepper no prawn, chicken fried rice, no egg" according top a slightly indiscreet member of staff

They literally see us coming and key that into the order

Mountainsandh

When the tooth fairy didn't call after I was on a night out and Mr M didn't mention any special duties on my return, that was because the tooth wasn't wrapped up properly. If the wrapping looks like an old tissue how can you expect her to know about it ?

And once the poor fairy must have got an awful fright because our giant cat must have been there, so we now take extra care to click the door of the bedroom shut on tooth fairy nights.

Also, you only grow when you sleep, and the Robin outside is indeed watching you and reporting to Santa (they brought that back from school, I just confirm )

foggy_lad

Have a niece who used to chew and eat her hair till it was destroyed so my sister got shampoo that would make it less tasty for her.

my niece noticed the new shampoo and my sister told her not to eat her hair until it dried or she would get sick, then told her that the shampoo would stop her eating her hair.

My niece went berserk and screamed the house down and had to be put out in the garden/cooler and her last comment was "I'm calling the guards on you because mammys are not allowed to poison their children":D

Akrasia

My 'little lie' is a bit darker than your ones

I tell my children that there is an evil wizard who lives in a cave and he feeds off the tears of children

The rules of this evil wizard are very important though. He never comes at night, He only comes when children cry about silly things (tantrums) and the one thing that can make him go away is a child's laughter.

If my kids are whinging about something silly like 'I want to drink from the blue cup, not this green one" I remind them 'Oh, I can feel the evil wizard getting stronger!"

Before anyone calls child protective services, my kids love spooky stories and they're always asking me to tell them about him.

Akrasia

OU812 wrote: »

Most recent one was "Chicken isn't made from Chickens" (She's recently started to put 2+2 together about certain things & dammit if I'm not gonna make that =5 for a while)

I like to screw with them.

"Yes son, chickens are made from meat, but so are we... Now good night, pleasant dreams "

hairyslug

When I was young I hated fish so when dinner was served I was told it was "chicken spelt F-I-S-H"

Neyite

Stheno wrote: »

I'm gonna steal it for OHs adult kids.

Any lies I can tell a couple of twenty year olds who won't rinse plates/empty ashtrays?

I'm considering removal of same and forcing them out of the house/ to eat with their fingers?

Nah, if you remove the plates, you'll crack before they will. Change the wifi password instead. Place will be gleaming

Redpunto

Broccoli is little trees, and if you don't wipe your bum your bum will fall off.

I also stay in the car park for the 3 hours when my little one is in playschool.

A2LUE42

The one about the elderly dog going to live out its days on a farm in the country.

Owryan

Like the one about the tooth fairy only taking clean teeth.

When my kids nanny passed away I told them she was now in heaven working as santys secret spy watching their behaviour. Santy also gave nanny special access to his naughty/nice list.

Cheese Free Pizza.

Kiddo claimed he didn't like cheese so couldn't eat pizza. So I started buying "cheese free pizza" and he loved it. I only told him when I realised he would be able to read the packaging himself soon enough

Neyite

"No, pet, I've NO idea where your Peppa Pig tin whistle went to"

tickingclock

Neyite wrote: »

"No, pet, I've NO idea where your Peppa Pig tin whistle went to"

Yep we got a similar one from Santa. There's no volume button on it and it's incredibly loud. It's currently in hiding! !

pwurple

"Mammies have eyes in the back of their heads". I told her that once when she was making a giant noisy mess and i was facing the other way.

Years later I am still getting asked to "close your back eyes too" when we play hide and seek.

January

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Cheese Free Pizza.

Kiddo claimed he didn't like cheese so couldn't eat pizza. So I started buying "cheese free pizza" and he loved it. I only told him when I realised he would be able to read the packaging himself soon enough

Oh tomato sauce on pizza is pizza gravy here. She hates tomato sauce but loves gravy.

porsche boy

Dunno if anyone else does this but we tell the kids mammy and daddy have to pay santa for the presents. Wife's idea. Stops them going mad looking for everything.

Xdancer

porsche boy wrote: »

Dunno if anyone else does this but we tell the kids mammy and daddy have to pay santa for the presents. Wife's idea. Stops them going mad looking for everything.

That's what we were told when I was a child. I'm from a large family, so my parents had to do something to keep it affordable. I think it's a great idea, and as far as I can remember we always got what we asked for. Saved my parents having to buy multiple bikes for one Christmas

cbyrd

My 16 (almost 17) year old daughter just found out over Christmas dinner that cauliflower does not accelerate hair growth.. I told her when she was about 7 that cauliflower makes your hair grow really fast cos she loved Rapunzel..
Now to work on sprouts

Toots

porsche boy wrote: »

Dunno if anyone else does this but we tell the kids mammy and daddy have to pay santa for the presents. Wife's idea. Stops them going mad looking for everything.

We told our little guy that Santa has to buy some of the presents in the shops, because there are so many little boys and girls in the world that the elves don't have time to make everything. So if he asks for too many things, or something that's too big and expensive, it means that some other little boy or girl won't get a present. He thought very hard about it, then turned around and said "OK mammy, I think I would just like Spiderman lego and a surprise, and a few small things in my stocking. That way everyone gets a present!"

I downloaded this app before Christmas, and it was a godsend! He wasn't eating his dinner one night, and I trotted out the usual "Santa can see you" but he was having none of it. A minute later when Santa phoned to say he knew he wasn't eating his dinner, his cough was suitably softened and not a scrap of food was left on the plate! :pac: