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Need advice

  • 02-08-2015 4:18pm
    #1
    Celt90
    Registered Users Posts: 4 ✭


    Need help with a relationship issue..been seeing a girl for couple of months..she told me she was 18 but i found out recently she's only gone 17 a few months ago..I'm 25 and feel too old to have a secret relationship due to age difference..would have only being a two to three year gap in any of my previous relationships and I feel like il be seen as a pure creep..really do like her though and she's been great for me since I came out of rehab..I'm eight months in recovery now and at a loss as to what to do as a break up at this time wud increase my chances of a relapse..any advice welcome..


Comments

  • #2
    daisybelle2008
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,403 ✭✭✭daisybelle2008


    Celt90 wrote: »
    Need help with a relationship issue..been seeing a girl for couple of months..really do like her though and she's been great for me since I came out of rehab..I'm eight months in recovery now and at a loss as to what to do as a break up at this time wud increase my chances of a relapse..any advice welcome..

    OP, I thought you are supposed to wait a full year after rehab before entering a relationship for that very reason, it's very manipulative. You need to own up to your counsellor. Her age (you know full well that even 18 is not a good age to have a romantic relationship with someone in early recovery never mind just turned 17) also the fact you are using her as a crutch and already finding excuses not to break up. Introducing this kind of drama has red flags all over it.
    In any event you should be building up your own recovery.
    Split up with her and talk to your sponsor you are being incredibly selfish and manipulative.


  • #3
    Celt90
    Registered Users Posts: 4 ✭Celt90


    Yes I have heard that a relationship in early recovery is not advised..and have had paranoia and jealousy issues which prove it..I have really fallen for her but have been told to leave it by few people but can't seem to go through with it as don't want to lose her..scared of the loneliness and depression affecting me as have no real family support and have left behind my old friends who are mostly still on addiction..I agree that I must be using her as a crutch to some extent and am greatful for ur reply..think I have been burying my head in the sand and been afraid to hear the truth..could be a few months till I get to see a counsellor have already been waiting two months and have lost contact with my sponsor as think I chose the wrong one..just need to find other support.


  • #4
    daisybelle2008
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,403 ✭✭✭daisybelle2008


    Get another Sponsor asap, are you going to meetings? Increase every avenue available for support.

    Getting into a relationship is not good for your recovery.

    http://alcoholrehab.com/addiction-recovery/romantic-relationships-in-recovery/

    http://www.new-hope-recovery.com/center/2015/02/04/relationships-recovery-dating-early-recovery/

    http://www.promises.com/articles/addiction-recovery/top-reasons-men-in-recovery-relapse-with-drugs/


  • #5
    Celt90
    Registered Users Posts: 4 ✭Celt90


    Yes I've read up on relationships in recovery in the past few months..i have told her we shud leave it feel pure ****ty now but hopefuly i wont go back on the decision. Thanks for the links and the time u have given to respond...I have a regular meeting tomorrow but don't feel comfortable sharing this issue at the minute..and not sure about the sponsor yet edr..Are you in recovery yourself


  • #6
    daisybelle2008
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,403 ✭✭✭daisybelle2008


    Celt90 wrote: »
    Yes I've read up on relationships in recovery in the past few months..i have told her we shud leave it feel pure ****ty now but hopefuly i wont go back on the decision. Thanks for the links and the time u have given to respond...I have a regular meeting tomorrow but don't feel comfortable sharing this issue at the minute..and not sure about the sponsor yet edr..Are you in recovery yourself

    No, that is why I recommend you seek support from people who know about recovery.


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  • #7
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    Celt90 wrote: »
    Yes I've read up on relationships in recovery in the past few months..i have told her we shud leave it feel pure ****ty now but hopefuly i wont go back on the decision. Thanks for the links and the time u have given to respond...I have a regular meeting tomorrow but don't feel comfortable sharing this issue at the minute..and not sure about the sponsor yet edr..Are you in recovery yourself

    We'll done op for going into recovery and doing so well. Also fair play for letting the girl go. It's the fairest thing for her. She's very young and really should only be seeing guys her own age.


  • #8
    Celt90
    Registered Users Posts: 4 ✭Celt90


    Thanks for the comments I know il need to be open and not isolate myself..was asked meet up by few girls while with this one and wasn't one bit interested in them I really am mad about this girl but can see I have to leave it and trust in god that things will work out..not going to get in to a relationship in the near future just going try concentrate on bettering myself in my recovery..


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