Wedding Cost and Gifts

A_Sober_Paddy

Just to clarify a few thongs guys.

Myself and the girlfriend aren't engaged, so not looking at weddings just yet. It was a casual conversation we were having in relation to her aunts wedding.

I generatedy Budget on our combined earnings, and other costs, that it would be comfortable to pay for of we were to get married soon

I"m of the opinion that the couple pays for the party, and any cash is a bonus. I'd prefer a small one, she seems to want a bigger one, as to not upset family by not inviting them, I'd happily not invite a good chunk of my family.

I think I need to get her out of the taught of counting gifts in the budget...is there any good books on wedding budgeting?

lazygal

What about the last party you had? Did everyone bring enough food and drink to cover themselves? Did you break even on it? Every person I know who's mentioned weddings has said a fair number gave nothing at all. This was the case for our wedding, along with cards and no gifts and household items. You will not pay for your wedding based on an expectation of cash gifts and it's foolish to plan otherwise.

A_Sober_Paddy

lazygal wrote: »

What about the last party you had? Did everyone bring enough food and drink to cover themselves? Did you break even on it? Every person I know who's mentioned weddings has said a fair number gave nothing at all. This was the case for our wedding, along with cards and no gifts and household items. You will not pay for your wedding based on an expectation of cash gifts and it's foolish to plan otherwise.

Read my last post

Flippyfloppy

While this book isn't specifically about budgeting it does give a great idea of what to expect when planning a wedding in Ireland, from Registering to be wed, to handling invites & how many declines of invitations! It helped me because I didn't have a clue and its specifically Irish, we really do weddings differently!

http://theweddingexpert.ie/about-us/our-wedding-planning-books/

Sam Kade

A_Sober_Paddy wrote: »

I was asking out of curiosity, as my girlfriend was saying we could have a bigger wedding because guests will cover the cost I'd ideally want to be spending no more than 8k no more and she seems to be looking at 12k which is crazy...

It's starting off well, if you can't agree about money

Alf Veedersane

Sam Kade wrote: »

It's starting off well, if you can't agree about money

Ah for jaysus sake. They're likely looking at it from different angles..one being that you could expect to get a chunk of what you spend back in presents and the other in terms of what you can afford without presents.

Alf Veedersane

A_Sober_Paddy wrote: »

Just to clarify a few thongs guys.

Myself and the girlfriend aren't engaged, so not looking at weddings just yet. It was a casual conversation we were having in relation to her aunts wedding.

I generatedy Budget on our combined earnings, and other costs, that it would be comfortable to pay for of we were to get married soon

I"m of the opinion that the couple pays for the party, and any cash is a bonus. I'd prefer a small one, she seems to want a bigger one, as to not upset family by not inviting them, I'd happily not invite a good chunk of my family.

I think I need to get her out of the taught of counting gifts in the budget...is there any good books on wedding budgeting?

We never factored in potential presents in budgeting for ours. Slightly different ball game though. We decided to marry abroad so it would have been foolish/disgraceful to expect presents.

But we always give a cash gift when we're invited to a wedding so I can imagine how certain assumptions about what you might be given can come into play.

The only way to go about it is to assume you get nothing. Then there are no nasty surprises.

Greenmachine

Attending a small family wedding in the coming weeks approx 30-40 people, budget for wedding is 15k, plus another 8k. This is the wedding the couple wanted, and they don't expect to recoup costs. I think enjoy the day, pay for the wedding you can afford, and whatever you get in cash, sit on it for a while, college fund for your child/future child, money towards kitchen refit, all relative really. Don't like people putting the cart before the horse. Have the wedding you can afford, and anything you get in cash gift, can be used to budget for something else, not pay for the original event.

An Bhanríon

I would be very wary in factoring in gifts in a wedding budget. While we did get some cash gifts at our wedding it was probably closer to 30% or 40% of our entire budget. Many people gifted us household items and others gave us vouchers. This idea that every couple will give €200 may work with certain families but I think in most cases it's not the way the world works. There is a great variation in what people give as wedding gifts and that is the way it should be.

It's an interesting conversation to have, though, OP. And good to have it now. Then if you decide to get married at least you have started the discussion about budget on a realistic footing. Drawing up a budget for a wedding celebration is an interesting exercise!

stickybookmark

An Bhanríon wrote: »

There is a great variation in what people give as wedding gifts and that is the way it should be.

Huge.

Alf Veedersane

As an aside, is the giving of some form of object still relatively common for weddings?

MrWalsh

Eddie Hobbs has a lot to answer for, putting this seed into peoples minds in the first place in this country.

My own wedding was non traditional and we didnt "recoup" even 1/3 of the cost.

I doubt very much I would give 200 euro as a gift for a wedding that I had to travel, pay for a hotel etc for. Im not that minted!

shadowcat

This is not from my own experience (not getting married until later this year), but from what I have heard from family & friends, it can vary wildly from 10% to 50%, but certainly not anyways near the 90% your partner mentioned.

My only advice is to do up a spreadsheet as soon as you are seriously thinking about it, and write down absolutely everything you think you may need and budget at the top end of things for everything. I found a great budget spreadsheet online that I altered myself - you can find any amount of them if you google wedding spreadsheet. That way you know roughly the maximum you may need and can budget accordingly, and you won't be caught short. Personally I wouldn't bank on cash gifts in your overall budget as there are so many variables, and you could be put under serious pressure if you are short on the day - but that's just my own opinion. If budget is tight, then maybe delay your honeymoon until the following year so you aren't shelling out everything at once?

Best of luck with it anyways!

stickybookmark

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

As an aside, is the giving of some form of object still relatively common for weddings?

To a degree....We had 150 at ours and got:

- picture frame
- crystal decanter + glasses
- Newbridge tea light candle stick
- A large piece of pottery (type you would hang on d wall a statement piece)
- a floor cleaning device (a robotic mop if you don't mind!)
-Red wine glasses
- bottle of champagne x 3 (from 3 different guests)
-4 pottery bowls/plates

Think that was it on the presents-you-can-kick so like...10 ish?

And I got 1100 worth of items from my gift registry which are all Household items

I think it's a good direction to go if you don't have much money but still want to give something. I liked actually having presents/boxes to open it's fun.

We're buying a new house though so I have a whole house to fill so I was welcoming all the object presents, I know some don't

Milly33

OP we are like that nearly but the opposite way around I was like nope we have this many and do it this way. Tis grand but I think you always tend to overspend anyway with weddings I would meet her half way maybe and say €10.00 leave it at that

Milly33

haha someone got you a robotic hoover, did you ask for it... One lady I know got a wok! and they don't cook at all

stickybookmark

Milly33 wrote: »

haha someone got you a robotic hoover, did you ask for it... One lady I know got a wok! and they don't cook at all

Didn't ask for it, it was a surprise.

In fairness a wok is a really good present to give 99% of people. They probably didn't realise that they don't cook coz most people do cook

MrWalsh

stickybookmark wrote: »

Didn't ask for it, it was a surprise.

In fairness a wok is a really good present to give 99% of people. They probably didn't realise that they don't cook coz most people do cook

Yeeaa, Im in the 1% of something! Never use my very expensive cast iron wok! (at least it wasnt a wedding present!)

Wedding gift giving can be very difficult. Id never ever give anything ornamental as peoples tastes varies wildly. Nor would I give something like a household item, like a wok or a hoover! Its usually easier to take the money option!

Geuze

A_Sober_Paddy wrote: »

Just outta curiosity what was yere experience with that, what % of your wedding cost was recouped by gifts. I think 90% is dream world stuff

You are correct.

We spent 20k approx, AFAIK, incl honeymoon.

70-75 guests.

I think we rec'd 3-4k in cash as gifts, although other non-cash gifts included a 3-piece suite and an oil boiler.

meeeeh

I'd love a robotic hoover. Wok is handy too because sooner or later everyone has to at least fry an egg. I like practical gifts, I am a bit more iffy about art because taste is very subjective. Even my partner and I who both like similar things in general can have very different opinion about some paintings or sculptures.

Anyway we would normally give about 200 as couple, regardless of the other wedding related cost. I don't get the complaints about the cost of a dress and hair and so on. I think it is perfectly acceptable to recycle an outfit and a lot of other cost is optional too. There are sometimes costs that are hard to swallow but I seriously doubt weddings are money making machine for the couple. Besides very often they are under pressure to spend more from other family members.

dori_dormer

We spent about 20k on the wedding and 5 k on honey moon. We probably got around 3k in cash and 3k in gifts mostly off our registry.

About 50% of my husbands side gave nothing. We got a card with 10 guests names signed on it ( aunt , uncle, 4 kids + partners , all adults) and 70 quid in it. Parents in law gave us towels. One couple gave us a frame from the pound shop. These people would all have jobs. Certainly not students or on the dole or anything.

We spent within our means so it didn't matter in the end, it's just sometimes a shock when you don't even get a card or a thank you!

stickybookmark

dori_dormer wrote: »

We got a card with 10 guests names signed on it ( aunt , uncle, 4 kids + partners , all adults) and 70 quid in it. !

:eek:

Flippyfloppy

meeeeh wrote: »

Besides very often they are under pressure to spend more from other family members.

I completely agree with this. There is huge pressure to give everyone a day out , thus spending on completely overpriced stuff. How often do you spend the guts off €100 on someone for some canapés, couple drinks and a meal with half a bottle of wine? Some wedding food is nice, but come on, it's mass produced at the end of the day and generally you only get a choice of a couple of things for each course!

Spending the guts of 1,000 on a cake, hiring a band for 2,000! Renting a fancy car with Chaffeur for 30 minutes for 500! The thing that happened us when we were wedding planning was our money all started seeming like Monopoly money. We had the funds there, our budget done up. Someone would give us a price of 600 for flowers and we'd be like sure that's reasonable.....200 for petrol expenses, why not! Things that would usually seem like a massive amount of money whilst being sensible, seemed cheap in comparison to our overall fund...which I'd love a bit of now!

fits

Yeah its mad really. Even though we didnt pay for cars or cakes or flowers we did buy fancy suits and dresses. And we bought so much booze. Its an awful lot of money to fork out really. Our venue did provide awesome food though. i think our guests enjoyed it.

meeeeh

At least that is the stuff you wanted. I know a couple where mummy dearest called printers and ordered some extra invites. When they found out they had to literary destroy them so she wouldn't send them out.

fits

I guess we have to remember that a lot of the reason why you have the wedding money in the first place is through saving hard, living frugally and forgoing certain expenses. So in our case we would have spent a lot of it on other things anyway. in my opinion family celebrations are important and worth it.

Milly33

stickybookmark wrote: »

Didn't ask for it, it was a surprise.

In fairness a wok is a really good present to give 99% of people. They probably didn't realise that they don't cook coz most people do cook

Really a wok for a wedding present! I must say now I would be like wtf did you give me that for.. I thought it was very odd

Toots

stickybookmark wrote: »

- a floor cleaning device (a robotic mop if you don't mind!)

oh my god was it a roomba???

Have you any pets?? Could one be trained to do this????

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLt5rBfNucc

Stheno

Toots wrote: »

oh my god was it a roomba???

Have you any pets?? Could one be trained to do this????

Does that automatically clean your floors with no personal exertion required?

Toots

pretty much...but they're like $800

I did hear a very funny story about a guy who was having his GF's parents over to dinner for the first time; he was on the way to collect them from the local train station so he stuck on the roomba in the hall so it'd be clean when he got home. Unfortunately his dog pooped in the hall, and they arrived home to find the roomba had run over the poo and was leaving a massive trail as it made its way around the hall.

meeeeh

Milly33 wrote: »

Really a wok for a wedding present! I must say now I would be like wtf did you give me that for.. I thought it was very odd

For me it is essential item in modern kitchen and I use ours about once per week. And anything half decent will not be under 50 euro anyway. Great present.

MrWalsh

meeeeh wrote: »

For me it is essential item in modern kitchen and I use ours about once per week. And anything half decent will not be under 50 euro anyway. Great present.

What would you use it for?

MarieOC

MrWalsh wrote: »

What would you use it for?

In our house the wok is most often used for scramblled eggs - controversial to some but it's 100 times easier to clean than any saucepan.

MrWalsh

MarieOC wrote: »

In our house the wok is most often used for scramblled eggs - controversial to some but it's 100 times easier to clean than any saucepan.

Ah, I tend to either microwave in a ceramic bowl or just scrub a saucepan!

meeeeh

MrWalsh wrote: »

What would you use it for?

Stir frys mostly, fried rice and stuff like that. I cook quite a bit of Chinese (Ken Hom isn't good just for selling woks) because it is fast and easy. I am not good at freezing and reheating things and I don't like ready meals so I need convenient, fast and relatively healthy recepies for during the week. It is definitely one of the most used pans in our house.

MrWalsh

meeeeh wrote: »

Stir frys mostly, fried rice and stuff like that. I cook quite a bit of Chinese (Ken Hom isn't good just for selling woks) because it is fast and easy. I am not good at freezing and reheating things and I don't like ready meals so I need convenient, fast and relatively healthy recepies for during the week. It is definitely one of the most used pans in our house.

Ah, I use my trusty cast iron pans for such things.

Sam Kade

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

Ah for jaysus sake. They're likely looking at it from different angles..one being that you could expect to get a chunk of what you spend back in presents and the other in terms of what you can afford without presents.

The girlfriend wants to splash out with the hope of getting it back but I can guarantee you she justs wants to splash out

Barely There

Woks are so mid-90's.

Milly33

AH yeah all good if you cook but if you don't in fairness a wok is as usefull as an oven.... And believe me twas'nt a rust free one..

The Roomba storey is gas, morto for the man after all his trouble.

etymon

Don't forget you will have to pay for everything about a month in advance so if you're planning on using some cash to pay for stuff, you'll need a loan in advance. We are spending about 4k ourselves and have 60 people coming so looking on covering our costs as a bonus, we would we very lucky to cover them.

Jwacqui

Myself and my fiancé are planning our wedding for summer 2017.

We are looking at about €23,000 and that's with a full spreadsheet with a budget for everything. There is nothing on the list that is extravagant. We will be having about 140-150 guests for the full day.

We already have €15,000 saved and have another 22 months to save.

We will be spending what we have saved and hoping to not get any loans.

We won't be relying on presents but we will be expecting some of course! That will go back into savings and be a start on the house deposit for us.

I am however very conscious of how much people give. It really differs on circumstance.

From experience you can expect anything from nothing to €100-€200 per couple.

A_Sober_Paddy

Jwacqui wrote: »

Myself and my fiancé are planning our wedding for summer 2017.

We are looking at about €23,000 and that's with a full spreadsheet with a budget for everything. There is nothing on the list that is extravagant. We will be having about 140-150 guests for the full day.

We already have €15,000 saved and have another 22 months to save.

We will be spending what we have saved and hoping to not get any loans.

We won't be relying on presents but we will be expecting some of course! That will go back into savings and be a start on the house deposit for us.

I am however very conscious of how much people give. It really differs on circumstance.

From experience you can expect anything from nothing to €100-€200 per couple.

Sorry now, but your spending 23.000 on a wedding, and then saving for a house?

lazygal

A_Sober_Paddy wrote: »

Sorry now, but your spending 23.000 on a wedding, and then saving for a house?

That's their choice. As long as it doesn't affect you what does it matter? There's loads of things other people spend thousands on before buying a house, like trips around the world and brand new high end cars, that I'd never buy, but it makes no difference to me. Everyone has different priorities.

Tarzana2

A_Sober_Paddy wrote: »

Sorry now, but your spending 23.000 on a wedding, and then saving for a house?

My sister and her husband has a modest wedding, without a lot of the trappings and with DIYing a lot of the stuff themselves, with less than 100 guests, and they hit €20,000 very easily. That included the honeymoon but anyone with a slightly bigger wedding and/or a more traditional day would hit that figure for the wedding alone quite easily. It all adds up very quickly!

Jwacqui

A_Sober_Paddy wrote: »

Sorry now, but your spending 23.000 on a wedding, and then saving for a house?

Yes we are. We are both young, have no children and getting married is very important to us.

My fiancé is from Tipp and me from Dublin. We are both working and living in Dublin and we are not in a position to make a decision on where we want to live forever.

We could choose Tipp, Dublin or somewhere in between.

As the two previous posters have said its my decision to make and my money to choose how I spend it.

As lazy girl says other people spend thousands on travelling or new cars. My car is nearly 10 years old and I drink about twice a year. It doesn't bother me if people want to spend thousands travelling. Doesn't impact me.

€23,000 is not extravagant we have a careful budget. Weddings are expensive. We are not going all out but at the same time we are having what we both want.

Also having €15,000 in wedding savings with two years to go is quite good I think, and that doesn't include our other savings.

fits

You dont need to justify yourself to strangers online Jwacqui. Sounds like ye are well sorted anyway.

stickybookmark

A_Sober_Paddy wrote: »

Sorry now, but your spending 23.000 on a wedding, and then saving for a house?

That's her own business! Her life, her choices!

owen85

You can cut on costs without it really damaging the joy of your wedding.
transport.....use a family members car
flower arrangements???
drinks reception....make a deal with the hotel that allows you to bring the alcohol to them the day before the wedding for them and them to set it up and serve it.

my sister in law sat around with her sisters (one of which could do a bit of basic photshopping) and made up invites.
a drink or two per person during the meal is included, the rest they pay for themselves.

anything more is splashing in my opinion / going back to tiger times. Youll have a nice time either way...just make sure you get to spend enough time with your wife on the day....so many newly weds regret that they didnt get a small bit of personal time in on the day..even if it was just for a stroll or a mid day romp

fits

owen85 wrote: »

You can cut on costs without it really damaging the joy of your wedding.
transport.....use a family members car
flower arrangements???
drinks reception....make a deal with the hotel that allows you to bring the alcohol to them the day before the wedding for them and them to set it up and serve it.

We did all of this and it still added up. supplied a lot of booze mind.. Wedding costs add up fast. You just dont get it til you do it.

emzolita

owen85 wrote: »

You can cut on costs without it really damaging the joy of your wedding.
transport.....use a family members car
flower arrangements???
drinks reception....make a deal with the hotel that allows you to bring the alcohol to them the day before the wedding for them and them to set it up and serve it.

well most venues will charge corkage fees for bringing in alcohol.
Buying your own flowers are very expensive, then you have to buy wire, ribbon, and other florist materials.
Invitations really add up when you DIY, buying nice quality paper, envelopes, stamps, ribbon and other appliques etc, let alone printing costs.




23K would defo add up quickly for a modest wedding. if you're getting married in a decent venue, on a weekend in summer, youre gonna be paying peak prices for everything.
If you want to spend a fortune on your wedding, and you have the money, go for it.