Is this weird?

Augme

I'd suggest breaking up with him. Not because he's a womeniser but mainly because you can't trust him. If 3 months in you can't trust the guy then that doesn't say much for your relationship.

At the end of the day if you can't trust your boyfriend to share a room with ex without resorting to shagging them then I think there's something wrong in the relationship. What you are basically saying is that you think your boyfriend is a cheater and the only way to stop him cheating is by not giving him an opportunity to cheat. I think that's a pretty ****'d up and unhealthy view to have about your boyfriend.

cactusgal

Op, not trying to be horrible, honestly, but is your boyfriend very hard up for friends??

I know myself that as much as I love my very close friends, it isn't always easy to plan weekends away. I do think it's very strange he'd plan a weekend away with someone he met on a dating site? Unless he had absolutely no one else to go with?

It's strange, no?

Wright

Ineedaname wrote: »

I think people watch far too many soaps.

Oh that'll be it aye

(don't even own a tv)

Colser

Augme wrote: »

I'd suggest breaking up with him. Not because he's a womeniser but mainly because you can't trust him. If 3 months in you can't trust the guy then that doesn't say much for your relationship.

At the end of the day if you can't trust your boyfriend to share a room with ex without resorting to shagging them then I think there's something wrong in the relationship. What you are basically saying is that you think your boyfriend is a cheater and the only way to stop him cheating is by not giving him an opportunity to cheat. I think that's a pretty ****'d up and unhealthy view to have about your boyfriend.

I can genuinely say that I dont know one person that wouldnt have a problem with this..I cant speaking for everyone but in my circle of friends/colleagues I cant see one woman being ok with her boyfriend heading off and sharing a room with someone he had a thing with especially someone she has never met her. Remember this isnt someone he had a relationship with that ran its course and theyve ended up as friends,this was a one nighter which makes it stranger imo.
Also the OP seems to have very little info on whats happening during the weekend as she didnt even know that there is a large group attending until she questioned it this week.
OP I think your feelings are well justified.

JeffKenna

Regardless of whether he would cheat or not I think a lot of this is about respect for the person you're in a relationship with. Personally I would have more respect for my partner than to share a room with someone I've shagged before. The logistics of this can't be that difficult that he can't swap rooms around with other people that are going.

dellas1979

I think you are trying to come across as laid back about this (to bf and posters here). I dont know why...for fear of rocking the already rocked boat?

And youre not ok with the arrangement - and thats ok OP! Its ok not to be ok with this arrangement. You dont have to be the cool gf ok with him going away, and sharing a room with some woman he previously shagged.

First of all, you know him 3 months - a little bit of (relationship) trust maybe has built up by now.

But you are not including YOU or your feelings in this at all, by trying to come across as the cool gf. He is definitely NOT considering yours. Yes, he told you what was going on/background, great. But he hasnt done anything to further build on the trust that ye are currently trying to build.

Please consider and acknowledge how you feel in this. And let him know. If he throws the "you dont trust me" card. Well, you are building trust with him. He is taking it down (maybe unknowingly because you havent said anything/how you feel). It will also serve to building boundaries (of what you deem acceptable to the relationship/your needs) so things like this dont happen again.

You are taking all the responsibility on yourself at the moment to steady this situation. Trying to be ok with this. And really, the responsibility is with him.

ChannelNo5

dellas1979 wrote: »

And youre not ok with the arrangement - and thats ok OP! Its ok not to be ok with this arrangement. You dont have to be the cool gf ok with him going away, and sharing a room with some woman he previously shagged.

OP this a thousand times!! Its OK for you not to be OK with this.
It doesn't have to be the end of your relationship BUT its OK for you to register your discomfort about this arrangement. As dellas says don't feel you have to be cool about it

Aashna

I think it's all about trust, to be honest. If you trusted him then it wouldn't be as much of an issue. I really don't get the whole 'if you sleep with someone you can't be friends' thing. I've stopped dating guys because the spark just wasn't there, but they're still lovely guys - so why would I stop talking to them? Unless it ends badly, then why wouldn't we be friends? One of my best friends is a guy I dated a few years ago. He was still sharing a place with his ex when we met, and it didn't bother me one bit because I knew they were over. Similarly, my friendship with him hasn't bothered anyone I've dated either, because it's obvious that we're just friends and I never make it a 'thing'.

Your guy seems to be unsure of how to deal with the situation and that could be why he's being edgy. He wants to go to a gig with his mate. If it was a male friend, would you insist on tagging along then? He'd already made plans before he met you and, sure, he should take your feelings into account - but you need to consider his also. She's his friend. Maybe they got to know each other really well online and just didn't click when they met. Maybe he wants to spend some time with his friend for a weekend. Or maybe he wants to bang her brains out instead - that's possible. BUT, if you genuinely think that's possible then you shouldn't be dating him at all. Men aren't all desperate horn dogs, you know, and just because he's alone in a room with her doesn't mean he's going to shag the night away with her.