Which of us is being unfair?

LegacyUser

Right here it is. Boyfriend and I have been together a few months and have a fairly healthy sex life between regular penetrative sex and getting each other off with hands/mouth. My preferred is going down on him. His preferred is getting me off with his hands. I've said to him a few times that I really REALLY like being gone down on. Because, y'know, I'm a sane human woman. But I'm also not into being too pushy so I've brought it up a handful of times but not followed up when it hasn't actually happened. I was wary of being forceful about something he was maybe unconfident about for all I knew.

Last night I forced the issue cos we're a few months in and I needed to know if it was just something he's totally against so I could figure out if I could reasonably deal with not having one of my favourite sex acts be part of our love life. He said he's not against it at all, rather that its bloody painful to do because of his bad knees. I don't think this is an excuse at all now that it's been highlighted. He has two messed up knees from years of rugby, has had surgery on them, has hassle with stairs and has been known to need a lift home from work if he stands up funny and gives them an awkward twist. He definitely has two dodgy, painful knees and kneeling on a wooden floor probably isn't the best way to treat them. So the request at hand was dealt with with a weird mix of grumbling and enthusiasm. I was torn between "Jesus, don't be hurting yourself" and "Yeah, but I still want you to do it though". He was giving it "No, no, the lady gets what she wants". In the end he definitely went at it like a pro but all the time I felt like I was putting him through torture and found myself trying to be done quickly with the result that it was totally unenjoyable and I feel like I can't bring it up again.

I'm torn between sadness and annoyance. Sex isn't always the most comfortable thing in the world. A tired jaw and achey arms come to mind. But my feeling on it is that for your partner, you slap a smile on your face and do whatever gives them a good time, cos nobody wants to focus on your ailment when they're enjoying themselves. Maybe the discomfort he feels is much greater than regular awkward angle knocks and overextending by comparison, but I feel like he made a martyr of himself and ruined any chance I had of enjoying things. Is he selfish? Am I?

Merkin

Surely a 69er with you on top will solve all of those problems and his dodgy knees won't even come into it?

mcneil

What about him lying down and you squatting on his face. A very enjoyable position if done right thou you have to be careful about squirting in case ya drown him.

charlietheminxx

There's plenty of ways this can be done without him putting pressure on his knees. Suggest a few, and if he's reluctant then you have a problem.

Teyla Emmagan

Get the poor man a cushion. Or sit on his face.

It's all about compromise apparently!

Penny Tration

Your last paragraph makes it seem that you think it's totally acceptable for him to be in pain to do it, because you get an achey jaw or hand. Tbh, that's not okay. I'd imagine applying direct pressure to old injuries would be much more painful than over-doing it with your mouth or hand!

Compromise is easy here. If he WANTS to give you oral, why kneel on the floor? I've literally never had a guy kneel on the floor for it! Kneeling on the bed is easier! Softer for his knees too! There's also the 69 position, or you er, lowering yourself towards his mouth (trying not to be crude here!).

I think you need to establish whether or not he WANTS to do it, and if he does, work around the knee problem.

The Princess Bride

wrote:

Sex isn't always the most comfortable thing in the world. A tired jaw and achey arms come to mind. But my feeling on it is that for your partner, you slap a smile on your face and do whatever gives them a good time, cos nobody wants to focus on your ailment when they're enjoying themselves. Maybe the discomfort he feels is much greater than regular awkward angle knocks and overextending by comparison, but I feel like he made a martyr of himself and ruined any chance I had of enjoying things. Is he selfish? Am I?

I think you come across as selfish to be truthful.
I've been having sex for more than 2 decades and have never ever slapped a smile on and done whatever - a great sexual relationship is about pleasing each other but within your comfort zone.

If he's not comfortable doing what you want- and variations aren't working - then perhaps you're just not sexual compatible.
It's fine for us to suggest whatever, but he's the one with the pain and discomfort - not us.

ibarelycare

I don't get why he needs to kneel on the floor?? Why don't you just lie on your back on the bed with your legs open, and he lies on his belly and goes down on you that way? No pressure on his knees at all. I thought that was the norm...

Barely There

You do get that you don't have to be standing up with him kneeling in front of you to get oral right?

txm

Yeah IMHO you seem selfish.
Find something that you both enjoy?

LegacyUser

As someone with a really bad knee, I can tell you unequivocally that there just isn't a comparison between an "achy" jaw and the pain that a bad knee would cause when knelt on. Unless there's some form of material to do so. Doggie is lots of people's favourite positions, but I can only do it standing, because of the pain of putting pressure on it when kneeling.

However I was surprised when it affected going down on you. As many others have said, there's you sitting on his face, with you on top, or even him between your legs lying down, but not on his knees.

osarusan

Not to labour the point, but did it never occur to either of you to find a position where he wasn't kneeling on the floor?

It is, I would have thought, such a blindingly obvious solution that I wonder if his dodgy knees are the real/full reason.

davmol

Maybe there is another reason .Make sure there is no odour that he isn't fond of.My last GF smelled like howth harbour when I got near her belly button and this totally turned me off.

After an open honest discussion,i told her and we were able to fix the issue and got back down to it.

sm213

Monty python has your solution

https://youtu.be/KkJnd9rSAQ8

Stheno

Bad-knee wrote: »

As someone with a really bad knee, I can tell you unequivocally that there just isn't a comparison between an "achy" jaw and the pain that a bad knee would cause when knelt on. Unless there's some form of material to do so. .

Agreed, I've a bad knee and even kneeling for a couple of minutes leaves me in pain for a day or two

Dellnum

It's about what both partners enjoy, not just one. Women have always been told not to do what makes them feel uncomfortable when love making and the same applies to men.