Boyfriend is being disrespectful and won't say sorry.... Please help?

misscpmfan

Last night was a night me and my bf would usually go bowling with our friends . However he told me that he was invited out for drinks with his uncle who recently came home from America. So, by 7 I asked him where he was going out to, he said he wasn't sure as he was waiting for information as he called it. I said Ok.
I wanted to go bowling, and he had said that if the plans with his uncle was to change he would go too. I wasn't about to get dressed and ready though, if he had heard he was going elsewhere. I was set on going bowling and when I said I would get ready and go with his mates for the craic (they're also mine) he didn't like it. So I waited. I rang him, he was agitated with me, when I asked did he find out if he was seeing his uncle. At this point it was just 15 minutes from start of bowling. He started yelling at me and I tried to calm him down. He cut over me talking and yelled more then he hung up on me. 10 minutes later he rang and asked me to go but by this time it was too late.
I didn't get ready. Because I didn't want him to turn around and say he wouldn't go. Which could have happened.
I dunno what to think of all this. He went bowling without me. When he got back I asked what was up with his uncle, he said he and his dad went out but he wasn't invited. When I told him I was upset over the way he spoke to me, he said he did nothing wrong and he had nothing to apologize for. He finished this off with, "now you better not give me any guff".

I kinda think my bf made the whole uncle thing up to hesitate me in going for some reason. I can't be sure, but I'm uneasy about it all. I'm more uneasy that he doesn't say sorry when he does bad things, what should I do?!

kylith

On the one hand he sounds like an ass. Is making things up to put you off balance something he has done before?

On the other hand it sounds like you could be more assertive. Instead of waiting until the 11th hour for him to decide what you were going to do you could have said 'Well, I want to go bowling. If you know what's going on before the bowling starts let me know and I'll see if I can make it'. I know he's your boyfriend but you don't have to put off your plans to suit him.

Penny Tration

I dunno. If I told someone I'd let them know what the story was when I knew, and they rang me a few times to get answers, I'd be annoyed too. I don't think him shouting and hanging up is acceptable, but you played your role too with the passive aggressive 'oh I'll just go out with your friends so' comment.

Why didn't you just go with your friends? You say they're mutual friends, then say that they're his friends. If they're mutual friends, why did you sit there refusing to get ready unless your boyfriend came? Surely you're a big girl and can go out with friends without him?

There's a pair of you in it from what I can see.

Babysmurf

Why did you not just go bowling? It's very difficult to understand.

It sounds like he thought that you were going bowling and that he would join you if he wasn't going out with his uncle.

By making your actions contingent on his you ended up lot going bowling. Which is what you wanted to do in the first place. That's a head wreck.

I can't blame him for being frustrated, though he shouldn't have shouted at you. But that too depends on what he shouted.

ibarelycare

I agree with the above, you're both at fault.

I don't blame him for being annoyed that you kept ringing looking for details when he didn't have any. And refusing to get dressed is really passive aggressive. Is it that much effort to get dressed?

He shouldn't have shouted at you but I think you pushed him.

skallywag

misscpmfan wrote: »

...I wanted to go bowling...


...I was set on going bowling...

So why didn't you just tell him that you were going to go bowling, and that if his plans with the uncle did not work out then he could meet you there, etc?

LegacyUser

OP can I just what exactly happened. You usually go bowling as a couple with friends but he might have plans to meet his uncle. So you said you were going to get ready and go to bowling alone with friends and he got annoyed with you but it doesn't sound like you were in the same place if you were ringing each other so what was stopping you getting ready and going? Did he directly say he didn't want you going alone?

vertmann

I read this as he was waiting to find out what the plans were for his uncle. They may have been vague as these things can be. In the meantime there's you going on and on about the bowling. Eventually he just snapped.

Edit: I see you've posted recently about your mum not liking your boyfriend and about your issues around your drinking and what he does. I don't know what to make of it all but maybe your relationship isn't as wonderful as you try to make it out to be. Or it could be as simple as one or both of you being too immature to be in one.

If I were with someone, a family member, and wasn't sure about what was happening there, and my partner kept calling and pestering me about plans I didn't know about, I'd be pretty damn annoyed too.

Also I would have been equally as annoyed if those plans, which I had been waiting to find out about, were cancelled and I wasn't invited in the end.

We don't know much from the OP's side, what she said, only that he started shouting. Just how far did the passive aggression reach?

Now I'm not saying he should have shouted, but you shouldn't have been the way you were either. You could have gone bowling. You didn't. That was your choice.

Johngoose

You are probably a young girl with your whole life ahead of you.You won't end up marrying this dick anyway.You could drag it out for years,but it's not going to work.Break it off you will find somebody better/nicer.

SMJSF

By the looks of it,

HIM: he was probably looking forward to seeing his uncle, and he had to wait around to know, and he was let down, which upset him.
And to add to it, she called him repeatedly.

HER: she was set on going bowling, but wanted to know exactly what he was doing, and pestered him, and got a bit needy because he wasn't going with her to bowling.
She tried to pee him off by randomly saying that she was going out with his mates, which could have added the fire!

Look, ye don't have to do everything together! Just because your a couple, you don't have to be by each other's side.
You both need to sit down and talk about it like adults.
Tell each other was upset ye both, to learn from it for the future.