he's going to ask

MagicMarker

I think you're jumping to conclusions here op.

dieseldog

Deleted User wrote: »

I'd be very surprised if he gave the house phone number for something so secret. That just seems like a very strange thing to do. It's also possible he told the hotel that it was a proposal just to get a free upgrade and it's backfired.

Tread carefully. You could end up both being seriously disappointed/embarrassed here.

This is a really good point.

I planned to propose in Lake Garda and booked 10 days there. I ended up proposing in Killarney 4 months prior to the Lake Garda trip and we still went.

On the other hand, if you are correct, if my gf had have told me before I popped the question that she thought I was going to propose, I would have been SICK. The amount of effort I put in (I visited 10 jewellery shops) and investigating ways to propose and arranging things etc, if I did all that and she knew about it, I would have died.

If she didn't like the ring, I would have been happy to change it after all my effort, as long as she liked it.

I probably wouldn't have proposed for another year if she had found out. If she had any suspicions, I would have rathered that she keep them to herself.

Us men don't get much say at the best of times, but we'll bloody well pick the engagement date if we want to.

hardCopy

December is a long time away.

Even if it's exactly as you think he may lose his nerve or postpone between now and then.

Maybe he just wants to have an option lined up should he choose to propose.

There's a difference between him planning something and him actually dropping to one knee.

PinkLemonade

EvaG123 wrote: »

I don't want a particular ring. I'm not trying to scheme to get some really expensive ring. What I actually would like him to know is that I don't need or want him to waste lots of money on something when I'll love an inexpensive one just as much and that there are some styles I'm not mad about. That's all. He has booked an expensive hotel on an already expensive trip and apparently we're going to have a wedding to pay for (I hope!) so the last thing I would be doing is trying to swindle him into getting me some big expensive ring. He's my bf not my bank account, I've my own money if I take a notion to wanting something.

Well then be up front and tell him

Tiddlypeeps

dieseldog wrote: »

I probably wouldn't have proposed for another year if she had found out.

I can understand wanting it to be a suprised, but if for some reason the surprise is ruined it seems bizarrely petty to just scrap the whole thing for a long period of time. I might be picking it up wrong but that seems childish in the extreme. How would you even word that to your OH, "oh you found out, well in that case I don't want it anymore".

dieseldog

Tiddlypeeps wrote: »

I can understand wanting it to be a suprised, but if for some reason the surprise is ruined it seems bizarrely petty to just scrap the whole thing for a long period of time. I might be picking it up wrong but that seems childish in the extreme. How would you even word that to your OH, "oh you found out, well in that case I don't want it anymore".

I might have exaggerated a year, maybe 6 months. I would still want it to be a surprise and if she found out we wouldn't be able to go for a walk without her thinking I was going to bend the knee.

IceWolf7

averagejoe123 wrote: »

I would tell him that there is a message on the answering machine for him. This way he will know what you heard and give him the opportunity to organise something that is a genuine surprise.

I definitely agree with this, you really should tell him and that would be a calm, subtle way of letting on. As another previous poster pointed out, he'll find out at some point along the line that you knew and he'll feel like an idiot then. You (usually) only get engaged once in your life and neither of you will want to look back on it with a dark cloud over it. That's how I'd feel anyway.

Tarzana2

Tiddlypeeps wrote: »

I can understand wanting it to be a suprised, but if for some reason the surprise is ruined it seems bizarrely petty to just scrap the whole thing for a long period of time. I might be picking it up wrong but that seems childish in the extreme. How would you even word that to your OH, "oh you found out, well in that case I don't want it anymore".

Yeah, very odd. It wouldn't be her fault if she found out so why hold it against her?

Even if it was an engagement proposal - which I'm not convinced it is, 'we can work with your proposal' could be business-speak - what would you do other than tell him?
If you "go along" with it on the day it'll be starting things off on a big lie... and if you don't pull it off he'll be angry and humiliated I'd say ...

I would just tell him you heard the voicemail, ask what that's about, and go from there
You could be jumping the gun for sure

It could be something related to the wedding you're going to and he got put in charge of organising it??
You don't know
Definitely say you heard it and ask

baby and crumble

If it were me trying to organise a proposal, I'd prefer to be told "there's a voicemail on the machine for you, sorry I already heard it" and let me check it. He'll know you know, and then you can leave it in his hands. If he ignores it, knowing you know, then follow his lead. It'l be hard, but just leave it. Maybe say something like "I'll say yes, and don't be spending piles of money on a ring!" and leave it at that. Some guys have no problem letting their fiancée pick out a ring, some would refuse point blank, it's one of the few things a guy in particular gets control over in the whole wedding process- very quickly family and friends land in with opinions etc and that's it.

the purple tin

Forget all about it. What you really need is one of those pen zappers from men in black to wipe your memory

Flippyfloppy

Why would you ring the hotel and ask them??? Just talk to your boyfriend!!

amdublin

Send him a text saying "chicken there's a very funny message on the answering machine for you"

amdublin

Funny as in odd or unusual.

Second Toughest in_the Freshers

funny how?

Milly33

Chicken haha really

amdublin

Second Toughest in_the Freshers wrote: »

funny how?

Funny as in odd or unusual. As I clarifies in the post right after my original and right on top of your post.

amdublin

Milly33 wrote: »

Chicken haha really

Chicken. Babe. Honey. Pumpkin. Sweetie. Etc. Whatever pet name floats your boat...

Thargor

I want to hear what happens when the OP rings the hotel and screams at them, dont care if it wrecks the proposal or the relationship, I want to hear it

amor3

I'm not entirely convinced its a "proposal " sorry OP..

Milly33

amdublin wrote: »

Chicken. Babe. Honey. Pumpkin. Sweetie. Etc. Whatever pet name floats your boat...

Its a killer, cant be dealing with pet names...

willow tree

amor3 wrote: »

I'm not entirely convinced its a "proposal " sorry OP..

I often say proposal when talking about a suggestion.

amor3

willow tree wrote: »

I often say proposal when talking about a suggestion.

Exactly, could be numerous things!

NicoleW85

Ah come on, she's already told us they're staying with family and so this hotel visit (in the same city) isn't in their original schedule! I doubt he's taking her to an iconic hotel to 'propose' they take out a loan from the credit union or buy a new car!!

CaraMay

Ah don't ruin it on him op. Just go along with it. He probably won't have the ring

CaraMay

Oh for god sake. What waffle. It's not exactly a big lie, it's facilitating a surprise. You must be great crack when people are having surprise birthday parties.

tolosenc

When he comes home, play the message and then just say "Yes".

Fake surprise when he asks at NYE could result in an argument or him feeling like you don't really want to.

EvaG123

Thought I should come back with an update since so many of you were good enough to give advice. Talked to my best friend about what to do before bf came home a few days ago and she was squirming with what can only be described as 'extreme awkward face'! As it turns out he'd sought her advice on the plans. I was under orders to discuss with him in case I couldn't look surprised and she was blamed for telling me so we had a chat when he came home and he's raging with the hotel but delighted that he doesn't have to worry about me saying yes at least!

Here Comes The Trio

EvaG123 wrote: »

Thought I should come back with an update since so many of you were good enough to give advice. Talked to my best friend about what to do before bf came home a few days ago and she was squirming with what can only be described as 'extreme awkward face'! As it turns out he'd sought her advice on the plans. I was under orders to discuss with him in case I couldn't look surprised and she was blamed for telling me so we had a chat when he came home and he's raging with the hotel but delighted that he doesn't have to worry about me saying yes at least!

Ugh I would be livid with the hotel!

Secret surprise plans AND consulted with your best friend, sounds like he had it all thought out and researched! He sounds very sweet and now this part is over ye can get on with things the way they were and look forward to planning a wedding next year! All the best

Tefral

Great Success! Id be speaking to the manager of the hotel anyway! Might get a free night out of it!!

Congrats OP

NicoleW85

Woohoo! See didn't I tell ye he wasn't proposing a credit union loan???
So happy for you! And make sure you express your deepest annoyance to the hotel - you will most likely be offered something nice for their cock up!! Happy planning!

Congratulations on the engagement Eva


I don't think they can blame the hotel for leaving a message on the phone number he gave them in all fairness. That was the OP's boyfriend's error giving it to them in the first place.

Toots

Congratulations OP! Delighted to hear it all worked out well anyway, I'd love to have been a fly on the wall to see your friend's face :pac:

Spanish Eyes

Best wishes and congratulations!!

But your OH was a bit previous in giving the HOME number (with an answering machine) for this I think!!

Who does that nowadays FGS. Recipe for disaster for something like this.

freshpopcorn

Congratulations!
The one thing you can take from this experience is your going to have some story to tell kids/grandkids(if ye do have them).