Overly emotional

LegacyUser

Hi everyone. I'm a regular poster, but want to post here privately and there's a way to do this. I'm availing of this for privacy. I'm easily recongised...

I feel a bit silly posting after reading the turmoil most of you have been through, but I have a little problem. Nothing compared to most of the stuff that goes on here.

I'm a little bit soft and over emotional. I've always been like this. I take young death badly. I'm ok with elderly relatives dying. I can handle it well. My parents are ageing, my mums not well and I think I'll be ok. I'm 39, married, kids, comfortable, and very happy. I have a good life. Active, successful etc...

But. Little things get to me. Here's an example.

I had a childhood friend that I lost contact with years ago, we went to separate secondary schools! No contact, not even online! But, we had good times with each other in the company of our parents. Sleepovers, holidays together (him with my folks, me with his folks) We both had a pretty privileged upbringing. Lots of good times, camps, sailing holidays etc... We were in school together and would be picked up to go to the beach or dinner in a restaurant (in the 70's) etc... He was mad, great fun, hilarious, full of divelment, very infectious, good craic, giddy and loveable.

So, we lost contact. Pre-social media, he went to a private school miles away. I went to a different school.

He died. I found out this morning and I've been in bits ever since. I'm a manager over eight people and I had to hit the jacks five times, left early and can't stop thinking about him.

Looks like he took his own life. I went to a service this evening and there was nobody there. Just me, some people his parents age and my dad. Turns out his family arrived, couldn't handle it and left (no comments on this please). I was that upset I couldnt even bring myself to go in to the room and see him. I stayed in the carpark with sunglasses on to hide the state of me.

I have had no contact with this man for decades, and his death has knocked me for six. He's a stranger, I could have walked by him on the street and not recongnised him. I was more devastated to realise that he had no friends. I feel all guilty now. I'm arranging a trip for my son that's a direct copy of a trip I did with my dead friend. I arranged it before he died and was telling my wife all about our little adventure we had.

I remember this funny, goofy, confident, handsome, smart (smarter than me by a mile), caring sensitive kid. And now he's lying on display with clothing to hide the damage he did to himself with his successful efforts to end himself.

I've always been a bit soft about things like this. Come on, I haven't seen this guy since the year dot and I'm barely able to work.

Is this a thing? Could I do with a one to one with a professional? Even my wife was very surprised that I was that upset. She was as helpful as can be, but I could see that she and my family were a bit taken aback at my level of upset, and to be honest so am I.

Is there a thing I have? Overly sensitive? I feel I need to knock this on the head.

Sorry for the massive post. But this has been on my mind. Young deaths seem to really hit me hard.

Thanks.

LegacyUser

Not sure if it's of any comfort to you but i also have been hit hard by grief when not expecting it. (With me I can usually explain it as a sort of deferred grief for someone else, but not always)

However as the guy was a childhood friend I think your grief is probably to be expected.

You may not have been close recently, but you were when you were just a child, I'm not an expert but I'm certain attachments formed when young are embedded deep in our subconscious and when roots like those are pulled its going to hurt!

LegacyUser

I guess there is that... the deferred grief thing. What a blubberbus I am. Thanks for the imput Me Too, I've been in contact with the family since. The guy had a tormented life. Can't believe things went so downhill for him.

Rubberchikken

there's no shame in being a sensitive person. you showed great decency to go to his service. he was your friend. your memories of him are good and the shock of his passing is worth grieving.
how he died is also a shock. as we get older and have our own families, the thought of losing an older family member becomes, i think, more natural. but the death of someone our own age, someone we were friends with even years ago, is hard. it hits home how fragile life really is.

take care. and i'm sorry for your loss.

LegacyUser

Thanks for your kind words. I guess I'm just a little bit sensitive when it comes to this type of thing, untimely death with younger people. My memories of the boy are typical memories. Giddy schooldays, fun on the beach, sailing trips, rock pooling and a memorable Halloween. I drink a good bit. Thursday to Sunday... bottle of wine a night. I think that could be part of the problem.

I want to reiterate my thanks to regulars here that help, post, have wise words, that have been through the mill and selflessly use their not so nice experience to help others. Strong men and women.

My grief is minor compared to some of the stories here. I wish you all the best. From one human to another, on a human and loving level. It's a desperate, unavoidable part of life that we all have to deal with. Death.