innorush

LegacyUser

I recently met a guy online we were chatting for hours at a time on the phone for about a week, there was no mention of us meeting up , i was leaving it up to him to ask, then i was out with my mates a few nites later and i was very drunk i was texting him asking him to come to the local pub to which he did , he was sober and drank non-alcoholic beer as he was driving. At the end of the night i start kissing the face off him, we went to a chinese take away and then went back to his house. after we had our chinese i told him i was going home, he begged me to stay i told him he wasnt getting 'anything', he said 'dont worry i dont expect anything', we both slept in his bed and absolutely nothing happened we didnt even kiss. i woke up the next morning and totally respected him for this , he could have easily taking advantage of my very drunken state, he made me breakfast i stayed nearly all day chatting and then he dropped me home, gave me a peck on the check.

he text me all that day and all day monday and all day tuesday but still no question of meeting up or asking when i'm free or anything. he'd ask me what i'm up to and i'd say ah just sitting in and he'd say he was too but still no mention of hooking up. on the thursday i was at the pub with my work colleagues and on the way home arrived at his door drunk, he invited me in and made me tea, he asked why i turned up and i came out straight telling him that i'm annoyed that he's just texting me chit chat all week and hasnt yet asked me out, he said 'but it's only been a week whats the rush', i said 'but i dont know where i stand', he said 'if i wasnt interested i wouldnt be texting you'. i said well i do have other fellas texting me so i cant be hanging round waiting on you to ask me out. (CRINGE)

anyway i stayed that nite, he started kissing me and i ended up jumping on him and shagging him , he told me he really enjoyed it as it's been so long. i woke up the next day mortified, i went straight into work. i thought 'feck, im not gonna hear from him again'. only two times he met me and i was drunk both times. anyway as the morning went on i got a text asking if i got into work okay and how i was etc the the usual texts started again, general chit chat and no mention of meeting up.

I bit the bullet and text him saying 'would you fancy meeting up later', he wrote back saying he was very tired and was going to bed early. i just wrote back 'okay no problem' and deleted his number, he meet that was him saying he wasnt interested as he never said 'But maybe we could meet another time.....'

just out of the blue this morning he text me asking how i am.

it's actually very frustrating , it's like hes just looking for a text buddy. we havent actually been out together and he never asks when i'm free. i dont know if i'm wasting my time or if im been too pushy. we are both in our late thirties.

TheEverlasting

It sounds like you're wasting your time to be honest.
You've told him you want him to ask you out and he still hasn't.
You asked him out and he said no.
I wouldn't waste my time anymore, you can do better than him.

LegacyUser

The only thing I can think that he is doing here is making you inniate everything so that he doesn't have to take the blame.

For example you came onto him so in his head, if he doesn't want anything after or when things are at a stage of getting more serious, he doesn't feel any guilt if he wants to bail.

He was acting interested but not doing anything about it giving just enough encouragement for you to go to him.

Just leave him. If he does get in contact, be nice and explain that while you did enjoy his company, having to do all the "wooing" is a bit of a turn off and feels like work rather than a natural flow of getting to know someone which is true.

... you didn't ask him to do anything. Well, not sober. And those times that you asked him 1) you were really drunk and annoyed that he hadn't asked and 2) annoyed that he hadn't asked.

But.. you didn't ask him to do anything. Not once.

Also.. this guy has the patience of a saint, because if a girl I had only just been talking to for a week turned up outside my apartment drunk.. Dunno. He must obviously like you, because I definitely wouldn't be talking to you again.

And yes, exactly what he said.. it's been a week. he had met you once, because you had met him, and a second time when you turned up.

If I'm honest, you're coming across as a little pushy ...

MagicMarker

Honestly OP, you come across as a complete mess. It wouldn't surprise me if your drunken impulsiveness has turned him off completely (him having sex with you not withstanding).

Next time, just ask him on a date instead of waiting for him to ask you. I think you've relegated yourself to the "easy drunken shag" category of women he's messaging.

LegacyUser

MagicMarker wrote: »

Honestly OP, you come across as a complete mess. It wouldn't surprise me if your drunken impulsiveness has turned him off completely (him having sex with you not withstanding).

Next time, just ask him on a date instead of waiting for him to ask you. I think you've relegated yourself to the "easy drunken shag" category of women he's messaging.

I think this is a bit harsh on op. I imagine the text messages were probably quite flirty and op used a bit of Dutch courage by trying to get things started by asking him to the pub.

Op you did not relegate yourself to drunken shag. He was receptive when you asked him to come out to the pub and also when you came onto to him which ended with you both having sex.

If he was so concerned with not rushing things then he should have declined having sex with you.

He had asked you to stay at his place before (him not initiating anything). This was all leading to you feeling closer to him. He doesn't do anything but just reacts and accepts your proposals.

This is him making it seem like you have complete control (which is not what someone wants) but really he has all the control by playing along and going with whatever you suggest. He was leaving it all to you so he had no responsibility.

It is very confusing for women being told that they should do the asking, should be more open and liberal sexually, shouldnt let texting and online dating go on for too long without meeting in person.

op your mistake was not dumping when he said that there was no rush in asking you out after you had invited him out for drinks with your pals. It was then his turn and you probably should have realised that it was going nowhere then.

lhg

lhg wrote: »

It is very confusing for women being told that they should do the asking, should be more open and liberal sexually, shouldnt let texting and online dating go on for too long without meeting in person.

Why is it very confusing?

Look at the guy's point of view - he's only been messaging this girl for a week. And already met her twice. During this time, she has only met him drunk and she turned up at his place drunk.

Turn this around and imagine it was a guy doing all of this -- surely you'd be posting, "this is red flags. Stay clear. Guy is a freak". In fact, we had similar enough threads that were met with that very same reply.

LegacyUser

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Why is it very confusing?

Look at the guy's point of view - he's only been messaging this girl for a week. And already met her twice. During this time, she has only met him drunk and she turned up at his place drunk.

Turn this around and imagine it was a guy doing all of this -- surely you'd be posting, "this is red flags. Stay clear. Guy is a freak". In fact, we had similar enough threads that were met with that very same reply.

I'm female. But if I was him, I'd stay well clear - it comes across as though you're only really interested when you're locked. And being way too intense.

If you actually really like this guy, then meet him sober. And talk to him sober. And suggest meeting when sober if you do like him. And never ever turn up drunk at his apartment like that again, unless you've both been out, or you're in some sort of agreement about how you stand.

It actually came across as though you're simultaneously pissed off at him for not contacting you, whilst using him for a drunken shag.

What do you actually want with this guy? You're behaving pretty badly towards him atm. I can only imagine that you are putting him off with your behaviour.

LegacyUser

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Why is it very confusing?

Look at the guy's point of view - he's only been messaging this girl for a week. And already met her twice. During this time, she has only met him drunk and she turned up at his place drunk.

Turn this around and imagine it w6as a guy doing all of this -- surely you'd be posting, "this is red flags. Stay clear. Guy is a freak". In fact, we had similar enough threads that were met with that very same reply.

No your looking at the time line wrong.

They were texting for a week. Then she asked him to the pub with her pals and he asked her back to his place. Following this he started the texting again for a couple of days. She confronted him about not asking her out. Then she arrives drunk at house. He still does the texting after this. She asks him out and he says no so she drops him and now "out of the blue" he starts texting again.

I'd say this has all happened probably over a month.

No if it was a guy posting I would not be saying there are red flags. I imagine you would be posting that op if a man had made some mistakes but was being messed around and led on. I doubt anyone would have posted that the guy had "relegated" himself to "drunken shag" though.

MayoSalmon

lhg wrote: »

If he was so concerned with not rushing things then he should have declined having sex with you.

Do women actually think Men think like this?? Declined having sex...Dear god :pac::pac:

davmol

OP ,you sound like a nut job.

It was only a week and you pressured him into a date.Turning up drunk looking for se_x is truly forgivable,i wouldn't have a problem with that but the constant pressure in such a short time for a date is too much.

Some guys just like to take it easy and text about for a bit and get to know someone,they also could have lots going on in their life.

Why are you so eager to jump ahead.Just relax and take it easy.

Idle Passerby

Im cringing for you OP. You've been hammered and horny every time you've met each other and he's been stone cold sober. He sounds a bit shy (maybe inexperienced) and was happy to take things slow and your barreling into his life like a runaway steam train. I'd leave him be, he probably hasnt a clue how to deal with you.

zeffabelli

I would not take seriously someone who showed up twice drunk for bootie calls.

You need to do something sober and conscious.

ManOfMystery

innorush wrote: »

i came out straight telling him that i'm annoyed that he's just texting me chit chat all week and hasnt yet asked me out, he said 'but it's only been a week whats the rush', i said 'but i dont know where i stand', he said 'if i wasnt interested i wouldnt be texting you'. i said well i do have other fellas texting me so i cant be hanging round waiting on you to ask me out. (CRINGE)

You need to relax OP. The guy has very, very clearly made a point (above) that there is no rush. And I agree, it's only a week! He's obviously just getting to know you a bit first before rushing into anything, at least he was until you turned up drunk at his door and then jumped him.

Aashna

Sounds like a bit of a power-play on his part, to be honest. You've made it clear that you're interested and he's continued to be evasive and 'play it cool'. You were a bit intense, maybe, but I can see how you'd end up confronting him out of pure frustration if he's constantly brushing you off and then reeling you back in. I'd walk away now if I were you, he doesn't seem worth the hassle.

Dial Hard

Aashna wrote:

Sounds like a bit of a power-play on his part, to be honest. You've made it clear that you're interested and he's continued to be evasive and 'play it cool'

If someone I'd only met once turned up unannounced and pissed drunk on my doorstep then I'd be playing it bloody cool myself, I have to say.

IlmoNT4

Do you drink yourself into this state much OP?

If it was me, I'd forget about this guy and I'd take a long hard look at my drinking and how I feel in my life.

Augme

Most of the glaring problems have been highlighted but this line for me just took the biscuit.

innorush wrote: »

. i said well i do have other fellas texting me so i cant be hanging round waiting on you to ask me out. (CRINGE).

The guy must really really like you(or be really desperate/crazy) because I think 99% fo guy would run a mile based on have you have beheaved so far.