I'm gay. My bro is too.

LegacyUser

I'm 19 and gay (closet).
My bro is 16 and apparently gay (closet).

My mother had been acting strange the past couple of weeks. I've found her crying for no apparent reason on two occasions and both times when I asked her what's wrong, she gets evasive and laughs it off.

I've done a share of eavesdropping to find out what's up the last few nights, and last night I got my answer. My mother knows that my brother is gay. I never knew until I heard a fragment of her conversion with my dad. I suspected, but more out of paranoia than evidence. Some event has happened, some set of circumstances has transpired and now she knows. It has upset her. My father seems taciturn on the subject (never good.)

I don't know if my brother is aware that they know this. His behavior leads me to believe that he is blissfully ignorant.

We are the only children my parents have.

I'm scared for my brother.
I can't help but feel guilt that I'm gay too.
I'm mortally afraid that my brother will boot up the oul grindr and simultaneously comprise his own well being and find out from someone on there that I'm gay.
I feel guilty that I know that he's gay, and have deprived him of he's privacy.
My mam is scared for him and i feel sorry for her that she's struggling to digest what she's learned.
A small part of my is jealous that my brother is more or less out to his family without him even knowing it. He has the time to reconcile himself with the issue, and when/ if he does come out, my folks wont be surprised and have a measured reaction.

I know a noble thing to do would be to tell my brother that I know at least, and support him, but that would be too heart on sleeve for me. And I'd feel like a fraud and a hypocrite because I would be withholding the fact that i can empathize with him ( I don't want to come out, no one else's business in my mind).

I'm going to college in Galway in a couple of weeks, and am looking forward to getting some distance. I suppose I'm confused and have realised that everyone in my family is wearing a mask. Myself and my brother are both hiding our sexuality, and my mam, dad and I are hiding our knowledge of my brother's sexuality.

It might sound that i'm making much a do about nothing, but it's not nothing in my head.

Insights/ wake up calls appreciated

jimmycrackcorm

What's stopping you from telling your own parents, especially given the recent referendum. It might make things easier all round if your brother is also gay.

Inevitably you will have to tell your parents. As you already suspect it's going to be an adjustment for them but all parents love their kids so I think you should take the initiative.

Did you know that boards has an LGBT forum? Anonymous posting is available there too (I believe?) and you might be able to get some fantastic advice from people over there that might not frequent PI. As someone who isn't GBT (I leave out the L, because it's safe to assume that I'm definitely not that..), it's somewhat tough to offer advice as I haven't been through that, but what would happen if you were to come out to your parents openly? You can discuss it with your brother first in private, so that he knows you're going to do it, and it might give him the encouragement and inspiration to come out himself.

You know your parents better than anyone here ever will - how do you feel they might react once learning about your sexual preferences?

Banaba

My best friend recently came out. His parents were all over the place at the time too because they werent expecting it. I think parents have ideas and expectations for their children and when they go off course sometimes it can affect them in different ways.

Im sure you mum will have a different attitude once she thinks it all through. I wish you and your brother all the best

baby and crumble

My parents had no idea I was gay when I came out to them 12 years ago. It really knocked them for 6 and I know they were upset- not really at me being gay, but more that they thought I'd have less opportunities to have a "normal" life or that I'd maybe get passed over for jobs etc.

Nobody spoke about it for a while, but gradually they met my GF, got to know her, and us as a couple, and now it's fine. My Dad and I don't necessarily "talk about it"- he is a 68 year old Irish Dad after all!- but he always asks after my GF and uses the word "partner" and stuff.

I guess what I'm trying to say is don't worry about it too much. Parents have a knack of surprising you, and these things usually work out in the end. A friend of mines 2 brothers are gay (eldest and youngest) and while it was a bit odd for everyone at the beginning, it's just a fact of life now.

magicmushroom

Would you be ready to tell your Brother that you are gay?

I think it would be a good idea and you will probably find that he'll confide in you that he is also. You will then be able to support each other and you will no longer have to feel a 'guilt' that you know his secret when he didn't want you to.
He doesn't have to know you found out before he actually told you.

I hate to hear of your situation, I can't even imagine how you feel - there's something seriously wrong with this world that people have been raised in a society that makes it wrong to feel something you have no control over.

Just remember that your feelings are in no way wrong, no one on this planer regardless of sex, gender, straight or gay can control who they love and you should never feel guilty for being who you are.

I hope it all works out for you both, I really do