Worrying about two under two

detoxkid

My daughter will be 19 months when my baby is born, the baby is totally planned and we feel blessed to be in this position. My daughter has just been the light of my life since she was born, every smil, laugh, cry, expression has been captured and commented on. I'm starting to worry that I won't hgave time to do this when the baby comes and that her happy little world will be turned upside down. On the other hand I want to pay the new baby as much love and attention as his or her sister and I'm worried I won't be able to do this. I'm worried every which way! I have this sense if dread that I should have counted my blessings with one and left it at that. Has anyone experienced this? Any words of wisdom! ?

emer_b

Hi detox, my first was 23months when my second was born.
I can only assure you that you will have more than enough love to go around. Yes, your little family will change completely when baby arrives, but for the better. Even though your daughter will no longer have your undivided attention, she will benefit in so many ways from having a sibling.
I also worried about not having enough time for my eldest, her jealousy of the baby, the change to our lives etc. But it all worked out just fine, and nothing makes me happier than watching the two of them play together and hug each other. The short age gap is challenging but brilliant in so many ways.
Best of luck

detoxkid

Thanks for the reply x it was a great reassurance

Balmed Out

Similar situation were expecting our second next month at which time our son will be 20 months.
I'm more worried about how to keep him safe if were distracted by the baby as hes extremely lively.
I think we can all just hope to get through it and enjoy the odd moment one day at a time!

Anyone ever noticed the eldest all of a sudden getting very clingy when his mother is heavily pregnant? He has never been before but now if I was to pick up a cousin he bursts out crying and runs towards me or when he sees me getting my things together to go to work I have to do it all while holding him.

theLuggage

My eldest was 21 months when I had her sister. They do get clingy near the end, they definitely know something is happening. I'm expecting my third and mine are now 4 and a half and nearly 3 and they are getting clingy and lots of attention seeking behaviour going on!

As for the gap, it's lovely for them at times. They play great together near at the age they are at. Of course there are a billion rows between them as well but definitely good pals and sisters. It can be challenging - on reflection I think more so for me now, but that's probably because I'm pregnant and find it difficult to play with/manage them.

At the start just give lots of time to the toddler, baby will sleep in sections and when a routine hits in it'll be easier to predict how long you might have spare while the baby is asleep. Let the toddler help by asking for wipes etc if they are ready for that but don't force anything.

I worried lots about my toddler - as you say OP it feels like their little world is being turned upside down. But I see how much she gets from a sibling and it's wonderful. You will love them both - even if you can't realise it now, there's enough to go round

Oh one thing I did was to get a newborn baby doll and a pram as a present from the baby for my toddler. She loved it, and didn't want to see the new baby at all she was so busy playing with her new doll!! Lol! Oh and I heard the best thing when you come home from hospital, that your toddler sees you without baby in your arms. We popped the baby in her buggy for the first meeting.

Sligo1

OP it is such a busy busy time... but the love you will see between them in the really early days is priceless! My son was 15 months when my daughter was born. They are now 2.5 and 1.5. and while he rams her and take her toys and makes her cry. When anything else makes her cry he will go up to her and hug her and say... "its ok L... dont cry..." it makes me so proud. And when he gets sent to the naughty corner.. she follows him in calling his name. They are such great company for eachother. And you will make time for the 2 of them... you just do.... big congratulations and best of luck

Carrie6OD

My eldest was 19 months when his brother was born. At the start it was difficult. You want to give them the same amount of attention. You can't. But you can for sure give them the same amount of love. Your partner may have to step on and take over with your eldest every now and then because your newborn will need you more for the first while and that's ok! You are giving your daughter the best gift she'll ever get! A new brother or sister! Now the two of mine are 8 months and 28 months and they are best pals. Having the two so close together was hard at first but so so worth it!

Roesy

My little girl was 20 months when my now 7 week old arrived. The first couple of weeks home from the hospital were very hard on her. She was all over the place emotionally. She seemed to love the baby from the start though, was fascinated by her but was and still is a bit too exuberant with her affections. She does get jealous/annoyed if she wants something or needs me while I'm feeding the baby. I can't leave them alone together either even for a minute or two though as she pokes and prods her. If the baby is crying she calls me or tries to give her her dummy though. It's very cute. I do try and involve her as much as possible in baby stuff too. The baby ends up spending a good bit of time in the sling so I can try and give the toddler some more attention/get things done around the house. Im looking forward to the baby being a bit bigger and more interactive as the toddler already gets a great kick out of her smiling or even looking at her!

Meath08

Don't worry, you'll be surprised how adaptable children are. My daughter was 15 months when her brother arrived. He brought her a baby doll of her own to play with and she was able to copy everything I did with the baby. That doll was so important to her for such a long time and she talked regularly about how her brother brought it to her.

Involve your toddler as much as you can when you are holding the baby. Reading stories or playing games while the baby fed helped my toddler to enjoy feeding time. When baby sleeps devote quality time to your daughter and vice versa. You have plenty of love for all your children so instead of just one child being everything to you, you heart will grow to accommodate two children who will mean everything.

My two are now 6 and almost 5 and play so well together everyday. Obviously like all children they have their fights but they get on great and have such fun thanks to being so close in age. It has worked out brilliantly for us. Relax for now and talk to your daughter about baby's arrival. Before long she won't even remember there was a time when baby wasn't there.

Cunning Stunt

Great to see this thread. I will have a 22 month old when the new baby arrives in October, so need all the advice I can get!

For those of you who stayed more than one night in the hospital - did your eldest child visit while you were there or did you wait until the day you were going home, for them to come and collect you? I just don't know how our little man will take it, coming in to see me and then having to leave again while mammy stays with the new baby in the hospital...

Balmed Out

Cunning Stunt wrote: »

Great to see this thread. I will have a 22 month old when the new baby arrives in October, so need all the advice I can get!

For those of you who stayed more than one night in the hospital - did your eldest child visit while you were there or did you wait until the day you were going home, for them to come and collect you? I just don't know how our little man will take it, coming in to see me and then having to leave again while mammy stays with the new baby in the hospital...

I dont plan on bringing ours in to visit at all, maybe to collect.

Cunning Stunt

Balmed Out wrote: »

I dont plan on bringing ours in to visit at all, maybe to collect.

Yeah I am leaning that way myself. I think it might be too hard on him otherwise.

Immy

Cunning Stunt wrote: »

Great to see this thread. I will have a 22 month old when the new baby arrives in October, so need all the advice I can get!

For those of you who stayed more than one night in the hospital - did your eldest child visit while you were there or did you wait until the day you were going home, for them to come and collect you? I just don't know how our little man will take it, coming in to see me and then having to leave again while mammy stays with the new baby in the hospital...

I had 3 under 3 and I never brought them in to see me in the hospital. Had sections so was in for 4 nights. I had heard too many other children screaming when they were leaving Mammy and I couldn't put myself or the toddler through it. I did miss them and I'm sure they missed me, but they had grannies and aunts running around after them and were well looked after.

Banjaxed82

My son was 2 when twin sisters arrived. It never ceases to amaze me how limitless one's ability to love is.

Our son became part of the whole process and had a great reaction to their arrival. We didn't make a big song and dance about the girls arrival. Sometimes you can over do the reassuring to the point where you can do more harm than good.

Don't deny your kid the reality of what's happening. He/she is no longer an only child. Don't sugar coat it. Include them. Make them feel the positives of being a big brother/sister.

6 years on, they're all the best of mates, and this thursday they go back to school...and finally everyone finishes at 2:20pm! Never thought that day would come 6 years ago! :pac:

Good luck

Banjaxed82

Meath08 wrote: »

Don't worry, you'll be surprised how adaptable children are. My daughter was 15 months when her brother arrived. He brought her a baby doll of her own to play with and she was able to copy everything I did with the baby. That doll was so important to her for such a long time and she talked regularly about how her brother brought it to her.

Involve your toddler as much as you can when you are holding the baby. Reading stories or playing games while the baby fed helped my toddler to enjoy feeding time. When baby sleeps devote quality time to your daughter and vice versa. You have plenty of love for all your children so instead of just one child being everything to you, you heart will grow to accommodate two children who will mean everything.

My two are now 6 and almost 5 and play so well together everyday. Obviously like all children they have their fights but they get on great and have such fun thanks to being so close in age. It has worked out brilliantly for us. Relax for now and talk to your daughter about baby's arrival. Before long she won't even remember there was a time when baby wasn't there.

This is couldn't be truer. It also applies to the parents

Carrie6OD

Cunning Stunt wrote: »

Great to see this thread. I will have a 22 month old when the new baby arrives in October, so need all the advice I can get!

For those of you who stayed more than one night in the hospital - did your eldest child visit while you were there or did you wait until the day you were going home, for them to come and collect you? I just don't know how our little man will take it, coming in to see me and then having to leave again while mammy stays with the new baby in the hospital...

My husband brought my eldest in to see his new brother and to this day he still talks about it! He's only 2 and a few months and he remembers every detail of the room and hospital. He brought the baby a teddy and got a teddy from the baby and they are very precious to them. He talks about the day he got his new brother all the time so it was obviously a very important day for him. I was in hospital for 3 nights and he came in twice. I was dying to see him too! He didn't mind at all leaving me. He was having a special din dins with daddy and was happy out. He's a very chilled out little guy though so that definitely helped.

theLuggage

Cunning Stunt wrote: »

Great to see this thread. I will have a 22 month old when the new baby arrives in October, so need all the advice I can get!

For those of you who stayed more than one night in the hospital - did your eldest child visit while you were there or did you wait until the day you were going home, for them to come and collect you? I just don't know how our little man will take it, coming in to see me and then having to leave again while mammy stays with the new baby in the hospital...

I felt this way as well. My eldest was 21 months and I felt she would be too upset leaving, especially as the baby would be staying with Mammy. I probably missed her more than she missed me! She had Daddy and her Nana n Grandad spoiling her. I saw her when I was at home - don't think of bringing her in for going hime time, thats not a bad idea.

This time she will be 4 and a half so well able to manage, while her sister will nearly be 3. The younger one might kick off but she'll be leaving with the older one and loves copying her and being with her so don't think it will be too bad (I hope!)