Negativity in the equine industry

TG1

What do people think about the levels of negativity in our wonderful hobby? Do Ye think it's just the equine industry or are the know it all naysayers in every sport, and I've only noticed it with horses? And how do you deal with it when it comes to unsolicited advice?

To put this in context, I worked in the equine industry for years, then got sick of the type of people I had to deal with and changed career.
I had nothing to do with horses for years, then gradually started to get back into it, and bought a horse a few months ago.
I enlisted the help of a friend who is in the industry to buy her, and a few things since, but what strikes me every time I deal with this friend is how negative she is. She is so quick to put me down about my knowledge, my riding, my horsecare, just because I dont do things exactly as she would. My horse is healthy, happy and learning so I think I'm doing something right!
I'm also looking to relocate at the mo and every yard I look at a she has a story about how awful it is, and even if I counter with someone who kept a horse there for 10 years with no issues she will keep on about how awful the place is.
And I know she's not alone! This is exactly why I left the industry when I did! Everyone in it seems to be an expert and feels the need to shout about it at every given opportunity! It wrecks my head, particularly the riding aspect, as no one rides perfectly, and very few ride close to it but everyone feels entitled to tell others how to do it!

So how do you deal with this sort of thing in the sport? Is it a case of ignoring it and doing your own thing, tackling people head on or just trying to figure out which advice is worth taking and which is just designed to make the giver feel better about themselves?

emma-fly

I actually suffered from an awful experience when I was in pony club because of this, my instructor wouldn't let me jump my horse one day saying I wasn't able for it. Even though I tried to explain to her I was jumping 1m at home with ease. Another day she wouldn't even let me sit on my horse, I had to lead her everywhere. It completely ruined horse riding for me and I quit for years.

I must have been about 13 and she was so negative and horrible that she completely turned me against something I had done since before I was walking. Sending me home from a paid camp for kids crying every evening and I was not the only one she managed to do this to! If she was like this with a 13 year old I fear to know what she was like with adults.

From talking to other people as I got older this definitely seemed to be the trend for years among the equine crowd but now I do believe this has all changed although there are still some old school negative nellys around the place! But sure we cant fix everything!

I got back into riding about 6 years ago and I stumbled through some negativity again but now I have found some great instructors and friends that encourage and help as much as they can. Through AIRC riding clubs the encouragement and comradery you get is phenomenal. They are a great place to start to get to know positive people and get great instruction and attend competitions along the way too.

Every body on here is about having a great time enjoying the sport and helping each other too. A year or two ago we even did a few meet ups with some people on this forum and again wherever we went and all the people that attended were great fun and just about enjoying the sport and making some new friends.

The best thing I find to do is surround yourself with positive people who will motivate you and help you!

Horse riding can be tough enough as it it, being surrounded by negativity can make it a horrible experience.

Tammi

I think there are still some old grumps, one of the reasons I left the yard I was in was years ago due to the fact of an old grump. I put up with him for a few years but said enough was enough. He would go on as if he knew it all and was very charming but stabbed you in the back just as quick. The sad thing is he is afraid of his horse and let the horse do what it wants, I used to try and offer help but he just laughed at me and would make a joke about it with the other liveries. He was all about himself and took over the place and did put some horses and people in danger.

I'm glad I'm out and have found a lovely people both at shows and lessons.

Were not all that bad!

byhookorbycrook

I'm glad to say I haven't come across that in the recent past!

Ave Sodalis

I had a big post typed out but I deleted it because the more I thought on it, the more I realised how many people I know who are like this. It's definitely present in all sports but I think due to the numerous ways of doing one thing with horses, and the sheer amount of things to learn, it's worse.

I've worked with a narcissist for years so I'm constantly bombarded with the extreme version of what's being described. It's left me very intolerant to it I'm afraid, so my own view could be a bit biased.

At the end of the day however, I've found that those who constantly put others down and are critical of others tend to think they know enough to stop learning. However, you never stop learning with horses and as soon as you think you know enough, you'll not get any better.

To balance it out though, one thing my course taught me is that there are so many misconceptions out there and practices based on outdated habits. In fact, the first thing I learned was how little I knew! But there's constantly research being undertaken.

granturismo

TG1 wrote: »

What do people think about the levels of negativity in our wonderful hobby? Do Ye think it's just the equine industry or are the know it all naysayers in every sport, and I've only noticed it with horses? right!

People are people. I've seen it in a minority of juvenile hurling and soccer mentors. I've heard trainers talk to young teenagers at Coilog that would warrant a smack across the head if they talked to my children like that.

Happens in all walks of life at all age groups.

TG1

Yeh, I know a few of the old grumps as well, but I don't even mind them so much, as they have been in the industry so long...
What I have been more surprised about since I bought my horse is the lack of support from friends, who were previously colleagues, but stayed in the industry after I left. There nearly seems to be a sense of punishing me for coming back to it as a hobby!
For example, my friend, when trying the horse I bought, was nearly unseated as she has a surprisingly big basculey jump for the size and shape of her. Instead of saying oh that was a surprise, she said "well I rode like a numpty because we need to know what she'll do with you'.
A similar one was a friend the same height as me ademently declaring I ride too short all the time cos I've no seat then getting up on my mare and putting my stirrups up 3 holes!

I'm just shocked that they have taken on the mannerisms of the old school horsey set because they have done the equine college courses, worked for the same tyrannical bosses I have and said after one too many pints how they would never do that, but don't seem to bat an eyelid at their own behaviour!

Actually, after reading this and all your replies... Maybe I just need new friends!!!

fits

I was just going to say that. You need new friends.

emma-fly

It is something that can happen people when they hear it enough, I know before when I was going to some lessons I would come back with a 'Don't do that' mentality that is immediately negative but once they I changed to more positive instructors or in this case friends with a 'Do this to fix it' mentality it made the whole experience so much better.

Ave Sodalis

TG1 wrote:

Actually, after reading this and all your replies... Maybe I just need new friends!!!

I definitely think you do! Although I love the "I was doing it on purpose" ejit. I mean, who does she think she was kidding?

ifty661

sup_dude wrote: »

I've worked with a narcissist for years so I'm constantly bombarded with the extreme version of what's being described. It's left me very intolerant to it I'm afraid, so my own view could be a bit biased.

Hey where abouts do you work? After reading through some posts then reading your previous posts/replies you are from Donegal? I am looking for livery and I would like some advice.

Ave Sodalis

ifty661 wrote:

Hey where abouts do you work? After reading through some posts then reading your previous posts/replies you are from Donegal? I am looking for livery and I would like some advice.

Yup, I'm from Donegal do you want to PM me what it is you're looking for so the thread stays on topic?

convert

You could post in the livery thread, either, if you'd prefer?

ifty661

sup_dude wrote: »

Yup, I'm from Donegal do you want to PM me what it is you're looking for so the thread stays on topic?

convert wrote: »

You could post in the livery thread, either, if you'd prefer?

Apologies PM sent.

convert

ifty661 wrote: »

Apologies PM sent.

No problem, it was just another option in case you didn't want to PM

Ave Sodalis

convert wrote:

No problem, it was just another option in case you didn't want to PM

And I'd forgotten about it to be honest

TG1

sup_dude wrote: »

I definitely think you do! Although I love the "I was doing it on purpose" ejit. I mean, who does she think she was kidding?

That was a particularly good one, I was a bit speechless!!

In fairness I've a really good yard, and a fab instructor who has helped my riding hugely at the mo, but I'm relocating in the next couple of weeks closer to the bunch of "friends" in the example, and I'm just a bit worried! But your posts have given me hope that if I find a nice yard with active, positive rc members I might get on ok!

Lucy21

I have to say I have experienced this - even more so as I only learnt to ride late in life and bought my first horse only last year. I have a very friendly livery neighbour who offers advice constantly (cos obviously I am an idiot who cant figure out to look after a horse myself!!!) Anyway I am perfectly well able to mind my own horse despite the late start in life but this livery will constantly offer advice but as I have done my own learning I find a lot of what she advises is complete and utter crap!!! And outdated thinking - especially when it comes to the topic of Laminitis (don't get me started - she berated me for an hour on it one day and I just nodded and smiled and continued doing what I was doing despite her roaring at me that my daughters pony will get laminitis!!! - Pony still has not got laminitis and wont have either - poor livery neighbour doesn't understand about Cushings & Metabolic Syndromes etc - she thinks its just Grass - Grass is the DEVIL!!!)

Anyway I just ignore her and do my own thing now and it works out fine.

Horse & Pony are still alive & happy and I am still alive too!!!!

Then my Horse went Lame and it was confirmed as Osteo Arthiritis - again berated me for been an idiot and not having her expert advice on hand when I bought the horse originally (despite her coming in to inspect post purchase to tell me it was a fabulous horse (she seems to have forgotten that)

Anyway there will always be "experts" who think they know best - but best to just do your own thing and you will be fine. :-)

fits

Well I dont know about that. I learn an awful lot from some people but I am fairly selective about who I listen to. To everyone else I just thank them for their suggestion and continue with what I was doing.

bob1984

fits wrote: »

Well I dont know about that. I learn an awful lot from some people but I am fairly selective about who I listen to. To everyone else I just thank them for their suggestion and continue with what I was doing.

This ^^^

I sometimes find that some people are very open to offering their opinion and after years of it annoying me I now simply just smile and nod and go with my gut. That being said I have a small circle who I would go to for advice at the drop of a hat, people who I trust who know their stuff and I respect their opinion.

What I have also found lately is that I am sometimes now on the other side of the fence. We have one of two liveries who came to horses late in life and maybe only have a horse a year or so. Some will be very straight up and ask me questions every day, I love that!! As everyone has to learn Then you have the other group who think they know it all but do the silliest things. I don't want to be the "interfering person" so my new thing is leave them to it unless it affects the horse directly - then I have to be creative and try and offer advice in a nice way. So far it's worked but it can be a hard topic to broach :rolleyes:

Lucy21

Advice is one thing and is fine if it is required but Criticism is an entirely different beast.

There are some people who will blatantly criticise people & how they care for the horses (even when they are doing an Ace Job of It) just because it doesn't fit into a "perceived" way of doing things. And generally not have a good word to say about anyone.

So in answer to the original thread post there is some negativity in the equine business - basic bitchiness really. But one is best to rise above it and remember why you are there in the first place - for the love of the horse!!!!

What really matters is that your happy and your horse is happy :-)

TG1

fits wrote: »

Well I dont know about that. I learn an awful lot from some people but I am fairly selective about who I listen to. To everyone else I just thank them for their suggestion and continue with what I was doing.

I've come round to this point of view in the last couple of weeks! I've my mare with family friends who have horses at the moment while I find a more permanent home for us both!
I've become very practiced in the art of listening while they say she shouldn't be rugged and shouldn't be fed because theirs aren't so obviously she doesn't need it, and then promptly going outside and bringing her in for a feed and to pop a rug on!

Riverireland

I got some very good advice from an equine expert once. She told me she tells people to fluck off and ride their own horses. Now I don't tell them to do that, but I do tell them the story. It has the same effect 😎ðŸŽðŸ˜႒

Lucy21

Riverireland wrote: »

I got some very good advice from an equine expert once. She told me she tells people to fluck off and ride their own horses. Now I don't tell them to do that, but I do tell them the story. It has the same effect 😎ðŸŽðŸ˜႒

LOVE it :-)