how good are you at making conversation?

kfallon

Pretty good at it tho most people don't try make conversation with me generally cos I've got a face like a severley slapped arse most of the time

OiL RiG

Absolutely f*cking woeful if I don't know the person and there's no obvious jumping off point for the conversation. I'll do alright if it's one on one, but if it's a big group I just kind of shrink into myself and wait for it to be over.

Robsweezie

Robsweezie wrote: »

How chatty would you be? Do you find it easy holding a conversation, making small talk with people you do and don't know? I'm average to be honest, I'm not overly chatty and hate forcing small talk, but around certain people the conversation just flows. Depends on your overall confidence and social skills.

If you're ever stuck just get them talking about themselves sure

bottlebrush

lazybones32 wrote: »

I'm decent at conversation but intolerant of talking for the sake of talking.

"Say but little and say it well" - Irish proverb.

And there's another one..."say nothing 'til you hear more"

captbarnacles

Hate small talk. Not so much with strangers if its sport or weather but more with people who know me a little bit 'how is your wife/kids/family/job'. Those questions make me wince. My wife is great at small talk which works out well.

bluewolf

bluewolf wrote: »

If you're ever stuck just get them talking about themselves sure

Most people love talking about themselves. Ask one question and more can lead on and before you know it, they think you're great company and a lovely person.

kfallon

Candie wrote: »

Most people love talking about themselves. Ask one question and more can lead on and before you know it, they think you're great company and a lovely person.

I actually don't, I would rarely divulge too much about myself to strangers.....sometimes even friends or family tbh

kfallon

kfallon wrote: »

I actually don't, I would rarely divulge too much about myself to strangers.....sometimes even friends or family tbh

But it might be easy to get you talking about sports, or cars or dogs or whatever you're interested in, without getting personal. That's more what I mean, rather than a deep and meaningful personal conversation.

Matt Holck

I'm so good that they had to shut me down in US politics

kfallon

Candie wrote: »

But it might be easy to get you talking about sports, or cars or dogs or whatever you're interested in, without getting personal. That's more what I mean, rather than a deep and meaningful personal conversation.

Lot of people wouldn't sit next to me on a bus/train anyway cos with the shaved head and serious face, they think I'm trouble :P

Aongus Von Bismarck

Between exemplary and gifted.

my teapot is orange

I can keep talking when required. Conversing well, and finding topics the other person is interested in is the challenge. You can only try. Some people make no effort and take a "entertain me" attitude. We all have to talk about stuff we don't find fascinating to avoid awkward silence.

I'm definitely better in a group.

id say Im top five in the world, I'd be top three but I don't have Spanish

Matt Holck

Im good at ending conversations

sometimes I post spanish subtitles

none here

seamusk84

Client facing role in the job. No choice but to get good at it.
So im ok at parties if I have to be.

OiL RiG

Candie wrote: »

But it might be easy to get you talking about sports, or cars or dogs or whatever you're interested in, without getting personal. That's more what I mean, rather than a deep and meaningful personal conversation.

I can get fairly anxious when talking to people I don't know, so even discussing hobbies, interests, etc. feels like revealing personal information.

Matt Holck

my pomerain attracts all sorts of attention

I like to say she's my social helper dog

kfallon

kfallon wrote: »

Lot of people wouldn't sit next to me on a bus/train anyway cos with the shaved head and serious face, they think I'm trouble :P

I've the same problem. I look too scary and threatening, they don't want to risk trouble. We all have our crosses.

<<<_
_>>>

kfallon

Candie wrote: »

I've the same problem. I look too scary and threatening, they don't want to risk trouble. We all have our crosses.

<<<_
_>>>

Do you think we'd scare each other if we sat together on the train?

beks101

I'd say I'm a fairly prolific shyte talker. I've spent most of my career cold-calling people trying to get them on-side so they'd tell me juicy personal details, I'd be fecked if I couldn't say boo to a ghost.

The weather, sports, current news stories and my Irish accent are usually the handiest talkers.

lazybones32 wrote: »

"Say but little and say it well" - Irish proverb.

That's probably the most unlikely Irish proverb I've ever heard. By a country mile Irish people have been the most chatty people out of all the folks I've met since I've lived abroad the last number of years.

It's funny though how you can talk for hours on end til the cows come home with a perfect stranger in Ireland and walk away not knowing the first thing about them :pac:

kfallon

kfallon wrote: »

Do you think we'd scare each other if we sat together on the train?

Into silence. :mad:

kfallon

Candie wrote: »

Into silence. :mad:

Ah I'd be chatty enough if you make the first move!

One eyed Jack

Wibbs wrote: »

Very good at it in general. I'm the extrovert type, though I don't buy into the intro/extro thing so much. I'm a little of one and a little of the other, but more one, IMHO like the majority of folks, with the rest at the more extreme of the spectrum. I'm OK with most subjects though sport I'd struggle on, ditto with domestic type stuff. In any event conversation is as much, if not more about listening. People love being listened to. IMH and IME both extreme introverts and extroverts can miss that. Both types spring from a self centred view of the world, again IME and IMH.

I'm reading Richard Branson's The Virgin Way: How to Listen, Learn, Laugh and Lead at the moment (well, not right now obviously, that'd just be odd!), but so much of his philosophy is understanding the importance of actually really listening to people.

I read recently too about how the Quakers do business meetings, I'll see if I can find it (read it on Forbes I think), but they all sit in on a meeting, and nobody actually speaks for the first ten minutes or so, until someone has something to actually say, twas something along those lines, but it just made me think "I would so love to implement that policy!"


EDIT: Here we go -

Doing Business the Quaker Way

Agricola

Wibbs wrote: »

Very good at it in general. I'm the extrovert type, though I don't buy into the intro/extro thing so much. I'm a little of one and a little of the other, but more one, IMHO like the majority of folks, with the rest at the more extreme of the spectrum. I'm OK with most subjects though sport I'd struggle on, ditto with domestic type stuff. In any event conversation is as much, if not more about listening. People love being listened to. IMH and IME both extreme introverts and extroverts can miss that. Both types spring from a self centred view of the world, again IME and IMH.

You often hear that alright. But the thing about being a good listener is, you have to eventually take on board all the tiresome old shíte youve been subjected to and then do your part to keep the conversation going. I always forgot the second bit and you just end up being a sullen, disinterested quiet person. Which is no good either!

Mr_Muffin

OK can someone please tell me if they think the following is true -

If you have a negative vibe about you or are generally kinda angry at the world people will pick up on it and maybe avoid interacting with you or be less friendly.

captbarnacles

Mr_Muffin wrote: »

OK can someone please tell me if they think the following is true -

If you have a negative vibe about you or are generally kinda angry at the world people will pick up on it and maybe avoid interacting with you or be less friendly.

True imo

Matt Holck

"the first thing I notice about Huey is incredible large hair
the second thing I notice is his permanent scowl"

One eyed Jack

Mr_Muffin wrote: »

OK can someone please tell me if they think the following is true -

If you have a negative vibe about you or are generally kinda angry at the world people will pick up on it and maybe avoid interacting with you or be less friendly.

Absolutely true. Most people will generally pick up on that sort of thing, as well as of course the complete opposite.

Some people will of course think they're doing the right thing by overlooking it, but they're doing neither themselves, nor the person giving off the negative vibes any favours IMO. Sometimes that sort of persistence can make a person worse.

lazybones32

bottlebrush wrote: »

And there's another one..."say nothing 'til you hear more"

I've met only a few people who abide by that one.

The less you actually know, the more freedom you have to embellish:) The sexier the story, the faster it travels. Truth not required.

Greentopia

Not great but I try my best. I'm naturally shy and quite introverted so don't find it so easy, especially when I'm in groups of people. Much prefer one on one conversation.

When I'm speaking about a topic I'm interested in and know a lot about I'm more comfortable.

I always have a smile and a friendly demeanour and am a good listener though and that helps a lot I think in how people react to you. I think what's most important is to know that everyone has something valuable to contribute and never look down on anyone-when you start conversing with people with that outlook it makes conversation and interaction with people easier and more mutually enjoyable.

johnny osbourne

isn't it a great deal of weather we're having today?

are you troubled by irregularity?

tu mama hace el amor con mi perro !

_Whimsical_

I'm dreadful, I wish I was better at it! To make matters worse I'm actually eager to talk to people and I look quite amenable so people often just start randomly talking to me. I can manage the social niceties for a few mins but once it's my turn to carry the conversation it's littered with awkward pauses, I just don't know what to say. I hate it about myself! I overthink everything, several things will occur to me to say but I dismiss them all as stupid, meanwhile the other person is staring at me enjoying some painful, tumbleweed blowing past, kind of silence. I'm ok at asking questions but awful at talking about myself and I never imagine other people will find my experiences or general musings worth their time. It sucks!

_Whimsical_

beks101 wrote: »

I'd say I'm a fairly prolific shyte talker. I've spent most of my career cold-calling people trying to get them on-side so they'd tell me juicy personal details

I have to ask, what on earth was this job ?:)

Loads of people are saying they had to get good at making conversation for work etc, how did you do it ? any tips or suggestions on a postcard please!
Or just post them here.

nervous_twitch

_Whimsical_ wrote: »

I overthink everything, several things will occur to me to say but I dismiss them all as stupid, meanwhile the other person is staring at me enjoying some painful, tumbleweed blowing past, kind of silence. I'm ok at asking questions but awful at talking about myself and I never imagine other people will find my experiences or general musings worth their time. It sucks!

_Whimsical_ wrote: »

Loads of people are saying they had to get good at making conversation for work etc, how did you do it ? any tips or suggestions on a postcard please!
Or just post them here.

I think the first part is your problem. Overworking yourself to say something funny/interesting/intelligent enough until eventually your mind goes blank or the moment passes. Say whatever comes to mind, thats probably the best reflection of you and if the other person doesnt like it, let them go sh1te. Plenty more where they came from

fuzzypickle

I'm crap at it. I'm generally very quiet.

Unless drink is involved then I never shut up.

Matt Holck

I thought this was the nocturnal forum

osarusan

Years of stilted conversations with English language students has left me ruined.

Columbia

I don't think I'm too good but people seem to like me, so it's all good. For some reason I sometimes screw up routine conversations, like;

"Hi! How are you?"
"I'm fine, how are you?"
"Fine, you? ....uh..."

"Would you like a bag?"
"No thanks."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, no thanks, please"

Generally I'm able to find common ground with people and just concentrate on that.

Daith

Terrible

I feel like I want to run away sometimes and other times I feel like I'm interrogating them.

ectoraige

Um...

realdanbreen

kylith wrote: »

So, em, what about this weather, eh? (x 10)

We won't feel til tis Christmas.

Menas

I used to be brutal at small talk and meeting strangers. Could never think of anything appropriate to say and seemed to bask in awkwardness.

But once I got past my early 20s I got a bit more confident and am good now at shooting the breeze with anyone of any age. If making small talk becomes too much of an effort thought I would usually bail.

the_monkey

Do you come here often ?

Greenmachine

I'm pretty crap at conversation especially in big groups. Was at a wedding there recently, a small one thankfully, where I was the only Irish person there . Everyone there spoke, English as a 2nd or 3rd Language, and I was dreading it. I turned out to be, an ice-breaker, and everyone there seemed to really proficient in English you could say it was an ice-breaker. They were super excited to speak to a native English Speaker, albeit one from Ireland. I think I usually need an intro or am socially awkward, if I am introduced properly I know how to present myself, otherwise silence is difficult.

elekid

Steppenwolfe wrote: »

In my early 20's I had to buy a book in order to learn how to make conversation.

What book was it? Sounds like it could be useful..

smash

elekid wrote: »

What book was it? Sounds like it could be useful..

conversation for dummies?

bnt

I'm pretty good at starting smalltalk, putting out icebreakers such as weird things from the news. After that, however, it can get a bit too loud for me. If you love the sound of your own voice and hog the conversation, then I'm out. Conversation isn't just about talking, it's just as important to listen.

hal9000

I used to be terrible but I'm getting better these days mainly by putting myself in situations where I don't know anyone, one thing I have come to realise is that conversation is a two way street, its not your job to carry the entire conversation, sit back and let the other person sweat for awhile you my find out that they are as nervous as you are..

pauliebdub

Terrible at making small talk with strangers but fine chatting to friends, acquaintances or people who I click with. I've always found it difficult to make lasting friendships though which has always puzzled me.

beks101

_Whimsical_ wrote: »

I have to ask, what on earth was this job ?:)

Loads of people are saying they had to get good at making conversation for work etc, how did you do it ? any tips or suggestions on a postcard please!
Or just post them here.

I'm a journalist.

I think the number one thing is to not think of your social interaction with someone as some kind of big deal where you HAVE to pass some test of sociability.

Think of it as a fun adventure where you might learn something mad about someone else.

I approach any conversation, whether it's work-related or not, as a way of keeping myself amused. Worst-case scenario, if I freeze up and stutter over my words or they turn out to be a giant prick with feck all interest or enthusiasm for the chat, I'll have a handy little anecdote for future social interactions.

I find a big part of interactions in Ireland and the UK is the ability to self-deprecate, to not take yourself seriously and poke fun at yourself. It fosters a sort of trust and 'likeability' amongst other people and expresses a self-awareness and sense of intelligence, and it just puts people at ease. I find if you're willing to say "guess what this muppet here did this morning!" and have a laugh at your own expense, it opens people up and leads into a colourful conversation on both sides.

That, and ask people questions about themselves. I'm a big one for the random, ridiculous questions. The puzzlers that get people's eyebrows raised, "jeez, I've never been asked that before." As others have said - people love to talk about themselves. They love it more when you remember what they've said and regurgitate it back at them in some way. "I'd say you'd be a good candidate for that John, seeing as you were saying how much you love to travel" etc etc. Chuffed, they are. That kind of stuff really gets people on your side, it fosters friendships in a big way. Ask questions, remember the answers.

Smile at people. Open with a smile, find a way of keeping that smile on your face throughout the interaction. Use people's first names. Not in a creepy way. Not like "well Beks...as you know, Beks...what about yourself, Beks?" But if you've just been introduced, find a way to call them by their name at least once in that interaction. Just once. Twice if it feels comfortable. It makes you familiar, it makes you feel like a friend already.

And I think the biggest one is not being afraid to take risks. That's what makes a truly great conversationalist. Someone who isn't afraid to offend with their humour, who isn't afraid to cross the line. Sometimes something funny will occur to me, but it feels a bit controversial, maybe a bit too "out there"...I'll say it anyway. I'll swear if I want to swear. I'll poke fun at someone else if it occurs to me. I'll ask someone a probing question. I'll touch someone on the arm or ratchet up my body language if it feels right.

In short, don't be afraid to fail. What's the worst that can happen? Amuse yourself, find some way to share a smile with a stranger. Be a bit bold. You're not going to die, I promise :P