Wanker watch: Warning signs that someone is a tosser

Koptain Liverpool

I hate surly staff who seem to think that they are doing you a massive favour by serving you. In shops, pubs, restaurants etc

I was in a pub recently. It was mid afternoon and the place was quiet. The barmaid was chatting to her mate and it was a few minutes before she came over to serve me (even though she'd seen me). She then greeted me with 'yeah' at which point I decided to walk out and take my custom elsewhere.

# I didn't actually walk out. Being Irish I simply begrudgingly paid for my pint and drank it.

DEFTLEFTHAND

Assholes who don't practice good phone etiquette.

I've people ringing here at work who don't say hello or state who they are, they just start mumbling incoherently. It's like pulling teeth trying to extract information out of them

I feel like saying to them- 'Speak into the phone properly and clearly state your business, your communication skills are appalling.

bigpink

Tag rugby ****

ArnoldJRimmer

People who post lines such as 'Is this supposed to news?' in the comments sections of free news websites (Newstalk, the Journal etc). A headline exists so that you get a fair idea about what the article is about. Therefore, don't read the fcuking thing and subsequently complain about it

Tom_Barry

People who constantly go on and on and ooon about how great they are, how they were the reason various ppl thrived in life, how people constantly tell them how great they are :rolleyes: I like to refer to these people as Forrest Gumps.

5rtytry56

Tom_Barry wrote: »

People who constantly go on and on and ooon about how great they are, how they were the reason various ppl thrived in life, how people constantly tell them how great they are :rolleyes: I like to refer to these people as Forrest Gumps.

also known as
"Humblebragging"

Particularly Irish phenomena. Virulent around these parts.

Hesh's Umpire

Omackeral wrote: »

Anyone on holidays in a foreign country who won't bother their balls saying "hello" or "thank you" in that country's language. It's nothing but courtesy.

Obrigado

Omackeral

De nada!

Rothko

5rtytry56 wrote: »

also known as
"Humblebragging"

Particularly Irish phenomena. Virulent around these parts.

No, it isn't.

Charizard

The bus driver didnt want to let me off at my stop because he had a time table to keep, wanted me to stay till the next stop. Prick of the highest order

prinzeugen

Charizard wrote: »

The bus driver didnt want to let me off at my stop because he had a time table to keep, wanted me to stay till the next stop. Prick of the highest order

Today? Have to be at the kerb.

The_Captain

5rtytry56 wrote: »

also known as
"Humblebragging"

Particularly Irish phenomena. Virulent around these parts.

That's not humblebragging and it's not Irish. Humblebragging is someone complaining it takes three weeks to order in replacement parts on their Ferrari, or that they don't want to go to a wedding because they'll have to buy new Louboutins for it

Pac1Man

I was held up this morning by a cyclist who wouldn't use the cycle lane. He then broke the red light and did that circus balancing move they all do while waiting for a space in the incoming traffic.

I was hoping he would fall and rip his sponsored lycra.

MeatTwoVeg

The_Captain wrote:

That's not humblebragging and it's not Irish. Humblebragging is someone complaining it takes three weeks to order in replacement parts on their Ferrari, or that they don't want to go to a wedding because they'll have to buy new Louboutins for it

Both of ye are wrong about what humble bragging is.

mikhail

MeatTwoVeg wrote: »

Both of ye are wrong about what humble bragging is.

Too many signs to mention but the bus strike has really brought out the wanker in a lot of drivers. :mad:

Birneybau

ArnoldJRimmer wrote: »

People who post lines such as 'Is this supposed to news?' in the comments sections of free news websites (Newstalk, the Journal etc). A headline exists so that you get a fair idea about what the article is about. Therefore, don't read the fcuking thing and subsequently complain about it

I disagree. Clickbait is a tosser.

2RockMountain

Pac1Man wrote: »

I was held up this morning by a cyclist who wouldn't use the cycle lane. He then broke the red light and did that circus balancing move they all do while waiting for a space in the incoming traffic.

I was hoping he would fall and rip his sponsored lycra.

I was held up this morning by many motorists who wouldn't use the motorway. They then broke the red lights (88% of those picked up breaking red lights by the Luas cameras were motorists, not cyclists). I didn't spend much time checking out what clothes the drivers were wearing, as the clothing of other road users doesn't interest me much. Tossers.

Pac1Man

2RockMountain wrote: »

I didn't spend much time checking out what clothes the drivers were wearing, as the clothing of other road users doesn't interest me much. Tossers.

I wouldn't advise spending any time looking if you're a cyclist. You could have a very unfortunate accident.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

They usually have a northern accent. That's usually warning enough for me.

Birneybau

LexieOnRale wrote: »

They usually have a northern accent. That's usually warning enough for me.

What do we want?

Nordie accents.

When do we want them?

Noy

Brendan Bendar

2RockMountain wrote: »

I was held up this morning by many motorists who wouldn't use the motorway. They then broke the red lights (88% of those picked up breaking red lights by the Luas cameras were motorists, not cyclists). I didn't spend much time checking out what clothes the drivers were wearing, as the clothing of other road users doesn't interest me much. Tossers.

Geezer on a bike in full Lycra gear, in front of me today in Malahide.

Coming to a speed bump, fcuker 'rose up' and a foot of sweaty lycra followed his crotch from the saddle.

Nearly heaved up my guts in my motor.

Fcuking rank.:eek:

2RockMountain

ArnoldJRimmer wrote: »

People who post lines such as 'Is this supposed to news?' in the comments sections of free news websites (Newstalk, the Journal etc). A headline exists so that you get a fair idea about what the article is about. Therefore, don't read the fcuking thing and subsequently complain about it

Headlines are great. They frequently allow you to avoid having the read the article at all.

Pac1Man wrote: »

I wouldn't advise spending any time looking if you're a cyclist. You could have a very unfortunate accident.

Whooosh, that's the sound of my point, going right over your head.

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Geezer on a bike in full Lycra gear, in front of me today in Malahide.

Coming to a speed bump, fcuker 'rose up' and a foot of sweaty lycra followed his crotch from the saddle.

Nearly heaved up my guts in my motor.

Fcuking rank.:eek:

If you're that sensitive to what other people wear on the road, you really shouldn't be behind the wheel.

Or on the other hand, you try another approach - stop studying the crotches of cyclists in front of you and keep your eye on traffic instead.

Realt Dearg Sec

People who shoehorn the neverending cyclist V motorist argument into EVERY ****ING THREAD they possibly can.

Pac1Man

2RockMountain wrote: »

Whooosh, that's the sound of my point, going right over your head.

You underestimate me my fiend. Careful with that point. You might cut yourself in a extremely unfortunate accident.

Now respond with something clever.

Mongfinder General

Pac1Man wrote: »

You underestimate me my fiend. Careful with that point. You might cut yourself in a extremely unfortunate accident.

Now respond with something clever.

Some people have big sweaty ball sacks.

OldMrBrennan83

This post has been deleted.

2RockMountain

Pac1Man wrote: »

You underestimate me my fiend.

I'll take that as a compliment, thanks.

Realt Dearg Sec

Pac1Man wrote: »

You underestimate me my fiend. Careful with that point. You might cut yourself in a extremely unfortunate accident.

Now respond with something clever.

That's the funniest **** I've ever read on boards

5rtytry56

2RockMountain wrote: »

I'll take that as a compliment, thanks.

.......you responded.

Brendan Bendar

2RockMountain wrote: »

Headlines are great. They frequently allow you to avoid having the read the article at all.


Whooosh, that's the sound of my point, going right over your head.


If you're that sensitive to what other people wear on the road, you really shouldn't be behind the wheel.

Or on the other hand, you try another approach - stop studying the crotches of cyclists in front of you and keep your eye on traffic instead.

Lad was about 6 feet from my front left mirror coming up to a speed bump.

Lifted his arse off the saddle and a skein of lycra like melted plastic dropped from his crotch still stuck to the saddle.

Only relating what I saw, wasn't "studying" anything:mad:

2RockMountain

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Lad was about 6 feet from my front left mirror coming up to a speed bump.

Lifted his arse off the saddle and a skein of lycra like melted plastic dropped from his crotch still stuck to the saddle.

Only relating what I saw, wasn't "studying" anything:mad:

I've been driving for over 30 years, and never found myself engrossed in the detail of what happens between a cyclist's arse and his saddle. It's really your own problem that you need to sort out. Keep your eyes on the road, not on cyclists' arses, and you'll have a much more pleasant journey.

EagererBeaver

People who take meaningless, throwaway after hours comments too literally and subsequently get high and mighty about things. **** and *****.

Brendan Bendar

2RockMountain wrote: »

I've been driving for over 30 years, and never found myself engrossed in the detail of what happens between a cyclist's arse and his saddle. It's really your own problem that you need to sort out. Keep your eyes on the road, not on cyclists' arses, and you'll have a much more pleasant journey.

I was doing about 10k ph pal, narrow road no other traffic.

Like a responsible driver I was attentive to the cyclist.

Guy had to free the skein of perished Lycra from the saddle and tap it back into position around the nutbag.Good 6 inches of 'sticky stretch' like hot chewing gum, fella.

I couldn't miss that sequence, nearly threw up man.:eek:

Realt Dearg Sec

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

I was doing about 10k ph pal, narrow road no other traffic.

Like a responsible driver I was attentive to the cyclist.

Guy had to free the skein of perished Lycra from the saddle and tap it back into position around the nutbag.Good 6 inches of 'sticky stretch' like hot chewing gum, fella.

I couldn't miss that sequence, nearly threw up man.:eek:

Did he tuck it in nice and cosy round the ball bag?

Brendan Bendar

Realt Dearg Sec wrote: »

Did he tuck it in nice and cosy round the ball bag?

Didn't quite notice R, just seemed to use the first two fingers and the thumb to 'free'the adherance from the saddle and then seemed to 'pat ' the slack in around the junk before making contact with the saddle again.

Sorry I haven't a more descriptive report.

Rumpy Pumpy

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Didn't quite notice R, just seemed to use the first two fingers and the thumb to 'free'the adherance from the saddle and then seemed to 'pat ' the slack in around the junk before making contact with the saddle again.

Sorry I haven't a more descriptive report.

Nothing worse than seeing a bunch of middle-aged **** on bicycles adorned in their lycra and hogging the road. The outline of the tallywhacker always on display. Very prevalent around the beauty spots of Wicklow these days. One time these bellends used to play golf, but now they are out on the public roads. Shower of kernts.

Realt Dearg Sec

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Didn't quite notice R, just seemed to use the first two fingers and the thumb to 'free'the adherance from the saddle and then seemed to 'pat ' the slack in around the junk before making contact with the saddle again.

Sorry I haven't a more descriptive report.

No that'll do, I just needed closure.

Shannon757

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Didn't quite notice R, just seemed to use the first two fingers and the thumb to 'free'the adherance from the saddle and then seemed to 'pat ' the slack in around the junk before making contact with the saddle again.

Sorry I haven't a more descriptive report.

Pictures would have been nice.

2RockMountain

EagererBeaver wrote: »

People who take meaningless, throwaway after hours comments too literally and subsequently get high and mighty about things. **** and *****.

Bullies who's standard response to being challenged over their bullying is 'ah sure I was only joking'. ****.

Rumpy Pumpy wrote: »

One time these bellends used to play golf, but now they are out on the public roads.

Given that they are generally members of the public, I'd have thought that 'the public roads' is definitely the right place for them.

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

I was doing about 10k ph pal, narrow road no other traffic.

Like a responsible driver I was attentive to the cyclist.

Guy had to free the skein of perished Lycra from the saddle and tap it back into position around the nutbag.Good 6 inches of 'sticky stretch' like hot chewing gum, fella.

I couldn't miss that sequence, nearly threw up man.:eek:

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Didn't quite notice R, just seemed to use the first two fingers and the thumb to 'free'the adherance from the saddle and then seemed to 'pat ' the slack in around the junk before making contact with the saddle again.

Sorry I haven't a more descriptive report.

Once again, after 30 years of driving around Ireland, I can't think of any scenario that would require me to pay such intense attention to the crotch of a cyclist in front of me. The issue here is all your own, but I'd imagine that a few months with good therapist could help you to get over your obsession.

PowerToWait

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

I was doing about 10k ph pal, narrow road no other traffic.

Like a responsible driver I was attentive to the cyclist.

Guy had to free the skein of perished Lycra from the saddle and tap it back into position around the nutbag.Good 6 inches of 'sticky stretch' like hot chewing gum, fella.

I couldn't miss that sequence, nearly threw up man.:eek:

This is such shīt it can only be Flutterin bantam.

maximoose

Over use of this crap:

👌

PaddyWilliams

maximoose wrote: »

Over use of this crap:

��

I totally agree ��

bren2002

I'm not reading this whole thread to check if it's been mentioned already.

My current pet hate is that progressive indicator signal that newer Audis have. Nothing screams bigger wanker to me than that thing.

lapua20grain

bren2002 wrote: »

I'm not reading this whole threat to check if it's been mentioned already.

My current pet hate is that progressive indicator signal that newer Audis have. Nothing screams bigger wanker to me than that thing.

Audi **** in general

Creol1

Drenching pedestrians by driving through puddles without slowing down.

Pinch Flat

lapua20grain wrote: »

Audi **** in general

Yeah it's a given that Audi drivers are w@nkers. Like the one who proceeded up the bus lane yesterday in heavy traffic. Even having a w@nkers indicator isn't going to get you in front of me mate. W@nker.

Grayson

Creol1 wrote: »

Drenching pedestrians by driving through puddles without slowing down.

Happens to me every winter. Some of those bastards are doing it deliberately and aren't just stupid.

Gazzmonkey

People that can't afford what I have... therefore hate on the things I have.

jealous w@ankers :P

ThinkProgress

Creol1 wrote: »

Drenching pedestrians by driving through puddles without slowing down.