"Relationship" moving very slowly..

updown123

So.. met a girl off Tinder (yea, I know!)

Before I type too much I just want to put my question first. I've seen this girl twice in the past three weekends, both weekends but not this weekend as she says she has friends over.

She is and has always been very slow (1 day) to reply to my messages, but when she does they are long and enthusiastic, not the kind of messages from a disinterested person imho. This is due to her work and is very busy.

Late last week, I asked for a date this weekend and she said she was busy with friends over until Monday.

How do I gauge her interest now? And should I ask her out again or leave it up to her? In my response I did say for her to let me know if she wanted to go out again. I don't want to keep asking.

Also, because we've been in communication for so long, but not with a huge amount of messages i'm finding it really hard to get to know her.

What to do?

Thanks.

A quick overview of how things have played out:

We messaged for like a month before we actually ended meeting up. When we eventually, met up we had a good night, dinner and drinks after. We both got a bit drunk and then we parted ways. Exchanged messages the following few days after and arranged a 2nd date. The second was only ok, I think. We went for drinks to catch up. I bought the first round, and it took a while for herself to finish. After about two hours or so she mentioned leaving because of work the next day. Got the luas back home together (we live near one another) and called it a night. Cheekily, on the way, I suggested we stop for a quick drink in this place I wanted to show her. She declined as it was late but did say another time.

CaraMay

What do you mean about buying the first round? She sounds lukewarm tbh

updown123

Well, I bought the first round of drinks. We didn't get a second.

Yes luke warm is what i'd say. But, i'm having trouble getting my head around it because her work has been so demanding. I mean, she has been doing 60-70 hours per week the last few weeks (law) and she often replies to me at 3/4 am when leaving the office.

Is it the case that she is just luke warm or because of work she has so little time? Maybe she is happy with the pace of the whole thing but it's just annoying me.

Is it acceptable for me to ask to meet up this week even for a quick meal or something (she has to eat, right?!) as I won't be free next weekend at all.

I'm not waiting 2 odd weeks for a third date - is that wrong?

CaraMay

So she didn't buy you a drink back within 2 hours?

I wild let her contact you tbh. You already asked. It could be work alright but imho if you are into someone then you make an effort.

updown123

Well tbh I finished mine quicker than her and she did offer to buy me one shortly after that. I declined and said i'd wait for her.. she took ages to finish hers but it was time to leave at that point.

Yea, I agree with you. I had actually told myself that if I wasn't to meet her I would just delete her from my phone to prevent myself texting her again. I deleted on Friday and she did actually message me on Saturday with a nice message and hoped my weekend was going well etc. I replied.

It just seems like petty texting now but maybe that suits her. To me it doesn't feel like she's making an effort.

I think I just need to move on.

njs030

It sounds like you're not happy with how things are going in which case there's no point continuing.
Just out of interest did she take so long between messages when you were first chatting or is it a new thing?

updown123

notjustsweet wrote: »

It sounds like you're not happy with how things are going in which case there's no point continuing.
Just out of interest did she take so long between messages when you were first chatting or is it a new thing?

I agree. I'm unhappy with stopping it because she has mentioned a bunch of times how her work hours are not typical right now and she has apologised for being so unavailable.

Regarding the time to reply.. it has absolutely always been that way. From the first message. I don't dwell on that too much. And she hasn't not yet reply to a message. Every message has had a reply. It bothers me that in a week we may only exchange 2/3 messages each.

I like the girl and would allow time to get over this.. not seeing her is the toughest part. It also goes both ways.. She can't really meet during the week and this weekend she was busy with friends over all weekend, then next weekend I have a sibling over all weekend.

Maybe it's just not meant to be.

EDIT :: I know it's still early days but should I mention any of this to her?

CaraMay

People are telling you to move on but you keep asking for ways to keep it going. Looks like you aren't ready to walk so you may as well ask her out again and see how it goes.

Penny Tration

Tbh, I don't see how this will work.

I get that she's busy (aren't we all?) but too busy to send more than 3 texts per week? Nope, not buying it. You can write a text while taking a wee for God's sake, even a long one doesn't take much more than two or three minutes to type out.

The drinks situation honestly sounds as though she just dragged her drink out as long as possible, so she could leave. A pint would be warm long before two hours have passed, and unpleasant to drink.

It'd be worth a shot if you either saw her frequently or texted frequently.

However, since you're NOT seeing her much and NOT talking, how is it supposed to work? How are you supposed to get to know each other if you don't communicate at all?

I'd cut your losses. It's so much hassle so soon in, and tbh she sounds like a head wreck who doesn't know what she wants, so is keeping you on the back burner while looking for a better option.

bee06

A few comments on some of the things you have pointed out as unusual:

When I'm busy at work and I get a text I think that I'll just finish whatever I'm doing and reply. Then on the way home I realise I never replied and it's hours later. If she has a really busy, intense job it's pretty reasonable to assume she can't drop everything to reply.

I drink really slowly, I will drink one for every two pints my husband drinks. It makes me a cheap date but can be quite awkward to do rounds and to have a "quick drink".

Maybe she's not that interested but maybe it's easy to read something not there when small things with reasonable explanations are added up.

updown123

Penny Tration wrote: »

Tbh, I don't see how this will work.

I get that she's busy (aren't we all?) but too busy to send more than 3 texts per week? Nope, not buying it. You can write a text while taking a wee for God's sake, even a long one doesn't take much more than two or three minutes to type out.

The drinks situation honestly sounds as though she just dragged her drink out as long as possible, so she could leave. A pint would be warm long before two hours have passed, and unpleasant to drink.

It'd be worth a shot if you either saw her frequently or texted frequently.

However, since you're NOT seeing her much and NOT talking, how is it supposed to work? How are you supposed to get to know each other if you don't communicate at all?

I'd cut your losses. It's so much hassle so soon in, and tbh she sounds like a head wreck who doesn't know what she wants, so is keeping you on the back burner while looking for a better option.

This is all spot on imho, whether I like it or not.

I did think the second date wasn't so good to be honest and jokingly have said if it was a first, then there wouldn't have been a second. That said, if she thought the same why is she still messaging?

Anyway, i'm just going to delete her number. My last message had intentionally left out any questions so doesn't warrant a reply. If she messages me next week then i'll just joke about being surprised to hear from her again..i'll let her ask me out.

Thanks for your help folks.

CaraMay

Op you sound like a decent guy. Look at the facts -

1. She doesn't respond promptly to your communication with her.
2. You only text 2/3 times per week.
3. 50% of your dates were bad.
4. It's hard work already.

Why are you torturing yourself?

giggle84

updown123 wrote: »

Well tbh I finished mine quicker than her and she did offer to buy me one shortly after that. I declined and said i'd wait for her.. she took ages to finish hers but it was time to leave at that point.

She didn't want to have another drink it sounds like.

I dunno, I reckon ask her out once more and if she says no for whatever reason and doesn't suggest an alternative date then I'd move on.

Lux23

I could be wrong but either she hasn't got time for a relationship or is letting you down gently because she isn't overly interested in seeing you again.

conor8989

updown123 wrote: »

So.. met a girl off Tinder (yea, I know!)

Before I type too much I just want to put my question first. I've seen this girl twice in the past three weekends, both weekends but not this weekend as she says she has friends over.

She is and has always been very slow (1 day) to reply to my messages, but when she does they are long and enthusiastic, not the kind of messages from a disinterested person imho. This is due to her work and is very busy.

Late last week, I asked for a date this weekend and she said she was busy with friends over until Monday.

How do I gauge her interest now? And should I ask her out again or leave it up to her? In my response I did say for her to let me know if she wanted to go out again. I don't want to keep asking.

Also, because we've been in communication for so long, but not with a huge amount of messages i'm finding it really hard to get to know her.

What to do?

Thanks.

A quick overview of how things have played out:

We messaged for like a month before we actually ended meeting up. When we eventually, met up we had a good night, dinner and drinks after. We both got a bit drunk and then we parted ways. Exchanged messages the following few days after and arranged a 2nd date. The second was only ok, I think. We went for drinks to catch up. I bought the first round, and it took a while for herself to finish. After about two hours or so she mentioned leaving because of work the next day. Got the luas back home together (we live near one another) and called it a night. Cheekily, on the way, I suggested we stop for a quick drink in this place I wanted to show her. She declined as it was late but did say another time.

dont know she dosnt sound to interested in you sorry id send her one more message and if she dosnt respond or just in a short anser id cut my loses and start again

OneOfThem

You seem very overly invested for having met the girl twice man. I'd look to meet up with someone a lot sooner than a month that you get talking to on tinder in future. That kind of drawn out online chit chat doesn't seem like it suits you. You have to remember that for a lot of people it's pretty meaningless. So is going to cause you problems if you're exchanging messages back and forth for weeks and considering that a connection formed or whatever and for them it's just passing time. Might work OK for some people but for you I think probably better if you don't get drawn into that kind of thing. It's a dating site, make contact, chat a little bit back and forth, strike up a little rapport, then ask them out. Days (or less) rather than weeks.

updown123

OneOfThem wrote: »

You seem very overly invested for having met the girl twice man. I'd look to meet up with someone a lot sooner than a month that you get talking to on tinder in future. That kind of drawn out online chit chat doesn't seem like it suits you. You have to remember that for a lot of people it's pretty meaningless. So is going to cause you problems if you're exchanging messages back and forth for weeks and considering that a connection formed or whatever and for them it's just passing time. Might work OK for some people but for you I think probably better if you don't get drawn into that kind of thing. It's a dating site, make contact, chat a little bit back and forth, strike up a little rapport, then ask them out. Days (or less) rather than weeks.

You're dead right. To be honest I get like this sometimes when I like a girl - 2 dates is ridiculous though.

Just took me a while to realise it this time but i've already forgotten.

Thanks again guys.

Matteroffact

You could text her once more and just say that due to the fact that she is so busy you will leave it up to her to let you know when she is free to make another date and then see if she follows up on that.

updown123

Matteroffact wrote: »

You could text her once more and just say that due to the fact that she is so busy you will leave it up to her to let you know when she is free to make another date and then see if she follows up on that.

To be honest, i'm not going to do that. I expressed interest in another date once already and she excused herself without proposing an alternative..

I'm done. She still has my number, I no longer have hers.. if she texts me then I may have a re-think.