Relationship break up

LegacyUser

Hi all,

I recently broke up with my boyfriend who was living in a different country so it was long distance relationship. I grew very attached and it seemed as though he did too. The thing is he works away in different countries a lot so the whole thing got a bit hectic with trying to find the time for each other. In a discussion one day I wanted to know if he would have the time for me while he was going away that week and he suddenly changed and started to get very angry about it. I wanted to know because there have been times when he's gone away and didn't contact me for days. Anyway when he left that week to go away he never contacted me and ignored my calls and didn't contact me for 3 weeks. He texted me very sparsely with very cold messages that had no sentiment or love.

I began to accept that he didn't want me anymore but never had the guts to say it. He then started to contact me again and called me with trying to work it out. Maybe I shouldn't have let him do that. I had a flights booked over to see him that month and was supposed to be going over the following week and he told me we could work it out and that he'd call me when he's back to speak again. Then it was nearing the time when I was flying over and I asked him how he's feeling about me coming over but he said he didn't want to talk to me anymore and had taken on a job for the days I was coming over instead. This has totally crushed me and I've become totally lost with who I am. I have been struggling so much with all of this.

About a week ago I heard from him after not contacting each other for a while and then I heard from him and he started to ask me to send back a gift he'd given me for my birthday 5 months ago. To say I am distraught is an understatement. I don't know why he would do that or ask that I can't believe it. I gave him a present too worth the same value yet he never mentioned that. I honestly can't understand it.

I feel really empty and used because I don't feel he ever loved me and I put so much effort in. The crazy thing is even after all this I still really want to be with him, but I know I can't. I've fallen into a state of depression lately and was hoping for some advice on how to get over this pain. Thanks for reading.

LegacyUser

Broken2355 wrote: »

Hi all,

I recently broke up with my boyfriend who was living in a different country so it was long distance relationship. I grew very attached and it seemed as though he did too. The thing is he works away in different countries a lot so the whole thing got a bit hectic with trying to find the time for each other. In a discussion one day I wanted to know if he would have the time for me while he was going away that week and he suddenly changed and started to get very angry about it. I wanted to know because there have been times when he's gone away and didn't contact me for days. Anyway when he left that week to go away he never contacted me and ignored my calls and didn't contact me for 3 weeks. He texted me very sparsely with very cold messages that had no sentiment or love.

I began to accept that he didn't want me anymore but never had the guts to say it. He then started to contact me again and called me with trying to work it out. Maybe I shouldn't have let him do that. I had a flights booked over to see him that month and was supposed to be going over the following week and he told me we could work it out and that he'd call me when he's back to speak again. Then it was nearing the time when I was flying over and I asked him how he's feeling about me coming over but he said he didn't want to talk to me anymore and had taken on a job for the days I was coming over instead. This has totally crushed me and I've become totally lost with who I am. I have been struggling so much with all of this.

About a week ago I heard from him after not contacting each other for a while and then I heard from him and he started to ask me to send back a gift he'd given me for my birthday 5 months ago. To say I am distraught is an understatement. I don't know why he would do that or ask that I can't believe it. I gave him a present too worth the same value yet he never mentioned that. I honestly can't understand it.

I feel really empty and used because I don't feel he ever loved me and I put so much effort in. The crazy thing is even after all this I still really want to be with him, but I know I can't. I've fallen into a state of depression lately and was hoping for some advice on how to get over this pain. Thanks for reading.

Please listen to me. Do not respond to this guy anymore. Delete his number. Block him and spend time working on your self esteem and confidence. Spend time with friends, poor your heart out here, get a new hobby , exercise, meet new people, fake it till you make it, read articles , books, forums about break ups!

It's NO CONTACT from today and ignore any breadcrumbs he throws you. You are doing this for you, don't tell him your doing it.

Blue Iris

It's really hard to be treated this badly. He is someone who blows hot and cold. That kind of a person is often not sure what they want and they can be very difficult to be in a relationship with. The fact that he wants his present back is small minded and petty of him. I remember that happening when I was about 12 and a friend fell out with me! He is being childish.

Sometimes we think we know someone and then they show us a completely different side of themselves which can leave us shocked and disbelieving. But someone shows who they really are in their actions and he is not showing himself in a good light. So you need to detach yourself from him and work on seeing through the fantasy you have built up of who he is. Look at the reality. It isn't pleasant and you are in pain. That's perfectly understandable. But the pain will continue until you manage to free your heart from it's attachment to him.

He is not worth your loyalty and your attachment. He has treated you very badly and you don't need to accept that from him. Value yourself. Do this with action, such as writing down a list of all of the good qualities you have and why you are worth loving. Ask yourself if this man is deserving of your love? What would you say to a close friend if she told you a former boyfriend was treating her like this? Take your own advice! Don't let yourself be dragged down by his bad behaviour. Do you want to be rid of the present he gave you or do you want to keep it? Think about which you'd prefer and act accordingly. Don't send it back if you don't want to and do send it back if you'd like that to be the end of your connection to him. Best of luck.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the very helpful advice I know you are both right and it means a lot to hear these things. My friends and family have told me the same to never contact him. But I'm angry at myself for wanting to hear from him. When he tried to call last week I sometimes wish I'd answered because he sent a message saying how sad he was about losing me... and then another side makes me feel like I know nothing good would come of it. I guess the attachment is still there and feels like such hard work to let go.

sponatenous

Hello

I'm new here seeking to meet a nice girl to show me around places and have a chat

Merkin

sponatenous wrote: »

Hello

I'm new here seeking to meet a nice girl to show me around places and have a chat

This isn't a dating site. I've closed your other thread. Please read the charter and don't post anymore in relation to your search for a partner.