Catching someone's eye on the street

LegacyUser · 04-09-2015 12:26am #1

I'm a 37 year old male and have never been in any sort of relationship (Yes, I know..). I was never comfortable with girls in my teens - I said to myself that it'll work out when I get to College and well, that did not work out either as I didn't know what to say or how to express romantic feelings. In the workplace, I have kept myself to myself having read enough about problematic office romances on here.

On my way to work, I always pass this woman. There is always eye contact between us every day and a smile from her (and from me) before she goes her way and I go mine - I am sure that this is a good sign, but I know nothing about her and have no idea how I could try to initiate a conversation. Am I deluding myself or how could I initiate a conversation?

zoobizoo · 04-09-2015 8:27am

Have you checked her ring finger?

prettyrestless · 04-09-2015 8:29am

There are people that I see on the way to work every morning that I smile at, simply because we pass each other every morning and I recognize them. I'm sorry OP, but it doesn't mean anything, it's just general friendliness. I'm not looking to get hit on during my daily commute.

kylith · 04-09-2015 8:53am

There's no harm in saying Hi next time you pass, OP.

OnTheCouch · 04-09-2015 12:46pm

As prettyrestless says, there's simply not enough to go on at this stage to know if it's just her being friendly or something more. I've had a couple of instances myself like this, I remember one girl, this receptionist, she smiled at me every day when I passed, but when I actually came up with something to ask her (which I'm sure you will also) the actual conversation was a bit awkward. Not to say it wouldn't have worked out had I persevered, but the initial contact didn't leave the best impression. I think essentially she was just smiling at me to be friendly and probably did the same for most people walking past.

So yes, even though it doesn't help much, your best bet is probably to think of something random to ask her about and see if the conversation flows from there or not.

Otherwise you have really absolutely no idea of her intentions.

daisybelle2008 · 04-09-2015 4:13pm

OP going from zero relationship history to chatting up strangers on the street is a big leap and could set you back, especially as you seem quite fragile with regards confidence.
Why not join some meetups that interest you, try some online dating. Find your feet with talking to girls that way.

Saipanne · 04-09-2015 4:15pm

kylith wrote: »

There's no harm in saying Hi next time you pass, OP.

Yep. Start simple. If she responds to this positively, step it up a gear (how are ya?). If she doesn't, hard luck.

LegacyUser · 04-09-2015 5:09pm

First up - don't worry about the fact that you haven't been in a relationship.

Secondly - do you have any female friends?

Thirdly - I used to think like you back in my 20s and early 30s - one smile and I'd begin to think that a romance could blossom. It was all in my head. You'd be putting yourself under a lot of pressure that most of us, who have had relationships, wouldn't even attempt. I have had many relationships but chatting women up 'cold' is hard to do and that's in a setting where it can be expected.

santana75 · 05-09-2015 10:49pm

I'd say because you've never been with anyone that you're reading into things. It's more of a reflection of the lack of options you have and the lack of power you seem to have over your dating life. Think about it, if you were a man with options you wouldn't think anything of this, you'd recognise it for what it is, just friendliness.
Take this as a signal from yourself that something needs to change in your life. You need to give yourself option's so that you don't get hung up on a stranger you've seen on the street.

LegacyUser · 07-09-2015 12:01am

OP here, thanks for the help everyone - it helps to put things into perspective.

ganogogl, I'm sorry to say that I don't have any female friends. If I did I suppose that I would be able to view this situation differently. I suppose that I should learn to walk before I run.

Daisybelle2008, thanks for the suggestion - a meetup group would be better. I suppose it would be a chance to meet someone based on a common interest - I suppose it would make the initial conversation easier.

josephryan1989 · 07-09-2015 10:53am

IveNeverDoneThisBefore wrote: »

I'm a 37 year old male and have never been in any sort of relationship (Yes, I know..). I was never comfortable with girls in my teens - I said to myself that it'll work out when I get to College and well, that did not work out either as I didn't know what to say or how to express romantic feelings. In the workplace, I have kept myself to myself having read enough about problematic office romances on here.

On my way to work, I always pass this woman. There is always eye contact between us every day and a smile from her (and from me) before she goes her way and I go mine - I am sure that this is a good sign, but I know nothing about her and have no idea how I could try to initiate a conversation. Am I deluding myself or how could I initiate a conversation?

Next time you see her stop and say hello and say you see her every day on the way to work and you have finally plucked up the courage to do something about it. If she says no then at least you did something about it rather than pinning away and wondering what if.

Shemale · 07-09-2015 11:05am

Used to pass this girl every morning and we used to smile and say hi. One night she was in my local doing a promotion and we got on like a house on fire and she was talking to me a good half an hour, I didnt ask her out as I had a few drinks and she was sober.

A couple of weeks later she was back in the local drinking with a few friends so I went over chatted for a while and told her how I felt only to find out she was out with her boyfriend.

No harm in saying hi and like others said try build it up a bit to progress to a stop and chat. If you are chatting and its cold, mention the cold and say fancy getting a coffee to warm us up, my treat. You'll never know until you ask.

LegacyUser · 09-09-2015 6:48pm

OP here again...I met her earlier on today in the city centre out of the usual context and tried to talk (awkwardly).She clearly had no idea who I was, so I guess that answers my question. Thanks again everyone for your help.

OnTheCouch · 10-09-2015 1:58pm

Sounds quite similar to my encounter with the receptionist that I mentioned in a previous post. Oh well, let's just hope the next encounter will be more successful.

kylith · 10-09-2015 2:12pm

That sucks, OP, but nothing ventured, nothing gained. And hey, you went up and said hi to her which is a great step in meeting women!

Shemale · 10-09-2015 6:07pm

Unlucky OP, dont let that stop you.

LegacyUser · 10-09-2015 11:17pm

That would have been a good idea Soblem, but it was nerve-wracking enough to approach her "cold". I would not have known what to say next to keep things going. I know that sounds sad. I suppose I know more what to do the next time.

Thanks to Kylith and Shemale - hopefully I can learn from this.

zoobizoo · 12-09-2015 4:53am

IveNeverDoneThisBefore wrote: »

it was nerve-wracking enough to approach her "cold". I would not have known what to say next to keep things going. I know that sounds sad. I suppose I know more what to do the next time.
.

That isn't sad, I think you will find that that is quite normal to not know how to keep a conversation with a stranger going. You are putting too much pressure on your self.

Go join some clubs or Meet Ups, or play Tag rugby and make some casual female friends. You'll find that women are just like guys.

At present I think that you treat them as some form of revered alien species.

MagicMarker · 12-09-2015 4:35pm

IveNeverDoneThisBefore wrote: »

That would have been a good idea Soblem, but it was nerve-wracking enough to approach her "cold". I would not have known what to say next to keep things going. I know that sounds sad. I suppose I know more what to do the next time.

Thanks to Kylith and Shemale - hopefully I can learn from this.

Hey don't worry about it. The truth is most men wouldn't have had the balls to do what you did!

Fair play.

LegacyUser · 12-09-2015 10:01pm

Thanks Zoobizoo - you are right. I need to view women as friends first. I joined Meetup earlier on this week and have joined 2 groups, so lets see what happens from here!

Thanks MagicMarker, you're right ;-)

Shemale · 14-09-2015 11:14pm

IveNeverDoneThisBefore wrote: »

Thanks Zoobizoo - you are right. I need to view women as friends first. I joined Meetup earlier on this week and have joined 2 groups, so lets see what happens from here!

Thanks MagicMarker, you're right ;-)

I tried Maybe Friends a few years ago and they reserved an area in the pub and anyone could go, something like that would be ideal for you plenty of girls that would know you already from the site and just having the craic and see what happens from there.

LegacyUser · 17-09-2015 10:45pm

Well, I met her again today on the way to work. She and I said "hi" to each other and we both went our separate ways. I am glad that I was able to approach the situation a bit better today, just take it friendly and not to go too far too soon.

MayoSalmon · 18-09-2015 9:15am

IveNeverDoneThisBefore wrote: »

Thanks Zoobizoo - you are right. I need to view women as friends first. I joined Meetup earlier on this week and have joined 2 groups, so lets see what happens from here!

Thanks MagicMarker, you're right ;-)

You must be real familar with the Friendzone:D It's a very dark place which one rarely if not ever escapes!

LegacyUser · 19-09-2015 1:44am

I haven't been close enough to a woman to be in a position to be assigned to the friendzone MayoSalmon. Perhaps my phrasing was bad - I suppose I meant to say that I need to be able to try to talk to women first instead of immediately thinking "relationship". Never having had any relationship experience as a teen, I suppose there was a lot I missed out on.

Catching someone's eye on the street

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