Wife angry about receiving gifts

portcrap

Hi

was looking for opinions on this as I cant work out if Im being unreasonable or the wife is off her rocker

The wife is 5 months pregnant and my mother and sister bought some small baby grows. She went ballistic saying she didn't want anything at this stage and it wasn't the done thing in Ireland. She didn't look at the wee clothes and made mum take them back asking not to see them till after the birth! :rolleyes:

As you can probably tell I thought this is a complete overreaction over something so small. I'm I the one off my rocker?? Has this happened to anyone else? Love any insights or thoughts on this.

(BTW first pregnancy and my folks are over the moon )

bee06

Some people can be superstitious about buying/getting anything for the baby until he or she is born safely in case something happens. I'd let your wife have this one even if you think she's being unreasonable.

angeldelight

Some people can be very superstitious about having things in the house for the baby before they're born. I'd say that coupled with the general worry of being pregnant and pregnancy hormones may have made your wife react a little more extremely than she normally would!

LegacyUser

It sounds like your wife is terrified the baby may not make it to full term. I was told by my mam that you never buy presents before the birth due to this and it is something I have continued as would most people I know.

Chemical Byrne

I think your wife was way out of line. The sheer lack of manners is astounding. I could understand if your mum and sister were very offended by her behaviour. If me and gf were ever to have a baby and she acted like that I would be pissed off.

eviltwin

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

I think your wife was way out of line. The sheer lack of manners is astounding. I could understand if your mum and sister were very offended by her behaviour. If me and gf were ever to have a baby and she acted like that I would be pissed off.

I have to agree. I can understand some people being superstitious but it was a kind and thoughtful gesture and didn't deserve someone going ballistic. She owes them an apology.

Milly33

Were ye like trying for ages to have a baby or were there complications or something, that would be the only excuse I would give your wife.. Like all said people are superstitious like bringing the buggy into the home before the bady is born. If this was like an extra special pregnancy you might need to say like listen I get why it happened but there was no bad intention there.

If not then yep she is being batty and completely over-reacting..She should have just accepted the gifts and not looked at them and said that ye would not until the baby is born or something there was no need for rudeness

Chemical Byrne

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

I think your wife was way out of line. The sheer lack of manners is astounding. I could understand if your mum and sister were very offended by her behaviour. If me and gf were ever to have a baby and she acted like that I would be pissed off.

I disagree with you. People can be very superstitious about having baby stuff in the house before the birth of a first baby. It's not so bad for subsequent babies, as they already have stuff from the first.

Chemical Byrne

Regardless of any circumstances she is being batty. A gift should be gratefully received and with the way she basically unceremoniously rebuffed the generosity of MIL & SIL is unacceptable. I would understand if they decided not to give her the gifts when the time comes on account of the rudeness.

I would be very ashamed of her and ask that she apologise to MIL & SIL.

And it's 2015, I don't buy this superstition claptrap.

eviltwin

Deleted User wrote: »

I disagree with you. People can be very superstitious about having baby stuff in the house before the birth of a first baby. It's not so bad for subsequent babies, as they already have stuff from the first.

All fine and understandable but she could have explained that and declined the gift graciously. If I bought a gift and got bawled out of it I'd be really upset.

EnergyBlaster

She's pregnant. Give her a bit of space.

Chemical Byrne

eviltwin wrote: »

All fine and understandable but she could have explained that and declined the gift graciously. If I bought a gift and got bawled out of it I'd be really upset.

Exactly. She could have graciously declined rather that flinging back in their faces. It sounds like the height of ignorance on her part.

Being pregnant is not an excuse for blunt rudeness. I'd be telling her to wind her neck in and cop herself on.

DavyD_83

I don't get it myself, bit seems to be standard enough superstition. I think even more so among country folk. My in laws nearly had heart attack when we suggested getting coy and buggy before baby was actually born. Apparently I should have gone n collected all of that she baby was born, hut obviously before mum and baby left hospital. When we said we were just gonna get stuff cos it was easier, the compromise suggestion was that we could get all delivered to their house and collect after birth. In the end I just bought and kept them at home as I had planned; pretty sure they thought i was taking unnecessary risks.
I dunno OP, maybe we're both the mad ones.

Call me Al

While she may be pregnant, that doesn't give her the right to be rude to others who may buy things in advance of the baby's birth.
A simple "thanks it's lovely, but I'm superstitious about not having baby stuff in the house until after they have arrived, so would you hang on to it for me until then please" would suffice and get the message across.

BreadnBuddha

Superstitions me arse.

Your wife knows at least one and probably several women who have miscarried and she may well already be considering what I'm about to say, based on others experience.

As a man who's been there with a wife who miscarried late on her first pregnancy, when all appeared to be going very nicely, having to even look at little babygros and teddy bears gifted months before baby should have been due is like getting another stab in the heart after having it broken in two.

So, stop looking at your wife like she's cracked. The rest of you here cop on to yourselves. It's nothing to do with superstition. People might be dumb enough to think it is but it's more practical than that. Show a bit more sensitivity towards your wife OP.

Your family have zero right to impose on your wife and to be quite blunt should have been a lot more thoughtful. None of you should be taking anything for granted. It doesn't seem like your wife is, so maybe it's the rest of you that need to learn to behave appropriately.

EnergyBlaster

She's pregnant. Her hormones could be all over the place. Give her space.

BreadnBuddha

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I disagree with you. People can be very superstitious about having baby stuff in the house before the birth of a first baby. It's not so bad for subsequent babies, as they already have stuff from the first.

It's not so bad because they know they've made it to full term, delivered and both survived. That's the fact of the matter.

v638sg7k1a92bx

EnergyBlaster wrote: »

She's pregnant. Give her a bit of space.

Why is a pregnant woman deemed infallible and since when do people's superstitions and biological clock excuse their poor behaviour and bad attitude?

v638sg7k1a92bx

BreadnBuddha wrote: »

Superstitions me arse.

Your wife knows at least one and probably several women who have miscarried and she may well already be considering what I'm about to say, based on others experience.

As a man who's been there with a wife who miscarried late on her first pregnancy, when all appeared to be going very nicely, having to even look at little babygros and teddy bears gifted months before baby should have been due is like getting another stab in the heart after having it broken in two.

So, stop looking at your wife like she's cracked. The rest of you here cop on to yourselves. It's nothing to do with superstition. People might be dumb enough to think it is but it's more practical than that. Show a bit more sensitivity towards your wife OP.

Your family have zero right to impose on your wife and to be quite blunt should have been a lot more thoughtful. None of you should be taking anything for granted. It doesn't seem like your wife is, so maybe it's the rest of you that need to learn to behave appropriately.

I can't tell if you are joking or serios but I fail to see the logic. What's the co-relation btw looking at baby grows while pregnant and possibility of miscarriage? It's complete hocus pocus and if people who get offended by some giving them gift because they believe in black magic then that their problem and unfortunately for the op he's going to have a child with a partner who believes in hocus pocus. The unfortunate thing is what will the next incident be, how can the op's family know what will offend his gf if she is prone to believing in fairy tales and lets that impact on how she interacts with other people and form the basis on how she will build relationships with other adults and the OP immediate family.

dori_dormer

I wouldn't have gone ballistic but I personally would have been pretty upset if someone had given me a gift at that early stage.
I'd had a miscarriage before, so was pretty nervous and on edge throughout my whole pregnancy. Part of accepting and becoming comfortable and happy about the comign baby was me and my husband going out and buying the very first things for our baby together. It's just kind of a right of passage for your first child too.
I think it was pretty imposing of your family to have something For the baby before the mother and father even did.
I know when my sister was pregnant last year, I saw something adorable I thought she'd love, so I bought it, but I waited until she showed us the nice things shed bought him herself (around the 6 month mark) and then the following week gave her my gift.
I think it's just common courtesy. I had a friend who hadn't even ordered a buggy at 8 months preggers let alone clothes.

I think your wife should apologise for her reaction and explain her reasons to them also. I don't think her feelings on the matter are that uncommon. Have you two also not discussed when you plan to buy things etc at all?

Nichard Dixon

BreadnBuddha wrote: »

Superstitions me arse.

Your wife knows at least one and probably several women who have miscarried and she may well already be considering what I'm about to say, based on others experience.

As a man who's been there with a wife who miscarried late on her first pregnancy, when all appeared to be going very nicely, having to even look at little babygros and teddy bears gifted months before baby should have been due is like getting another stab in the heart after having it broken in two.

So, stop looking at your wife like she's cracked. The rest of you here cop on to yourselves. It's nothing to do with superstition. People might be dumb enough to think it is but it's more practical than that. Show a bit more sensitivity towards your wife OP.

Your family have zero right to impose on your wife and to be quite blunt should have been a lot more thoughtful. None of you should be taking anything for granted. It doesn't seem like your wife is, so maybe it's the rest of you that need to learn to behave appropriately.

It is nonsense to talk about superstition. The OPs partner may have real worries about things going wrong and this premature gesture brought them to the surface. Going ballistic wasn't right and an apology is appropriate for that, but if she is apprehensive about her first pregnancy some support would be called for too.

Shemale

My wife didnt wants gifts or us to buy anythung until the baby was born and all was well. OPs mother should understand.

A friend of mine knew the sex of their baby, shopped and decorated the babys room accordingly, sadly there were complications at birth and she passed away so my mate had to return all the things they bought and repaint after burying her. Seeing what it did to them I wouldnt recommend anyone does it.

Op, hormones are a massive factor too. My wife was pregnant with our first, I got home and she said hi and told about how she had reorganised the press in the kitchen, she brought me over to show me. The natural reaction to a tidyed press was oh thats very tidy which was met with a tidal wave of tears and how I didnt care that she spent time tidying the press.

NB NOT THE TIME FOR A LIGHTENING THE MOOD JOKES

Pregnant women can be very irrational so just be supportive and dont joke until she has calmed down!

Typer Monkey

BreadnBuddha I think you're imposing your own situation and emotions on the situation. I've had a miscarraige and have started buying thins for the baby I'm due in Feb. I love looking at new baby stuff. The OP never mentioned a previous miscarriage. I'm sure if it was relevant he would have.

At the end of the day she was very rude to two family members trying to do a nice thing. Being pregnant doesn't mean you can be rude to people. She could have said 'thanks so much for your thoughtful presents but I don't want to have anything in the house yet so can you keep them here for me until the baby is born safe?'

Also, what is she planning on dressing the baby in when it's born in the hospital. She's going to have to bring clothes in with her when in labour so she's going to have to buy some stuff in advance!

IvyTheTerrible

I was the opposite, I was buying things and getting stuff from the husband's family fairly early on in my first pregnancy, when my family found out they went nuts, thought I was jinxing the baby.
To be honest, whether I had clothes or not would have made little difference to how devastated I'd have been if anything had happened to him.

(By the by, I don't think "Oh pregnancy hormones" is a good reason for rudeness or bad behaviour.)

Dial Hard

Family members buying a couple of babygrows is an imposition. Jesus Christ, I've heard it all now.

endacl

Pregnant wimmenz be cray cray...

And why not. There's a lot going on for them, in them, and around them. I second the 'cut her some slack' approach. Rational is relative, especially when you've a whole other person inside you. I couldn't do it.

Chemical Byrne

dori_dormer wrote: »

I wouldn't have gone ballistic but I personally would have been pretty upset if someone had given me a gift at that early stage.
I'd had a miscarriage before, so was pretty nervous and on edge throughout my whole pregnancy. Part of accepting and becoming comfortable and happy about the comign baby was me and my husband going out and buying the very first things for our baby together. It's just kind of a right of passage for your first child too.
I think it was pretty imposing of your family to have something For the baby before the mother and father even did.
I know when my sister was pregnant last year, I saw something adorable I thought she'd love, so I bought it, but I waited until she showed us the nice things shed bought him herself (around the 6 month mark) and then the following week gave her my gift.
I think it's just common courtesy. I had a friend who hadn't even ordered a buggy at 8 months preggers let alone clothes.

I think your wife should apologise for her reaction and explain her reasons to them also. I don't think her feelings on the matter are that uncommon. Have you two also not discussed when you plan to buy things etc at all?

No. Common courtesy is graciously accepting a gift which someone has been kind enough to offer or else politely declining if you do not want it. The OP was hissing and spitting and them for having the nerve to offer a gift. Bullshít. I'd be very angry.

eviltwin

endacl wrote: »

Pregnant wimmenz be cray cray...

And why not. There's a lot going on for them, in them, and around them. I second the 'cut her some slack' approach. Rational is relative, especially when you've a whole other person inside you. I couldn't do it.

And yet many of us manage to do it with all sorts of other pressures without being rude in the face of kindness.

January

If something happens to a baby it's going to happen whether there is baby equipment/clothes in the house or not. Your baby is not going to die or be born sick because someone bought you a gift and you accepted it.

I think your wife completely over reacted.

dori_dormer

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

No. Common courtesy is graciously accepting a gift which someone has been kind enough to offer or else politely declining if you do not want it. The OP was hissing and spitting and them for having the nerve to offer a gift. Bullshít. I'd be very angry.

That's why I also wrote my last paragraph if you care to read it.

I'm just saying I relate to her situation. I also had an irrational fear of buying anything before a certain time. I know it makes no sense but it was there. And I know plenty of women don't have any problems buying stuff either. In my mind though the horror of having to get rid of all the baby things bought already, if something had happened to him, was too much to bear or think about. Where the root of her fear comes from be it previous losses or superstition doesn't Really matter, it's there and I'm surprised it had never been previously discussed with the op, or that the ops family didn't ask if it was ok to give gifts before they did.

bee06

January wrote: »

If something happens to a baby it's going to happen whether there is baby equipment/clothes in the house or not. Your baby is not going to die or be born sick because someone bought you a gift and you accepted it.

I think your wife completely over reacted.

I'm sure the wife know this in the rational part of her brain but that other irrational part took over in this occasion. I totally agree she overreacted and I'm sure she'll realise that herself when she calms down but her husband calling her out on or getting angry it isn't going to help matters.