Really don't know what to think about situation

whattothink

So I recently married about 3 months ago, been together around 6/7 years. The relationship has been pretty sexless in the past year but I finally called my new wife on it on Wednesday as I was fed up with the lack of intimacy between us. We had always had sex at least 4-5 times a week, if not every day up to that period. She made anexcuse about thinking it was a medical reason but I called BS on it as once she has a few drinks she is like she used to be. She really loosens up and instigates sex. But with no drink, she shows absolutely no interest and I feel bad trying to get intimate. I argued that she had gone off me, didn't fancy me and really had no interest sexually with me, but if she was in a new relationship she would be like her old self. I've kind of accepted that and I'm thinking of it in a rational manner (accepting less sex with time together). But I was willing to give her a fair chance by going to the doctor, which she was going to do this week.

However, here's where the real issue is. We were out last night, and again she began to loosen up a bit. She said that she wanted to have a threesome, with a girl as the third person as she would quite enjoy it and that I would too. I have no idea what to think. Like she will barely have sex with me and we are having real intimacy issues and now she wants to introduce something else into it. I think its a horrible suggestion and its really something she/we shouldn't be considering the issue we are having right now. She doesn't have anyone in mind for it either. Is it a desperate call?

I feel so angry and so inadequate as a lover that she needs someone else to please her as well as me. I would really appreciate some outside perspective. I'm really trying to see it as it is but I just don't get it.

Penny Tration

I totally understand where you're coming from. Ye have no intimacy and are struggling to be together sexually and her suggestion is to involve another person? C'mon, that's just going to make the situation worse!

Have you asked her about her sexuality? It would be quite unusual for a woman to suggest having sex with another woman if she weren't attracted to women..


If I were in your position, I'd be refusing to entertain the idea and wanting to work on your relationship issues without adding another sexual partner to the mix.

I will say though, that if this has been going on for over a year, and ye got married three months ago, that was insanity. You should never marry someone who won't have sex with you!

zeffabelli

Sometimes comfort married love chases away sexy love because you are too fused.

Could this be what happened?

It's not necessarily a reflection on you but the nature of togetherness.

Dial Hard

Penny Tration wrote:

I will say though, that if this has been going on for over a year, and ye got married three months ago, that was insanity. You should never marry someone who won't have sex with you!

This comes up so often in here that I genuinely think there should be some kind of sticky about it. Anyway.

OP, you're well within your rights to be annoyed with your wife for suggesting this when your sex life is in such a bad way to begin with.

It strikes me as strange that her libido reappears whenever she's had a few drinks. This would certainly suggest that it's not a medical issue as she tried to claim. I definitely think you'd benefit from some couples counselling with someone who specialises in sexual issues. If she refuses to go, unfortunately it speaks volumes about how much she cares about your relationship.

DukeOfTheSharp

I'm going to be honest here: your wife is not a mature person. If this is effecting you so negatively, she needs to understand that she can't go from 0 to 100 like this, that it won't help either one of you and the problems will only get worse if she continues this thought process before she fixes the root cause of the problem.

Look, married people, in fact any couple, have a right to experiment. But that's only when both are comfortable with the current situation and intimacy level. Right now, you've made it more than clear you're not happy with it, yet she decides that the best fix is to do something that will introduce a third person into an already tense situation. It's a sheer mess and she needs to understand that she can't jump the shark and pretend like nothing is wrong. Your best bet is to sit down and have an honest discussion with her, talk about steps you can take to make things more comfortable, but experimentation is off the table until such a time as the both of you feel comfortable with each other.

Sound Bite

Any chance your wife is gay but in denial?

Merkin

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