I'm lost

LegacyUser

Ok married 21 yrs have 3 kids 19/16/15 . My husband hasn't spoken to me in over 6 six wks if he does say something to me its in a horrible tone that would cut you in two. He wont look at me if I try to speak to him if he does its like he stood on sh*te . When I ask whats wrong why wont he talk to me his answer is "there's nothing wrong i just have nothing to say to you" .If I ask if I've done something wrong he just says "yes there's a problem" but wont say what it is . He would go into these stroops every few months or so and i always put them down to him having depression and he would turn around after a while and be normal again but now I can't take it anymore I feel sick in my stomach and I just want to go but am to scared. don't know where to go what to do, cant leave the kids with him, my name is on the house but we've no morgage . I have a part time job but it wouldn't pay rent anywhere is there anything I can do

PandaPoo

Is there someone you could stay with temporarily?
Is he acting the same way towards the kids?

It's probably affecting the kids regardless and you should talk to them and see if they're OK. Can't be nice to see their father treating their mother like that.

Would you speak to the GP, or would he do it himself?

LegacyUser

Thanks for your reply
He's the same with everyone here he has no friends froze out his family a long time ago only goes to work and comes home argues with everyone . Its his way or no way wont compromise. I'm going to ring my gp in the morning for appointment for me I have to help myself cause he doesn't believe that theres anything wrong with his actions . I've told my family and a few friends whats happening but I dont want to say alot cause if i'm still here in 6 months they'll think I was making a mountain out of a mole hill . If some one came to visit hes all nice and would chat to them but when theyre going it would back to ingoring me again. (not that anyone comes )

Dial Hard

I can't believe your kids haven't called him out on it, tbh. Any time my parents were giving eachother the silent treatment (which wasn't often, in fairness ) we would all be like "What's wrong with you? Would yis ever cop on".

celligraphy

Wait until he's at work and lock him out until he learns to grow up!

Sunflower 27

Hi OP

Your situation sounds intolerable. Whatvate you actually afraid of? Supporting yourself? Is he working? Maybe he would move out and you stay in the house with the kids.

This is clear emotional abuse. The previous post is a good one. Contact Women's Aid.

We often fear what we don't know, but could leaving the marriage be any worse than being disrespected like you are every day?

Have you any close friends you could confide in?

Acara

Sunflower 27 wrote: »

Hi OP

Your situation sounds intolerable. Whatvate you actually afraid of? Supporting yourself? Is he working? Maybe he would move out and you stay in the house with the kids.

This is clear emotional abuse. The previous post is a good one. Contact Women's Aid.

We often fear what we don't know, but could leaving the marriage be any worse than being disrespected like you are every day?

Have you any close friends you could confide in?

Abuse should not be tolerated and u deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. Women's Aid will help you to and please contact them. Your husband is toddler emotionally and needs to grow up.

PucaMama

Is it only your name on the house? Either way I'd change the locks when he's out and have his stuff packed and outside waiting for him. Call the guards if he gets stroppy,

Silent treatment and isolation in a relationship is not fun and is quite abusive. I wouldn't tolerate it for long.

Lux23

I might get in trouble for this but he sounds like he needs a good kick in the a**e. Get the kids out of the house when you know he is going to be home and have it out with him. Tell him he either talks about his issues or he can pack his things and leave as it sounds to me like he is using you as an emotional punch-bag rather than deal with his problems.

LaLa2004

There is no doubt but this is emotional abuse. The people in Women's Aid will understand. He is able to choose how he behaves. You and the children are suffering. Don't waste these precious years on him. Your children are growing up in this environment. You are probably in your 40's, the years are going by and you are important too!

LegacyUser

Sunflower 27 you asked what am I afraid of ....everything, the unknown the ifs, ands, buts, I am very good at making excuses for myself as to why I am still here .

The house is in both our names and I have more than once asked him to leave but He has said that I can move out because hes not going anywhere .
I have been to counselling a few yrs ago and it sort of helped at that time I've asked him try counselling with me but no way would he even consider it .

According to him his behavior isn't abusive his idea of an abusive relationship is the fella coming room and knocking his partner around . He doesn't understand what its doing to me at this stage if I was on fire I wouldn't ask him to help even if he was beside me .

It's like i've dug a huge hole for myself that I know I have to get out of I just need to get the strength to do it

giggle84

cryinginthekitchen wrote: »

According to him his behavior isn't abusive his idea of an abusive relationship is the fella coming room and knocking his partner around.

The Women's Aid website lists all of the signs of an abusice relationship. I'm sure if you printed off the list for him you could highlight several signs on the list to show him that just because he's not hitting you doesn't mean he's not abusive. Maybe that wouldn't do any good.

Have you tried getting a protection order against him? You don't have to be living apart for that, but it might wake him up to how unacceptable his behaviour is.