Housemate's girlfriend overstaying her welcome

the_syco

RachN0207 wrote: »

Tbh I can see our landlord having to get involved in this.

Ring the landlord, and ask has he okayed your housemate to have an extra body in the house? I'm sure the landlord will either give him a deadline to get her out, or just raise his rent substantially :pac:

Tiddlypeeps

I'd be getting on to the landlord tbh. Your housemates don't seem to pushed in resolving the situation and it shouldn't be your responsibility anyway. Also you have no authority to be demanding anyone be removed from the house, that's the landlords job. This is the kind of thing that will go on for months if you let it lie, so I'd be nipping it in the bud.

jmayo

Jeeze the thing I find really annoying here is that he never even had the decency to ask or give you guys a heads up.

That means he couldn't give a sh** about what you guys think.

Added to that when you brought it up he should have immediately proffered to put extra money towards bills this month.

I have house shared where one of the guys had his Kiwi girlfriend (now missus) come stay with us from the UK for a while.
He actually asked if it was ok beforehand and she contributed towards bills.

Your guy is just sneaky and mean.

And when you do finally push I would lay odds on him becoming narky about it.
The other ones in the house need to sign up to the plan and not be hiding when it kicks off.
The best way to do that is to show them how much it is hurting their wallets.

mariaalice

Getting the landlord involved is the best solution she is not on the lease should not be living there, getting the landlord involved is the polite professional way of dealing with the issue and it take the pressure off your and your housemate to do anything.

reg114

jmayo wrote: »

Jeeze the thing I find really annoying here is that he never even had the decency to ask or give you guys a heads up.

That means he couldn't give a sh** about what you guys think.

Added to that when you brought it up he should have immediately proffered to put extra money towards bills this month.

I have house shared where one of the guys had his Kiwi girlfriend (now missus) come stay with us from the UK for a while.
He actually asked if it was ok beforehand and she contributed towards bills.

Your guy is just sneaky and mean.

And when you do finally push I would lay odds on him becoming narky about it.
The other ones in the house need to sign up to the plan and not be hiding when it kicks off.
The best way to do that is to show them how much it is hurting their wallets.

Yeah its amazing just how selfish some people can be and just how much of the pi$$ they can take, if allowed. This is where the other housemates need to come in to play. There should be a show of numbers here against the offending housemate, they really need to man up and just have a brutally honest conversation, if not, then the landlord needs to be told.

The result will most likely be that the offending flatmate will move out because his cosy little arrangement will have ceased. Absolutely no loss if you ask me. You don't need to be sharing with someone who shows nothing but contempt for you.

It also speaks volumes about the girlfriend too, happy to freeload, they suit each other by the sounds of things. I'd be drawing up house rules regardless because when he throws a strop and leaves, it'll be the opportune time to remind everyone in the house , including any new housemate of their shared responsibilities.

Uno my Uno.

OP you and your flat mates are the bigger people here by allowing her to stay while this Girl tries to get herself back on her feet. However don't allow yourselves to be taken advantage of, keep the pressure on so they both know that her staying there is not a long or medium term solution. That way when this does come to a head (as it probably will) you can't be accused of having acquiesced to her being there. Bear in mind that your flat mate may not be entirely happy about the situation either, if it is a new relationship he might not have planned on moving in with her at this stage so he might be quite happy for her to find a place of her own.

Incidentally who goes out to get a job these days? Jobs are found and applied for on the internet surely? Usually while in one's pajamas.

Brianderunner

I've experienced this all before. Your flatmate is taking the p!ss out of you. The first question i always ask when a guest stays is "are they paying rent somewhere else?", if the answer is no be very very suspicious. Thankfully my house sharing days are now over but i had 10 years of it for my sins.

My advice, start a group email between yourselves and the other flatmates (not inc your man). I'm sure you are all in the same boat regarding getting rid of her. All of you set an agreed date for her to jog on and one of you send an email copying in the rest of the flatmates. If they are not gone by then you let the landlord know and forward him the ultimatum email.

Just me, but i would nobble the internet box, ensuring it won't work, just before i left for work in the morning just to make her day that bit less comfortable, only for it to be miraculously fixed that evening.

Tarzana2

Uno my Uno. wrote: »

Incidentally who goes out to get a job these days? Jobs are found and applied for on the internet surely? Usually while in one's pajamas.

Aye, but if I was staying in someone else's house, I wouldn't be lolling around in PJs all day. Getting dressed sends out a message to the housemates that she is being proactive.

Uno my Uno.

I have actually been through a similar situation where on flat mate asked if GF could stay "for a couple of weeks" when she came back from a year abroad and she ended up staying for six weeks. It wasn't an issue for two of us as we all got on well. However after two weeks our fourth Flatmate started demanding that she pay a 5th of all bills which over the course of 6 weeks amounted to something in the region of E30, barely a tenner each to the rest of us.

Technically he was entitled to do it but it came across as petty and mean spirited, he also started doing things like turning off the heat during the day and generally making her feel unwelcome. The end result was that there was a falling out and we all ended up moving which was probably the worst possible outcome.

If the OP wants the best possible outcome she should be clear, firm and up front about what is going on. Being petty or underhand will only lead to bad feelings and resentment which is the last thing you need in a shared house.

RachN0207

Quote: Uno my Uno.


Incidentally who goes out to get a job these days? Jobs are found and applied for on the internet surely? Usually while in one's pajamas.

Well I guess it depends on what kind of job you're looking for. If you're desperate (which she should be) wouldn't you walk the town and try get work in a bar or shop, anything just to get you back on your feet. There's just no excuse for sitting around in your pyjamas all day when you're in a situation like hers, especially in someone else's house.

Tarzana2

Well, by the sounds of things, she outstayed her welcome massively. Six weeks, not a couple of weeks. Maybe the other housemate wasn't even that keen on two weeks. Six weeks is a long time to be living with a couple when you didn't sign up for it. But I don't agree with pettiness either, be upfront, OP.

Tarzana2

RachN0207 wrote: »

Well I guess it depends on what kind of job you're looking for. If you're desperate (which she should be) wouldn't you walk the town and try get work in a bar or shop, anything just to get you back on your feet. There's just no excuse for sitting around in your pyjamas all day when you're in a situation like hers, especially in someone else's house.

Good point, stop gap jobs are found by pounding the pavements.

To be honest, I'd give her the weekend to sort herself and say she has to be gone by Monday evening or you will be getting the LL involved.

Ye have already put up with her for a good few weeks and the fact she is waltzing around the house in her pajamas would infuriate me (I'd have told her as much too if it was me). If she had any bit of cop on she would be hiding in your housemates room and be trying to avoid the other housemates totally when she shouldn't be there in the first place.

FelineOverLord

The guy is taking the proverbial. He's dating a girl he barely knows, moves her in without asking or even mentioning it to the others. She's got no job, so presumably she doesn't have the means to pay her own rent elsewhere and she's not even making the effort to try to find work or alternative accommodation. It sounds like he's providing free room and board in exchange for 'services rendered', and why wouldn't he if he can get away with it. OP has already raised the issue and nothing has changed, so it's time to get on to the landlord about her or she's never leaving.

Dublingirl88

She is free-loading on you all end of story. I think giving her anymore than the free week she has already gotten is too much. Explain she is to be gone after this weekend if not then the LL is going to be contacted.

Also when the bills arrive next month higher than normal all of you put in what the normal has been so far for each person and simply tell him he is paying the difference and if he disagrees tell him you want him out and if he refuses get the LL involved, you deserve a better housemate than him.

Exclamation Marc

Just on a side note that I don't think has been mentioned.

When she gets a job (if she gets one), she's hardly going to move out straight away as I'd imagine she has zero money to just dump on a new place immediately for a deposit and rent up front and she's going to have a tough time finding a new place having not started in a new job reference-wise. That to me screams that even after she gets a job, she's gonna hang around as long as she can, for weeks and weeks. Her getting a job will not be the end of her living with you unless something is done.

Sit down with your other housemates ASAP, set a date for next week when she has to be gone by (so you're being nice and lenient, even though there's no need for you to be - but it seems like you don't want to go straight to the nuclear option) and then when that date passes she's either gone or call the landlord.

Ursus Horribilis

The thing to bear in mind here is that your relationship with this particular housemate is on the skids anyway. There's not going to be a happy outcome to this no matter what happens. Personally I wouldn't be worried about falling out with this guy over the stunt he pulled on you all. He's probably not going to hang around anyway if the girlfriend has to leave. Sometimes you have to be a bitch even if it isn't what you're comfortable with. This guy senses that he can walk all over you and if you don't tackle this again, you'll still be looking at her lounging around the house in her jimjams in a few months time.

CatFromHue

Yeah you're the wronged party here OP, he's the one who made the problem.

Tarzana2

Odus fell down wrote: »

Sometimes you have to be a bitch even if it isn't what you're comfortable with.

True dat! And sometimes, being the "bitch" can actually make someone respect you more because they recognise it as you being assertive, not bitchy.

scrimshanker

I wouldn't ask for increased rent or a contribution to bills just yet... They might feel justified in her staying on if "she" is paying towards rent and bills, then you'll never get her out.

Get her out within the month, THEN say to yerman that in light of her being in the house for such a length of time, you think he should pay 30% of the bills instead of 20%.

PolarRoscoe

This is a simple case of your housemates judgement being clouded by his hormones. You should have a word to take him back to coherent thinking. He doesn't see what is happening as wrong as he is happy with the situation

oppenheimer1

cruais wrote:

As far as i am aware, the max number of nights a tenant can have a guest stay is 3 per week. Anything over the amount is liable for rent.

That's total bs. The only people liable for rent are those party to the lease, no matter how long a guest stays.

Ursus Horribilis

I definitely wouldn't go down the road of demanding extra rent while she's in the house. Most likely you'd be opening the door to her moving in permanently. It'd be harder to get rid of her if they start paying her way as well. From their point of view, paying for them both in a house share would still work out quite a bit cheaper than them getting a place of their own.

gavkeegan

My advice would be to ask your other house-mates what they think, and then if they are in agreement, proceed to ask the guy whose girlfriend is staying over the whole time to pay more rent. I don't know what the overall monthly rent on your house is, but I reckon ye could ask him to give each of ye €50 per month. That way his rent would be €200 higher, which I think is extremely reasonable given that he has a guest over the whole time. He should either agree to that, or else it should make him put a limit on the amount of time that his girlfriend spends in the house.

Exclamation Marc

Odus fell down wrote: »

I definitely wouldn't go down the road of demanding extra rent while she's in the house. Most likely you'd be opening the door to her moving in permanently. It'd be harder to get rid of her if they start paying her way as well. From their point of view, paying for them both in a house share would still work out quite a bit cheaper than them getting a place of their own.

Think this is absolutely spot on.

gavkeegan wrote: »

My advice would be to ask your other house-mates what they think, and then if they are in agreement, proceed to ask the guy whose girlfriend is staying over the whole time to pay more rent. I don't know what the overall monthly rent on your house is, but I reckon ye could ask him to give each of ye €50 per month. That way his rent would be €200 higher, which I think is extremely reasonable given that he has a guest over the whole time. He should either agree to that, or else it should make him put a limit on the amount of time that his girlfriend spends in the house.

He's trying to impress the new girl, if he's sneaking her into the house. he'll clearly pay (or "lend") the €200 and she'll be lounging around for a month with no incentive to get off her @ss and move out. And then it's a even worse situation where she's paid the money and you won't be able to get rid of her because she's paid!

As soon as you start demanding money off him/her for rent and/or utilities, you're effectively saying that you can stay as long as you want as long as you're paying and given that everything is split four ways already, splitting it a fifth way isn't going to be a huge burden. Suddenly she'll think that "oh a months rent is only going to cost me extra €100 or so a month" (in terms of his and her combined rent) and suddenly the brakes will kick in and there'll be no urgency to go.

The aim is to get her out. Reducing your bills by a negligible amount won't solve the problem. Set a date. Demand she leaves then. Call the landlord if she's there past that date.

the_syco

Is your shower electric? She could be taking long showers every morning, and no skin off her nose; she won't be paying the extra bills.

GarIT

Manufactured Miracle wrote: »

Think this is absolutely spot on.



He's trying to impress the new girl, if he's sneaking her into the house. he'll clearly pay (or "lend") the €200 and she'll be lounging around for a month with no incentive to get off her @ss and move out. And then it's a even worse situation where she's paid the money and you won't be able to get rid of her because she's paid!

As soon as you start demanding money off him/her for rent and/or utilities, you're effectively saying that you can stay as long as you want as long as you're paying and given that everything is split four ways already, splitting it a fifth way isn't going to be a huge burden. Suddenly she'll think that "oh a months rent is only going to cost me extra €100 or so a month" (in terms of his and her combined rent) and suddenly the brakes will kick in and there'll be no urgency to go.

The aim is to get her out. Reducing your bills by a negligible amount won't solve the problem. Set a date. Demand she leaves then. Call the landlord if she's there past that date.

I think she would still leave if the rent increase was enough of a disincentive. The guy has inconvenienced all of you by brining another person into the house without asking and added another person to a quite divided space. I'd begin discussions by looking for the problem housemate to pay two times his rent for the duration she is there (You won't get this but make a strong point for it and then allow yourself to get haggled down a bit).

The other housemates seem reluctant to deal with the situation. I would be telling the other housemates that I'm not willing to pay the next rent/bills before a discussion has been had and an agreement made. All you have to say is that you are not happy with the current conditions that you were put in without choice and will not be continuing with your previous agreement for rent/bill splitting as a result.

BettePorter

OP said in first message that he started seeing this one and shes basically been there since. Then he told op she's been homeless since last month so he basically met a homeless girl and took her home! What a prize idiot! Not to mention completely taking the piss of his fella flatmates in process!

Its not like shes just staying over now and then. At some point shes covertly moved her worldly belongings into ur home! He knew this!

She's going nowhere off her own batt.... why would she.
He should be given notice for breaking the lease in terms of moving strangers into your home! Hard neck!

Exclamation Marc

GarIT wrote: »

I think she would still leave if the rent increase was enough of a disincentive. The guy has inconvenienced all of you by brining another person into the house without asking and added another person to a quite divided space. I'd begin discussions by looking for the problem housemate to pay two times his rent for the duration she is there (You won't get this but make a strong point for it and then allow yourself to get haggled down a bit).

The other housemates seem reluctant to deal with the situation. I would be telling the other housemates that I'm not willing to pay the next rent/bills before a discussion has been had and an agreement made. All you have to say is that you are not happy with the current conditions that you were put in without choice and will not be continuing with your previous agreement for rent/bill splitting as a result.

Yeah I see what you're saying but do you not think that opens a bigger problem where his/her logic will be "well I'm not going to get anywhere else to stay for "€XXX" and it's cheaper than finding a place on my own (if they haggle it down) and then you've effectively permitted someone else to move in for a month. And not only that, you've let someone move in for a month who will be there all the time using all the utilities and being an extra body. Then suddenly month two its the same....

On top of that, you could be breaking the terms of the lease by allowing a fifth paying tenant (albeit on a short term basis).

Also, this girl is brand new, if she breaks something or does damage to the place, she's off out of there with no notice with the housemates left to pick up the pieces. It's not likely but it's possible.

oppenheimer1

Am I the only one here that thinks the heavy handed advice of ultimatums is totally over the top? An extra body in a house really doesn't have much impact on the other occupants apart from the person they're sharing a room with.

The most i'd ask for is a proportional extra contribution for the rent and bills from the guy and ask him to keep it down at night.