Housemate's girlfriend overstaying her welcome

Brussels Sprout

oppenheimer1 wrote: »

Am I the only one here that thinks the heavy handed advice of ultimatums is totally over the top? An extra body in a house really doesn't have much impact on the other occupants apart from the person they're sharing a room with.

Unless this extra person doesn't leave their bedroom this is not true.

I had a similar scenario years ago except it was the boyfriend of a housemate who was practically living in our apartment. The two of us didn't really get on so had minimal conversation with each other. He used finish his job early so often when I'd come home from work he'd already be slumped on our couch watching TV. His girlfriend and my other housemate used finish a bit later than me so I used to enjoy having the place to myself so I could unwind after work. With him there we either had to make awkward small talk or just ignore each other. It was one of those common living areas though so when people were watching TV or in the kitchen it was essentially the same room and there was an uneasy tension when it was just the two of us.

He had his own apartment but they were in a co-dependent relationship so spent all of their free time together and she was wildly jealous of any other women. As a result they spent every night together and since our apartment was nicer than his they probably spent 6 nights in ours to every 1 in his.

OP, I ended up moving out purely because she had already been there for 2 years before me and the other housemate spent most of his time in his bedroom and wasn't bothered about the boyfriend mooching around the place. In your scenario I think, as others have said you should be up front with him and request that he make plans to move her out as soon as possible.

BettePorter

oppenheimer1 wrote:

An extra body in a house really doesn't have much impact on the other occupants apart from the person they're sharing a room with.

Its not just about the physical presence though. Its about her being so entitled and ignorant as to not even acknowledge shes there for as long as SHE sees fit. That's the part that would annoy me more than her wear and tear.

In fact id say had she simply said to the OP at one point ' hi Mary I really appreciate u putting up with me while I sort myself out ' then the OP wouldn't be here in the first place.

You get rightly pissed off when you feel you're being taken advantage of AND ignored at same time.

the_syco

bidiots wrote: »

Sweet jesus this is a scary thread for anyone who may need to houseshare in the future:eek: that's it, I'm getting married!

Unfortunately, it'll mean losing a lot more than the deposit if you decide to move away from them if they start wrecking your head... :pac:

Citygirl1

bidiots wrote: »

Sweet jesus this is a scary thread for anyone who may need to houseshare in the future:eek: that's it, I'm getting married!

And, unfortunately, it's far from an isolated instance. I'd say almost every person who has house-shared for a few years has some experience of a housemates boyfriend/girlfriend becoming almost part of the household.

It can become pretty irritating, to find someone who doesn't pay any rent regularly using the shower in the communal bathroom, just when you need to use the toilet/shower, using kitchen facilities, plonked in front of the telly on the best seat in the living room.

Most people I met were friendly, and easy to deal with, but you still have that feeling of living with a couple....

One of the many reasons why I now love living alone.

In this case, the housemate and girlfriend are being absolutely selfish, but it doesn't entirely surprise me. It's made more difficult by the other residents not wanting to rock the boat, but OP needs to firmly stand her ground, or this girl will be there in another few months time.

hanna200

OP tell them now to start paying extra. How about she (girlfriend) pays all the household bills (electricity, refuse, etc...) as a good will?
Make sure you point it that it's just a temporary measure to make you see how things are for a month or two. However ideally she should pay her share and these monies should be distributed equally between all parties in the house. I assume you all do not want any issues with house owner?
Make sure to tell them to keep the house better than it is (keep it really clean).

Exclamation Marc

hanna200 wrote: »

OP tell them now to start paying extra. How about she (girlfriend) pays all the household bills (electricity, refuse, etc...) as a good will?
Make sure you point it that it's just a temporary measure to make you see how things are for a month or two. However ideally she should pay her share and these monies should be distributed equally between all parties in the house. I assume you all do not want any issues with house owner?
Make sure to tell them to keep the house better than it is (keep it really clean).

Having an extra tenant could break the terms of the lease. I'm a landlord and while I now live there with a licensee, I used to rent the place out. Whilst some landlord's don't care, I certainly wouldn't have been thrilled with an extra tenant living there with no deposit and having no liability whatsoever, especially when the other house-mates are clearly so spineless as to do anything and will probably just turn their backs if something goes wrong.

Also a month or two and suddenly it's Christmas.

Elliottsmum79

RachN0207 wrote: »

Thanks for all the feedback guys! I spoke with him on Monday night in regards to it and he's asked that we just bear with them for the time being as she lost her job a month ago and couldn't afford to pay her rent as a result and so has nowhere else to go. Really don't know what to do now as me and the others feel too mean to say she has to leave when she has no money and nowhere to go. He says he's trying to sort a room in a houseshare for her but not quite sure if he is or not. Think I'll leave it another week or 2 before I mention it again. Hoping it will sort itself out at this point.

Thats really reasonable of you all. I'd be a bit more "not my problem" about it to be honest.....hated housesharing in my 20's I have to say, hell is other people as the saying goes!! Best of luck.

Pac2015

She basically gets to live for free in your house while you pay all the bills...how is she going to afford this other room if she is not working?
I would bet they hope that you and the other housemates say nothing more and she can continue to live there with him.

I would keep on their case.

El_Duderino 09

hanna200 wrote:

OP tell them now to start paying extra. How about she (girlfriend) pays all the household bills (electricity, refuse, etc...) as a good will? Make sure you point it that it's just a temporary measure to make you see how things are for a month or two. However ideally she should pay her share and these monies should be distributed equally between all parties in the house. I assume you all do not want any issues with house owner? Make sure to tell them to keep the house better than it is (keep it really clean).

That's really risky as it establishes the price for her to stay. So you make an agreement that she pays X per week. Now she could think she's in the clear and you're all square because she's paying her way.

The other solution is to charge her nothing and say 'it's been great to have you for a few weeks but this can't go on indefinitely. How long do you need to find your next house or move home or whatever you need to do next (1/2 weeks)?' Set a date and part ways.

If the housemate kicks off it just shows that he had intended keeping her around indefinitely and at least you can have that conversation now rather than in 6 months when the LL finds out there's another person living there

daithi1970

..here's a thought..if the landlord gets wind of the extra person living in their property, could you all be turfed out for breaking the lease??maybe that's an argument to put to your other housemates...

daithi

scrimshanker

daithi1970 wrote: »

..here's a thought..if the landlord gets wind of the extra person living in their property, could you all be turfed out for breaking the lease??maybe that's an argument to put to your other housemates...

daithi

Whilst you make a valid point, and that is a real possibility, I'd be more inclined to go down the "you don't live here, get out" route because if you give any other reason they'll find an argument against it.

Her saving a deposit shouldn't be a problem - if she's a good tenant then she will have gotten her deposit back from where she was.

I'd also stop making life comfortable for her. If she's in the nicest spot, tell her to move. Stop allowing her to make herself so at home!

There's always a hostel if she can't find somewhere right away. Suggest that to her if she gives any lip.

InTheTrees

scrimshanker wrote: »

Whilst you make a valid point, and that is a real possibility, I'd be more inclined to go down the "you don't live here, get out" route because if you give any other reason they'll find an argument against it.

Absolutely.

This thread is just weird, i mean how many more anonymous people are going to start living in their house before anyone says anything??

I wouldnt be surprised if the freeloaders friends start showing up soon. Isnt anyone worried about having stuff stolen?

RachN0207

Problems sorted. He told me tonight that he's found a room in another house for both of them and has given our landlord notice that he's moving out. Thanks again for everyone's advice. Think my days of this house sharing lark are numbered!

athtrasna

Issue resolved. Thread closed. Thanks for the update OP