Hands too cold

LegacyUser

So I've been going out this girl a short while and things are going well but there's one thing that's sort of freaking me out and that's her really cold hands.

On our second date we held hands while walking back to hers and I kinda noticed it then and she said oh yeah i'm freezing I need to be warmed up... So in we go and we're doing a bit of messing about and she put her hand on my chest but I actually jumped it was so cold. She was a bit embarrassed about it and explained that she doesn't have great circulation but we laughed it off and didn't talk about it anymore.

Anyway fast forward and we're back in her place last weekend and she decides to help me get in the mood by giving me a handjob but the freezing cold hands are a real hard-on killer and let's say that what they say about the effect of freezing temperatures on a man's bits isn't too far from the truth. But the point is that she saw this and it made her really self-conscious. She was clearly upset and we spent the rest of the night chatting and she felt better about herself. I stayed the night and we ended up having sex when we woke up the following morning but even though I enjoyed it I really did notice her literally ice cold hands gripping onto me while I was in motion shall we say!!!

But the whole thing has got me thinking - how are we going to be intimate in future or ever enjoy each other's bodies if her hands are going to be literally like an ice pack the whole time? Handjobs and fondling would be out but I feel really bad thinking like this or considering breaking up because otherwise we actually get on really well! Please help!!

pookie82

I'm going to refrain from the jokes about Irish girls being permanently cold and always needing a hot water bottle...

Seriously though, has she acknowledged it's unusual? Has she ever actually gotten it medically seen to? Because hands like ice packs after being in bed all night are NOT normal, and would seem to indicate a pretty serious circulatory problem. Once you're inside for a few hours with heating on or are under a duvet, she should not be experiencing this.

I can see while it seems both petty and important at the same time to consider ending it over this. If it continues, then her ever touching you (which let's face it is a pretty fundamental part of a relationship) will lead to you recoiling rather than enjoying it.

Maybe ask her to get it properly checked out first, for her own sake as well as yours. Could be something she could have treated and improved. It's definitely not normal, but perhaps she has a condition she hasn't opened up about yet, something like Reynaud's, which can cause extremities to become completely blue/white and numb. It's my understanding that even that condition shouldn't be permanent though, i.e. last all night, but should more so "come and go".

Penny Tration

My boyfriend has Raynaud's, and his hands are usually very cold and purple and white.

All I can say is, you get used to it. I genuinely don't notice it anymore because I'm used to it.

I understand the worry, though. Like you said, how can sexual acts involving her hands work if you're jumping at the shock of her being so cold?

Something simple could help though. Maybe if you're chilling in your place watching a film before bed, she could hold a heat pack in her hands?

strandroad

It might also be that you are a "warm" person so her hands might be not that bad but they feel even colder on you. My OH is like that, he's practically radiating warmth.
If it bothers you so much, end it now rather than later. It doesn't sound like she's the one anyway.

Has she ever been to a doctor for it? If her hands are as cold as you say, then that just doesn't seem normal to me and might be pointing towards some undiagnosed medical condition.

StonyIron

It could simply be stress / nerves / excitement / posture too. Hands get cold under those circumstances.

If it's a problem that's present all the time - see a GP. Many issues show up as cold hand/feet.
Certainly important to rule out anything odd before concluding its just tension.

Mr. Incognito

I am a human torch and my missus has poor circulation due to an underlying medical condition.

I tend to be a human hot water bottle for her to warm her hands

I think, firstly rule out any underlying medical conditions and then, make sure that she eats warm nourishing foods and wears a hat and gloves.

StonyIron

Actual relaxation can be good too. Peripheral coldness can be down to stress or muscle tension (the way you hold your shoulders etc).

Stress can come from work, life in general. Might not be anything to do with your relationship.

Heat_Wave

Trying so hard not to laugh on the dart

Merkin

Heat_Wave wrote: »

Trying so hard not to laugh on the dart

Yellow card for being totally disrespectful and unhelpful. Kindly go and read the charter and don't post in this thread again.

DukeOfTheSharp

I've the same thing, Raynaud's disease. It's annoying but it can be solved if you keep her hands somewhere warm (if it was in bed you could do what my OH did and hold the hands close to you to get the circulation going). Otherwise exercise - relatively light stuff - gets the blood flowing to the hands quickly. It's a bit awkward but a few preventative steps can benefit the both of you.

LegacyUser

Thanks a million for your supportive replies.

Yep it turns out to be Raynaud's disease, we discussed it and she's known about it a good while so she's comfortable with it.

On the sex side of things we've been trying to be more creative. Gloves were suggested and we tried that but I was getting carpet burn from the gloves during handjobs so that's out. But as a compromise she said that we should just do more BJs instead. We've been experimenting with hot water bottles as well, so if she's on top we just put the hot water bottle on my chest so she can put her hands straight onto the hot water bottle. She mocks me saying that her last bf had a hairy chest so it wasn't an issue! I guess we just have to keep exploring each other to see how it goes considering its early days.

I'm not sure how comfortable I am but I'm trying - those of you who posted might tell me how you/your partners can be supportive in this situation? Thanks again!