New housemate, annoying me already...

magicmushroom

So I let a friend move in last week as a favour and in return for helping me out with something.

They have their own en suite bathroom and I have mine.
There is also a downstairs toilet which I rarely use, it's only really used by guests and I like to make sure it's always clean and tidy as its a representation of me and my home.

Now my new housemate is lovely - really, really lovely.
Has told me they'll be paying very decent rent (I tried to haggle then down as I thought it a little high and felt bad!)
Also bought me flowers the other night as a thank you for cooking.

BUT...I got home yesterday and went into the downstairs toilet to get the bleach to use upstairs. And the toilet was full of sh!te. Looked like he'd had an upset stomach, probably flushed once but most DEFINATELY needed to flush again.
I felt physically sick...just flushed it away and closed the door feeling disgusted.

I said nothing to him, just thought it probably won't happen again.
So I've come home tonight and I went in there to get the hand towel out for washing. The lid is up on the toilet and by the way the light is shining I can clearly see p!ss all over the seat, kind of dried up but very clearly there. A lot of it.

I've cleaned it with Flash wipes and left them on the seat as a hint for when he goes in there.

I feel sick though...why is he not using his en suite? Why is he not cleaning up after himself?

He is a very sensitive soul who wears his heart on his sleeve and I think I'd deeply embarrass him if I said anything. However he's been here less than a week and I can't have this carry on...it's vile...
He's paying enough rent they he should fully expect to have access to every room in the house (except my bedroom lol) so how do I politely ask him to use his own bathroom in future? Or to at least lift the toilet seat/clean up after himself?!

Help me!

Galway K9

magicmushroom wrote: »

So I let a friend move in last week as a favour and in return for helping me out with something.

They have their own en suite bathroom and I have mine.
There is also a downstairs toilet which I rarely use, it's only really used by guests and I like to make sure it's always clean and tidy as its a representation of me and my home.

Now my new housemate is lovely - really, really lovely.
Has told me they'll be paying very decent rent (I tried to haggle then down as I thought it a little high and felt bad!)
Also bought me flowers the other night as a thank you for cooking.

BUT...I got home yesterday and went into the downstairs toilet to get the bleach to use upstairs. And the toilet was full of sh!te. Looked like he'd had an upset stomach, probably flushed once but most DEFINATELY needed to flush again.
I felt physically sick...just flushed it away and closed the door feeling disgusted.

I said nothing to him, just thought it probably won't happen again.
So I've come home tonight and I went in there to get the hand towel out for washing. The lid is up on the toilet and by the way the light is shining I can clearly see p!ss all over the seat, kind of dried up but very clearly there. A lot of it.

I've cleaned it with Flash wipes and left them on the seat as a hint for when he goes in there.

I feel sick though...why is he not using his en suite? Why is he not cleaning up after himself?

He is a very sensitive soul who wears his heart on his sleeve and I think I'd deeply embarrass him if I said anything. However he's been here less than a week and I can't have this carry on...it's vile...
He's paying enough rent they he should fully expect to have access to every room in the house (except my bedroom lol) so how do I politely ask him to use his own bathroom in future? Or to at least lift the toilet seat/clean up after himself?!

Help me!

Lock toilet til guests come over

hanna200

lock the downstairs toilet

BabySlam

Put a wee note on the wc door saying "guest wc"; tell him you dont want him to use it as you like to keep it clean and with a fresh towel for guests and unless he is having an emergency he must use his own ensuite.

Some people appear totally oblivious to what they do in the toilet. I've had a number of otherwise good housemates who regularly left floaters and always left skid marks in toilet, never even heard of using a toilet brush.

Stopping someone using the downstairs toilet is not really on though once they treat it properly.

Lenin Skynard

You should sit him down and have a heart-to-heart about what he does in the toilet. It's a perfectly normal thing to do. Do it, you won't regret it.

Rackstar

I think in the long run you'll have more to worry about than the downstairs toilet.

You cooked dinner and he bought you flowers as a thank you? He is over paying the rent? This guy has the hots for you.

Exclamation Marc

Have a guest over and after they're gone, politely ask him if he can make sure it's clean if he uses it in future, that it was left in a bit of a state.

Say that when you went in it was left in not a nice condition and given that it's for guests, you'd prefer if it was kept clean all the time.

the_syco

So.... you go upstairs to use the toilet if you're downstairs but need to pee? How odd.

Tell him to keep the downstairs toilet clean, and leave the toilet brush next to it.

Is this, by any chance, his first house share after home?

magicmushroom

the_syco wrote: »

So.... you go upstairs to use the toilet if you're downstairs but need to pee? How odd.

Tell him to keep the downstairs toilet clean, and leave the toilet brush next to it.

Is this, by any chance, his first house share after home?

Oh no, it's not like I purposely avoid using it. If I'm downstairs and need a wee I'll go! But just out of habit I prefer to go upstairs.
I don't mind him using it at all, he lives here too now, just don't want to see the contents of his stomach and bladder when I get home from work :eek:

magicmushroom

Rackstar wrote: »

I think in the long run you'll have more to worry about than the downstairs toilet.

You cooked dinner and he bought you flowers as a thank you? He is over paying the rent? This guy has the hots for you.

If he fancies me, why is he leaving poo and wee all over the toilet
Surely when you're around someone you have the hots for, dirty toilet habits are a definite no no!!

And even if he does, I don't care - he's deeply in the friend zone and is well aware of that.

magicmushroom

Thanks for the replies all!

I'll just have to see how it goes...maybe I'll just start leaving the seat UP in there, the toilet brush and Flash wipes in the middle of the floor and hope he takes the rather large hint!!

I was really just having a rant earlier...have calmed down now and will deal with it if/when the time comes...
Thanks again!

Rackstar

magicmushroom wrote: »

If he fancies me, why is he leaving poo and wee all over the toilet
Surely when you're around someone you have the hots for, dirty toilet habits are a definite no no!!

And even if he does, I don't care - he's deeply in the friend zone and is well aware of that.

Hardly knowingly leaving it like that, chap is oblivious by the sounds of it.

moc moc a moc

magicmushroom wrote: »

how do I politely ask him to use his own bathroom in future?

If only you had some kind of organ, possibly near the bottom of your face, with which you could communicate with this person. Perhaps through the medium of modulated sound.

Ursus Horribilis

magicmushroom wrote: »

Thanks for the replies all!

I'll just have to see how it goes...maybe I'll just start leaving the seat UP in there, the toilet brush and Flash wipes in the middle of the floor and hope he takes the rather large hint!!

I was really just having a rant earlier...have calmed down now and will deal with it if/when the time comes...
Thanks again!

Sorry but you will be wasting your time by trying to drop hints. If he's the sort who doesn't check and clean the toilet after himself, he isn't going to change his ways just because there are some new things in the toilet. He's not telepathic, much as you want him to be. The only way issues like this ever get sorted is by having an actual conversation.

Appleguy

I often wonder how people survived without Internet forums and having a full consultation with a bunch of strangers before solving a simple problem.

Hey new housemate buddy your great and all and I appreciate the flowers and I'll cook you a nice dinner again sometime but if your using the guest bathroom would you mind not pissing on the seat and ****ting all over the place. Thank you your soon to be girlfriend.

Embarrassment - 5 seconds
Toilet clean - Permanently

Peonygrace

moc moc a moc wrote: »

If only you had some kind of organ, possibly near the bottom of your face, with which you could communicate with this person. Perhaps through the medium of modulated sound.

That is exactly what I was thinking. Except I could not express it so brilliantly.

OP you are like my Passiveagressivehousemate nightmare.

'I know...I'll leave the used tea bags on the ground in the middle of the floor arranged in Newgrange-like constellation. Then I'll put the laundry in the bin and re-order the fridge to within an inch of perfection and hope he notices....'

Just be direct. 'Hi housemate. Can you do me a favour and keep the downstairs loo clean? I've had to clean it a couple of times now - or do we need a rota?'

The threat of rota usually works in our house.

Potatoeman

Just say it directly. If you are going to use the downstairs tiolet clean it after you. I had to clean it twice and I don't even use it. If you cant manage that use your own one upstairs.

DeltaWhite

OP sorry but I live with all men and leaving hints does not work. I went and bought febreeze, wipes, flash spray - the lot as a hint to keep things clean. It doesn't work. They've never even used any of the things I got. One of them actually used the wipes on his face... they have bleach in them!!! They don't even look like face wipes ffs!!

Nothing worked until I actually told them, that I wouldn't be cleaning their sh!t and p!ss up for them. They were mortified. But it did the job

Not generalising all men here either, I've heard of women being the same

tinkerbell

DeltaWhite wrote: »

OP sorry but I live with all men and leaving hints does not work. I went and bought febreeze, wipes, flash spray - the lot as a hint to keep things clean. It doesn't work. They've never even used any of the things I got. One of them actually used the wipes on his face... they have bleach in them!!! They don't even look like face wipes ffs!!

Nothing worked until I actually told them, that I wouldn't be cleaning their sh!t and p!ss up for them. They were mortified. But it did the job

Not generalising all men here either, I've heard of women being the same

Ok well that one guy sounds a bit thick if he used Flash wipes on his face. :eek: what a dumbass! He must've had one heck of a shiny face after that episode :pac:

OP - your first mistake was cleaning up after him. You are not his maid and it was only enabling him. I would've called him up on it there n then. Passive aggressive / dropping hints is not gonna work. Clearly this guy needs you to be direct because otherwise he wouldn't dream of leaving the toilet in that state.

Tell him straight up that he needs to keep communal facilities clean. If he cannot do that, then he can only use his own ensuite.

cerastes

magicmushroom wrote: »

So I let a friend move in last week as a favour and in return for helping me out with something.

They have their own en suite bathroom and I have mine.
There is also a downstairs toilet which I rarely use, it's only really used by guests and I like to make sure it's always clean and tidy as its a representation of me and my home.

Now my new housemate is lovely - really, really lovely.
Has told me they'll be paying very decent rent (I tried to haggle then down as I thought it a little high and felt bad!)
Also bought me flowers the other night as a thank you for cooking.

BUT...I got home yesterday and went into the downstairs toilet to get the bleach to use upstairs. And the toilet was full of sh!te. Looked like he'd had an upset stomach, probably flushed once but most DEFINATELY needed to flush again.
I felt physically sick...just flushed it away and closed the door feeling disgusted.

I said nothing to him, just thought it probably won't happen again.
So I've come home tonight and I went in there to get the hand towel out for washing. The lid is up on the toilet and by the way the light is shining I can clearly see p!ss all over the seat, kind of dried up but very clearly there. A lot of it.

I've cleaned it with Flash wipes and left them on the seat as a hint for when he goes in there.

I feel sick though...why is he not using his en suite? Why is he not cleaning up after himself?

He is a very sensitive soul who wears his heart on his sleeve and I think I'd deeply embarrass him if I said anything. However he's been here less than a week and I can't have this carry on...it's vile...
He's paying enough rent they he should fully expect to have access to every room in the house (except my bedroom lol) so how do I politely ask him to use his own bathroom in future? Or to at least lift the toilet seat/clean up after himself?!

Help me!

I see a few problems, for start when you mention friend, and feeling bad about the rent, you set it, end of, if its acceptable they will pay it.

Personally Id just confront the guy and say it politely but civilly. None of this leaving hints. I am of the opinion that once its mentioned, instructional notes where there are a number of people living as reminders are not a problem or you'll be exhausted explaining how to do things, and I dont consider it passive aggressive, as long as they have been told at the start.

e.g. I lived with one educated moron who simply couldnt get their head around how to operate the electric shower, constantly turning it off and trying again when it didnt start instantly after it had just been previously used and some others who couldn't close doors, never mind lock them.

As a bloke, I dont think the seat being left up is a problem, as far as I see it, the less you have to touch it, especially after anyone else, the better.
But leaving piss dribbles after sitting or pissing all over it if standing just isnt on (in the case of standing just lift the seat part), not pissing on the seat would seem obvious

Lets just hope it wasn't your cooking and he's leaving you a hint?

thing is, its much easier to be direct with people that arent your friends, and not always easy to live with friends.

magicmushroom wrote: »

Thanks for the replies all!

I'll just have to see how it goes...maybe I'll just start leaving the seat UP in there, the toilet brush and Flash wipes in the middle of the floor and hope he takes the rather large hint!!

I was really just having a rant earlier...have calmed down now and will deal with it if/when the time comes...
Thanks again!

Just be direct and civil, whats wrong with that, it sounds liek this is your house, even still if you are the head tenant and they aren't, you need to make it clear what the rules are, and these are best laid out right at the start.

Peonygrace wrote: »

That is exactly what I was thinking. Except I could not express it so brilliantly.

OP you are like my Passiveagressivehousemate nightmare.

'I know...I'll leave the used tea bags on the ground in the middle of the floor arranged in Newgrange-like constellation. Then I'll put the laundry in the bin and re-order the fridge to within an inch of perfection and hope he notices....'

Just be direct. 'Hi housemate. Can you do me a favour and keep the downstairs loo clean? I've had to clean it a couple of times now - or do we need a rota?'

The threat of rota usually works in our house.

So you have to clean up someone elses mess if its your turn, f that,
clean your own mess as you go and then, there has to be some kind of rota to tidy and clean or the place will be filthy in no time.

athtrasna

Off topic posts have been deleted.

Mod

CarrickMcJoe

magicmushroom wrote: »

If he fancies me, why is he leaving poo and wee all over the toilet
Surely when you're around someone you have the hots for, dirty toilet habits are a definite no no!!

And even if he does, I don't care - he's deeply in the friend zone and is well aware of that.

He's marking his territory.

Maybe buy one of those wee signs you see like. My aim is to keep the toilet clean...your aim will help!

It's kinda light hearted but still gets the message across.

endacl

magicmushroom wrote: »

I've cleaned it with Flash wipes and left them on the seat as a hint for when he goes in there.

Ah. Nothing like some good ol' fashioned passive aggression to nip potential housemate/friend disputes in the bud!

Tell him you have an problem with it. Tell him you don't have an issue with anything else. Tell him you're only bringing it up because you don't want it to be a source of resentment in the future.

He might be a little embarrassed. So what? He's a big boy and he shouldn't need the final stages of potty training from you.

magicmushroom

Celly Smunt wrote: »

Can't wait to see the "my housemate has taken samples of my hair and arranged flowers on my bedroom floor" thread next month.

Watch this space, you never know!

I'm kind of seeing the funny side of it today, was just very annoyed last night when the toilet was dirty...
I'm sure I'll annoy him in many ways over the coming months and it will all even out...

You might even see a thread soon - 'I bought my housemate flowers and all I got was a mouthful about how I left a sh!te in the toilet - I feel so hurt!!'

endacl

BabySlam wrote: »

Put a wee note on the wc door

I see what you did there.

magicmushroom

CarrickMcJoe wrote: »

He's marking his territory.

Maybe buy one of those wee signs you see like. My aim is to keep the toilet clean...your aim will help!

It's kinda light hearted but still gets the message across.

Haha my sister suggested the following:

'If you sprinkle when you tinkle
Please be sweet and wipe the seat '

Lol, not a solution but would be funny

endacl

magicmushroom wrote: »

Haha my sister suggested the following:

'If you sprinkle when you tinkle
Please be sweet and wipe the seat '

Lol, not a solution but would be funny

That's good for one function. You won't find a sign that says 'if you scatter when you splatter, be cool and clean the pool' though.

juneg

I'm dying laughing at this thread , girls wait till ye get married, they dont change much! Irish Mammies have a lot to answer for! lol

And then when you think you have him trained you'll have a few boys of your own and clean fragrant toilets / floors /walls will be just a very very distant memory.

My advice to you is lock that door asap and pretend you lost the key until he moves out ( or marries you )

magicmushroom

juneg wrote: »

I'm dying laughing at this thread , girls wait till ye get married, they dont change much! Irish Mammies have a lot to answer for! lol

And then when you think you have him trained you'll have a few boys of your own and clean fragrant toilets / floors /walls will be just a very very distant memory.

My advice to you is lock that door asap and pretend you lost the key until he moves out ( or marries you )

Haha I've been married! And lived with another guy before - no they don't change, but I'd have no bother telling my OH to cop the F on and clean up after himself - it's just different when it's someone who's very sensitive and you don't know how they'll take it!

I text him earlier and asked him to please use his own toilet as I like to keep the downstairs ones for guests and I'm a bit OCD about how tidy it's kept in there - I said it's the only tiny rule I'm imposing so I hope you don't mind! Then went on to ask his plans for the weekend etc so it wasn't a big deal.

He was fine, said no bother at all and then just said about cutting the grass and going for a beer later!

Phew - thanks for all the funny replies guys

athtrasna

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This thread has more than served it's purpose and is now making work for the mods. Thread closed.