I am a bad luck omen for any man I go out with

LegacyUser

Regular poster, going unreg for this as to be honest I know I will sound like a lunatic. Mid thirties female. In a nutshell, every guy I enter into a relationship has bad luck from that point. I am honestly starting to feel like a bad omen and I don't know what to do anymore.

First relationship years ago was short enough. In that time the guy was injured physically, lost his job and then spiralled into addiction. Now look he was always a bit of a walking disaster. Second relationship was very long term 10+ years. My ex was a positive and driven person when I met him. He made some stupid decisions which caused long term problems for him. He battled and overcame an addiction, was physically ill a few times which cost him a lot of time and money, he crashed cars, his sister died, he bought his parents house and they lied about paying the mortgage for him so he ended up broke and depressed. In the end he lied to me, destroyed all my confidence had and then left to move away closer to his job where it is cheaper for him to survive on what he has. When he left he wasn’t the same person as when we met and that broke my heart.

To be honest after that relationship I gave up on love for a long time. A few months ago I started going out with someone I know a long time – lovely person, very positive and hard working and made me feel fantastic. When I met him he had great plans for the near future and was in great health. Within a month of going out with me he injured himself and was in pain and barely able to work for weeks. Then he started having financial problems and a really promising business deal he is working on is likely to be falling through because a third party is dragging heels. He told me that in the past when things went wrong like this he would run as in he would go abroad to work. He doesn’t want to do that now
Because of how he feels about me and he wants to make it work over here. To top it off yesterday he missed a flight to see family abroad for an important special occasion due to car breakdown. Poor guy was devastated yesterday. I am just starting to feel devastated myself because the bad luck just keeps coming and the truth is I adore this guy and I am terrified that if things keep getting worse he will have to leave. He is the first person I’ve ever been with that I want to spend my life with.

I just want to be in a relationship where I can relax and enjoy it but I can’t because everything starts going wrong and the stress builds up and I feel like I can’t breath. I end up feeling like I am the 'lucky' one in the relationship as things seem to go allright for me. I am just dreading now what will happen next.

Thanks for reading, I am sure I sound crazy but this circle just seems to keep repeating itself and I just bring bad luck to anyone I go near.

Neyite

You are not crazy, and you are not cursed.

The thing is, bad stuff happens to people all the time. If someone has an active job, or very active hobbies, they will at some point have an injury. It's par for the course. Job losses happen everyone. Cars break down all the time etc. When we first go out with someone we minimise problematic areas of our lives, and only really talk about the positive ones until we get to know someone better.

Your two ex's both developed addictions - you didn't cause that, only they themselves did, and when someone has addictions, their whole life becomes more chaotic because they prioritise their addictions over relationships, work, responsibilities and family.

This new guy is having a run of bad luck - that's all it is.

Rekop dog

Curses/ omens don't exist, that sort of talk is (if not crazy)idiotic. It's possible that its just an unfortunate coincidence but also possible that you are attracted to a certain type, addictive personalities are far more likely to go through rocky spells in life than someone more stable/ secure so I'm sure there's an element of that in play here.

IlmoNT4

Its just life....this happens to everyone, once your past a certain age its a non stop roller coaster of

-deaths
-job loss
-crashes
-illness
-money problems
-kid problems
-broken hearts
-loneliness
-job problems
-houses
-Depression

Its endless the amount of bad stuff that happens to everyone. This is life OP, just standard normal life.... not the sunny nonsense everyone is lead to believe life really is... Why do you stay with people who are addicts or end up addicts?

orthsquel

I wouldn't think you're a bad omen or cursed or bad luck or anything like that.

Looking at what you've written, a lot of it seems to a consequence or end result of poor decision making, risk taking, and not looking after things properly on behalf of your ex and your current partner. And even with using good judgement, good decision making, calculated risk and looking after own health and property, things can still go wrong, through no fault of anyone. Perhaps what you might need to see about yourself is that maybe you make better choices and decisions, maybe you look after your property and health and look after yourself and aware of your surroundings and avoid getting injured.

Have you felt really abandoned in the past relationships because of the string of bad things that happened to the exs (as a result of them dealing with a situation, and the decisions they made) ? And are you fearful that your current partner is going to effectively abandon you and the relationship? Perhaps you need to consider the possibility that instead of him running away from his financial problems and bad deals, he is being an adult and facing up to them, and sorting them out, rather than pretending they didn't happen and never learning from past mistakes? I suspect that maybe you feel you and the relationship are preventing him from running away from his own situation when he could have it better if you weren't a part of his life, and are blaming yourself for his difficulties as a result of sticking around for you and a relationship by accusing yourself of being bad luck, tainting every relationship?

LegacyUser

Your not a bad luck omen for any man you go out with. The truth is you have been involved with a few men. These men made bad decisions, devoloped addictions or in some case had problems with both of these.
In the past your present boyfriend would have gone abroad when things got tough here. At this stage he is not doing this now. He has realised he made a mistake and rather than run away he is showing maturity in dealing with it.

You had a boyfreind who lied to you in the past which took away a lot of your confidence. Don't let what happend in the past end what could be a good thing here. You may look around and think that other couples have everything sorted. This is not always the case. It is easy to make everthing look great in public or on facebook.