Would you date someone who was overweight ?

strelok

EoghanIRL wrote: »

I don't agree.

What's shallow about having standards and personal preference?

you're not taking the whole person into account, which is the definition of shallow.

the issue is whether being shallow is necessarily a bad thing (it's not). if someone's too fat or too short or they have bad teeth and that's a deal breaker for you then off you go.

strelok

Deleted User wrote: »

Well you keep telling yourself you would turn down Sienna Miller, Rihanna, Selma Hayek, Eva Mendes, Heather Locklear, Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Lopez and others because smoking has or will "definitely impact" on their appearance!

****, i forgot science doesn't apply to celebrities. my bad.

Paulownia

What is overweight? Are we talking about a stone or two or about obesity?

One eyed Jack

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Well you keep telling yourself you would turn down Sienna Miller, Rihanna, Selma Hayek, Eva Mendes, Heather Locklear, Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Lopez and others because smoking has or will "definitely impact" on their appearance!

Apart from Rihanna, I wouldn't find any of those other women you listed attractive anyway, and that still doesn't negate the impact that smoking has on a person's appearance.

Imagine if they didn't smoke then how much more attractive they'd be? That was your point, right?

drunkmonkey

Paulownia wrote: »

What is overweight? Are we talking about a stone or two or about obesity?

Anything above Kate Upton.

Whitewinged

Brian from Bray wrote: »

I would. I find women who have a bit of weight on them incredibly sexy I just don't know why.

Would you ?

Yes I would if I found him attractive.

A strong sexual attraction doesnt work like that for me. Genuine sexual attraction doesn't happen very often for me. When it does, it's usually not towards someone I would expect to be attracted to.

I remember being attracted to a fairly stocky guy at school. I don't know what it was about him. Also i have een really attracted to a tall conventionally good looking man, a really average looking short guy and a really skinny bearded man.

there's kind of a moment where something about the person just stands out to you.

zeffabelli

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Apart from Rihanna, I wouldn't find any of those other women you listed attractive anyway, and that still doesn't negate the impact that smoking has on a person's appearance.

Imagine if they didn't smoke then how much more attractive they'd be? That was your point, right?

They'd be fatter.

Good luck finding an actress they doesn't smoke.

One eyed Jack

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Apart from Rihanna, I wouldn't find any of those other women you listed attractive anyway, and that still doesn't negate the impact that smoking has on a person's appearance.

Imagine if they didn't smoke then how much more attractive they'd be? That was your point, right?

My point is that it's hilarious to deal with absolutes like smoking will definitely affect appearance and that's why someone would not go out with a smoker.

It may not. People that are considered beautiful smoke. It's as silly as someone saying they wouldn't date all those beautiful sun kissed Californian models because that sunshine will affect their looks. Yeah right!

strelok

Deleted User wrote: »

My point is that it's hilarious to deal with absolutes like smoking will definitely affect appearance and that's why someone would not go out with a smoker.

It may not. People that are considered beautiful smoke. It's as silly as someone saying they wouldn't date all those beautiful sun kissed Californian models because that sunshine will affect their looks. Yeah right!

i said appearance was one of the factors involved in people ruling out smokers. I made this point to show how you can be shallow in ruling people out over a supposedly cosmetic issue while still having sound reasons behind it.

mother of ****, if emma watson lit one up and then offered me a roll in the hay i'd say yes, if that's what you want to hear. i'd make sure she brushed her teeth first though, and gargled a bit.

showered to wash the stink off her


still would though.

strelok

strelok wrote: »

****, i forgot science doesn't apply to celebrities. my bad.

Is there a science that says smoking makes people ugly? Wow!

Great. Could you analyse Eva Mendes in terms of that science, maybe say how much better looking she'd be if she didn't smoke, point to specific issues with her etc.

Avatar MIA

Date overweight girl?

You clearly haven't met my mates :pac:

zeffabelli

strelok wrote: »

i said appearance was one of the factors involved in people ruling out smokers. I made this point to show how you can be shallow in ruling people out over a supposedly cosmetic issue while still having sound reasons behind it.

mother of ****, if emma watson lit one up and then offered me a roll in the hay i'd say yes, if that's what you want to hear. i'd make sure she brushed her teeth first though, and gargled a bit.

showered to wash the stink off her


still would though.

The assessments for who you bed and for whom you stick around for are different.... That very important detail always gets left out of these boards chats.

Zamboni

Only if they were actively trying to fix the situation.

Avatar MIA

Deleted User wrote: »

Is there a science that says smoking makes people ugly? Wow!

Great. Could you analyse Eva Mendes in terms of that science, maybe say how much better looking she'd be if she didn't smoke, point to specific issues with her etc.

Hang on, are you saying smoking doesn't affect appearance?

And you're basing this on a handful of extremely well groomed hollywood celebs?

zeffabelli

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Is there a science that says smoking makes people ugly? Wow!

Great. Could you analyse Eva Mendes in terms of that science, maybe say how much better looking she'd be if she didn't smoke, point to specific issues with her etc.

You don't know what she looks like, none of us do, we only get the edited versions.

strelok

strelok wrote: »

mother of ****, if emma watson lit one up and then offered me a roll in the hay i'd say yes, if that's what you want to hear. i'd make sure she brushed her teeth first though, and gargled a bit.

showered to wash the stink off her


still would though.

Ah.

So then you actually disagree with the people who "blanket reject smokers" and you agree with me that it's silly to have absolutes?

And it's not really about the affect on their looks. It's actually the smell that puts you off?

Sure we're not far apart so.

One eyed Jack

[Deleted User] wrote: »

My point is that it's hilarious to deal with absolutes like smoking will definitely affect appearance and that's why someone would not go out with a smoker.

It may not. People that are considered beautiful smoke. It's as silly as someone saying they wouldn't date all those beautiful sun kissed Californian models because that sunshine will affect their looks. Yeah right!

Eh? Smoking does have an absolute and quantifiable impact upon a person's physical appearance, premature skin aging being one -

http://www.medicaldaily.com/how-does-smoking-cigarettes-make-your-skin-look-older-twin-study-shows-how-smoking-causes-premature

And as for the whole Californian sun-kissed models, yeah, there are many people wouldn't date sun-worshippers because they're aware of the impact of over-exposure to the sun. Brigitte Bardot being a classic example of an early age sun-worshipper, and the impact thereafter.

Avatar MIA

Avatar MIA wrote: »

Hang on, are you saying smoking doesn't affect appearance?

And you're basing this on a handful of extremely well groomed hollywood celebs?

Not at all.

Merely laughing at the claims of those who are saying they wouldn't date beautiful women who smoked...because of appearance!

Of course smoking can affect appearance. So can the weather, food, stress etc. I wouldn't say I wouldn't date people in stressful jobs though, it would be one of those silly absolutes.

Paulownia

It might limit choices of position for bedroom antics unless you'd enjoy it!

jpboard1

Brian from Bray wrote: »

I would. I find women who have a bit of weight on them incredibly sexy I just don't know why.

Would you ?

Personally I don't find overweight people attractive. That said other things make people attractive(face, personality etc) so they may end up trumping the weight issue.

Whitewinged

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Brigitte Bardot being a classic example of an early age sun-worshipper, and the impact thereafter.

Or Dot Cotton or Pat Butcher

Those are more long term effects.

Originally smoking was associated with being attractive and sexy before they knew the dangers because it was branded that way.

RWCNT

I would and have done, to varying degrees. I like a bit of a pot belly, A1 for cuddles.

Wibbs

arayess wrote: »

ITs more naive too , many a friend was seeing a fit healthy girl who coupled with kids and more maturing age increased their frame significantly.

Sure, but that happened far less often in the past generations, or happened at a later age. "Mummy tummy" is completely understandable, going up three or four dress sizes not so much and IMH outside of a medical condition, theres no excuse for a man to pack on the stones.

Something else is going on today. These days you do see more men and women with "middle aged" spread in their 20's and 30's. Even that old notion of looking to their parents to get some idea of what they'll be like can go awry. I know a fair number of men and women who are fatter than their parents. Though generally speaking if you're at a partner's family get together and the trend is to heaviness, or the trend is to skinniness, that's how they'll turn out.

zeffabelli

Wibbs wrote: »

Sure, but that happened far less often in the past generations, or happened at a later age. "Mummy tummy" is completely understandable, going up three or four dress sizes not so much and IMH outside of a medical condition, theres no excuse for a man to pack on the stones.

Something else is going on today. These days you do see more men and women with "middle aged" spread in their 20's and 30's. Even that old notion of looking to their parents to get some idea of what they'll be like can go awry. I know a fair number of men and women who are fatter than their parents. Though generally speaking if you're at a partner's family get together and the trend is to heaviness, or the trend is to skinniness, that's how they'll turn out.

This is so true. I've seen s lot of women in their 20s with way way more muffin tops and flab... I don't know why but it's the middle aged women who get noticed more for it...

But when you get past the confirmation bias....and look a little harder...it doesn't seem all that true.

Penny Tration

The whole 'you get fat as you get older' thing seems a bit of a cop out to me tbh.

Yes, once kids and middle age happen, your metabolism slows down and you may not have as much time to exercise, so you could go up one or two dress sizes. A stone or two of a gain during middle age seems normal. But to go from a size 10 at thirty years old to a size 18 at 40 years old is over-eating on top of the slower metabolism.

A good friend of mine married a beautiful woman. 20 years later and she has ballooned. And he sleeps around.

Which leads to great debate in our house as my wife takes the "that's awful, he's terrible" line and I'm more "but she is very different to the woman he married".

zeffabelli

[Deleted User] wrote: »

A good friend of mine married a beautiful woman. 20 years later and she has ballooned. And he sleeps around.

Which leads to great debate in our house as my wife takes the "that's awful, he's terrible" line and I'm more "but she is very different to the woman he married".

That's marriage though too...a whole other ball game.

Penny Tration

[Deleted User] wrote: »

A good friend of mine married a beautiful woman. 20 years later and she has ballooned. And he sleeps around.

Which leads to great debate in our house as my wife takes the "that's awful, he's terrible" line and I'm more "but she is very different to the woman he married".

I agree with both sides of that argument.

Yes, she's very different to who he married, at least looks wise.

However, he is choosing to sleep around. The right thing to do here would be to end the marriage. Not cheat on her. Plus, if he's still sleeping with her, he's putting her health at risk.

zeffabelli

Penny Tration wrote: »

The whole 'you get fat as you get older' thing seems a bit of a cop out to me tbh.

Yes, once kids and middle age happen, your metabolism slows down and you may not have as much time to exercise, so you could go up one or two dress sizes. A stone or two of a gain during middle age seems normal. But to go from a size 10 at thirty years old to a size 18 at 40 years old is over-eating on top of the slower metabolism.

It's the car.... I'm not fat but I'm out of shape since I use the car more.

zeffabelli

Penny Tration wrote: »

I agree with both sides of that argument.

Yes, she's very different to who he married, at least looks wise.

However, he is choosing to sleep around. The right thing to do here would be to end the marriage. Not cheat on her. Plus, if he's still sleeping with her, he's putting her health at risk.

Yeah there are all sorts of dynamics going on no outsider can understand.

Marriage changes things because people get comfy and the certainty and proximity kills the sexy. It's a terrible catch 22.

If you get really fat, you may be comfort eating, you may be depressed, you may not feel attractive and not feel that alluring, which then triggers a celibacy in the home....he then feels rejected and unsatisfactory...a barrier of loneliness is created and people look for solace elsewhere.

tmh106

Reading this (rather depressing thread) I can't help but think that overweight women actually have an advantage in the dating business - being overweight seems like it is an effective first filter to weed out the assholes.

tmh

RWCNT

[Deleted User] wrote: »

A good friend of mine married a beautiful woman. 20 years later and she has ballooned. And he sleeps around.

Which leads to great debate in our house as my wife takes the "that's awful, he's terrible" line and I'm more "but she is very different to the woman he married".

I think it's nice for couples to stay in shape for each other but its hardly a justification to cheat on your wife.

Out of interest, has anyone here ever approached their partner about their diet/weight gain? I have and it wasn't a good day, I'll tell you that. Better than going shagging other people though. (Morally speaking of course)

strelok

tmh106 wrote: »

Reading this (rather depressing thread) I can't help but think that overweight women actually have an advantage in the dating business - being overweight seems like it is an effective first filter to weed out the assholes.

tmh

"i can't help but think that shorter men have an advantage in the dating business - it seems like an effect first filter to weed out the bitches"

Avatar MIA

tmh106 wrote: »

being overweight seems like it is an effective first filter to weed out the assholes.

tmh

Same can be said for ugly. They'll filter out potential dates just as quick.


Bad hygiene, personality deficient people have a similar advantage in that their time wont be wasted on people either as the decision will be made for them.

But, that's having a REALLY positive outlook on life.

Whitewinged

[Deleted User] wrote: »

A good friend of mine married a beautiful woman. 20 years later and she has ballooned. And he sleeps around.

Which leads to great debate in our house as my wife takes the "that's awful, he's terrible" line and I'm more "but she is very different to the woman he married".

Is he not happy he gets to sleep with a "different" woman. You are not the same person you were 20 years ago. I wouldn't say his reasons for sleeping around are purely the fact that she put on weight.

I'm a different woman everyday. My husband loves it

One eyed Jack

tmh106 wrote: »

Reading this (rather depressing thread) I can't help but think that overweight women actually have an advantage in the dating business - being overweight seems like it is an effective first filter to weed out the assholes.

tmh

strelok wrote: »

"i can't help but think that shorter men have an advantage in the dating business - it seems like an effect first filter to weed out the bitches"

What 'optimism' looks like :pac:

zeffabelli

RWCNT wrote: »

I think it's nice for couples to stay in shape for each other but its hardly a justification to cheat on your wife.

Out of interest, has anyone here ever approached their partner about their diet/weight gain? I have and it wasn't a good day, I'll tell you that. Better than going shagging other people though. (Morally speaking of course)

I told my aunt I was going to start buying marks and Spencer's diet ready meals. She said "yes o think that would be a very good investment."

Penny Tration

zeffabelli wrote: »

I told my aunt I was going to start buying marks and Spencer's diet ready meals. She said "yes o think that would be a very good investment."

Ah jaysus, don't go living off processed ready meals! In all seriousness, if you want to lose weight, go check out the nutrition forum. Ready meals are just full of salt and leave you hungry. You can lose weight and still enjoy food!



As for the "you've gained weight" conversation - I had it with an ex. When I say he ballooned, he gained about eight stone during the two years we were together. I tried to tactfully approach it. It ended up with us agreeing to go to the gym together. He went once, and rewarded himself with takeaways for a week after.

blackcard

Oasis1974 wrote: »

Generally you'll find overweight men date or marry overweight women.

And have overweight children?

Avatar MIA

zeffabelli wrote: »

I told my aunt I was going to start buying marks and Spencer's diet ready meals. She said "yes o think that would be a very good investment."

:pac:

But, she's wrong. Most low fat/diet ready meals are terrible - even M&S I'd wager.

FAT and SUGAR are two of the easiest/cheapest food ingredients to give taste. Manufacturers remove one and add the other.

Some low fat products have other additives that make them unhealthy.

I doubt any prepackaged diet meals could be very good for you.

strelok

you can lose and maintain weight using prepackaged meals, it's just harder than if you cooked for yourself. it seems counter intuitive, and initially the prepackaged meals are probably the easier option but the more you learn about meal prep and nutrition the easier and more natural it will become until you're able to horse a giant delicious meal into yourself for the same amount of calories (but better macro/micros) as whatever tiny little plastic container for six euro you get in the supermarkets.

Penny Tration

strelok wrote: »

you can lose and maintain weight using prepackaged meals, it's just harder than if you cooked for yourself. it seems counter intuitive, and initially the prepackaged meals are probably the easier option but the more you learn about meal prep and nutrition the easier and more natural it will become until you're able to horse a giant delicious meal into yourself for the same amount of calories (but better macro/micros) as whatever tiny little plastic container for six euro you get in the supermarkets.

Yup! Quantity wise, I eat easily twice as much food as I used to. It just so happens to be mostly veg, eggs and meat instead of potatoes, chips, bread and pasta. Tastes better too tbh

Saipanne

Brian from Bray wrote: »

I would. I find women who have a bit of weight on them incredibly sexy I just don't know why.

Would you ?

I don't mind an extra stone or two. But not beyond that.

strelok

Penny Tration wrote: »

Yup! Quantity wise, I eat easily twice as much food as I used to. It just so happens to be mostly veg, eggs and meat instead of potatoes, chips, bread and pasta. Tastes better too tbh

hey now, nowt wrong with spuds actually are quite low cal and one of the most nutritious foods around. well, so long as you don't horse six of them into you with dinner after drowning them in butter. that's still quite nutritious but would probably cause any sort of fat loss effort to backfire hilariously.

Pablodreamsofnew

Yes i'd date them, i just wouldn't lift them.

lazeedaisy

Basically, I tend to find heavier men attractive, I don't go for the lean look, it does nothing for me personally.

Each to their own, and thank god we are all different, otherwise we would all be wearing the same clothes and find the same people attractive.

Is about being happier in yor skin, no matter what you weigh.

It's not about marraige, kids, sloth, etc.... Etc... Etc.... And as for making excuses for others that's nt the issue here.

It's personal preference,

If my other half puts on too much weight, I am comfortable telling him, it's usually several things and we step up our exercise. How someone can say nothing to a person they live with, I don't know.

...as for saying they have affairs because the other half is no longer attractive, is just an excuse for the problems they have, I realise throughout the years things happen and you have to bid your time to be honest with the person you are living with.

I personally find fat bald men attractive and sexy!

Dial Hard

RWCNT wrote:

Out of interest, has anyone here ever approached their partner about their diet/weight gain? I have and it wasn't a good day, I'll tell you that. Better than going shagging other people though. (Morally speaking of course)

Kind of. I went from 10 to 11 stone in the year or so after I got married. I'm 5' 7" so it wasn't like I was in Mr. Blobby territory but it was driving me mad and I was constantly moaning about how fat I was. My husband finally got sick of me complaining about it and snapped "So stop whinging and just do something about it then" one day and I was like "He's right." And that was the end of my marital weight gain.


That was in 2008/2009. I did the ice bucket challenge in my wedding dress last year and the amount of people who were like "Oh my God, you still fit into your dress!" was a bit mad. The wedding day should not be the last time a woman can get the dress on.

Frank O. Pinion

I'm a skinny guy, but I only really like "overweight"/chubby/fat girls. More cushion for pushin' and all that. Like Dors Feline.

http://i.imgur.com/60Henf9.jpg
http://41.media.tumblr.com/606c0bfe375111071192a23f7dfa1085/tumblr_mjnsoglOAo1qdf1qno1_500.jpg

I wouldn't mind letting her sit on my face for an hour or two.

lazeedaisy

RWCNT wrote: »

I think it's nice for couples to stay in shape for each other but its hardly a justification to cheat on your wife.

Out of interest, has anyone here ever approached their partner about their diet/weight gain? I have and it wasn't a good day, I'll tell you that. Better than going shagging other people though. (Morally speaking of course)

Why would you not!

Otherwise there's more than one elephant in the room!

purplecow1977

I'm so glad my current partner doesn't share the same opinion as others here!
I don't mind that some men wouldn't. Personal preference. I don't fancy blonde men.
It's when they start making derogatory comments that it's not okay.