Would you date someone who was overweight ?

Agricola

Theres overweight and theres overweight. You'd often see girls carrying a bit of timber who look great poured into snug fitting jeans. But when its tracksuits and wide fitting sandals, nope!

zeffabelli

meeeeh wrote: »

My partner is overweight, well obese really. He is also hard working and one of the smartest and most intelligent people I know. And most importantly he is great fun to be with.

I would rather have that than someone boring me with whey discussions and their bench lifts. I met plenty of good looking, fit guys. My brother's friends seemed all fit that description. Unfortunately only my brother and surprisingly another friend who was professional footballer (yeah I know) weren't dumb.

I would really hope that if I ever get near approaching obese, that someone in my life will love me enough to fire a warning shot before I actually get there, penetrate my denial and not be so polite as to let me get there.

strelok

Subcomandante Marcos wrote: »

There are tons women who are 8-9 stone who have the same symptoms of metabolic disease as morbidly obese people because despite looking "skinny" their body fat percentage is huge, they are sedentary and eat **** food.

yep, skinnyfat. this is one area where bmi fails and fails quite hard. plenty of men in this category too. it can be more dangerous for men actually as we tend to hold our weight in the abdominal area where there are so many important organs the fat can surround and **** up.

Then there are people who are overweight and metabolically perfect. There's even a name for it, metabolically healthy obesity.
Even body fat % isn't a perfect sign. The only real why to see if someone is "healthy" or not is to test their metabolic function and heart health.

yeah but even if they are currently "healthy" by the numbers, their body has to put so much extra work in to maintain those numbers. by the time this person hits 40-50 their body will be spent , it will have used so much of itself up maintaining itself through the difficulties imposed on it by obesity

ThinkProgress

Double post...

ThinkProgress

No...

Their lack of self control and discipline disgusts me even more so than their blubber!

Wibbs

strelok wrote: »

again, yes and no that's true enough and all but it's such a small part of the overall picture that it can be safely ignored in 99% of conversations and the danger of it is that people will use things like that (and the thyroid) to explain away their weight gain rather than taking responsibility for it.

Not quite. Thyroid issues would be a small minority of the population, insulin resistance would be far more widespread. Quite a number of people with full blown type 2 diabetes don't even realise it in the early stages. Some researchers have mused that low level insulin resistance in the general population is much more widespread than we think. Diagnosed type 2 diabetes is one of the fastest growing conditions in the western world.

Agricola wrote: »

Theres overweight and theres overweight. You'd often see girls carrying a bit of timber who look great poured into snug fitting jeans. But when its tracksuits and wide fitting sandals, nope!

So you've a fetish for lumberjacks eh? I love autocorrect and the japes that can ensue.

Tilly

I've never really thought about it but looking back at exes it seems that my type is slim\fit. I've never gone out with an overweight guy. That said, I defo don't like big bodybuilder types either.

meeeeh

zeffabelli wrote: »

I would really hope that if I ever get near approaching obese, that someone in my life will love me enough to fire a warning shot before I actually get there, penetrate my denial and not be so polite as to let me get there.

My partner was overweight since he was toddler. I actually know nobody who is talking more about dieting than his mother, who had no sweets in house and so on. I am basically size 10 last 20-25 years, we eat relatively healthy and so on. as I said he is not dumb so he doesn't need me to tell him he is fat.

Dial Hard

meeeeh wrote:

My partner is overweight, well obese really. He is also hard working and one of the smartest and most intelligent people I know. And most importantly he is great fun to be with. I would rather have that than someone boring me with whey discussions and their bench lifts.

There's a happy medium, you know.

Reading this thread you'd swear all overweight people are automatically the kindest, soundest folk ever while all slim people are narcissistic, shallow bores.

meeeeh

Dial Hard wrote: »

There's a happy medium, you know.

Reading this thread you'd swear all overweight people are automatically the kindest, soundest folk ever while all slim people are narcissistic, shallow bores.

No they are not but I do like my partner. Frankly I would consider about 80% of men (or women) not smart enough to be wasting time with so that narrows the field quite a bit. If I have to, I would rather sacrifice looks than intelligence.

strelok

Wibbs wrote: »

Not quite. Thyroid issues would be a small minority of the population, insulin resistance would be far more widespread. Quite a number of people with full blown type 2 diabetes don't even realise it in the early stages. Some researchers have mused that low level insulin resistance in the general population is much more widespread than we think. Diagnosed type 2 diabetes is one of the fastest growing conditions in the western world.

.

sure and maybe i'm wrong but I just don't think it's going to turn out to be a sort of silver bullet in the obesity story. even if your hormones are screwing you in that way, you still have to eat those calories and you still have to ignore the weight climbing up and up.

pinkiepie101

It would be interesting to see how many of you will have a super fit model like wife, husband/partner when your old and grey and always stay physically attractive to your partner until ur dying day!! Look I understand that yes in a look term relationships sometimes people can get comfortable and let themselves go a little bit and it can maybe effect the action in the bedroom on occasion but let's be real it's not only the physical that's attractive about someone. I find guys that a funny with a great sense of humour and extremely smart very attractive. It's obvious if you want to dump your guy/ girl if they gain a few extra pounds that you never really loved them to begin with. If you'll always look for the physical besides the emotional connection with someone well I'm afraid in the long run you will be disappointed as time is nobody's friend. In saying that ofcourse both parties sound make an effort at least to keep a spark in the relationships and make an effort and learn to know what their partner likes to keep interested there as it shows they care about the relationship also. This is coming from someone who modelled only up to a year ago and the industry gave me such a complex about myself I quit! ! I know I'm a better person then what that shallow industry was making me believe and some shallow arses I've dated I rather forget. I am attracted to personality to besides looks but I guess to each there own

anvilfour

My current partner is overweight but also a very good and kind person. I am not attracted to overweight women so we don't have much of a love life which is a source of frustration for her but we both want to lose weight and it is getting easier. I feel awfully selfish about framing the issue in these terms and genuinely have tried to get into the spirit of things sexually but I am attracted to slimmer body types.

Generally speaking though we are very affectionate with each other, holding hands, kissing, watching TV together and are very much in love!

Wibbs

I dunno about BMI and all that. Do we not have mirrors anymore? It should be pretty obvious, no? Take this chart. Number 1, eat a cake for god's sake, 2, maybe eat a cake? 3, 4 and 5, be grand, 6 and above, put down the cake.

zeffabelli

Wibbs wrote: »

I dunno about BMI and all that. Do we not have mirrors anymore? It should be pretty obvious, no? Take this chart. Number 1, eat a cake for god's sake, 2, maybe eat a cake? 3, 4 and 5, be grand, 6 and above, put down the cake.

Yeah but you can be 2 and above and still be FLAABBBBYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY........

Exceersize is more than lifting the fork to your mouth...

Dial Hard

anvilfour wrote:

My current partner is overweight but also a very good and kind person. I am not attracted to overweight women so we don't have much of a love life which is a source of frustration for her but we both want to lose weight and it is getting easier. I feel awfully selfish about framing the issue in these terms and genuinely have tried to get into the spirit of things sexually but I am attracted to slimmer body types.

Was she overweight when you met her?

Saipanne

meeeeh wrote: »

No they are not but I do like my partner. Frankly I would consider about 80% of men (or women) not smart enough to be wasting time with so that narrows the field quite a bit. If I have to, I would rather sacrifice looks than intelligence.

You're no less shallow than anyone else.

anvilfour

pinkiepie101 wrote: »

It would be interesting to see how many of you will have a super fit model like wife, husband/partner when your old and grey and always stay physically attractive to your partner until ur dying day!! Look I understand that yes in a look term relationships sometimes people can get comfortable and let themselves go a little bit and it can maybe effect the action in the bedroom on occasion but let's be real it's not only the physical that's attractive about someone. I find guys that a funny with a great sense of humour and extremely smart very attractive. It's obvious if you want to dump your guy/ girl if they gain a few extra pounds that you never really loved them to begin with. If you'll always look for the physical besides the emotional connection with someone well I'm afraid in the long run you will be disappointed as time is nobody's friend. In saying that ofcourse both parties sound make an effort at least to keep a spark in the relationships and make an effort and learn to know what their partner likes to keep interested there as it shows they care about the relationship also. This is coming from someone who modelled only up to a year ago and the industry gave me such a complex about myself I quit! ! I know I'm a better person then what that shallow industry was making me believe and some shallow arses I've dated I rather forget. I am attracted to personality to besides looks but I guess to each there own

I genuinely am interested in your line of thinking... here.. do you become sexually aroused by a man who makes you laugh?

As previously stated I do not have any real physical chemistry with my girlfriend who is overweight but love her very much and she does make me laugh a lot of the time... sadly that doesn't translate into wood!

anvilfour

Dial Hard wrote: »

Was she overweight when you met her?

An excellent question Dial Hard, yes she was. However she was also close to my age, lived close to me and is a very sweet and kind person, all top qualities in a girlfriend for me.

We've agreed to let sex happen in its own time but still cuddle and kiss all the time, it's a real source of insecurity for her and it stresses me out too but there's nothing to be done but give it time and keep hitting the gym.

eviltwin

Dial Hard wrote: »

There's a happy medium, you know.

Reading this thread you'd swear all overweight people are automatically the kindest, soundest folk ever while all slim people are narcissistic, shallow bores.

They aren't but like Meeeh I'm with a large man and I'm glad I was able to see beyond the physical to the person he was. Looks are important, attraction is important but I think if you fall for someone on the basis of their personality then what they look like becomes less important. As I get older looks matter less to me anyway.

eviltwin

anvilfour wrote: »

An excellent question Dial Hard, yes she was. However she was also close to my age, lived close to me and is a very sweet and kind person, all top qualities in a girlfriend for me.

We've agreed to let sex happen in its own time but still cuddle and kiss all the time, it's a real source of insecurity for her and it stresses me out too but there's nothing to be done but give it time and keep hitting the gym.

Why did you go out with her in the first place then if you don't like big women

ThinkProgress

meeeeh wrote: »

No they are not but I do like my partner. Frankly I would consider about 80% of men (or women) not smart enough to be wasting time with so that narrows the field quite a bit. If I have to, I would rather sacrifice looks than intelligence.

Or... I dunno... you could always have both?

Smart people who are fat and lazy, are some of the most infuriating creatures on the planet!

At least fat people who are dumb actually have a valid excuse for their predicament.

Dial Hard

anvilfour wrote:

An excellent question Dial Hard, yes she was. However she was also close to my age, lived close to me and is a very sweet and kind person, all top qualities in a girlfriend for me.

We've agreed to let sex happen in its own time but still cuddle and kiss all the time, it's a real source of insecurity for her and it stresses me out too but there's nothing to be done but give it time and keep hitting the gym.

That's possibly one of the saddest things I've ever read on Boards.

And I mean boo-hoo sad, not "You're such a loser" sad. For both of you. There's a big difference between letting sex happen in its own time and starting a relationship with someone you were never sexually attracted to in the first place.

meeeeh

Saipanne wrote: »

You're no less shallow than anyone else.

I newer claimed I am. Neither did I say that good heart is the only thing important to me.

genericguy

Jon Stark wrote: »

I'm not a heavy drinker. I would drink on a Friday or Saturday and even then, I'm bit of a lightweight so can't drink a huge amount. 5/6 pints max.

Yeah I like my food but I'm fairly sensible with my intake.

Inactivity is the killer me, my body has been used to a certain shape for much of my life and I had to work incredibly hard to get fit. Like people have good muscle memory, I have the fat version of that. I don't care about the science of that, that's how my body works.

So I don't really care about what's "bollocks" to you.

Doesn't matter if you don't care. Fact is fact. There is no such thing as 'fat memory'. It is highky unlikely that your metabolic behaviours are different to anybody else's. Your eating habits vs your exercise habits cannot be good if the results you claim are true. Shyte on all you like but there is no way. You can't contradict proven fact.

And before you start (cos I know your type based on your comment about not caring about science), I'm not judging you, I don't know you, and tbh I couldn't give a fook what you get up to, but you know deep down that it's your refusal to accept fact that holds you back.

The real enemy is inside you.

Penny Tration

anvilfour wrote: »

An excellent question Dial Hard, yes she was. However she was also close to my age, lived close to me and is a very sweet and kind person, all top qualities in a girlfriend for me.

We've agreed to let sex happen in its own time but still cuddle and kiss all the time, it's a real source of insecurity for her and it stresses me out too but there's nothing to be done but give it time and keep hitting the gym.

So you were never physically attracted to her, but asked her out anyway?

No wonder she's insecure. "I like your personality, but I'll fcuk you when you're thin."

Jesus the poor girl deserves better.

zeffabelli

Penny Tration wrote: »

So you were never physically attracted to her, but asked her out anyway?

No wonder she's insecure. "I like your personality, but I'll fcuk you when you're thin."

Jesus the poor girl deserves better.

ooohhhh....harsh subtext but yeah basically....damn....

Penny Tration

zeffabelli wrote: »

ooohhhh....harsh subtext but yeah basically....damn....

I'm sure there are much nicer ways to phrase it, but it's the same sentiment. He got with her as she is, but won't sleep with her until she's lost weight. Totally unfair to the lady.

ShoulderChip

drunkmonkey wrote: »

Kids and getting older don't make you fat. We've a 17 stone rule in our house, go over that and the others free to walk.

17 stone! thats absurdly heavy, no?

meeeeh

ThinkProgress wrote: »

Or... I dunno... you could always have both?

Smart people who are fat and lazy, are some of the most infuriating creatures on the planet!

At least fat people who are dumb actually have a valid excuse for their predicament.

What do you define as lazy. I live with workaholic who works 12-14 hours per day. Btw being over tired affects your ability not to eat crap significantly (and it is very much research proven). But of course that doesn't correspond with lazy fat arse narrative.

anvilfour

Penny Tration wrote: »

So you were never physically attracted to her, but asked her out anyway?

No wonder she's insecure. "I like your personality, but I'll fcuk you when you're thin."

Jesus the poor girl deserves better.

Does she get a say in the matter? We're in love and plan to get married, I work and support her, take care of her family too, we go on dates, kiss, cuddle... Her Doctor has also asked her to lose 2 stone so it's not like this is a very hard sell.

anvilfour

Penny Tration wrote: »

I'm sure there are much nicer ways to phrase it, but it's the same sentiment. He got with her as she is, but won't sleep with her until she's lost weight. Totally unfair to the lady.

That's right sweetheart because I have a magic wand which can make me attracted to overweight women and because I won't use it to supply an instant erection on demand I'm a selfish person.

Never mind the love, the cuddles, the kissing, paying for her to go through college and for our holidays away. Never mind the cards, presents etc. I get her and never mind as I said she needs to lose weight desperately anyway for the sake of her health - I don't find overweight women as attractive as slimmer ones therefore she's an automatic victim.

Sigh.

eviltwin

anvilfour wrote: »

Does she get a say in the matter? We're in love and plan to get married, I work and support her, take care of her family too, we go on dates, kiss, cuddle... Her Doctor has also asked her to lose 2 stone so it's not like this is a very hard sell.

But you're not attracted to her.....you're going to marry her with that hanging over you....are you mad?

Penny Tration

anvilfour wrote: »

Does she get a say in the matter? We're in love and plan to get married, I work and support her, take care of her family too, we go on dates, kiss, cuddle... Her Doctor has also asked her to lose 2 stone so it's not like this is a very hard sell.

How can you truly love someone you've shared no real physical intimacy with?

Of course she gets a say. She sounds so insecure though that she'll take what she can get. If she loved herself the way she should, she wouldn't put up with someone who's not even attracted to her.

ThinkProgress

Penny Tration wrote: »

Jesus the poor girl deserves better.

It's a strange situation, no doubt. But I'm not sure she does deserve better!

Nobody is genuinely completely happy being overweight, so if this guy actually creates the change in her life that helps here lose the weight... then he's done something really good and generous!

Maybe he's one of those people who loves a good restoration project. Gets satisfaction from creating a diamond out of a dirty rock!

Penny Tration

anvilfour wrote: »

That's right sweetheart because I have a magic wand which can make me attracted to overweight women and because I won't use it to supply an instant erection on demand I'm a selfish person.

Never mind the love, the cuddles, the kissing, paying for her to go through college and for our holidays away. Never mind the cards, presents etc. I get her and never mind as I said she needs to lose weight desperately anyway for the sake of her health - I don't find overweight women as attractive as slimmer ones therefore she's an automatic victim.

Sigh.

The condescending use of 'sweetheart' is just childish, please stop.

She's not an automatic victim because you don't fancy overweight women. She's a victim because you chose to get with her, THEN tell her she's not good enough for you to sleep with.

anvilfour

Penny Tration wrote: »

How can you truly love someone you've shared no real physical intimacy with?

Of course she gets a say. She sounds so insecure though that she'll take what she can get. If she loved herself the way she should, she wouldn't put up with someone who's not even attracted to her.

It's not true to say we have no physical intimacy, we do have sex every now and then plus we are very touchy feely as a couple, even in public!

She is a perfectly intelligent, capable and secure woman, she understands that we each have good qualities to be together. I'm also aware in 30 years time when we're sitting in rocking chairs neither of us are going to look too good but we'll still love each other.

Perhaps you should ask your question of older couples who are no longer able to be intimate but still love each other after all these years? Are they not "truly" in love?

Penny Tration

ThinkProgress wrote: »

It's a strange situation, no doubt. But I'm not sure she does deserve better!

Nobody is genuinely completely happy being overweight, so if this guy actually creates the change in her life that helps here lose the weight... then he's done something really good and generous!

Maybe he's one of those people who loves a good restoration project. Gets satisfaction from creating a diamond out of a dirty rock!

She certainly does deserve better. No person on this earth should have to deal with a partner who gets with them but doesn't actually fancy them. It's beyond unfair.

eviltwin

ThinkProgress wrote: »

It's a strange situation, no doubt. But I'm not sure she does deserve better!

Nobody is genuinely completely happy being overweight, so if this guy actually creates the change in her life that helps here lose the weight... then he's done something really good and generous!

Maybe he's one of those people who loves a good restoration project. Gets satisfaction from creating a diamond out of a dirty rock!

He can't make her lose weight. There's no guarantee she's going to lose it or keep it off if she does.

anvilfour

Penny Tration wrote: »

The condescending use of 'sweetheart' is just childish, please stop.

She's not an automatic victim because you don't fancy overweight women. She's a victim because you chose to get with her, THEN tell her she's not good enough for you to sleep with.

Sweetheart, you're guilty of making a value judgement yourself. I'm not saying she isn't good enough, it simply has to do with my own sexuality... in any case the issue is being resolved for medical reasons, not for my sake, being as overweight as she is, is a bad idea anyway and she's losing weight because her Doctor told her to.

Penny Tration

anvilfour wrote: »

It's not true to say we have no physical intimacy, we do have sex every now and then plus we are very touchy feely as a couple, even in public!

She is a perfectly intelligent, capable and secure woman, she understands that we each have good qualities to be together. I'm also aware in 30 years time when we're sitting in rocking chairs neither of us are going to look too good but we'll still love each other.

Perhaps you should ask your question of older couples who are no longer able to be intimate but still love each other after all these years? Are they not "truly" in love?

No longer able is very different to no longer willing.

GreatDefector

DoYouEvenLift wrote: »

Like I said in the brackets, if it was due to health issues of course I'd look past it. But if it was a result of laziness and excessive and bad eating habits, which it mostly is, and they refused to change their ways I'd end it. Just being honest. I'd expect the same, if I was with someone and I went from being in shape to overweight, it would hurt but, I'd completely understand them ending it. Physical/sexual attraction is a big part of relationships and life in general, as much as some insecure and low self esteem people try to deny this fact, and everyone should strive to be in their best shape both mentally and physically.

Jaysus... very black and white view of the world to have....

eviltwin

anvilfour wrote: »

It's not true to say we have no physical intimacy, we do have sex every now and then plus we are very touchy feely as a couple, even in public!

She is a perfectly intelligent, capable and secure woman, she understands that we each have good qualities to be together. I'm also aware in 30 years time when we're sitting in rocking chairs neither of us are going to look too good but we'll still love each other.

Perhaps you should ask your question of older couples who are no longer able to be intimate but still love each other after all these years? Are they not "truly" in love?

Do you fancy her? Do you enjoy sex with her?

Penny Tration

anvilfour wrote: »

Sweetheart, you're guilty of making a value judgement yourself. I'm not saying she isn't good enough, it simply has to do with my own sexuality... in any case the issue is being resolved for medical reasons, not for my sake, being as overweight as she is, is a bad idea anyway and she's losing weight because her Doctor told her to.

Yeah, I'm finding it very difficult to take you seriously, given your penchant for ridiculous passive aggression.

zeffabelli

Penny Tration wrote: »

How can you truly love someone you've shared no real physical intimacy with?

Of course she gets a say. She sounds so insecure though that she'll take what she can get. If she loved herself the way she should, she wouldn't put up with someone who's not even attracted to her.

We're kind of in a no mans land with this......

One might argue if she loved herself she' drop the weight. One could also see how being overweight one mightn't feel particularly attractive or sexually assertive.

Body image can produce a sexual diffidence to start with...so it may not be an issue right now.

Just wait till she drops the weight and is a stunner though.....might not who she has she has right now...oh change is a gamble.....

Dial Hard

anvilfour wrote:

Does she get a say in the matter? We're in love and plan to get married, I work and support her, take care of her family too, we go on dates, kiss, cuddle... Her Doctor has also asked her to lose 2 stone so it's not like this is a very hard sell.

But why on earth did you ask her out in the frist place if you weren't/aren't physically or sexually attracted to her? Because she lives nearby and is nice? That's just madness. You could have been friends with her and dated someone you actually fancy.

Your relationship sounds deeply unhealthy, tbh.

anvilfour

Penny Tration wrote: »

She certainly does deserve better. No person on this earth should have to deal with a partner who gets with them but doesn't actually fancy them. It's beyond unfair.

Yes, please do ignore the litany of other things I mentioned I do for my partner. I have been in relationships with great physical chemistry where I've shared nothing in common with my partner.

I see in my partner as I said someone I can be with in 20,30,40 years time long when sex is going to be more trouble than it's worth... try and see the bigger picture (pardon the expression). :-D

anvilfour

Dial Hard wrote: »

But why on earth did you ask her out in the frist place if you weren't/aren't physically or sexually attracted to her? Because she lives nearby and is nice? That's just madness. You could have been friends with her and dated someone you actually fancy.

Your relationship sounds deeply unhealthy, tbh.

Believe it or not it's possible to be in love with someone who doesn't look like a supermodel. Ask any elderly couple... My grandmother confided in me that prostate issues prevented my grand-dad being intimate with her the last 15 years of his life but they still loved each other very much.

ThinkProgress

meeeeh wrote: »

What do you define as lazy. I live with workaholic who works 12-14 hours per day. Btw being over tired affects your ability not to eat crap significantly (and it is very much research proven). But of course that doesn't correspond with lazy fat arse narrative.

A fat person who tries and fails or doesn't try at all to lose weight - is lazy and unmotivated in my book. (particularly an intelligent one)

Only a tiny % of the population has a genuine medical reason for their blubber... (that's if you even believe such medical conditions are real - the science is certainly not completely conclusive). Everyone else is just lazy and/or unmotivated.

Regarding everything else you mentioned - EXCUSES!

One eyed Jack

anvilfour wrote: »

Does she get a say in the matter? We're in love and plan to get married, I work and support her, take care of her family too, we go on dates, kiss, cuddle... Her Doctor has also asked her to lose 2 stone so it's not like this is a very hard sell.

You actually shouldn't have to think of it as selling anything at all, I honestly don't get it, and I don't get what, with all due respect, your girlfriend gets out of it either - she gets a guy who, again, no disrespect meant, for all intents and purposes she will live with in constant fear if she doesn't conform to your ideal standards, and in return, you get someone whom it sounds like is just basically willing to play a role to hang on to you too?

Kissing and cuddling is all great and all, but I can get that sort of affection from my friends, my wife on the other hand, well there's a hell of a lot more than just affection and letting things happen in their own time. That's the beginnings of a sexless, and eventually loveless and resentful marriage right there tbh, and it's going that way if both of you still remain all talk and no action!

It genuinely sounds like you're both settling for something you don't really want, and hoping you'll get it eventually, somehow...