tell us your darkest secret

Specialun · 13-09-2015 3:51pm #1

Saw similar thread elsewhere so thought it might be funny/interesting here.

Most of us are anonymous here so fire away. No judging.

1- on my brothers wedding day yrs ago i ended up riding his brides younger sister..we were late in the residents bar and well drink and all that

2- my old boss, who is a married woman was having an affair with my best mate..she had a baby that was his and not her husbands..they ended the affair after

Fire away..

kneemos · 13-09-2015 3:53pm

I like Coldplay.

Boring username · 13-09-2015 3:56pm

I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

Mother Brain · 13-09-2015 3:59pm

Selma: Are you gay?

Troy: Gay?! I wish! If I were gay they'd be no problem!

No, what I have is a romantic abnormality, one so unbelievable that it must be hidden from the public at all cost. You see...

Selma: Stop!

Nib · 13-09-2015 4:01pm

I've no willy.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1 · 13-09-2015 4:02pm

I like coffee creams.

Notavirus.exe · 13-09-2015 4:02pm

Under these clothes, I'm naked.

Wang King · 13-09-2015 4:03pm

I'm not really a King

NeverWaining · 13-09-2015 4:05pm

Wayne Large Paperback wrote: »

I like coffee creams.

You disgust me.

vandriver · 13-09-2015 4:06pm

Haven't driven a van since the recession started.

Notavirus.exe · 13-09-2015 4:06pm

My username might not be true.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1 · 13-09-2015 4:07pm

NeverWaining wrote: »

You disgust me.

But that was no secret. And you've seen me eat Milk Tray.

blueser · 13-09-2015 4:08pm

Under the (unduly strict) terms of my parole, I can't discuss the offences in question. Sorry.

Avatar MIA · 13-09-2015 4:08pm

Specialun wrote: »

Saw similar thread elsewhere so thought it might be funny/interesting here.

Most of us are anonymous here so fire away. No judging.

1- on my brothers wedding day yrs ago i ended up riding his brides younger sister..we were late in the residents bar and well drink and all that

2- my old boss, who is a married woman was having an affair with my best mate..she had a baby that was his and not her husbands..they ended the affair after

Fire away..

1 - is a boast
2 - is somebody else's secret

Ted_YNWA · 13-09-2015 4:08pm

That money was not really just resting in my account.

ToddyDoody · 13-09-2015 4:08pm

There's a little crippled boy sitting in a hospital who wants you to win this game. I know because I crippled him myself to inspire you.

arayess · 13-09-2015 4:21pm

Specialun wrote: »

Saw similar thread elsewhere so thought it might be funny/interesting here.

Most of us are anonymous here so fire away. No judging.

1- on my brothers wedding day yrs ago i ended up riding his brides younger sister..we were late in the residents bar and well drink and all that

2- my old boss, who is a married woman was having an affair with my best mate..she had a baby that was his and not her husbands..they ended the affair after

Fire away..

number 2 has more too it. come on out with it.

Fellaindinho · 13-09-2015 4:23pm

arayess wrote: »

number 2 has more too it. come on out with it.

We need all the gossip

eviltwin · 13-09-2015 4:24pm

I once ate someone's coffee slice and blamed it on the dog

Pink Lemons · 13-09-2015 4:25pm

I once ate someone's dog and blamed it on the coffee slice

Fellaindinho · 13-09-2015 4:29pm

I once ate a coffee slice and then ate another

NachoBusiness · 13-09-2015 4:29pm

I eat Shergar.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1 · 13-09-2015 4:32pm

NachoBusiness wrote: »

I eat Shergar.

Still? Did you freeze him?

BBDBB · 13-09-2015 4:33pm

I fought the law

the law won

Buona Fortuna · 13-09-2015 4:35pm

Had a similar thing to this at my last company. We were all (well most) about to be made redundant and this psychologist came around to - I don't really know what.

Anyway he said "Tell me your darkest secrets"

No one said anything, so I said. "When I go to Supermarkets I put a small mirror on my trolley so I can see up the young mums skirts."

That kind of took the wind out of his sails for a little bit.

Then he said "Really?"
"No but this is total ballax."

Session ended quite quickly after that and needless to say If I was in any doubt before that, who was being made redundant, I wasn't afterwards.;)

NachoBusiness · 13-09-2015 4:36pm

Wayne Large Paperback wrote: »

Still? Did you freeze him?

Yes. Sold most to Tesco as beef a while back though. Was stuck for cash.

Wang King · 13-09-2015 4:37pm

Imagine if we told the truth on here....

acb121 · 13-09-2015 4:41pm

i cant find my light switch

Dancor · 13-09-2015 4:42pm

I

Put the screw

In the tuna!!

hatrickpatrick · 13-09-2015 4:52pm

I'm a 25 year old lad and I love Taylor Swift.

Her most recent song "Wildest Dreams" evokes an intense sort of sad, aching nostalgia that I haven't experienced since 2008.

13-09-2015 4:53pm

A woman I used to work with expected me to basically do her bidding because I was a student in part time, and she was there years. It got very old. She wouldn't be the type to offer to do favours for anyone else, either.

If I said I was going upstairs, she'd tell - not ask, tell - me to get her a coffee with two sweeteners and low fat milk. So as my little act of revenge, I'd put two big sugars in, and full fat milk. The happiness it gave me was phenomenal.

It's the little things.

Buona Fortuna · 13-09-2015 4:59pm

^^

And all that fat and sugar went straight on her ass :pac:

13-09-2015 5:01pm

Buona Fortuna wrote: »

^^

And all that fat and sugar went straight on her ass :pac:

I regret nothing!

It's so petty, but I just couldn't help myself! I used to give it to her and try not to giggle!

hairyslug · 13-09-2015 5:14pm

For the months from June to October, I need to count them out on my fingers

MonkieSocks · 13-09-2015 5:28pm

I'm banned from Argos,

Got caught taking the Pencils.

Rackstar · 13-09-2015 5:30pm

Candie wrote: »

A woman I used to work with expected me to basically do her

First line makes a better story on its own

Ruu · 13-09-2015 5:35pm

I got a book of collectable stamps 'on trial'(take and pay for what you wanted and send the rest back) via mail order from England when I was a lad...I still have them at home somewhere. The chap with the pointy tail and pitchfork awaits, I know!

booooring! · 13-09-2015 5:40pm

I shagged an 82 year old granny once when doing some plumming work. Was fit enough for her age.

Nothing like a gummy job! BELIEVE ME!

Wang King · 13-09-2015 5:42pm

booooring! wrote: »

I shagged an 82 year old granny once when doing some plumming work. Was fit enough for her age.

Nothing like a gummy job! BELIEVE ME!

It was dark in that bedroom.... She was asleep....her hubby was well awake though!!

The Dogs Bollix · 13-09-2015 5:51pm

This is for confession

It was me

I broke my brother's etch a sketch and blamed my sister, 20+ Christmases ago. I don't know how it happened.

diomed · 13-09-2015 5:58pm

I'm a 65 year old man.
I'm banned from a ladies hairdressers.

pinkiepie101 · 13-09-2015 6:00pm

I know what my boyfriends account name is on here and I can see everything he posts!! He doesnt know. He quite fond of that diva and world cup hotties thread.and posting pics of girls with their tits out.........c**t!!

fussyonion · 13-09-2015 6:02pm

I can't stand one of my neighbours even though she thinks we're good pals.
I go out of my way to avoid her at all costs.

stephenl15 · 13-09-2015 6:03pm

pinkiepie101 wrote: »

I know what my boyfriends account name is on here and I can see everything he posts!! He doesnt know. He quite fond of that diva and world cup hotties thread.and posting pics of girls with their tits out.........c**t!!

You'd better hope he doesn't post you then :P

Tompatrick · 13-09-2015 6:05pm

I fap almost daily in work. Sometimes thrice on a boring day. I earn 100k.

Avatar MIA · 13-09-2015 6:06pm

Tompatrick wrote: »

I fap almost daily in work. Sometimes trice on a boring day. I earn 100k.

You fap to your payslip don't you ... admit and your sins shall be ... ridiculed :pac:

fussyonion · 13-09-2015 6:12pm

Thought of another one.
I ordered two big computer books years ago, you know those things from Reader's Digest.
They basically sent them and then if I wanted them, I had to pay or send 'em back.
So I pretended they never came. They sent more. I kept the first lot and sent the second lot back, saying I wasn't interested

The Dogs Bollix · 13-09-2015 6:18pm

fussyonion wrote: »

Thought of another one.
I ordered two big computer books years ago, you know those things from Reader's Digest.
They basically sent them and then if I wanted them, I had to pay or send 'em back.
So I pretended they never came. They sent more. I kept the first lot and sent the second lot back, saying I wasn't interested

Thief

mattP · 13-09-2015 6:29pm

My brothers learners driving licence is missing since June
Ive been using it as ID to get into clubs

:P

vandriver · 13-09-2015 6:51pm

booooring! wrote: »

I shagged an 82 year old granny once when doing some plumming work. Was fit enough for her age.

Nothing like a gummy job! BELIEVE ME!

A plumber who can't spell plumbing makes me believe this story.

Tompatrick · 13-09-2015 6:53pm

vandriver wrote: »

A plumber who can't spell plumbing makes me believe this story.

Ah you don't know what "plumming" is??? It concerns dropping the plums into a lass's beak for an aul suck and nibble !

tell us your darkest secret

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