What to do?

cabledude

So I bumped into an ex last week. We were very good friends in school back in the day and went to our debs together where we finally got it on. We used to talk for hours and although we were both attached back then we did have a connection. I moved away the following week and sadly didn't keep in touch. I often scold myself for this but alas, the past cannot be undone. I have thought about her a fair bit in the intervening years and saw her on a couple of occasions but I always had my gf/fiancee/wife with me so, well not to state the obvious! Every time I met her my heart went sh1tways and I became a bumbling idiot. We are friends on Facebook but don't really move in the same circles as we are in different parts of the country....

Then, last week I had to bring my mother to a hospital appointment back home. I was there around 20 minutes when this goddess walks in. She was there with a family member too as it happened. Now bearing in mind we were in a hospital and the associated emotions that go along with that, we only spoke briefly. But then she was called and as she was walking past me she looked at me with that big beautiful smile and playfully waved her fingers as a goodbye. And that was that. I knew than that I would like to see her and get to know her again.

On the drive back home that night I worked up the courage to do something. I messaged her on Facebook. I told her that it was good to see her after all those years and asked how her relative was. Her reply was that it was really good to see me after all that time. We reminisced about school and how old we both felt after leaving school almost 20 years ago. Then I threw in a flirt for good measure. She told me that she could see that I hadn't lost my charm. I kind of left it at that for the moment and let things lie.

In the next couple of days I agonized over how to move forward. I mailed her again on Sunday evening and asked her how her relative was. She came back to tell me that the relative was fine, thanks for asking and asked me how my mum was. I then asked her how life had been treating her since we last met. She did not reply.

For clarity, I was married until very recently. She would know that I am married but would not know that I am newly single. I didn't publicise that fact on social media!

I suppose the question her is do I mail her and tell her that I would like to see her for a coffee or am I just a silly old fool on the rebound, lusting after a teenage crush.

I'd hate to mail her and her to knock me back as will be moving back to that part of the world soon and the chances of bumping into her will increase. Might make it akward. Or should I just be brave and go for it.

(Sorry for the long OP, I'm out of practice)

Icaras

Go for it. What's the worst that can happen?

Jasper_

So let me get this straight: You had been beating yourself for not keeping in contact in the past..... and now the universe has landed you with a massive window of opportunity to possibly rekindle things.... and you're asking should you do it???!! Jesus dude.

Sure, she may well blow you off, but honestly you are an adult, she is an adult, she will be flattered regardless of how she feels. If she blows you off and you see her again it will only be as awkward as you allow it to be.

njs030

I'd have the opposite point of view op. You say you were married until very recently, it probably is very soon to get into something new. Even if you feel ready most women would be wary in case it's a rebound or there's a chance of reconciliation and they get hurt.
You say you're moving back there soon so why not let things lie and see what happens when you move and bump into each other more often. Let things happen naturally rather than trying to force something.

cabledude

notjustsweet wrote: »

I'd have the opposite point of view op. You say you were married until very recently, it probably is very soon to get into something new. Even if you feel ready most women would be wary in case it's a rebound or there's a chance of reconciliation and they get hurt.
You say you're moving back there soon so why not let things lie and see what happens when you move and bump into each other more often. Let things happen naturally rather than trying to force something.

Very good points. To clarify, I may not bump into her at all when I move back. I was just surmising that the chances might increase owing to location etc.........

cabledude

Jasper_ wrote: »

So let me get this straight: You had been beating yourself for not keeping in contact in the past..... and now the universe has landed you with a massive window of opportunity to possibly rekindle things.... and you're asking should you do it???!! Jesus dude.

Sure, she may well blow you off, but honestly you are an adult, she is an adult, she will be flattered regardless of how she feels. If she blows you off and you see her again it will only be as awkward as you allow it to be.

Yep.... I was always shy about coming forward.

But I'd hate to feck up any possible chances by making the wrong move. Or making the right move in the wrong way.

Jasper_

He is considering asking her for a coffee, not her hand in marriage.

I presume she is unaware how long you two are divorced? Whats a few weeks/months going to do to change her outlook? She will be interested or she won't be. Why wait any longer to find out. If she politely declines you can get on with dating other people and know that you at least gave that one a fair shot.

njs030

Jasper_ wrote: »

He is considering asking her for a coffee, not her hand in marriage.

I presume she is unaware how long you two are divorced? Whats a few weeks/months going to do to change her outlook? She will be interested or she won't be. Why wait any longer to find out. If she politely declines you can get on with dating other people and know that you at least gave that one a fair shot.

Oh maybe I misunderstood! Op are you recently separated or recently divorced? There's 4 years in the difference so it does change things!

DoYouEvenLift

cabledude wrote: »

Yep.... I was always shy about coming forward.

But I'd hate to feck up any possible chances by making the wrong move. Or making the right move in the wrong way.

Making no move is the only wrong move.

beks101

Do you know for a fact that this woman is single?

cabledude

beks101 wrote: »

Do you know for a fact that this woman is single?

Yes, she is.... One of my brothers knows her. He plays sport with her brother. I asked him and he told me that she was not with anyone, at least not that he knows of.....

If she is with someone, she will knock me back.

cabledude

notjustsweet wrote: »

Oh maybe I misunderstood! Op are you recently separated or recently divorced? There's 4 years in the difference so it does change things!

Recently separated. Within the last few months. Marriage has been a zombie for a couple of years and I decided to call a halt at the start of the summer. There will be no reunion..........

charlietheminxx

Ask her out! Life is too short for what ifs and missed second chances.

cabledude

I'm going to go for it........

DoYouEvenLift

cabledude wrote: »

I'm going to go for it........

<SNIP>

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