The things I've had to do

Delphinium

Its 26 years since my 6 yr old son died having suffered cancer and its treatment. I still miss him daily, hourly. I cannot imagine your grief as your children seem to have been in an accident and there was no relief that death meant no more pain. Remember them, talk and try to focus on the good memories. I don't think grief lessens, you just learn to deal with it. Allow yourself to be sad.

Buona Fortuna

So sorry Woops.

eringobragh

Clicked on this recogniseing your name from a few MR2 threads

That was a hard read I'll be honest, stuff of nightmares.

Heartfelt Condoleses

wolverette

So sorry for your loss.

mailburner

well done on typing out your thoughts and having the courage to submit it here
it's something I did recently but couldnt go through with it

that kind of pain is simply unimaginable and I wish there were words I could say to make you feel better
take care of yourself whoops

SimonTemplar

I just want to add to the messages of support and condolences.
It was truly heartbreaking to read, so I can't begin to imagine what it was like to go through it. Nobody should have to go through such loss.

It was very brave of you to write such a post, and I am very sorry for your loss.

Ah whoops, you poor thing. All the best. And the same to Delphinium, and anyone else who has ever had to endure such a terrible loss. It doesn't even bear thinking about.

wil

I don't know what to say. Tomorrow maybe but today I don't know what to say. I should. I should be able to delve into my own grief and tell you it will all be ok. That would be a lie. I should be able to tell you I know how you feel. But I can't. I don't. I don't know how you feel. I barely know how I feel so how could I tell anyone I know.

All I will say tonight is that people are thinking fondly about your kids and you.

Dave147

Deleted User wrote: »

To go home and sit in their bedroom and try to smell their hair off their pillow.

That was the most upsetting post I've ever read, you poor poor thing

Not that one

Remember reading your previous post and it sticking with me. The daily crap we all get bogged down in soon vanishes when something gut wrenching happens. Sorry for your loss.

Oh wow, who knew so many people would visit this forum on a Monday night

Thanks you all so much for your kind words and messages. I'm sorry for making some of you sad, it wasn't my intention to upset others.

I'm mostly a pretty positive cheerful person who tries to focus on good, just that there are times when the gravity of it all just wipes me out.

I'm very blessed with amazing friends and family. I wouldn't be one for talking about this stuff though, I find writing things down much easier which is why I ended up here last night, and honestly just typing that all out was extremely therapeutic. I would encourage anyone who is grieving or who has any other sad or negative or even happy thoughts that they'd like out to write them down, whether for yourself or for others to read.

Thank you again.

maryfred

My heart is broken for you. 💜

rodge68

I'm so so sorry for your loss..I cant imagine what you are going through..hope my few words help a small bit..Sincere condolences..

Xaracatz

Dude. These things can hit you hard - sometimes once a year, sometimes once a month. They can come out of nowhere, and it's not very nice! The next day you may feel absolutely fine, and dismiss how crap you felt the night before.

No harm talking to a friend, or somebody else, because there's something lingering if these things come back to you every now and again. (Not to say that this isn't normal, but, it's good to speak to somebody who might be able to rationalise it for you, or who can give you advice that you can think of when these feelings come on). I'm also terrible for not talking to people about stuff!

Generally being positive can be tiring sometimes. 99% of the time it's fine, but there's always that 1% when you could do with a bit of support, but you're the cheery one, so you don't want to bring anyone down.

People are happy to help - this thread is a great example! Mind yourself!

Keisha07

Like many who posted already I have such respect for you, it amazes me the strength of spirit some people have, ordinary people who get on with life, while carrying unimaginable pain while the rest of us can sometimes forget the big things and get caught up in ridiculously petty worries, my thoughts are with you and yours x

frash

wow - I only met you 'in real life' at the weekend!
Stumbled in here as I always check out the 'most thanked' post of the previous day.

So sorry for your loss.

Alf Veedersane

I don't even know what to say. I started to read it and thought it was the words of a nurse who has had to do all of these things for other people.

Then the realisation hit me. There's nothing I can say.....I just hope that time helps to heal those wounds in some way.

I never thought I'd read something on boards that would bring a tear to both my eyes.

I hope you posting that helped you in some way

I've had to do this too . Bury my little girl . Keeping her clothes for years hoping I can still smell her off them. Move house and indeed county as seeing her little friends walking past my house to school broke my heart because she wasn't running out to join them. Unable to look at photos and videos of her as it makes me crack, even years later . I live with that hole in my heart that nothing will ever fill again.

So so many of us have lost children. To lose both your children OP is a double loss and pain. You sound like a great person with a good attitude .... well done, it's not easy . I have two friends who both lost two children.

But there is nothing brave about it. We are not special, or brave or anything. It's just something appalling that happened and you try to deal with is, live with it. So many people get something. This may sound strange but it's a comfort knowing you're not the only one. But you're not brave ..... you're in bits and fragile and just trying get up every day and carry on. Living after the death of a child is a necessity ....not an option. You have to try and live some kind of a life. But it's a different life.

Everyday on Ray D'arcy or some other show there are sad and awful stories. People tweet and txt saying they're bawling and how brave everyone is etc etc etc . But we're not brave . We are crippled and when the show is over and the lights turned off and the door is closed... its hell.

I'm a different person since my daughter died . Better in many ways.....and I can still laugh.... but there's always a hole in my heart and always a sadness lurking .

SATSUMA

We never really know or truly can know another's pain.
I am so sorry for your loss.

Drift

Hi whoopsa - It has always amazed me how unrelentingly positive you are when you post. Your attitude and personality are inspirational. I know I wouldn't be as strong as you have been in the same heartbreaking circumstances.

I'm very sorry for your loss and I wish you and your family all the best.

Morpheus

I found this thread on the home page and , having read it, i cannot even begin to imagine what you have gone through, but to see that you have had enough strength to continue, will remain with me in my darkest days as an example of the strength we all have within us.

Always remember that you keep their tiny lights shining bright and vibrant with each heartbeat.

My deepest heartfelt condolences go out to you.
I wish you all the very best life can bring in the future and hope that by sharing your pain, it somehow helps you, no matter how minutely.

Rose35

condolences to you and all that have lost a child I just can't begin to imagine the pain.

jennyhayes123

There are no words. Just thinking of you all who have lost kids X X

magicmushroom

I read your post in bed late last night, went to sleep crying - it really struck me. I woke up thinking about you too.
Your poor babies - I'm very sorry for you.

This Fat Girl Runs

I saw your post trending this morning. I'm so sorry for your loss, whoopsa. That's all I can really say.

One More Toy

You made a grown man cry (me) last night whoopsie

I cant imagine how this feels for you, its clear everyone on here is rallying behind you, so dont be afraid to write down your emotions again

LynnGrace

I had seen posts previously from you whoops where you mentioned the loss of your children. My most sincere condolences to you, and to others on the thread who have suffered, in a similar way. There is nothing I can say that will help, I know.

I can only wish you continued strength, whoops and all of you, on the thread, who have mentioned your terrible losses.

One More Toy

I was chatting about this to the missus last night, she was as moved as I was

We both agreed it would be the hardest thing a person has to do, so in my book, the mere fact you get up in the morning makes you the bravest person on earth.

If it were me, id rather sacrifice my life for my children, no questions asked. But fate never asks.

Ive gone through my own personal tragedy with a cancer diagnosis (all clear after a year of indescribable pain and agony). All I could ask is "why me?" why not some pedophile or murderer, again, fate never asked. I am sure you are asking the same questions.

I hope you are reaching out to others in your situation, I always found talking helps immensely.

Keep getting up, keep moving forward; relish in the memory you had with your children

Larbre34

Jesus, that ran me cold, in the way that it is written in such a real way, it gave me a hint of a glimpse of what the reality of something like that happening might be for the loved ones. How do you even begin the sentence of breaking news like that to other family members, when it hasn't even computed in your own head?

You never have a clue whats going on in other peoples lives. I can only say thank you for your thoughts Whoopsie, I cant begin to imagine the experience, but what you have said will help others, even if it is just to get a bit of perspective. You are a funny and respected member around these parts, and I'm sorry for your family's loss.

quinta

I rarely if ever post on Boards but I logged in to offer my sincerest condolences to you and others on this thread who's lives have been changed forever through loss.

Your post hit me like a ton of bricks, I can't imagine the pain you went and are going through, you made me re-evaluate my supposed 'problems' and 'stresses'.