The things I've had to do

Summer wind

Hi Whoops I just want to say how sorry I am that your lovely little babies died. I could never begin to imagine the pain and grief you and your family have been going through. You are so very strong and positive always and I hope writing this down has helped you in some small way.

BabysCoffee

So sorry for your loss Whoops. What a moving post.

I am at a loss at what to say.

JJJJNR

Those onions were particularly hard on the eyes this lunchtime, that pulled really really deep on the heart strings, thinking of you all that have posted or suffered a terrible loss. I salute you, you are fighters, and very brave. I hope you find some strength and support from this.. *BEAR HUG*

SillyBeans

Very sorry for your loss. I've seen posts where you've mentioned it but this post was heartbreaking. Seeing the things you had to do, things that we sometimes forget. I can't imagine having to break that news to someone else, when your own heart is broken. You're a very very strong person for going through that and still being able to function. Your children would be very proud of their mom xx

Delphinium

To say I am overwhelmed by your responses and messages doesn't even come close. I can't believe how many people have reached out to me when I thought a very small few might read my post. Thank you so much, again I'm sorry for those who were upset by the post, but I am so grateful for your kind words. Thank you for giving me some of your thoughts.

Delphinium wrote: »

Its 26 years since my 6 yr old son died having suffered cancer and its treatment. I still miss him daily, hourly. I cannot imagine your grief as your children seem to have been in an accident and there was no relief that death meant no more pain. Remember them, talk and try to focus on the good memories. I don't think grief lessens, you just learn to deal with it. Allow yourself to be sad.

Deleted User wrote: »

I've had to do this too . Bury my little girl . Keeping her clothes for years hoping I can still smell her off them. Move house and indeed county as seeing her little friends walking past my house to school broke my heart because she wasn't running out to join them. Unable to look at photos and videos of her as it makes me crack, even years later . I live with that hole in my heart that nothing will ever fill again.

I'm so sorry for your losses also. Isn't funny Delphium, that I cannot begin to imagine the grief that you would have to deal with, knowing what you were losing. I don't know if I would have dealt with that at all. I've always been strangely grateful that I never had to watch my children be sick or suffer for very long. I suppose that's how I've dealt with things, knowing that they could always be worse. It looks like you think in a similar way

Xaracatz wrote: »

Dude. These things can hit you hard - sometimes once a year, sometimes once a month. They can come out of nowhere, and it's not very nice! The next day you may feel absolutely fine, and dismiss how crap you felt the night before...........

Generally being positive can be tiring sometimes. 99% of the time it's fine, but there's always that 1% when you could do with a bit of support, but you're the cheery one, so you don't want to bring anyone down.

You hit two nails on the head there

Today I'm thinking oh my goodness, what drama I caused because I was so upset last night, and today my world is OK again and I'm feeling better and look at how many people I've made sad.

I like being positive, I wouldn't like to be an other way, but yes, sometimes you don't want to let that guard down because you might let others down when you're the one brings them up!

One More Toy wrote: »

All I could ask is "why me?" why not some pedophile or murderer, again, fate never asked. I am sure you are asking the same questions.

I used to. I used to ask what if, what if, why them, why us. Then I realised that those questions would be the things that would ruin me. So I stopped. There is no logic or reason to these things, those questions will never be answered and asking them will drive you slowly insane. So I don't ask them, because I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy, so why not me I guess.

Enjoy the rest of your day guys. Thanks so much again.

bernard0368

As someone who has suffered the loss of a child your words ring true in so many ways.
Take care and my thoughts are with you.

Glebee

That is just heartbreaking stuff. My heart goes out to you. Stay strong.

One More Toy

Im still heart broken the day after your post, never has anything touched me so much

Xaracatz

[Deleted User] wrote: »

You hit two nails on the head there

Today I'm thinking oh my goodness, what drama I caused because I was so upset last night, and today my world is OK again and I'm feeling better and look at how many people I've made sad.

I like being positive, I wouldn't like to be an other way, but yes, sometimes you don't want to let that guard down because you might let others down when you're the one brings them up!

It's good though. 'Cause sometimes you just need to do something when, for whatever reason, things get a bit overwhelming. It's great to have the likes of boards to do that.

I'm glad you feel better! Life be crazy sometimes. But, there's always somewhere to turn when it gets on top of you, and get over the bit where you need some chat, or venting, or whatever. And then you come out on the other side.

It's kind of like yoga for the soul - especially when it rarely happens and you just need that one "getting it all out" session.

(I do realise that saying "yoga for the soul" makes me sound like an eejit )

JanaMay

So sorry for your devastating loss. I had read some of your posts before and they always stuck with me. You have such a positive attitude, despite your heartbreak. I have friends who have lost children too and it really helps me put my own problems into perspective and be thankful for every minute.

Whenever I feel myself starting to get snappy with my own children, when I'm tired or stressed and they won't give me a minute's peace I always remember that there are some mammies who would give everything to hear their little ones calling them at 3am, or to have to clean Weetabix out of the curtains or crayons off the wall. I try to take a moment and to never, ever forget how lucky I am. I always stay for that extra story at bedtime and make time for that extra kiss and cuddle before work.

I hope writing it down helped you as I'm sure it helped others to read it.Your children were lucky to have such a lovely Mammy.

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

Thank you. It's a long time ago now. I've just never written it down like that before and it all hit me like a ton of bricks tonight and I just started typing. Sorry, I don't know why I posted it here. I'm not looking for advice just wanted to get the thoughts out x

The most powerful post I've ever read. I hope it did you some good to share it. We complain about small things. We haven't a clue. God Bless you and hopefully you find some shred of comfort in the good wishes of strangers.

Buona Fortuna

Deleted User wrote: »

Today I'm thinking oh my goodness, what drama I caused because I was so upset last night, and today my world is OK again and I'm feeling better and look at how many people I've made sad.

You go Woops - if Boards is good for anything, it has to be good for this .

When I read your post last night, I'd just finished watching "The Way", and as we lost Dad a couple of years back - I didn't need much .

fro9etb8j5qsl2

Clicked into this thread by accident but I think it has affected me more than any post I've ever read online. So brave and honest of you whoopsie. My heart goes out to you and I am so in awe of how you carry on every day and stay positive.

The Hurricane

Whoopsadaisydoodles my heart goes out to you I had a lump in my throat reading your post yesterday and was in tears towards the end. I too had read a post a while back where you described the crash. You have superhuman strength and willpower, your two children i'm sure are so proud of their mum. I was feeling a little down yesterday worrying about trivial things, I read your post and snapped out of it. The way your post was written so simply and bluntly, so very moving so many people took notice and looked at their lives and though look at this person who has gone through all those really awful things you have had to so that no one should have too do. I hope you inspire others the way you have inspired me with your heart wrenching post.
Thank you

banie01

Whoopsie...
I'm reminded of a response you left on a thread I'd written in this forum a few years ago...

Deleted User wrote: »

Your original post made me cry. Cry like I haven't been able to cry in a while. Cry out loud like my heart had just been broken in half again. Thank you for that. I needed it. My eyes hurt and my face is blotchy and wet, and yet it feels nice.

Your O.P has returned the favour. I have cried like I haven't cried in a long time.
I didn't realize how much I needed to until my pillow was soaked and my throat was sore from sobbing. I always try and cope by forcing myself to remember the happy times....
Rather than the pain of loss....
Your happy times were cut all too short.

Canard

Oh whoopsie, your post is so heartbreaking I think what's so striking about it is the fact that you've mentioned the routine things that people never talk about. People always think of "the accident" or "the illness" and the eventual death, but no one ever thinks about what follows - the loneliness of a home that has less people in it now than before.

The part with the pillow and looking at the toys really got me. Grief is a horrible thing, it takes happy, pleasant things like toys and twists them into something painful I'm glad to read that you're feeling better now, and I'm so sorry for your loss.

helimachoptor

:(:(:(:(:(

As a newish parent, i cant fathom how i would cope with something like this

deisemum

I'm so sorry for your loss.

LegacyUser

As a mum to a 15 month old and another on the way, I don't think I would ever be able to cope with what you've been through.
I don't know what your religious beliefs are but I hope that whatever you believe in it, it blesses and smooths your way, and somehow reunites you with them all, in some way, when the time is right.

Merkin

Oh Whoops, you poor poor girl. I am so terribly sorry for the loss of your precious babies. I cannot even begin to fathom how you have carried on. You have moved me to tears; you have my utmost sympathy and compassion. Will light a candle for all of you xx

ChewChew

Am also a new parent the last 4 months and can't even begin to imagine a life without her. I won't, because I don't want to which sounds so selfish given what you and your family have been through. Brave and courageous, you are.

RubyGlee

Im so sorry for your loss. you have been through my worst nightmare

statina

That was one of the most powerful posts I've read in on boards, in bits here. My heart goes out to you and your family, x

tickingclock

I am so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you started typing and it helped you. Anything that you feel helps please do it. I've thought of you a lot in the last week and will continue to do so. Look after yourself