Boyfriend is lying about how much time he's spending with a new female friend...

PhiloCypher

Tell your bf to ask her out for drinks with you both sometime, say you have a single friend and that maybe you both could play matchmaker, and then gauge his reaction. At the very least insist on a night out where you will meet this woman so you can take her measure and see how she and your bf interact.

Not that one

Change the context for a minute. Forget the phone and imagine that he had been seen.

Imagine the OP's friend spotted her boyfriend and the new female friend out at the gig and cinema, other locations and told thew OP - real old style '80's'/90's he said/she said scenario.
He lied about being on his own.

Seems fairly reasonable that the OP should confront her boyfriend about lying, gauge his response and decide whether she cuts her losses.

The issue of the phone distracts from the facts as presented.
Boyfriend talks about then never mentions new female friend,
Has been out and about with new female friend but says he went places on his own.
OP should confront boyfriend about the lies and half stories.

Starokan

I'd say he is not cheating on you at the moment, purely basing that on the fact that he left the phone lying around with no passcode on it. Also there was texts in the phone regarding the gig so if he was going to delete other texts he would have got rid of that one too. If he had another phone I think you would figure it out over the weekend

I would imagine that he did not mention going to the gig with her as he knew you would not like it much in the same way as if you said you were going to a gig and drinks in London with just a male colleague he would not like it.

That's not to say you do not have an issue here, of course you do, its very possible that your partner can have female friends who are just that but you know there are boundaries and if they are meeting up more and more and more on their own then in my opinion invariably feelings will develop for one or the other party.

I'd be upfront on it , tell him you looked at his phone because you are beginning to distrust him, tell him you saw the text and ask why he lied, you will have a fair idea from his reaction as to whether anything went on or not.

All things can be worked out when they are in the open, you have to know when you are away that you can trust him, if it gets to a stage that you can't trust then walk away because it will melt your mind, nothing worse than what if scenarios playing around your head

zeffabelli

sReq | uTeK wrote: »

Am I the only person the planet that doesn't give an absolute toss about my OH looking at my phone.

At the end of the day I'm married so it might be a bit different. But this is a person that you're sharing a bed with, sharing bodily fluids with and by all accounts your life with, does it matter if they have a look at your phone.

I have nothing to hide, banter with mates, it's all there, if my wife has a look so be it. I have nothing to hide and most if not all of the information I obtain in my every day life she hears it from me as I believe that's what having a partner is, sharing each others lives.

It would to me...alot..... I have stuff on there that is OTHER People's business, confidential, personal stuff......that I have been trusted with. It would reflect badly on me as then I FAILED to protect data.

I would hit the roof in a temper tantrum that would make a head spin.... I would treat it as a violation.

If the other party brings suspicion in without confronting directly, then they are the UNFAITHFUL party, they then do something vioalting without any warrent. Suspicion alone is NOT ok to abuse someone else's privacy.

If I found myself so compelled to do that I would think, something very wrong here. I either trust that person or I don't and then it becomes a choice, and you either trust your enteric brain or you consolodate logic or do a mixture of both.

CaraMay

Why would you save personal texts / emails from friends. As soon as I read them I deleted them in case the phone is stolen etc.

Going for drinks, to the cinema, for food with a friend of the opposite sex does not make it a date.

The OP really needs to nip her snooping/breaking the privacy boundaries in the bud, because if this relationship ends and she sees someone else, then she needs to get her boundaries in check.

Riskymove

sReq | uTeK wrote: »

Am I the only person the planet that doesn't give an absolute toss about my OH looking at my phone.

It is not that you have something to hide but the thought that your partner feels it necessary to go through your phone so obviously has an issue or mistrust

Riskymove

Riskymove wrote: »

It is not that you have something to hide but the thought that your partner feels it necessary to go through your phone so obviously has an issue or mistrust

But the first time they went through the phone there was no issue or mistrust. I go on about this because it's important. It shows that there is a certain level of immaturity about it and about her and attempted to make it seem OK by saying, "I'm nosey".

zeffabelli

CaraMay wrote: »

Why would you save personal texts / emails from friends. As soon as I read them I deleted them in case the phone is stolen etc.

Work related. Peoples phones have email attachments, contracts etc that they need on hand.




Granted I have locks in place but still when you peep your peeping at other peoples stuff too.

CaraMay

zeffabelli wrote: »

Work related. Peoples phones have email attachments, contracts etc that they need on hand.




Granted I have locks in place but still when you peep your peeping at other peoples stuff too.

My work phone was never used for personal stuff so there would be no need to check it

You are constantly diverting from the fact that her bf is telling her blatant lies and are causing the thread to go round in circles

Op talk to him and fess up about the phone checking. You need straight answers

zeffabelli

CaraMay wrote: »

My work phone was never used for personal stuff so there would be no need to check it

You are constantly diverting from the fact that her bf is telling her blatant lies and are causing the thread to go round in circles

Op talk to him and fess up about the phone checking. You need straight answers

Good for you.

pookie82

Deleted User wrote: »

Going for drinks, to the cinema, for food with a friend of the opposite sex does not make it a date.

So it's something he should have no hassle mentioning to his gf, particularly when asked, right? I mean, if it's that normal and above board, you don't lie about it.

Unless...

OneOfThem

pookie82 wrote: »

So it's something he should have no hassle mentioning to his gf, particularly when asked, right? I mean, if it's that normal and above board, you don't lie about it.

Unless...

And we can all go back round for another spin of what that unless is...

But I think we all agree they need to talk.

I reckon you should just own up to going through his phone at this stage OP, apologise profusely, hope he forgives you, and see what he has to say about lying to you, hopefully he'll apologise profusely for that, you'll forgive him, and you can hopefully move forward with a little more trust and openness in both directions in the relationship and live happily ever after.

Cause whatever's going on I think you'll agree that a relationship with one person spying on the other and the other one lying is just going to drive you both mental and then crash and burn.

Merkin

CaraMay wrote: »

My work phone was never used for personal stuff so there would be no need to check it

You are constantly diverting from the fact that her bf is telling her blatant lies and are causing the thread to go round in circles

Op talk to him and fess up about the phone checking. You need straight answers

zeffabelli wrote: »

Good for you.

Less of the petty quarrelling please. It's tiresome and not at all helpful to the OP.