Rebound Gal

Missanaylsing

Hi

I was dating a guy the last few weeks and he had recently come out of a relationship of a year. When I say recently, I'm talking 6/7 weeks but they had broken up a few months before that aswell and he had gone on a date before me. Like he even told his family about me. And we both agreed that we got on really well.

After a few dates, I put out. It was great, and I knew he was going on Holidays by himself for a few days. Before we had sex, we talked about where we stood and I said we needed to slow down and see where it goes. I didn't/don't want a relationship at the moment, just want to see how it goes. Anyway I heard barely anything from him when on Holidays or when he came back. So I text him to see what the story was and I got a reply that basically his head was all over the place and that he was afraid of getting hurt again and that he didn't think he was ready for another relationship!(which I stated the week before that we should slow down). He told me he really liked me just didn't know where his head was at and that he hadn't "hadn't lost total interest in me at all though" and didn't want to mess me around. He wanted to meet up to chat but when it came to that he didn't, he text with a ****e excuse! A few texts exchanges and I didn't reply! I was pissed off, of course! Anyway it has been over a week and I havent heard a peep from him?

What do I do? Do I just forget about him? I think when he went away for a few days I realised crap, I actually really like this dude. I told him at he start i didn't want to be a rebound and he assured me I wasn't! But now I'm not so sure!

Any advice?

Miss confused.com

njs030

You told him you didn't want a relationship, to slow down then ignored his texts when he didn't meet you and now wonder why he's not contacting you?
Why didn't you tell him you'd realised you really like him instead of ignoring him? Being pissed off isn't a reason to ignore someone and then expect them to keep trying.

He doesn't seem to know what he wants which isn't fair on you either, it's quite possible hestill has feelings for his ex or genuinely just not ready for anything new.

It's a lot of drama for a few weeks tbh and I think most people would just cut their losses and move on.

Typer Monkey

He can't read your mind OP. You can't say one thing while simultaineously thinking/wanting something else and just expect him to know. The current state of play is that you told him to slow down and that you don't want a relationship with him. That's how things currently stand between you. If you've changed your mind and now want something else you need to tell him that. No point getting annoyed that he hasn't somehow worked that out for himself.

Things are generally so much easier if you communicate properly with people instead of playing games. If you tell him clearly what you want and he doesn't feel the same/put the effort in then you can move on

zeffabelli

Your silence sent him a message that you're not interested.

Break the silence if you are.

Diamond Doll

You say you don't want a relationship, but you also say that you really like this guy.

Are you looking for a f*ck-buddy? If so, it doesn't sound like he's in the right headspace for that at all.

If I were you, I'd forget about it, cut all contact, and move on.

magicmushroom

I think you've missed your chance here - no contact from him in over a week says it all really.

To be fair you stopped the contact, so this is your own doing!

If he was really interested he would have contacted you though so I would just move on.

Missanaylsing

I said I didn't want a relationship just yet, just to see how it goes and he agreed. But then went on Holidays and there was only a few snap chats and the odd text exchanged?

I do agree a lot of drama for the first week.
But we had arranged to meet, I was at the agreed place and 10/15mins before he decided not to meet..

Missanaylsing

zeffabelli wrote: »

Your silence sent him a message that you're not interested.

Break the silence if you are.

But I felt like he should of apologised for ditching our meet at the last minute- to which he didn't. A few snapchats were exchanged but I should go with my gut that his head is all over he place and cut contact

Missanaylsing

magicmushroom wrote: »

I think you've missed your chance here - no contact from him in over a week says it all really.

To be fair you stopped the contact, so this is your own doing!

If he was really interested he would have contacted you though so I would just move on.

What was I supposed to say when he cancelled plans last minute? I told him I was at the meeting place and he didn't show and sent me a really crap excuse? His silence tells me all really.. So it's not my own doing for that but it is my own doing for trusting him!

zeffabelli

Missanaylsing wrote: »

But I felt like he should of apologised for ditching our meet at the last minute- to which he didn't. A few snapchats were exchanged but I should go with my gut that his head is all over he place and cut contact

Not good manners but maybe he was overwhelmed.

Why don't you pick up the phone and call him? Stupid texts aren't going to resolve this.

magicmushroom

Missanaylsing wrote: »

What was I supposed to say when he cancelled plans last minute? I told him I was at the meeting place and he didn't show and sent me a really crap excuse? His silence tells me all really.. So it's not my own doing for that but it is my own doing for trusting him!

I didn't realise he had only cancelled right before the meet. Apologies.

OK what I would do now is just move on.
He cancelled on you last minute and hasn't been in touch since.
If he was interested I would have expected him to text you, maybe after a few days, to apologise for cancelling so close to the meet up etc.
He hasn't - and a week of silence is long, I doubt he will be in touch now.
You deserve better so move on, put him out of your mind and find better

MagicMarker

OP, you don't want a relationship, he eventually told he you doesn't want a relationship.

What do you want here?

Matteroffact

I think he has lost interest and I don't think it has anything to do with what you said. If he was into you he would have met you to see what chance there was. Sorry OP my gut instinct here is he is not interested and I would not contact him again.

njs030

Missanaylsing wrote: »

What was I supposed to say when he cancelled plans last minute? I told him I was at the meeting place and he didn't show and sent me a really crap excuse? His silence tells me all really.. So it's not my own doing for that but it is my own doing for trusting him!

You're right, it wasn't ok to cancel at such short notice. Ignoring him wasn't ok either though. Maybe he would have apologised, you don't know because you didn't listen.
Expecting him to get back in contact after ignoring him is like you expect him to grovel for your attention, you've only know this man a few weeks why would he bother? You seem to have an attitude that you have been badly treated but you haven't treated him well either op.

In future try to talk straight to people, tell them what you want and if you're annoyed explain why and give people the chance to understand. Otherwise you will come across as a headwrecker who's just playing games.

Missanaylsing

MagicMarker wrote: »

OP, you don't want a relationship, he eventually told he you doesn't want a relationship.

What do you want here?

We both said we didn't want a relationship at the moment.. So I don't see why we can't keep dating? I don't think I even want that anymore as he was a Jerk!

ShaShaBear

Missanaylsing wrote: »

We both said we didn't want a relationship at the moment.. So I don't see why we can't keep dating? I don't think I even want that anymore as he was a Jerk!

I might be wrong - but I thought seeing the same person with romantic intentions over and over in a space of time was with the intent of getting into a relationship. Why else would you bother?

I can't imagine for a second that "dating" someone (who you obviously like, or else you wouldn't) and finding out that they are sleeping with another or several other people is in any way pleasant.

Carlos Orange

Missanaylsing wrote: »

We both said we didn't want a relationship at the moment.. So I don't see why we can't keep dating? I don't think I even want that anymore as he was a Jerk!

I feel like I need a glossary here. What do dating and a relationship mean to you?

beks101

Missanaylsing wrote: »

After a few dates, I put out.

[Pet peeve] Huh? This description of having sex with someone is just bonkers. Why can't you just say "we had sex" or "we slept together"? Surely you wanted to, and didn't do it as some kind of ploy to get the guy more interested, or keep him tagging along for more dates. Was it or was it not a 2-sided thing with no ulterior motive? [/pet peeve]

Anyway. You had a conversation with him about not wanting anything serious and then you had sex with him. He went on holiday in the knowledge that the sex likely was just 'fun' for you and this wasn't going anywhere anyway, so why rush with the contact when he was probably tied up with holiday stuff as it was.

It gives him time to think, and that, coupled with your blatant non-commitment, means he's just not going to make much of an effort himself either. He's wishy washy, as are you. Two wishy washy people does not a relationship or even any kind of dating scenario make.

My advice, cut contact and move on. Anything further between either of you is just going to amount to a continued head fcuk, and to be honest, life's too short.

Also, quick word to the wise, if someone ignores my texts for whatever reason, no way in hell am I bombarding them with contact until they relent. That's probably why you haven't heard from him.

zeffabelli

ShaShaBear wrote: »

I might be wrong - but I thought seeing the same person with romantic intentions over and over in a space of time was with the intent of getting into a relationship. Why else would you bother?

I can't imagine for a second that "dating" someone (who you obviously like, or else you wouldn't) and finding out that they are sleeping with another or several other people is in any way pleasant.

Because they want to keep dating them without squiring the expectations and responsibilities that arrive with the label relationship.

Floppybits

Hey MissAnalysing, sorry about your little trouble. I think it would be best for you to move on. It seems from your posts that the guy just got cold feet or was afraid of getting sucked into a relationship so soon after breaking up. I am not going to say most people like a period of no ties or strings after coming out of a relationship because everyone is different but some folks when they come out of a relationship like a period of having no strings or ties, being able to do what they want, when they want without having to think about someone else. I can tell ya it can mess with your head, on one hand you have get along with someone but on the other hand you have just got this freedom and you have to ask yourself do you want to give that up? I am sure there are a few folks on here that have been in this head space, I know I have been.

I know you both agreed that you want something casual but is it really casual? Casual to me and I don't mean to offend, is someone that you would meet the odd time, maybe its someone that you bump into on nights out or in a coffee shop or are F**K Buds but from what you describe in your post doesn't sound casual, it sounds like the beginning of a relationship.

VisibleGorilla

You like this guy and want a relationship, you're kidding yourself from reading your posts.

Now you're annoyed by his apparent lack of interest... this is what happens with game playing.

Contact him and suggest a date asap, otherwise move on.