Meeting up with an Ex

Mr Robot

Had correspondence with my Ex on Saturday for the first time since we broke up 6 months ago (mutual breakup although bad terms so no talking). I drunkenly text her a joke, she replied. It was all very cordial and civil. The brief texting ended Sunday morning with both saying goodbye, then out of the blue in the afternoon she text me a text which she claimed wasn't for me and sent it by mistake, even though it was pretty obvious it was a means of re-opening communication.

We were then texting back and forth for about 3 hours and last night we had a 3 hour phone conversation about absolutely everything. Long story short I'm collecting her from the airport tonight to go for a drink and a chat but I'm absolutely petrified with nerves.

I don't know what to say or what to expect or how to behave.

Has anyone any experience with this?

Thanks

desbrook

The airport has me intrigued !
3 Questions :
Does she just want a free lift ?
If she was on holiday why all the texting and a 3 hour converation ?
If she was " home" what country is she from and how long has she been away ?

Basically OP I have a gut feeling there is more to this. Just be careful .

Mr Robot

desbrook wrote: »

The airport has me intrigued !
3 Questions :
Does she just want a free lift ?
If she was on holiday seems weird all the texting and a 3 hour converation.
If she was " home" what country is she from and how long has she been away ?

Basically OP I have a gut feeling there is more to this. Just be careful .

Cheers for your reply.

1. I dont drive, I suggested meeting her at the airport and going for a drink
2. It was a 3 day college trip with her friends in the UK
3. See 2

Diamond Doll

You say you broke up on bad terms, did you discuss/resolve any of the issues leading to the break-up during the phone conversation?

What do you want from this - are you hoping to get back together with her? I'm guessing you are since you're so nervous about meeting her again.

It's kind of hard to know whether meeting up with her is a good or a bad idea without knowing more about the circumstances around the break up.

Mr Robot

Diamond Doll wrote: »

You say you broke up on bad terms, did you discuss/resolve any of the issues leading to the break-up during the phone conversation?

What do you want from this - are you hoping to get back together with her? I'm guessing you are since you're so nervous about meeting her again.

It's kind of hard to know whether meeting up with her is a good or a bad idea without knowing more about the circumstances around the break up.

Yeah we discussed a few things - didn't resolve anything but I heard her points and she heard mine. I don't know what I want from it and it's probably a terribly bad idea and will set both of us back but she wants to see me and I clearly want to see her

desbrook

Mr Robot wrote: »

Cheers for your reply.

1. I dont drive, I suggested meeting her at the airport and going for a drink
2. It was a 3 day college trip with her friends in the UK
3. See 2

Oh that makes it clearer.

I really don't know OP. To be honest it's an awkward set up and venue. Let's say she's going to tell you all about her new boyfriend - it'll be an awkward taxi/busride home together.

Best to be honest and say how you feel. Don't hint and be trying to read signs. You'll just see what you want if you do .

Mr Robot

desbrook wrote: »

Oh that makes it clearer.

I really don't know OP. To be honest it's an awkward set up and venue. Let's say she's going to tell you all about her new boyfriend - it'll be an awkward taxi/busride home together.

Best to be honest and say how you feel. Don't hint and be trying to read signs. You'll just see what you want if you do .

We've decided neither of us want to know what the other has been up to in terms of seeing people since we broke up. I'm just gonna play it by ear and see what happens

desbrook

Mr Robot wrote: »

Yeah we discussed a few things - didn't resolve anything but I heard her points and she heard mine. I don't know what I want from it and it's probably a terribly bad idea and will set both of us back but she wants to see me and I clearly want to see her

OP why avoid the breakup question ? Were you two living together when it happened ?

Flippyfloppy

To be honest it sounds as though you were both doing ok with your lives, had random, meaningless communication (the joke) then proceeded to fall back into the old groove and are just meeting up, going along with things.

Do you actually want to get back together? Were you pining for her, thinking its a big mistake? After your three hour conversation do you feel like you understand her more, and want to make amends to ensure whatever happened doesn't occur again, or did you just 'take note' of her point but have no desire to communicate about the issue or actually resolve it? If not any of these things then I fear you, and possibly her are just meeting because you've found nothing 'better' yet. In which case, it's not fair on either of you, an unhappy , pointless relationship can be draining.

Diamond Doll

Mr Robot wrote: »

Yeah we discussed a few things - didn't resolve anything but I heard her points and she heard mine. I don't know what I want from it and it's probably a terribly bad idea and will set both of us back but she wants to see me and I clearly want to see her

It isn't necessarily a terribly bad idea.

It could give you the closure you need to leave the relationship in the past and move on.

Or you wouldn't be the first couple to reunite after a break from each other - who knows, it might make your relationship stronger than it ever was. If you do decide you both want to give it a go though, I'd advise taking things very slowly.

Of course it could also end up being a complete disaster!

Best approach is probably not to go rehashing old ground. If you do decide to make a go of things again, better to see this as a fresh start. That doesn't mean you should forget any differences you had in the past, but there's probably no point in going over them again and again. By the sounds of it, you've both said what you felt needed to be said ... and I'm assuming there are no major irreconcilable differences, or you wouldn't be bothering to meet her tonight.

Good luck with it!

Starokan

I could only assume from your post that she wants to talk about getting back together, I mean you could hardly text and talk for three hours and then she lands on you that she has a partner.

It depends what you want op, if you want to begin seeing her again then go ahead and meet, if you think its going to end in tears again in a couple of months etc then stay as far away from her as you can.

Best of luck with it I hope it works out for you.

Heat_Wave

I'd be more turned off the fact that she 'accidentally' texted you again on Sunday.

People who play games like that make me cringe. It's like the behaviour of a 16 year old.

OneOfThem

Heat_Wave wrote: »

I'd be more turned off the fact that she 'accidentally' texted you again on Sunday.

People who play games like that make me cringe. It's like the behaviour of a 16 year old.

Ah I think that's harsh Heat Wave you big hard case. Yeah it's a bit embarrassing,
but sure doesn't love make us all act like big silly fvcking teenagers occasionally. Sure she's probably mortified about doing it herself. But you can't take yourself too seriously or you're screwed.

I reckon fvck it OP. Out you head to the airport, meet up, have a few drinks and a bit of a laugh. Few drinks and a bit of a laugh with a pretty girl? Sure, what else would you be doing with yourself? And maybe you'll even fall in love again and just fvcking kill it for the next 60 years like a couple of lunatics? And if not, few beers with a pretty girl in an airport? Better than a night of streaming sh1te online, or I dunno, jogging or some sh1t, cleaning the apartment? Nah. Get on it. Yes yes.

zeffabelli

Heat_Wave wrote: »

I'd be more turned off the fact that she 'accidentally' texted you again on Sunday.

People who play games like that make me cringe. It's like the behaviour of a 16 year old.

You're right, it is immature, but maybe it came from a place of fear of putting your hand out to be slapped.... especially if the intiating text was done under the influence she wouldn't know how intentional that was in the first place...so...some slack must be given since OPs text was done when drunk.

OP you have nothing to lose, because you already lost her, so what's the harm after talking for hours on the phone....

magicmushroom

Go for it - some relationships end because of unresolved issues, a bit of time apart to realise you miss each other and want to work on those issues can do the world of good.

If it doesn't work out, so what? You've been without her for this long and you can do it again.

But hey, it might all work out and things could turn out great!

Lots of people I know in relationships have had break ups and got back together - one couple in particular for 7 years! Got back together, and over 25 years later they're still going strong

Nothing ventured, nothing gained - go for it OP, hope you get a good outcome.

Mr Robot

We're back together Taking things slowly but delighted!

Thanks for the supportive posts

OneOfThem

Mr Robot wrote: »

We're back together Taking things slowly but delighted!

Thanks for the supportive posts

\o/

Glad to hear it man, good luck.

zeffabelli

Mr Robot wrote: »

We're back together Taking things slowly but delighted!

Thanks for the supportive posts

Don't know what your history is but new situation.... New feelings...

Try to have the discipline not to confuse old feelings with new ones... Especially the negative ones...,

Good luck...

ManOfMystery

I was listening to Chris Cornell's 'Nearly Forgot my Broken Heart' in the car this morning and thought of this thread, it's a song about someone feeling miserable at some point in their lives - then moving on - being happier - and one day reflecting back on that misery.

Hope it works out for you second time around. As said though - treat it as a new thing and don't reflect back too much on what wrong before, playing the blame-game will only drag you back into old issues and that won't help anything progress. Good luck!