Problems with getting my life back on track

via4

I am not sure whether this goes in fitness or PI so apologies mods if I am in the wrong place. This is kind of more of a general wondering to see if anyone else has experienced this and what advice they could give to me that would be the best way to approach this problem.

In my previous posts I have talked about my loneliness and how going to the gym is my way of trying to feel better about myself and hopefully meet new people!! I am flat out training and loving it the past few weeks. Sure enough all the eating healthy has paid off. My body looks so different now its shocking to look in the mirror. I feel better than I have in years physically and mentally. I am getting so many compliments from strangers its such a warm happy feeling inside.
However during this faze I have not been around family or friends. When I say friends they are not really true friends and have hurt me quite a bit. Also with my family traditionally they have been extremely negative and nasty whenever I have tried to better my life in the past. I have been avoiding them on purpose with the main reason being they would not want me training and trying to be happy. When I do eventually come face to face with them I will get a barrage of abuse because my body has changed. My question is how do I deal with their negativity? My family have the power to completely demotivate me and make me feel so worthless and bad about myself. I know its down to jealousy but I cant handle it it tears me up inside. I am a not a show off type of person but I even feel guilty about being happy now because I was never allowed to be with them around they always put me down. I am avoiding them like the plague ( I feel so much better for it ) but what can I say when they start on me? I had a taste of it when I bumped into a "friend". She didnt say a thing about my body not that I am looking for compliments at all but the change is quite big. As soon as I mentioned the gym she jumped in straight away and talked over me about herself. I was only saying what I have been up to which everyone does in general conversation. I listened to her news but when it was my turn to talk she did not want to hear it. I think it is because I am finally getting out there doing something positive. What do you guys think? Are friends and family more negative than strangerss in general?

LegacyUser

Tbh, my family have always been supportive of what I want to do so I can't really relate to that. As far as friends go,I can hugely relate to that point.

I've lost roughly 2 and a half stone over the last two years. NONE of my friends have commented on this except for a very old friend who drunkingly blurted out one night was I not eating and how did I lose so much weight. This hurt as I do eat more healthy than before and try to stay active,it was never easy. I have put this down to jealousy and/or not really caring. It's something that brings me down tbh. I'm the same as you, I don't need confirmation of a job well done but it would be nice for a friend to say "wow you look great" because those are the people that opinions mean the most to us.

Just keep doing what you're doing and know you've done a really hard thing and it's a only insecurities on their part

lazybones32

via4 wrote: »

My family have the power to completely demotivate me and make me feel so worthless and bad about myself...


...Are friends and family more negative than strangers in general?

1) Your family don't have that 'power' but you think they do. The person's whose opinion of you is most important is your own. You accept what they say about you, whether it's true or not. Even if you don't believe what they say, you dwell on it long enough to allow it to alter your mood. I could go on and on but I must go to work.

2) Yes, family say things to each other they wouldn't dare to say to a friend, colleague or stranger. It's not a rule that they are more negative but they seem to care less about the consequences of their words.

via4

Can I just start off by saying well done on weight loss wow two and a half stone that is unbelievable! Class that is nasty that your friends could not acknowledge your hard work. Yes I get that a lot you must be eating nothing but I have to eat more than I ever did now just not junk food anymore. You are right it is just their insecurities coming out. But if it was the other way around we would be genuinely delighted for others. For me it will be a showdown with certain members of my family but I will react depending on my mood that day but for now I am avoiding them like the plague for as long as possible because I am enjoying being happy for once

LegacyUser

Thank you via4!
Congratulations yourself on your hard work paying off just know that you can't control other people's reactions and people will talk about you whether you are doing bad or good, so leave them at it and enjoy your happy self!

gline

Maybe cut out family for longer and longer periods and see how you feel. You may need to distance yourself from them permanently if you cant stop allowing them to make you feel bad. Building up your selfconfidence in the meantime though, might be a good place to start.

As mentioned in posts above, your opinion is the only one that matters.

PinkLemonade

observer123 wrote: »

Tbh, my family have always been supportive of what I want to do so I can't really relate to that. As far as friends go,I can hugely relate to that point.

I've lost roughly 2 and a half stone over the last two years. NONE of my friends have commented on this except for a very old friend who drunkingly blurted out one night was I not eating and how did I lose so much weight. This hurt as I do eat more healthy than before and try to stay active,it was never easy. I have put this down to jealousy and/or not really caring. It's something that brings me down tbh. I'm the same as you, I don't need confirmation of a job well done but it would be nice for a friend to say "wow you look great" because those are the people that opinions mean the most to us.

Just keep doing what you're doing and know you've done a really hard thing and it's a only insecurities on their part

Congrats on the weight loss but I thought I'd just like to give you a different perspective on the weightloss thing/friends thing, I've a few friends (not very close) that lost a good bit of weight and a lot of those were a result of stress (traumatic events etc) or eating disorders.

For that reason I avoid comments on weight when I see them and I'm not aware that they're doing it healthily, I'll try give other compliments if appropriate but weight and food related issues are a mine field I don't want to go near.

LegacyUser

I totally agree pink lemonade. If I don't know the person I wouldn't comment cause as you said could be due to anything so wouldn't want to put my foot in it! Close friends/family is a different matter though. Completely get where you are coming from though if you aren't very close to the person