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Child smells of smoke after play date.

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    #62
    sm213
    Registered Users Posts: 280 ✭✭sm213


    Jack GrEnglish wrote: »
    Yes but the child will know you smoke and that will make it more likely to take it up in the future.

    You're just as bad tbh.

    I actually don't believe that at all.
    Anyone I know who's parents smoke aren't interested as they grew up hating the smell.

    My parents never smoked, my partners parents didn't either. All their parents smoked but my nanny had given up after I was born so didn't influence me.
    I started smoking off my own bat as do all other smokers.

    Blame the parents is a crappy excuse. Peer pressure is a much bigger factor. As well as teenagers just wanting to p**s everyone off.


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    #63
    evolving_doors
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,812 ✭✭✭✭evolving_doors


    sm213 wrote: »
    I actually don't believe that at all.
    Anyone I know who's parents smoke aren't interested as they grew up hating the smell.

    My parents never smoked, my partners parents didn't either. All their parents smoked but my nanny had given up after I was born so didn't influence me.
    I started smoking off my own bat as do all other smokers.

    Blame the parents is a crappy excuse. Peer pressure is a much bigger factor. As well as teenagers just wanting to p**s everyone off.

    Ah yes but that's just your experience. Is there any research to say that kids of parents who smoke aren't any more likely to take up smoking than kids of parents who dont. Plenty of research around the world to say that it is more likely.

    In your case none of your elders smoked and you took up the weed so maybe your experience isn't valid (in terms of the question of kids of parents who do smoke).

    Also , in my day:pac::pac::pac: when the ciggies were being doled out as a teenager it was always the kids of parents who smoked who had the fags and were the regular puffers. Just my experience I know, but from talking to a few other folk and asking people their starting experiences it was generally true.

    Actually sm213 how did you start smoking 'off your own bat'? ... were you just walking down the street and suddenly decided to walk into a shop and buy a packet of fags. It takes a bit of commitment at the start to get it right so I'll hazzard a guess there were peers involved. Was it a peer(s) who smoked who you hung around with? Or were you the instigator?

    This is all a bit of a smokescreen anyway. Smoking is just bad mmmkayy. Science says so.


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    #64
    evolving_doors
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,812 ✭✭✭✭evolving_doors


    Wesser wrote: »
    OP
    I really think you've got to consider the overall picture here and think of your child's overall needs. Sure she's inhaling s bit if smoke but she gaining the benefits of a lovely friendship...

    Would you mind if your kid went to creche and also had a 'bit of smoke'... then off to primary school and the teacher had the odd cigarette between long division?

    Sure she's inhaling s bit if smoke but she gaining the benefits of an education...
    Wesser wrote: »
    Assuming it is a warm and nurturing friendship then this is far more important for her personal development in learning how to make friends etc than a bit of smoke. They might end up being friends for life..... What a gift!

    In modern parenting the done thing is to be accusative and rush in all guns blazing to to safe your child from perceived 'harm' however the real picture is that it's much greyer than that.... For example the benefits as outlined above.

    Pretending she has asthma or whooping cough when she clearly does not will make you look like a fool

    It is more likely that your child will be injured or die in a road traffic accident on the way to her house to be honest.

    Eh!!! apart from the lovely reassuring image there, what is the comparison you are making here? As in, she is more likely to get injured or die than she is to develop cancer if she takes up smoking!!!!


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    #65
    pwurple
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,449 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    Sirtoyou wrote: »
    She definitely smokes in the kitchen in the presence of the children.

    Ah, thanks for clearing it up. That would stop me sending my own kids over there too. Play dates would be in my house or somewhere else. I don't feel I have the right to tell someone else what to do in their own home, so the only options is avoid it.

    What did you do?


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    #66
    Jack GrEnglish
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 48 ✭Jack GrEnglish


    sm213 wrote: »
    I actually don't believe that at all.
    Anyone I know who's parents smoke aren't interested as they grew up hating the smell.

    My parents never smoked, my partners parents didn't either. All their parents smoked but my nanny had given up after I was born so didn't influence me.
    I started smoking off my own bat as do all other smokers.

    Blame the parents is a crappy excuse. Peer pressure is a much bigger factor. As well as teenagers just wanting to p**s everyone off.

    You're totally deluded if you think it has no effect. You're essentially validating smoking by doing it. What could you say to your kids if they took it up as teens? Nothing, because your warnings would have zero credibility.

    Shameful behaviour tbh.


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    #67
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    Whatever about the rights or wrongs of smoking around children (and tbh, the "uneducated, ignoramus, bad parent" comments are total hyperbole IMO), OP has no right to tell someone to stop smoking in their own home, or to ask.

    If it's that much of a problem, don't allow the child over there. If the woman doesn't smoke around the kids anymore, the kids will STILL smell of smoke, because they're in a house that stinks of it. So if smell is the main concern, it's not gonna stop even if the woman smokes outside while the friend is there.

    As an aside, I was also one of those who smoked at ten years of age (thankfully I've been off smokes for nearly a year now). It happens.


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    #68
    sm213
    Registered Users Posts: 280 ✭✭sm213


    Gebgbegb wrote: »
    Ah yes but that's just your experience. Is there any research to say that kids of parents who smoke aren't any more likely to take up smoking than kids of parents who dont. Plenty of research around the world to say that it is more likely.

    In your case none of your elders smoked and you took up the weed so maybe your experience isn't valid (in terms of the question of kids of parents who do smoke).

    Also , in my day:pac::pac::pac: when the ciggies were being doled out as a teenager it was always the kids of parents who smoked who had the fags and were the regular puffers. Just my experience I know, but from talking to a few other folk and asking people their starting experiences it was generally true.

    Actually sm213 how did you start smoking 'off your own bat'? ... were you just walking down the street and suddenly decided to walk into a shop and buy a packet of fags. It takes a bit of commitment at the start to get it right so I'll hazzard a guess there were peers involved. Was it a peer(s) who smoked who you hung around with? Or were you the instigator?

    This is all a bit of a smokescreen anyway. Smoking is just bad mmmkayy. Science says so.

    I was 16 when I started I was definitely not the instigator. A mix of peer pressure and doing the opposite of what my mam would want.
    I was having a pretty crappy time and think they didn't know what else to do but offer smokes.
    I could have said no, they wouldn't have thought less of me we were a mixed group of smokers and non smokers

    Smoking is terrible I agree I've attempted to quit a few times as I know if my daughter starts anything I say is invalid.

    I don't think my smoking will in anyway decrease the chance of her smoking but I don't think it's increased hugely.

    And I would disagree hugely in that I'm just as bad I don't force my kids to inhale second handhand smoke day in and out.
    I wouldn't agree that that woman is a terrible mother either though. Can't judge on one aspect of a person.


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    #69
    Pawwed Rig
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Home & Garden Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 22,380 CMod ✭✭✭✭Pawwed Rig


    sm213 wrote: »
    I don't think my smoking will in anyway decrease the chance of her smoking but I don't think it's increased hugely.

    It does increase the chances of her smoking as it normalises the behaviour. A child coming across a smoker would be pretty rare these days (other than passing in the street). If on each of these rare occassions it is highlighted to the child how disgusting the habit it will hopefully prevent them from taking it up as a habit. A smoker could not credibly put this idea into the mind of the child.


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    #70
    meeeeh
    Registered Users Posts: 11,624 ✭✭✭✭meeeeh


    Pawwed Rig wrote: »
    It does increase the chances of her smoking as it normalises the behaviour. A child coming across a smoker would be pretty rare these days (other than passing in the street). If on each of these rare occassions it is highlighted to the child how disgusting the habit it will hopefully prevent them from taking it up as a habit. A smoker could not credibly put this idea into the mind of the child.

    My parents absolutely dread smoking. No better initiative to start.
    .
    I actually agree about not smoking in front of children and when my partner lapsed for couple of months, he was hiding it from kids. But you also have to be realistic. Sometimes they will start no matter what you do and sometimes they will hate it because you smoke. I believe peer pressure is more significant.


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    #71
    zeffabelli
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,516 ✭✭✭zeffabelli


    meeeeh wrote: »
    My parents absolutely dread smoking. No better initiative to start.
    .
    I actually agree about not smoking in front of children and when my partner lapsed for couple of months, he was hiding it from kids. But you also have to be realistic. Sometimes they will start no matter what you do and sometimes they will hate it because you smoke. I believe peer pressure is more significant.

    It's actually more to do with product placement. With more and more advertising structures on smoking you see more and more characters in movie and to smoking in lieu of production money from big tobacco. More now than ever.

    But yes peer pressure accelerates and facilitates the wheels that are already in motion.

    Parents are automatically not cool. Example if your kid wants a tatoo threaten to get the exact same one and see how long that impulse lasts.


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