Wedding ring

pookie82

anna080 wrote: »

This is obviously getting at you for a reason and you should listen to your gut and what it's telling you. I too would find it hard to believe that he just forgot to put it back on for two days which coincidently included a trip away with the lads. So where is the ring now? Is it at your home or with him?

If he forgot it after training mid week the ring must be at home? Can you see it lying around?

If he brought it with him but then "forgot" to put it on going out, that's another story.

That said, though, if he was genuinely being shady, on the pull, etc., would he be silly enough to be photographed with a bare hand in the picture?

It'd bother me to see it if I was newly married - that said, I'd accept his explanation and move on from it. Don't let it eat you up. Chalk it down to a mistake, believe him, and move on unless something else crops up to make you reassess it.

LegacyUser

OP I have been married nearly 8 years now.
At the start it took a while to get used to the ring, I twisted it around on my finger (watch and u see newlyweds doing this!!). I used to take it off for a few days (very randomly)

Now it pretty much is part of my hand and if i don't have it on my hand feels different.
That said I have taken it off at night (the odd time) and forgot to put it back on and notice in work etc. Then recall Oh Cr*p i hope its on the bedside locker etc.

I have also been on away with the lads, as far as I recall i have also been out on few occasions without my ring as I forgot to put it back on or misplaced it and rushing out door. Generally I have the ring on though.
For me its random that he not wearing it.
I have been approached more when wearing ring on lads trip then when not wearing it. (Why? god only knows, my speculation some women see u as a safe chat others as a challenge to bed a married man- i don't know)
But its not wearing a ring or not having it on that stops someone cheating.
Its because they don't want to cheat.

If he has done nothing other than not wear a ring (then from my experience and opinion) I think your barking up the wrong tree.

laserlad2010

OP, I can understand how seeing something like that would be quite strange.

It's really hard for us to give you the proper advice without knowing a little more about your relationship - which, undoubtedly would be coloured from your perspective.

I would admit it doesn't look great, and I'd like to think that if I were married it would be like not wearing a watch - you notice every time you look down. Best of luck OP

Chemical Byrne

Two things:

To be honest about it OP you sound super insecure, no offence intended. But would he be the type to be unworthy of full trust in general? Or is it just you being insecure in yourself? Only you can answer that.

Sure does he normally wear the ring? If not, or he's irregular about it then its more than likely the reason. If he normally wears it without fail then there's no harm in asking him. However, be careful how you ask. Don't come across with an accusatory or insecure tone - that would be bad form and very annoying too.


Look, I'm not married but if I was I wouldn't ever wear the wedding band. I don't like wearing jewelry, never have, and I'd just find it annoying to have something on my finger. Outside of some formal occasions I might wear it but day to day I wouldn't. I don't wear watches or anything, never have. I don't like things on me.

PaiseanFaisean wrote: »

It's just the not putting it on for two days thing that annoys me!

PaiseanFaisean wrote: »

I think it looks bad as were relative newlyweds and apparently all his workmates were giving him a tight slagging about it

Lookit OP, as I said, Some people just aren't into the symbols/jewelry thing and that's fine. Maybe he's one of those people? I would feel very annoyed if a hypothetical wife bugged me and pressured me to wear a ring all the time despite knowing that I don't like wearing jewelry of any kind.
The ring is of no real importance at all, it's how you treat eachother is the important thing in a marriage - badgering and pestering someone to do something they don't want to do is not good.


TBH, you're coming across as super paranoid and jealous. I think the problems is YOURS not his.
You should consider seeing a counsellor about your issues.

pookie82

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

Two things:

To be honest about it OP you sound super insecure, no offence intended. But would he be the type to be unworthy of full trust in general? Or is it just you being insecure in yourself? Only you can answer that.

Sure does he normally wear the ring? If not, or he's irregular about it then its more than likely the reason. If he normally wears it without fail then there's no harm in asking him. However, be careful how you ask. Don't come across with an accusatory or insecure tone - that would be bad form and very annoying too.


Look, I'm not married but if I was I wouldn't ever wear the wedding band. I don't like jewelry and I'd just find it annoying to have something on my finger. I mean, I don't wear watches or anything sure.




Lookit OP, as I said, Some people just aren't into the symbols/jewelry thing and that's fine. Maybe he's one of those people? I would feel very annoyed if a hypothetical wife bugged me and pressured me to wear a ring all the time despite knowing that I don't like wearing jewelry of any kind.
The ring is of no real importance at all, it's how you treat eachother is the important thing in a marriage - badgering and pestering someone to do something they don't want to do is not good.


TBH, you're coming across as super paranoid and jealous. I think the problems is YOURS not his.
You should consider seeing a counsellor about your issues.

I don't think you've read the entire thread? She has already asked him, and his reasoning is that he took it off mid week for soccer training and forgot to put it back on.

He's said nothing about not liking jewellery in general or finding it annoying to wear, one would assume that up to this point he's worn it almost 100% of the time, hence her finding this odd.

Buona Fortuna

The_Valeyard wrote: »

Often forgot my ring after a shower, then headed into town for a night out. Easily happens. Doesn't mean im off cheating.



Easily a genuine mistake OP

I do this too. In fact I took it off about 6 years ago. If I do fencing or looking up an animal - wouldn't wan't to lose it. Anyway wife asked me where it was about 3 months back. I remembered it was in one of her handbags. Yes there it still was in the handbag after 6 years.

Now I need to get it resized before I can get it back on.

iusedtoknow

The wife doesn't wear her ring at all - she's in the medical field and it's just one more thing for to worry about doing before surgery (ie removing the ring, remembering where she put it etc) - so it sits in her jewelry box and is worn probably 4 times a year, usually at functions or when we go on vacation. It is funny that people actually ask me about it...do I mind etc. I've honestly never thought about it - people are going to cheat or hell even flirt if they want to..wedding ring or not.

I take mine off to cook or when I'm playing sports and periodically forget about for a couple of days with no big deal

I think OP just needs to trust her husband and forget about it.

kylith

I've been wearing rings since my teens and even now, many, many years later I'll forget to put one on. Nothing really suspicious in his behaviour here; if there were he would have been careful about photos

Mr. Incognito

How does one even see whether their spouse is wearing a ring on social media pics

You have serious trust issues that need to be sorted.

uck51js9zml2yt

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

How does one even see whether their spouse is wearing a ring on social media pics

You have serious trust issues that need to be sorted.

I assume his ring finger was visible in the photo

Alf Veedersane

I'd venture you can cheat easily enough with a ring on your finger anyway. I alwayd took my ring off going to the gym after I ended up with a badly bruised finger from wearing it. It went on and off so often I would forget to put it back on for a day or two. That's not to say I didn't miss it. I did a times. Then it wouldn't go back on-it was always a tight fit. Sits on my locker now and has done for months.

I love my wife more than ever. Whether or not the ring is on my finger makes no difference to that. If you don't think there's an issue based on your life and marriage with him, chances are there aren't just because his ring isn't on his finger.

frostyjacks

He's in a party city in another country with his mates, and has been photographed not wearing his wedding ring. He hasn't exactly made life easy for himself.

His excuse sounded pretty feeble as well. Putting my wedding ring back on after sports or the like is second nature; I just don't feel the same when I'm not wearing it.

FatherTed

A bit off topic but I've been married 18 years now and two years ago on a business trip from NY to Swizerland via Germany, I lost my wedding ring. I looked all around my hotel room, luggage but no sign of it. I guessed it was somewhere on the planes/trains/automobiles during my travels. I put it down to having recently lost a ton of weight but wifey was totally fine with it and we ended up getting each other new rings that Christmas.

Chocolate fiend

Did he go to soccer training while on holidays? or is the ring at home?

LegacyUser

frostyjacks wrote: »

Putting my wedding ring back on after sports or the like is second nature; I just don't feel the same when I'm not wearing it.

Different strokes....just because someone doens't remeber to put a piece of jewelery on doesn't mean they are automatically cheating. Myself and my hubby both gave up wearing wedding rings after a few months as we just kept forgetting to put them on. We didn't talk about or anyhting I just left mine in a draw one day and never put it back on and noticed he'd done the same...he might have done it first for all I know as I wouldn't have noticed.

You see he's not making it easy for himself but he hardly hide the fact he was going away with his mates nor tried to stop photos being posted to facebook. hardly the actions of a master planner there. If he was planning to hook up while partying with his mates do you really think the ring would have been that big of a concern?

Carlos Orange

can't log in wrote: »

You see he's not making it easy for himself but he hardly hide the fact he was going away with his mates nor tried to stop photos being posted to facebook. hardly the actions of a master planner there. If he was planning to hook up while partying with his mates do you really think the ring would have been that big of a concern?

They probably also wouldn't have invited the OP along for the weekend.

Sunny Dayz

OP if you have only been married for a year, he probably still isn't used to wearing a ring, especially if he wouldn't be a jewellery wearing person. My husband only said recently, taking off his ring for something, I can't remember what - that his hand felt funny not wearing it - but that's after 4 years of marriage.
I usually take off my engagement ring (which is 5.5 years old) when washing my hair incase my hair get caught in a diamond. I have sometimes forgotten about the ring until sometime later the next day.


Just throwing it out there - if he is the only one in a group of lads who is married, maybe have gotten a bit of slagging from them about being married, under the thumb etc. Also new wedding rings tend to be quite shiny and in a party city, this may stand out a bit more and unfortunately to some women they see this as a challenge...

frostyjacks

Has he ever previously forgotten to put it back on after soccer practice? Seems an unfortunate time to start.

kylith

frostyjacks wrote: »

Has he ever previously forgotten to put it back on after soccer practice? Seems an unfortunate time to start.

I don't think there would ever be a good time to forget it if the OP is of a jealous disposition, even forgetting it and going to the shop at some point during the day could be seen as wanting the shop assistant to think he's available.

LegacyUser

kylith wrote: »

I don't think there would ever be a good time to forget it if the OP is of a jealous disposition, even forgetting it and going to the shop at some point during the day could be seen as wanting the shop assistant to think he's available.

I don't think that's a fair comment. Maybe he is forgetful. Maybe he takes it off for sporting activities etc, and simply forgot to put it back on. It's not his job to stick his wedding ring to his hand in order to allay the OP's fears.

Look OP, if he has given you other genuine reasons to be suspicious of his behaviour, then that combined with leaving off his wedding ring is not good.

If however you are basing your suspicions solely on him not having his wedding ring on in pics, then I think you're being unreasonable. If you have no other very well-founded reason to be suspicious, then I think you do need to consider that you are being paranoid and irrationally jealous, and you may well drive him away with your behaviour.

silverbolt

PaiseanFaisean wrote: »

He texted me saying he took it off for soccer practice during the week and forgot to put it back on.. Valid excuse??

Excuse? Its not an excuse its a reason. Would you rather he suffered an injury?

Gotta say, hearing things like this make me glad im single, cant be dealing with that kind of insecurity and paranoia.

CaraMay

Chocolate fiend wrote: »

Did he go to soccer training while on holidays? or is the ring at home?

This is the crux of it. Where's the ring

davmol

I take my ring off every time I play footie or go to the gym.

Theres times it can stay in my gym bag or on the window ledge for weeks.

When I go away I also leave it in the house when I swim(so it doesn't dull) and do activities as sometime it can be dangerous doing things with a ring on.

Cook him a steak and move on.

Starokan

If he wanted to cheat on you in a party city the presence of his ring would make virtually no difference. I've been going away with the some group of lads for years, one of them always leaves his wedding ring in the hotel safe, he's ultra paranoid about losing it.

Basically point i am making is there is no right or wrong answer here op, no ring does not mean he is cheating and it does not mean he is not cheating, you have no way of knowing, my guess is you would be worrying that he is cheating whenever he is away no matter what and that's the real issue you have.

No trust results in either no relationship or a really messed up one

Chemical Byrne

Your relationship with you husband sounds super messed up OP. Paranoia and jealousy from one partner in a relationship has a very real chance of actually driving him away and ending the relationship. It'll be a self fulfilling prophecy with the way you're going on.
This is what happened with my ex gf so I know what I'm talking about. She was horribly jealous, would get on my case if I spoke to anyone. If I spoke to another girl, it would result in a major sulkfest from her. Wouldn't let me ever speak to her sister or mother, only her father. Stupid carry on. Between that and a lot of other crap I'd to put up with I eventually I decided I'd had enough and dumped her ass. And not a second too soon.

Are you normally this jealous? Do you often question him about his whereabouts and who he's been talking to?

retro:electro

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

Your relationship with you husband sounds super messed up OP. Paranoia and jealousy from one partner in a relationship has a very real chance of actually driving him away and ending the relationship. It'll be a self fulfilling prophecy with the way you're going on.
This is what happened with my ex gf so I know what I'm talking about. She was horribly jealous, would get on my case if I spoke to anyone. If I spoke to another girl, it would result in a major sulkfest from her. Wouldn't let me ever speak to her sister or mother, only her father. Stupid carry on. Between that and a lot of other crap I'd to put up with I eventually I decided I'd had enough and dumped her ass. And not a second too soon.

Are you normally this jealous? Do you often question him about his whereabouts and who he's been talking to?

Your post is a little presumptuous about the op don't you think?

Chemical Byrne

No.

I'm not presuming anything. I'm just telling my story and asking OP what her behaviour is normally like.

PinkLemonade

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

No.

I'm not presuming anything. I'm just telling my story and asking OP what her behaviour is normally like.

This thread isn't about your previous relationship, it's about the OP.
To be fair to her she's come looking for advise to see if she is being paranoid, which is a good sign

retro:electro

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

No.

I'm not presuming anything. I'm just telling my story and asking OP what her behaviour is normally like.

Your story is neither here nor there. Just because your girlfriend was insecure and jealous doesn't mean the op is that bad. In fairness she is well aware that she can be jealous sometimes, sure can't we all be. I don't know why you have to bring either your ex or your current girlfriend into nearly every post you make. It's weird.

Chemical Byrne

I didn't come here for a lecture Anna. Give over.

retro:electro

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

I didn't come here for a lecture Anna. Give over.

And we didn't come here to read about your ex girlfriend, again.

Anyway op I guess the crux of the issue is did he leave the ring at home or did he leave it in his hotel room?

Shrap

OP, I'm thinking that you see the ring as some kind of visible badge of marriage that will simultaneously ward off potential predatory women and also prove to you that he is not on the pull. Short of him getting a tattoo on his forehead saying "I am married, do not approach", I reckon you'd still have trust issues.

He said "Everyone knows I'm not like that". You asked in your OP if we thought you're being your usual paranoid self? Yes, I for one think you are and I also think that you need to knock that on the head before your husband moves further in his head than "you're being melodramatic" and starts feeling like he gets in trouble with you every time he's out of your sight.....
Nobody here can definitively say he didn't cheat, but that's no reason to think he has. The only reason any of us can definitively say our partners haven't cheated is because we trust them totally.

An ex friend of mine had such serious trust issues, paranoia and jealousy that she really messed up her marriage and a number of friendships. Her husband had given her no reason to think he'd cheated, but she became overwhelmed by the fear of it and obsessed about it to the extent that she would check his phone, his work records (as a repair-man, he was often in houses with women present...) and once even convinced herself so much that she rang a client of his and accused her. The latest was that she had him take a lie-detector test. He has helplessly stayed with her for the sake of the kids.

For the sake of your marriage, take yourself in check and try not to turn it into an episode of Jerry Springer.

dudara

@Chemical Byrne - infracted for attacking another poster. Also - please do not mention your ex-relationship again on this forum.

Posters The OP has not posted in this thread for a few days now. I'm not sure if further posting is useful unless they return to provide feedback.

dudara